The One with The Secret
"Barry? Are you okay?"
"Cait?"
His eyes met her worried ones, a stark contrast to the one worn by the Caitlin Snow he saw in that other timeline. Other timeline. Did he really-wait, where exactly is he right now? He quickly scanned the room, his senses calming when he took in the familiar sight of S.T.A.R. Labs and his favorite bioengineer hovering above him, her features still laced with concern. Her eyes roaming all over his body, checking if he was hurt or something. He didn't know why, but that gesture alone made him feel giddy. Then suddenly he felt her hand touch his bare torso, an innocent gesture she usually does when she's assessing him for any damage. But it was anything but innocent to him now. Not with the way he felt a tingling sensation coursing through his being. Not with the way he unintentionally associated it with whatever happened to him in another timeline where Caitlin Snow purposefully ran her hands on his body not for medical evaluation but for the sole purpose of-
"I don't see anything wrong with you as of now. But if something hurts, tell me right away, okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
"You really got us worried there Barry. I really thought you disappeared for good if it wasn't for Cisco's drones finding you at the other side of the falls."
Disappear? Now he remembers. They were outdoors for his training and he's supposed to run really fast in order to get through and over the falls but obviously he didn't get to the other side but instead he found himself in another timeline where he met another version of Caitlin and himself. Something that made his feelings even more conflicted than it was before.
"I'm sorry. Promise I'll be more careful next time." He said as he got up and sat at the edge of the bed.
"You don't have to push yourself too hard, Barry. I understand how much you want to defeat Zoom but take it easy okay? You know we all care about you." She said as she took his hand in hers, squeezing it comfortingly.
He should've reveled in it, like the way he used to before. He knew it's just their thing as friends but with what he witnessed on the other timeline, his mind kept on insisting that maybe they could be something more, something he has longed to have with her. But he knew he wouldn't stand a chance. She's been in a lot of heartaches for this lifetime alone and he dared not want to add up to that. He never intended for it to happen and it's certainly didn't happen all at once. It developed gradually, from the moment he realized that he wasn't hung up on his longtime crush anymore to accepting the fact that he's free falling into someone else. And it's not something he would like to admit to until that fateful encounter they had on another timeline.
"I know and I'm very grateful for that." He withdrew his hand from her, afraid that he won't be able to let go if they stay that way a second longer.
She noticed the way he tensed up at their closeness, something she witnessed him do for the first time. She can't help but think whether he's really okay or not.
"Barry? You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. I'm good. I just think we should lessen the hand touching, hugging, stuff like that. You know just in case I still have something from that timeline-falls I mean."
Caitlin just watched as he awkwardly stumbled away, leaving her to her own thoughts. Why does the less touching-hugging thing sound familiar to her? She knew she has heard that somewhere. Then it hit her. She said the same thing to him when Everyman ki-okay, she doesn't want to reminisce that embarrassing moment of her life. It's still something that kept her wondering at times and asking herself the infamous question of what if. But she quickly dismissed the idea because there's no way they could be something more than friends. So she carefully tucked the thought back into that treasured space in her mind like she's been doing for the last months.
It's been over a week but Barry is still acting weird. Well, weirder than he usually is. Aside from him being awkward when they're on the same room and finding excuses to leave when it's just the two of them, there had been a couple of incidents she found too remarkable she made a mental note for each one of them.
There's this one time when she's supposed to meet Cisco at Jitters for the afternoon coffee when she found him instead. Cisco must've tricked him to be the one to get his coffee just because he can be a lazy ass when he wants to. She spotted him at their usual table, his back was to her so she slowly crept up to him and whispered,
"I hope this seat isn't taken yet?"
"Cait? What are you doing here?" He abruptly stood from his seat, almost knocking the steaming coffee from the table.
"I'm here for coffee of course. Why do you look so surprised? We used to do this all the time."
"Me? Surprised? Of course not. Why would I be surprised? Here, take a seat. I'll just go and order for you."
"No, you don't have to. I can manage."
"It's okay. I still haven't ordered for Cisco yet. So the usual?"
"Yeah. Thanks." She shot him a bright smile that he usually returns but this time, he quickly looked away and the way he nervously scratched the back of his neck didn't go unnoticed by her.
