Notes:

All anime/manga characters are copyright the relevant owners.

OCs are my own invention, though they may be influenced by OCs from other series. The only exceptions are the four OCs that I borrowed from Skystrider's Ranma series, simply because I admire their take-no-crap to dealing with liars and cheats.

Strictly intended for the amusement of the reader and is not for distribution on any other media or medium.

Personal note: the muse has been not only priming me but over-pressuring the fuel tank. In two days, I've ground out two chapters. Probably time to shift to working some more on the Railgun series, then coming back to (at long last) adding the Academy City/Railgun portion of the crossover. BTW, Kamijou Misuzu is the daughter of Touma and the Railgun.

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Lunch with the Girls and One Aquagendered Male

As Ranko, Akane, Nibiki, Ukyo, and Kodachi exited the classroom, they spotted the police, Judge Sanu and Kuno-sama standing off to the side of the hallway, having a deep conversation. When Sargent Imia spotted them, they stopped as he drew everyone else's attention to their presence. Heads were shaken and the Sargent waved them away, then gave them the my-eyes-are-on-you gesture. Everyone waved and started down towards the cafeteria, then stopped as Ukyo begged off as she had to run her okonomiyaki stand.

Ranko said quickly, "why don't we meet under the old cherry tree, good shade and we can spell Ukyo if she needs helps passing out her lunches?"

The other nodded. Then Ukyo dope-slapped Ranko. "You just want to get some free lunches, don't you? Speaking of free lunches, Akane gets one in celebration for hopefully finally defeating the Hentai Horde. BUT... the rest of you are going to pay full fare."

"Waaah!" went Kodachi.

"Simple, Kodachi, you just ramped up everything by not only snogging Ranko, but also doing everything but a naked lap dance. Remember the rules: do one, do all. And speaking of Ranko, she was checking out your tonsils as well. Nibiki's also paying because, while she was helping you two defeat Kuno-kun, she's been enjoying playing around with that Concealed Weapon of hers way too much to make it looks like she wasn't enjoying having... what did we hear you three saying... extra equipment."

Akane chimed in. "Speaking of which, Nibiki, I'm starting to think that Ukyo's on to something. You've been tossing around funtari way too much for it to be a passing item, plus you didn't ditch it when you had a chance. I'm willing to bet that you were using it to get everyone to pay up on their debts or bets or whatever reason they had for owing you money. Maybe you should be buying lunch for everyone today in addition to yourself."

Nibiki pulled a large wad of cash out of her skirt pocket and passed it over to Ukyo. "Akane's right, well, at least on collecting money. Take what you need for everyone to have lunch, plus yourself and Shampoo when she gets here, which should be right after you get set up. I'm willing to bet that she's got the tree bugged to detect when Ranma-baby's within ten feet of it."

Ukyo flipped through the wad, extracting a number of bills and tucking them away. "House specials for everyone! And, no, Shampoo doesn't have the tree bugged as I keep checking it on a regular basis. I'd be willing to bet (and no, this is not an invitation to run a bet with you, Nibiki!) that she's got a sniper nest set up somewhere close by. Of course, with us standing around and talking, she's got lots of time to spot us, plan accordingly and to peddle her ass to get over here and smack..."

"Airen! Darling!" came the broken Japanese of a certain purple-haired girl as her rear bicycle wheel smashed into Ranko's face, knocking her to the ground.

"Ranma in the head, right on time," finished Ukyo as she handed Nibiki the remainder of the wad and then did a one-handed catch of Shampoo's ramen container before it could upset and hit the ground. Putting the ramen container on the ground, she turned and quickly set up the okonomiyaki cooker and started the burners, then pulling her supplies from her chi-pocket as the lineup of customers started forming.

Everyone else retired towards the cherry tree and spread out to claim space. Shampoo leaned her bike against the tree, pulled a blanket from the basket and spread it with a snap, then walked over to pick up the ramen container with a smile for Ukyo and a cheeky remark "Don't need a sniper's nest, just wait for the arguments to start and I hear all of you bickering back and forth. Nyah!" and flipping Ukyo a stinky-eye as she started to turn.

"Nyah, yourself. For that, no sauce for you!" went Ukyo as she started pouring, stirring and flipping.

