Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals
Chapter 10: The Ulumate Wepon
Beginning AN:
And thus begins the final season, and if I keep using my original schedule, this hopefully makes HUC the first fan fic I finish.
Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert vampires and one badass Doctor. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!
CHAPTER X
(Real AN: Long ass recap of the entire series up to this point coming up. If you want to, you can skip it by ctrl+f-ing "In cave")
Rip narates: "Oh, I have to do this recap? And we're doing the entire fan fic up to this point, not the last chapter? Okay. Last time on Hecksing Ultimate Chronicles:
"Powerful vampire and loyal weapon to the Hecksing organization Alucard Badguy was alerted by his master Integra of a nearby vampire attack. This vampire, a priest referred to as 'First Boss,' had been killing a team of cops that were sent to terminate him. Alucard succeeded in taking out First Boss, only to accidentally shoot the last surviving member of the police force, Seras Victoria. Making up to her, Alucard transforms her into a vampire. As Seras discovers her new transformation, Integra finds out that First Boss was an agent sent by Hecksing's formal - and now former - co-organization Heavensing. Alucard and Seras, using the former's tank with rocket boosters, ride over to the church hideout in order to 'make negotiations' about this act of betrayal.
"However, this turns out to be a trap. Heavensing's leader Ned Flanders sends out their group's trump card and only other member, Father Alexander Anderson. Anderson barricades the vampires and decapitates Alucard. Alucard, who is still alive, telekinetically instructs Seras to drink his blood and gain power. She refuses, so he comes back into the scene fully regenerated and kills Anderson himself. This death marks the first true divergence from the original series, with more to come after. Saddened at the death of Anderson, who turns out to be his lover, Flanders tries to launch a counterattack, but gets shot by Alucard in defense. This death breaks a 'spell' that Flanders and Integra have kept over the United Kingdoms of London (Or, as it's called in your universe, England) that prevents any vampires who aren't a part of Hecksing or Heavensing out. A mysterious group discusses this development using holograms to communicate, and sends out two of its forces to 'test' Hecksing now that they have the oppertunity.
"In the day immediatley after, Hecksing finds themselves surprized to find two vampire men and their zombies assaulting their manor in the mid-daylight. One of the men, Jan Valentine, loses his arm to Hecksing's butler Walter and is chased out of the mansion, but not before revealing the name 'Millennium.' The other one, Jan's brother Luke, attempted to battle Alucard but quickly regretted his decision. Alucard added Luke to his many, many victims, while Jan encountered the Doctor of the Millennium standing right outside. Doctor takes note of Jan's recent injury and says that he is perfect for his new creation.
"That night, Hecksing researched this 'Millennium' and found them to be an underground group of Nazis, whom were currently planning to have a meeting in Brazil. They also hire a team of mercinaries to replace their forces who were since wiped out in the Valentine invasion; the Wild Geese, with their new leader, Carl. Carl is a Martian music artist who became the leader after accidentally killing the original one, Pip, by his spaceship falling on him after running out of fuel. He claims he was taking a vacation and is now stranded on this planet, and has a blatant crush on Seras. Integra sends out Alucard, Seras, and Carl on the first's tank to go to Brazil and stop this meeting. The group encounters Zorin Blitz and Schrodinger, but then come face to face with officer Tubalcain Alhambra, or as he is referred to in this story, 'Card Guy.' Alucard, for once, finds himself unable to kill the enemy, but Carl uses his special Sonic Wave Guitar and ends up killing him instead. With Seras still refusing to drink blood, Alucard decided to eat Tubalcain's body.
"This is where I come in. The next night, Millennium's leader is so infuriated at Card Guy's death that he tries to send me out on a mission to charm Alucard on an aircraft carrier I invaded while Zorin was to invade Hecksing manor with a squad of their thousand vampires. Meanwhile, Jan has his new robotic arm installed only to find that he will not be going on the mission, and is instead forced to guard our hideout. Upset, he tricks me into leaving the Nazicopter I was supposed to go in and heads on the mission himself. I only avoid getting fired by the Doctor because an accident ended up charming him into keeping me on the Millennium's forces. Once again, Alucard is sent in his tank, but unlike before Carl and Seras do not join him. Jan uses his robotic arm to shoot out poison swords which destroy the helicopters sent out to kill him. This attack only effects Alucard to the degree that he gets annoyed enough to release all of his familiars across on the carrier. Jan is not bothered by this until he notices his brother in the lineup. Refusing to fight him out of 'honor,' he activates a self-destruct feature which blows up Alucard and the carrier in a massive holy-slash-nuclear explosion, but leaves his tank intact. Upset at this development, a watching Integra (Hecksing saw this through a screen Schrodinger used) orders Walter to give her another cigar, but he refuses and choses to reveal that he is really working for the Millennium.
"The leader decides to give me another chance by sending Zorin and I to invade the manor. Along the way, we attack Integra, who was on her way to New York in order to try to find a replacement for Alucard. After fighting us off, Alucard's past is finally revealed: he was litterally punched out from the United States to the United Kingdoms of London by his mysterious older brother, and walks his new home for a method of revenge. He finds one when I turn him into a vampire, and later he encounters Integra who hires him as part of Hecksing. Back in the present, Integra arrives and is attacked by a giant mutant Homer Simpson. But this did not last long; Homer was killed by an unknown assailant, to which Integra hired as the replacement for Alucard, impressed by their skills.