By the time he got back, he's holding a tray of coffee and what seemed to be the entire menu of sweets. She knew he had a metabolism of 5-10 people combined but she hasn't seen him order this much, especially desserts. Wait, is this what they call stress eating?
"Here's your coffee. And this, well they're for me. Unless you want something?"
"No. I'm fine. I don't really like sweets."
"Okay, that's cool."
Caitlin didn't help but notice how he concentrated on eating after that. He barely makes eye contact and became awfully quiet she almost felt like he didn't want her there. So being the reasonable woman she is, she thought of asking him but then she saw he had a whipped cream on the corner of his lip from his last piece of pie.
"Barry, you got a little something there."
"Hmm?" He asked with his mouth full of pie and when she gestured to his lip, he nodded and tried to wipe it off but to no avail.
"Come here. I'll get it for you." She leaned closer until he felt her thumb wipe the cream off his lip, lingering there a second too long and he just couldn't believe that a simple gesture can make him feel the stupid butterflies in his stomach. For a minute there, his breathing stopped and he forgot that he's in the middle of swallowing it caused him to choke, making Caitlin ran over to his side.
"Barry? Are you okay?" She tried soothing his back but he's waving her off, making gestures with his hands that supposed to tell her he's okay when clearly he isn't.
"I'm fine I just need a drink-"
"No, Barry that's hot-"
But it was too late. He poured the steaming coffee down his throat only for him to spit it out, drenching his shirt in the process. He quickly stood up, almost knocking Caitlin off her feet but instead it was him who's now falling literally on the floor, taking the remaining coffee together with him.
"Oh my gosh, Barry!" She's immediately beside him, ignoring the looks of people he managed to attract with his clumsiness. After some time of pulling himself together, not because of the fall but mostly because of her face mere inches above his, he managed to stand on his own two feet. He muttered something to her which is supposed to be an apology and an excuse combined and then made his way outside the coffee shop, leaving a worried and baffled Caitlin behind.
When he reached S.T.A.R. Labs in just a little over a second, he let out a sigh of relief until he heard Cisco ask,
"Dude, where's my coffee?"
The second time was when Joe asked for her help at CCPD to analyze some DNA for their latest case. She wondered why Barry didn't contact her himself for he used to do that all the time when he needed assistance with analyzing some data. So when she spotted Joe at Barry's lab, she asked him.
"Hey Joe."
"Caitlin! So glad you could make it." He said and gave her a quick hug which she immediately returned.
"Of course. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Notice anything different about Barry?"
"Everything about that kid is different. What do you mean?"
"Well, lately he's kind of avoiding-"
"Joe! There you are. I don't know but this data is really off my radar. You think we should-Cait?" Barry went inside the lab holding an envelope with what seemed to be case files.
"Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
"Bar, did you forget? You asked me to call Caitlin to help us."
"I did?"
"Yeah. Remember when you were whining in here earlier? I don't understand a thing you're saying but it seems clear to me that you needed her. If only Caitlin were here, Caitlin will know what to do, what would you do without Caitlin-"
"Okay, Joe I get it. You can stop now. Well, Cait do you think you can-well you know-"
"I really don't mind helping you guys. It's not everyday someone asks for my help outside the lab anyways."
"See? Besides, you used to ask for help all the time Bar. I don't know why this time is any different."
"Of course. I just thought that maybe Caitlin is busy or something."
"It's fine, really. I actually enjoy being here at CCPD. So shall we?"
"Yeah. Just let me get the stuff at the lab."
"Bar, we're already at your lab."
"Oh right. Could you stay for a while Joe?"
"I'd love to but I gotta run. This science stuff is not really my thing. You got this. Besides, everything you need is here." He said and gave a knowing smile towards Caitlin.
"Bye Joe."
"Bye. And Caitlin?"
"Hmm?"
"I already know what you meant earlier. But let's just talk about it some other time okay?"
"Sure."
The third time was when he got a couple of broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder when they encountered a metahuman who's also skilled in terms of fighting aside from the power he acquired from the accelerator explosion. It should be a piece of cake for her it if wasn't for Barry being such a baby. He wasn't usually like this but then again there's still this sudden change in his behavior that she's yet to talk about with him.
"Just raise your arms a bit higher so I could put the bandage around your torso."
"Cait, you don't need to do that. I can do it myself."
