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"Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other." -Stephen L. Richards

Her bags were packed. Her room was clean. She was ready to go.

But she wasn't.

Karin sighed. Her life had been shoved into two suitcases...and she wouldn't even be bringing them with her. They had planned it all out for her: she was to say goodbye to her family at home, get in the car with "Hitsugaya-san" to head for the train station--she still was unsure as to whether Toshiro could even drive, and it left her slightly frightened--but instead they'd double back and go to Urahara's, where her body and luggage would be "kept safe" until she visited the world of the living again. In theory, it would work perfectly.

"Theory" being the key word.

It was all beginning to look a bit sketchy.

Ichigo knew already; Urahara and Yoruichi had told him. He was pissed but there wasn't much he could do about it without causing a scene. Besides, Rukia was on her side on the matter and, at least for right now, what Rukia wanted, Rukia got. Domestic bliss had returned to their home with the arrival of their son. His knowing did take a huge weight off her shoulders, though; at least he wouldn't come barreling through the academy, waving his massive sword around like a steak knife, lost in a fog of brotherly protectiveness looking for her.

Her dad? Yeah, he would definitely fall for it. She wasn't worried there.

It was Yuzu she was worried about. If there was even a hint of something fishy occurring, she'd just sidle up to Jinta and bat her eyes at him and sweet talk the ploy out of the redheaded weasel. Karin could see it playing right out in her head. Then she'd be done for.

She was beginning to stress. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down. She almost couldn't grasp the fact that she was really leaving, that, very soon, she'd be in Soul Society, in Seireitei.

She swallowed.

There was still a lot that she felt needed to be addressed. Would her dad and sister really be okay without her? Would she be able to manifest her Zanpakuto even though she had been unable to do it in the world of the living? Would her powers even be good enough to fit into the academy, to reach what it expected of her?

Damn...

She fell back onto her bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.

The question she was purposefully choosing not to address was that of Hitsugaya Toshiro--oh, that's right, Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro (heaven forbid she get his title wrong)--currently both the bane and the zenith of her existence...and she hated him for that. She hated that her heart rate spiked when his turquoise eyes--those bright, brilliant, keen orbs--caught and held hers. She hated that all air seemed to be vacuumed from her lungs when he appeared suddenly or was anywhere near her. She hated that she was thinking about him this much, that she thought about him at all.

"Karin!" her father hollered from downstairs.

She got up to head down, but her bedroom door burst open and her father entered in all his dramatic glory.

"Don't you knock, old man?" she demanded, slightly irked.

But he ignored her comment and enveloped her in a suffocating embrace. "Oh, my sweet, sweet, sweet Karin! What is daddy going to do without you!" he cried, tears the size of swollen raisins falling like rain from his eyes. "You're going off and leaving me, like your brother did, all alone-"

"Hey!" Yuzu said from the doorway. "I'm still here."

"Dad, let go," Karin said, pushing against her father's chest, but it came out muffled and muted as he had her in a firm headlock. Normally, she would have just punched him in the gut or stomped on his foot, but she knew at least a fraction of this act was real: he would miss her. And she would miss him. And Yuzu. And Karakura and her friends. She'd miss...a lot.

But she knew she needed to do this, she needed to go.

She relaxed and patted her dad's back. "I'll visit soon, I promise," she said.

He leaned back and took her face in his hands, looked down at her, a fatherly gesture. He pouted a bit. "My Karin; all grown up, heading out on her own..."

"Dad," she said, her face growing red. Her father was so rarely serious she secretly loved the moments that he was, when he was her father and not her idiot of a father.

"...and she'd going off to be with that handsome--but not as handsome as Daddy--doctor and soon I'll have more grandchildren and, oh!" he cried, throwing his arm over eyes dramatically, "Masaki, forgive me!"

She pushed harder, now more than slightly irked. So much for the serious version of her father. "Knock it off, Dad. Don't be stupid," she said, but she didn't really want to talk about Toshiro. She'd have to deal with him soon enough.