"And roach ramen for you!" came the glib response.

Within minutes, Ukyo had served her lineup and turned off her portable grill. She stepped back and pulled out a stack of plates from her chi-pocket and flipped the remaining still-hot okonomiyaki unto them, then squirted sauce over them, walked over to where everyone else was seated, then distributed the plates and sat down.

"Inutakimas!" went everyone as they then dug into their lunches as well as the ramen and okonomiyaki .

Ranko finally slowed down, leaned back on her elbows and gently belched then blushed at the baleful regards she got from everyone else. "Gomeneasi," she quietly said as everyone shook their heads.

Shampoo nudged Ranko's foot. "OK, lunch over. Now tell Shampoo why police are crawling all over Furinkan and why everyone is talking about Concealed Weapons and looking in your direction. Did you do something too too bad and got yourself into The Book again?"

Ranko, Akane and Nibiki blushed and twiddled their fingers as Ukyo, Kodachi and Shampoo watched.

Ukyo finally gave in. "It's something that they used to put Kuno-kun into the nurse's office in a catatonic state. I saw something going on with this morning's Hentai Horde but didn't get a good view of whatever it was until Akane and Ranko arrived just as the bells stopped ringing and then Miss Hinaki hit them with her Happo technique and she got stuck with IT." Ukyo blushed right to her hairline. "Miss Hinako fainted and she... she... had a massive THAT and THOSE up under her skirt."

Shampoo gaped and her okonomiyaki plate slid from her lap to the blanket. "Too too too much information! I heard of it and saw one warrior in village who had it but not THAT big! No, no, not mean THAT but meaning that warrior had something similar but more a normal size, like this." She quickly sketched the dimensions in the air.

The others snickered and started laughing, while Shampoo pouted and finally produced her chuis from weapon-space. "Not not funny! Xiam Pu get all tied up when trying to say it without sounding like total idiot and you laugh at her!"

Nibiki got her snickers under control. "No, no, Shampoo. We're not laughing at you but at what you were saying. Every one of us runs smack into the same wall when we try to talk about the Ninja Deception Hidden Weapon technique. Mine was 50 by 15 centimeters, so I can just imagine what monster Miss Hinako got gifted with, what say 75 by 30? How'd you like to have someone threaten you with that or suddenly find that you have one?"

Shampoo slowly put the weapons away as she considered Nibiki's words.

Nibiki launched into a detailed description of the whole event, right from inception to completion.

Shampoo then broke the silence. "You mean, that you three would have had wild sex with Kuno out in the sun with the Horde standing around admiring and admiring the clouds passing by, but then told Kuno that it was going to be his poop-chute that was going to get all the exercise?"

The three conspirators nodded, trying to hide smirks behind serious expressions. Kodachi sat gob-smacked.

Shampoo quietly asked the dreaded and anticipated question, "just how big were your... uh... extra equipment?"

Nibiki snickered and then tried to swallow and give a serious answer. "According to what Sargent Imia said, 50 by 15, but I think that he was exaggerating for effect. It was, maybe my forearm by my wrist, say 25 by 5."

Shampoo thought about it and looked at Ranko. "Say, shorty, just how big are you and how much pleasure can you give me?"

Ranko's reaction was not what Shampoo expected. She blushed and looked down, twiddled her fingers and blushed even further, then opened her mouth to speak and then shut it again. She shook her head.

The others, even Kodachi, stared at Ranko's performance. Nibiki started to quip something when Ranko pushed her forefinger unto Nibiki's lips to silence her. Taking a deep breath, Ranko blushed again and started. "I - I - I was just thinking about how that would have felt up mine... you know... up mine, down there. Like what Kasume, and Nibiki, and Akane ... and me... were talking about the other night."

Akane stepped in the silence and said, "We had a big chat with Ranma the other night about something that happened two weeks ago. This morning, we asked Dad about the same thing which later gave Ranma and Nibiki the idea of how to defeat Kuno. Dad said that we should talk to all of you and not do anything more until we had your agreement. I think that we reached that point. Can all three of you come around the Dojo about 10 o'clock tonight? Bring a change of school clothes because we may be talking for a long time and it would be easier if you slept over."

Ranko nodded and looked at the other fiances. "Please come over, it's important."