"Since when did you become a doctor, Barry?"
"I'm not. I just don't think I need a doctoral degree to put a bandage around my waist."
That earned him a glare that's way too furious than the metahuman he just fought earlier and he'd be lying if he didn't feel more scared than he was before.
"Fine. Do it yourself then." She discarded the bandage on his side with more force than necessary and started walking away from him so he called out,
"Caitlin, wait! I'm sorry I didn't mean to I just-ouch!" He tried to go after her but his injuries are preventing him to make even the slightest movement.
"Barry, just stay put okay? I don't know why you're being a bit stubborn these days but can you please let me do my job?" She let out a huff before going back beside him and took the bandage on top of the bed.
"Okay. Cait, I'm sorry I said that."
"It's alright. Now, for the second time, can you please raise your arms and sit still?"
He did as he was told, still under his scrutinizing glare. Raising his arms was an easy task but trying to stay still isn't going to be easy as he hoped it would be especially with her breath tickling his ear and her chest brushing against his every time her arms would go around his torso. Sweat is slowly forming on his forehead as he tried his best to control his breathing. He's been staring at her for a while, appreciating the beauty she beholds until he was consumed by it he didn't realize he blurted out the words,
"God, you're so beautiful."
"What?"
"What?"
"You said something, Barry."
"Did I say that out loud?"
"You kind of did."
"What exactly did I say?" He asked, confused. He's been preoccupied by a lot of words to compliment her he wasn't sure which one of those came out.
"Well, you said that I'm..you know what? Let's just forget about it. You probably didn't mean it anyway." She said, praying that he won't notice the blush creeping up her cheeks.
And he won't because he too, is trying his best to keep his cool despite his previous slip up.
"It's done. Don't move unless I say so, okay?"
"Okay."
"Hold my hand."
"Cait?"
"Hold my right hand with yours and don't let go."
Did he hear her right? She's asking him to hold her and don't let go? This is probably a dream. Yep, he's dreamt about it a lot so it's totally a dream. She must've sedated him a while ago because of how stubborn he is and he's just too distracted to even realize it.
"Barry?"
"Oh yeah right. So how should we do this?"
"Take my hand and hold on tightly. Can you do that?"
"That and more, Dr. Snow." He gave her a wink then held her hand as she instructed him and he slowly raised it to his lips, giving it a kiss. When she abruptly withdrew her hand, he was now sure that it isn't a dream. This isn't a dream and he was screwed. Big time. It's one of those times when he wishes he got the power of invisibility instead of super speed because right here, right now, he wanted nothing but the world to crack open and swallow him whole.
"Barry, what-"
"No, no, no, Caitlin. This is not what you think it is. I'm not trying to take advantage of you and I'm certainly not fantasizing about this very moment. I just thought that I was in a dream, that you sedated me earlier-"
"So you mean that's what you'd do if this is a dream?"
"Of course! I mean no, of course not. I'd never take advantage of you-"
"Then why did you do it?"
"Because you were asking me to hold your hand? And you even said to never let go so I thought-"
"You thought, what?" She asked, arching a brow at him as she put a hand on her hip.
"I thought that...that-this is your fault, Cait! Why would you even ask me that in the first place?!"
"Because I needed to fix your shoulder. Have you forgotten that you have a dislocated shoulder? And if I don't put it back real quick it might stay that way with how fast your metabolism is. Are you sure you're alright? You know I've been noticing something weird about you these past few weeks. Tell me Barry, are you-"
"Cait, hurry! I can feel my shoulder healing and I certainly don't want it to stay that way." Of course that wasn't really the case. But he didn't want to have this conversation with her now so what better way to distract him but to distress her with his medical condition.
"Oh right. Take my hand and don't let go, okay? This time, try not to kiss it." She said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"Why would I-oww!" Snap. With a few clicks of what sounded like bones colliding with each other, he felt a relief in his shoulder. And he just hoped that that relief will spread all over his mind and body because he knows she wouldn't let the issue go just like that. So he thought of the safest alibi and told her,
"I think I need to rest. Mind if I sleep for awhile?"
"Not at all. You really need it."
She may have let him off the hook for now but knowing Caitlin, he knew he'll have to deal with it sooner or later. He doesn't know if he's ready to admit his feelings for her yet but when it comes to down to it, he'll just have to come clean. Although he couldn't help but think that none of this would've happened if it wasn't for that accidental trip to whatever timeline that is.