He wiped at his eyes and sniffed. "He's downstairs in the car...r-ready t-to go, t-to take my baby a-away!"

"All right." She drifted past him and reached for Yuzu's hand. Over her shoulder, she said, "Careful with my luggage, Dad."

Her dad went off on something about being "abused" and "mistreated" as she and Yuzu headed downstairs, arm in arm. They didn't exchange words; they didn't need to. This was one of those twin moments that required no spoken communication and drove their father crazy. Yuzu squeezed her hand and Karin could see she was trying really hard not to cry; she squeezed back.

She heard her father drop her luggage and stumble down the stairs as she stepped outside. She sight of Toshiro--hands in his pockets, leaning nonchalantly against the side of the car, staring off into the distance like someone straight out on an old black-and-white Rat Pack film--made her heart skip a beat. She managed to recover quickly, and drew attention away from her involuntary shudder by tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. No one seemed to notice, and she sighed in relief.

Yuzu grabbed her by the shoulders and made eye contact. "You...you'll be careful, won't you?"

Karin smiled softly and grasped Yuzu's shoulders. "Of course."

"And you'll call, when you get there and...just because?"

"Of course."

Yuzu's lower lip shot out and she pulled Karin in for a tight hug. "I'll miss you," she whispered.

Karin hugged her back and said, "I know. I'll miss you, too."

Yuzu had promised herself earlier that she wouldn't cry in front of Karin, she wouldn't make this harder for her. So she pulled back and forced on a smile. "I love you," she mouthed, squeezing her sister's hand one more time.

"Love you back," Karin mouthed in response.

Donning her motherly glare, Yuzu turned to Toshiro. "If anything happens to her..." she started.

He stood and straightened. Karin seriously thought he was about to say, "You'll what?" He did not like to be told what to do despite following Soul Society rule to the t without a word.

But he didn't. He looked down at Yuzu and promised solemnly, "I'll protect her no matter what." And that seemed to satisfy her.

Karin's mouth fell open a little.

Yuzu nodded once and stepped back.

Her dad finished loading her luggage in the car and slammed the trunk shut. Karin gave him a quick hug and he kissed the crown of her head. "Love you, princess," he said.

"Love you, too, Dad."

"Can we get moving already? We're gonna be late!"

Karin spun around at the sound of Ichigo's voice. He was leaning over the top of the car, hanging out the driver's side door. "What are you doing here?" she questioned.

He held out his arms. "I'm driving you to the train station, so you can go to Kyoto. What's it look like?" She heard the pointed clarifications in his voice and stuck her tongue out at him.

Isshin shook Toshiro's hand as she crawled into the back seat. She watched her father whisper something to Toshiro, whose eyes hardened in response, but he nodded once. Her dad looked serious.

Ichigo sat in the driver's seat and began playing with the radio.

When Toshiro got in, Ichigo started the car and they began to pull away from her childhood home. She waved at her dad and sister until they turned a corner and they disappeared from her sight. Then she sat back and sighed.

To say the silence that hung heavily in the car was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Karin glared at the back of Toshiro's white head. "What did my father say to you?" she asked.

He looked at her over his shoulder. "What?"

"I saw him tell you something. What was it?"

He shrugged and looked forward again. "He just made me promise I wouldn't let you get into trouble."

She scowled but didn't say anything. She glanced at Ichigo, but he too was silent and kept his eyes on the road.

The drive to Urahara's was short, and said man was standing outside when they arrived. The whole thing was oddly somber; they filed out of the car and entered the shop without exchanging a word. And Ichigo was rarely, if ever silent to begin with. When she entered the shop, though, she smiled.

"Rukia," she greeted.

Rukia's eyes lifted from her son in her arms to meet Karin's, and she smiled, too. "Hey, Karin. You ready?"

Karin didn't answer but instead reached for little Eiji wordlessly. Rukia carefully placed the sleeping baby into her waiting arms. Karin cradled the boy to her close; she was still in awe of his...well, his baby-ness. He was tiny and adorable and had his father's unruly orange hair and, even though his eyes were sealed in sleep at the moment, his mother's deep, enchanting violet eyes. He was perfect.