He tried so hard to keep his feelings intact, to wait until the right time before he finally accepts the fact that he's hopelessly in love with her. But is there really a right time for that? He knew he had a reason as to why he kept on denying his growing feelings for her, even before, but now that he almost experienced it, he couldn't help but feel excited about the idea of being with her, the real her that is.
But of course, the universe already had planned ahead of him. Because when he finally got to admit his feelings, it was nothing like he had in mind. He said it out of pressure in the most unlikely of places, the exact opposite of having dinner on a rooftop garden while he would whisper in her ear the words as they sway to the music together.
It's very rare for the team to enjoy themselves out of the lab so when the idea of hanging out in a bar came into the conversation, they didn't hesitate to grab the opportunity. Everyone was having a good time, especially a certain speedster as he watched Caitlin trying to put up with a crazy Cisco showing off some of his moves. He certainly took notice of how she looked more beautiful that night, wearing an off-shoulder "Flash" red dress that ended just above her knees. He actually had the courage to compliment her earlier when he first arrived at the bar. But his mood suddenly changed when he saw this guy, this jerk, come close behind her as she gracefully swayed in accordance with the music being played in the background.
"Promise me we'll never do that dance in our wedding." Iris cheerfully said as she watched Cisco's funky moves. But Barry didn't seem to have heard her because at that moment, he was having an internal debate on what he should do to that jerk who's now shamelessly flirting with Caitlin. Oh sweet, innocent Caitlin, too kind for her own good.
"Barry? You alright?"
"I'm fine. Excuse me for awhile, Iris."
Then he made his way to the dancing crowd and grabbed Caitlin by the arm, eliciting a shock expression from both her and that jerk but he paid no mind. It was when they were outside the bar and in a secluded alley when he realized what he had done.
"What the hell was that, Barry?"
He was quiet for a while because he too was shocked by what he had just done. He didn't know what came over him but the sight of other men taking advantage of her is not something he can let slide that easily.
"I actually don't know."
She let out a humorless chuckle and he knows just how deep in ttouble he was at the moment.
"You don't know? Don't give me that crap, Barry. Do you think I haven't noticed the change in your behavior this past weeks?"
"Cait, I can explain."
"Right, explain. Explain to me why you've been treating me like someone who had caught an infectious disease. Explain to me why you don't seem to like having me around anymore. And now you're acting like a jealous boyfriend being overprotective of me. Do you have any idea how you're making me feel, Barry?"
"Cait, I'm sorry I didn't mean to. You've got it all wrong. The truth is...I've got a secret. And I didn't tell you about it because, well, because I'm afraid it will change everything."
"What are you talking about? I'd understand if you don't want to share that secret with me but could you please not play with my feelings like this?"
"I know and I'm so stupid for doing that. But believe me Cait, I never intended for this to happen. It's just that things got really difficult for me after I traveled to that timeline."
"What timeline? Don't tell me-"
"Yep. That's right. I accidentally traveled to another timeline when we had my training on that falls."
"And what exactly happened in that timeline that made you act like this?" She distanced herself from him as she put a hand on her waist, clearly frustrated with how the evening turned out to be.
"Well, that's where the secret comes in."
"Are you planning on telling me or are you going to continue this game of pretending that you don't see me? But come to think of it, I would prefer the latter one. That way you wouldn't have to pretend anymore because I'll literally disappear in your life for good."
She turned her back to him and attempted to walk away but even before she took a step, she was caged in his arms and he whispered,
"Please, Cait. I don't think I can live without you."
In that very moment, he reminisced about the fateful encounter they had on another timeline, filling her in with the details as he, himself, reveled in the sweet memory.
"There you are. I've been looking anywhere for you, professor."
Barry found himself sitting behind a huge desk, wearing a three-piece suit that looked very sophisticated for his own liking. He didn't know how it happened but he went from running towards a cliff to ending up in this comfy chair with a woman who looked exactly like-Caitlin? Wait, did she just call him professor? Okay, now he's beyond confused. But he didn't have the chance to contemplate any further because the said woman has made her way to him, sitting casually on his lap.
"Your students told me you're acting a bit weird today. Are you feeling alright?" She draped one arm on his neck while her hand went to his face, caressing it.