She would miss him terribly.

"Don't forget your Aunt Karin," she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his chubby cheek.

Rukia laughed. "I'm sure he won't. You'll see him, I promise. I promised Nii-sama we'd visit soon."

"Oh boy. We get to visit 'Nii-sama,'" Ichigo mocked, coming up beside his wife. Rukia continued to smile at Karin but elbowed Ichigo in the rib. It didn't even daunt him and he didn't really seem to mind. He put his arm around Rukia's shoulder and eyed his sister and son. Karin looked up at him and gave him a slight smile. His face was solid, unemotional, but she could see mixed feelings in his eyes.

"I'll be fine," she said, sounding a lot stronger than she really felt.

He smirked, a cocky, arrogant twist to his lips, and he pulled Rukia closer. "I know."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"We ready?" Urahara asked.

Reluctantly, Karin handed Eiji back to his mother. "Take care of my brother, will you? Don't let him do anything too stupid."

Rukia hugged her and smiled--she seemed to be smiling a lot now. "I won't," she promised.

She turned to Ururu and gave her friend a quick hug. "Please take care of my body," she begged. "Don't let Urahara try any experiments on it."

Ururu giggled but assured her that her body would be safe.

She walked over to Tessai, who has his massive arms folded across his massive chest. "Well, it's been real," she said in a teasing voice, and she playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Thanks for healing me every time Yoruichi-sama kicked my ass."

He nodded once. "It was my pleasure, Kurosaki-chan."

She said goodbye to Ichigo last. He surprised her by enveloping her in a hug. "Be careful," he said.

"I will." She pulled back and threw a look over her shoulder. "Do me a favor and keep an eye on Yuzu and that one for me," she said, indicating to Jinta who stood leaning against the doorframe.

He chuckled and gave her a knowing look. "Believe me, I've got that one covered."

She took another minute to look at her brother. She knew out of all the people in her family, she'd see Ichigo the most. Still...

Being a shinigami had changed Ichigo so much, she couldn't help but wonder how it would change her. Would she even get the answers she was searching for?

"If anyone gives you any trouble," he paused to think about it for a minute, "especially a weird old guy in a girlie kimono or a crazy man with spikes in his hair, an eye patch, and a pink-haired girl on his shoulder or a guy with white skin and crazed yellow eyes"--she thought the list would go on forever--"you just call me, and I'll be there. Actually, if any normal guys give you any trouble, you just drop my name and 'brother' in the same sentence and that should do the trick."

She eyed her brother and tried to contain her laugh of disbelief. Yeah, she'd do that. "Thanks..."

Urahara opened the senkaimon with Benihime then, without a word, severed her soul from her body. He had told her he would do that instead of using reishihenkanki as it would leave her body available if Yuzu ever chose to make a surprise visit to Kyoto.

"What, no soul candy?" she questioned, trying to sound peeved.

"No need," answered Urahara.

Suddenly, Toshiro, donned in his shinigami shihakusho--or, more accurately, sans gigai--was at her side, but she couldn't think of anything to say to him.

Urahara looked her in the eye and said, "Remember what we briefed you on. While you're traveling, remember to breathe."

She nodded.

"Okay," he said.

The doors of light slid open.

Toshiro held out his hand to her.

She swallowed and stared at it for a minute. It was ironic and seemed almost symbolic. I am choosing this, she reminded herself.

She took his hand and wrapped her fingers around his. Her hand felt small, weak in his large, strong, cold one.

"Don't let go of Hitsugaya-taicho's hand. He'll make sure you get there safely."

She nodded and looked at Urahara. "Thank you," she said simply. "For everything" was understood.

He lifted his hat and nodded in acknowledgement.

She took a deep breathe as Toshiro stepped forward and lead her through the doors, to her new life.

Karin squeezed his hand tighter as the darkness encroached.

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