"Ye-yeah. I'm fine. Cait?"
"Hmm?"
"Nothing. I just want to make sure you're Caitlin."
"Of course I am." She looked a bit confused at first but then he saw something sparkle in her eyes. A sparkle of recognition? "Oh, I didn't realize it's that day of the week already. Eager to start the roleplay, this early? But you know we usually reserve that activity for later. Don't tell me you're being impatient today, professor. You know that's not a good trait for a chemistry teacher to have."
Now, it's getting clear. He must've accidentally traveled to another earth or another timeline where he and Caitlin, well by the looks of it, is a couple. And that thought alone is enough to send his mind into overdrive. He would be lying if he said that the idea never crossed his mind because it did, more times than he'd like to admit.
Deciding to play along (more like living up to his longtime dream) he put his arms around her, drawing her closer to his body.
"What if I'm being impatient? What are you gonna do about it?" He didn't really know what she meant by that but if he's being Barry, that's what he would do. Only in his wildest dreams did he get to hold Caitlin like this.
"You shouldn't have said that professor. Now, I'll have to be the one to teach you a lesson."
She adjusted herself in his lap, parting her legs until she was straddling him, making her sundress rise up a bit. She placed her hands on top of his chest, moving it in a painfully slow pace that somehow made breathing so difficult to do. Then he felt her lips on his and it's too surreal for him his mouth gaped. She pulled away for a second and then smirked at his reaction. The next thing she did left him breathless. Literally. Because she put her tongue in between his lips, taking advantage of his still gaping mouth.
His grip on her hip tightened as he fought her lips with his. A few moments later, she pulled away, eyes a shade darker than before. If she noticed the tightness in his pants, she didn't let him know. Instead she planted a hot kiss just below his ear before whispering,
"I'll wait for you at home, honey. Just make sure to borrow a cop costume. I already purchased the handcuffs."
So that's what she meant about roleplaying. Who knew they have this version of Caitlin in another timeline. Not that he's complaining though. He actually enjoyed it and he knew he'd be screwed the moment he comes back to his real world because he certainly couldn't erase this memory for a long time.
And that's what happened. Which brought him in this present situation where he had to explain to Caitlin what happened in that timeline (although he made a mental note to skip the making out part).
She broke free from his embrace and took a couple of steps away from him, a look of hurt plastered on her face. She crossed her arms in front of her before saying,
"You know what Barry? If you're so disgusted about the idea of us being together then you should've told me. You shouldn't have played around with my feelings just because that alternate timeline gave you an idea how it's like being with me."
What? Doesn't she get it? He wasn't disgusted. It's actually the other way around. When he had a taste of what it would be like if they would be together, it scared him. Yes, he's scared of how he might not be able to keep his feelings intact, of how he might forget that on this earth in this certain timeline they are not together. So as much as he want to hold her, kiss her, feel her, he just can't.
"How can I be disgusted if I'm head over heels in love with you?"
"Is this still a part of your scheme Barry? You don't have to make things up just because you want to get rid of me. I can do that myself."
"I can't believe this. I just confessed my love for you and that's your reaction? I'm starting to think that you're actually the one who's not okay with us being together."
He inched closer to her. Staring intently at her eyes as he grabbed both of her arms to draw her closer.
"What if I'm not? What are you gonna do?" She clenched her fists on his shirt, pulling him in until they were only inches apart.
"Then I'm just gonna convince you to think otherwise."
He crashed his lips into hers and she immediately responded like she was anticipating his action. In that moment, he's clearly forgotten about the kiss he shared with the other Caitlin Snow. Because right here, in his arms is the only woman he loves and he wouldn't have it any other way.
"So, how's that for convincing the ever skeptic Dr. Snow?"
"I don't know. I guess I just needed a bit more of it. Just to be sure that I'm feeling the same way too."
She kissed him for the second time but for another reason that is. She needed to be sure that this is the real Barry Allen and not some messed up metahuman who once took advantage of her. He may have kept a secret but he doesn't know she has one too. A story for another time, maybe?
AN: Hey, guys! Sometimes I wonder what would they look like in your perspective so if you have any ideas, suggestions, or just a picture of them in your head then feel free to let me know. I'll try to come up with something just for you. Thanks!
-A