"Meanwhile, we broke into the manor with most of our vampires. Zorin went after Carl, while I went after Seras. I proceeded to brutally rip Seras apart, until she met up with Carl, bit him, and drank his blood. Sometime before that, a look into Seras's soul by Zorin revealed her past: she was attacked by a burgular and was forced to run into a house with adopted parents. She was attacked by the same criminal again, but this time his gun, which was supposed to be 'a iPod app,' was real. After murdering the crook, Seras then takes life as a police girl, which in time leads to the events at the beginning. In the present, Carl transformed into a vampire while Seras gained an upgrade from this blood drinking, but before any of us died Carl suggested a foursome. After... that, Schrodinger fired both me and Zorin, and then Integra walked in with the person who saved her in New York, the Master Chief. Resembling the incident with the leader, she was upset that Carl disobeyed orders and litterally slept with the enemy, yet was oddly quick to hire me on the Millennium along with Zorin. Integra sends Carl on whatever next mission was in store.
"Looking through the pockets of the suit I almost never wear, Integra finds out the next of the Millennium's plans: to kidnap Joe Quimby, who is both a mayor and the president of London. The Millennium do this the next night by using Captain and Walter. I was supposed to go on the mission with Walter, but as you know I had had... other plans. Their original goal was to travel back in time and change the future, but Carl wrecks this and forces them to come up with another plan. The two retreat into the hideout in the Grand Canyon and use a method aside the holograms of those elsewhere to extract Quimby's blood and use it as a weapon for Walter. By now, Integra sent me, Seras, Zorin, and the Master Chief out to Carl's aid, assuming he fails. The two Millennium officers split once we meet up in and get to the hideout , with Captain taking Quimby's dieing body out and getting the attention of Carl and the Chief. The rest of us stayed and killed Walter, but at the cost of Zorin's life. Integra then came in to get us out of there and back to London, but she was arrested for supposedly speeding.
"Carl and the Chief chase the Captain away from the hideout where the Chief shoots the Captain with a silver bullet and kills him. But with Quimby still in critical condition, our 'heroes' ponder how to get back to London before he dies. They are then greeted and transported by David Hasselhoff, grown to great proportions due to mushrooms. On the way, they are encountered by Jan, who survived the explosion using features on his synthetic arm. Jan is killed by Carl who then saves Quimby by transforming him into a vampire, as the ride to London would still take too much time for him to last to where they can seek medical assistance.
"In the same night, Carl, the Chief, and Quimby went to our trial about the supposed 'speeding.' But this was not a legitimate trial at all; our lawyer, who is referred to as 'Lawyer Guy,' was only setting up a trap. He kills the judge, sends us running, and we soon find out that he is a T-1000 liquid metal robot. He also kills Integra, who promotes Carl to the new leader of Hecksing just before her death. Luckily, Carl comes up with a plan to launch Lawyer Guy into a volcano. Where he melts. Brutally.
"I hope that my recap answered any questions anyone had had up to this point. Enjoy the story! :)="
(In cave)
In cave, Doctor and Cat Boy was jump into two out of ten seats of a DEATH MECH.
"WOW FUCK." Said Docter. "IT SURE IS SUCK THAT EVERYONE IN THE MILENNIUM IS DEAD OR TRADER. BECAUSE I MADE ALL THESE SEETS AND ONLY 3/10 ARE BEING USED!"
Catboy nods.
Then a 3rd seet was filed by the leaderr. But he was not a hologram and we could see him and it turns out leader was...
...
...
...
THE MAJOR! (Jee who was you expecting, the MAYOR quimby? haha get it? maYor maJor?)
"Gentelmen." He said. "are jew reddy to MAKE WARF?"
"A." Said Catboy. "What is it with you und war?"
Major answers. "I like war. It makes my penis nice and hard."
(Hecksing Manshon)
It was the night after Ch 8 and 9 and Carl was Seras and Rip were lieing naked in bed. Again.
"Aw!" Carl complained gentlemanly. "Crud, the sex we was having is aweful without Zorin!"
Seris and Rip lloked at eechother. "I THINK ITS BETTER SINCE I HAVE 1 LESS GIRLS TO DEAL WITH." Said Seras.
Rip ads, "I concur."
Suddenly, the Master Chief broke in!
"HAY GUYS THE MELLINNIUM IS DOING SOME BAD STUF RIGHT NOW!" he shoted. "WE MUST GO THERE AND STUOP THEM DUDES!"
Seras jumped out of bed and raged. "Grr... MILENIUM!"
Chief backedout and blushed. Carl said, "Uh... Seras you still naked. I can see your HOT ASS and im sure the Chief can see more if you no what I men."
Seras blushed and then jumped back in bed. BUT THEN CARL GOT PISSED FOR SOMETHING.
"HAY! WY DIDNT THE LEADER INFORM US AND TAKE ACTION THAT THE MILENIUMS ARE DOING SOMETHING?"
Rip looked at him. "Carl, you're the leader now, remember? Integra promoted you just before her death."
"o right HAHAHAHAHA."
(London Shity)
Carl, Seras, and Rip had get dressed and they and the Cheif went out to see the problem. Also Seras was telling her TRAJIK BACKSTORY to Rip. (Weve seen it in chapter 7 go ther if you wanna find out about it)
"Wait. You said this man claimed to use an iPhone as a gun?"
"Yeah. And it's an ipod get your fucts right."
Rip smilled. "Seras, have you ever thought that the man was bluffing? If so, your mother might still be alive!"
"REALY?" Seras asks. "I MUST GO TO HER HOUSE AND FIND OUT!"
Then she grew vampere wings and flue off!
"Seras, wait! The mission..." She stoped upon noing that Seras was alreddy gone.
"Lete her go." Cartl said wiseassly. "She needs to go on her mision to find out about her possibility parents."
And then the final 3 of Hecksing got to see the final 3 of the Millennium... THE MECHA THEY RIDE LOOKED LIKE A ROBO VERSHIN OF THE TIT DWEEVIL FROM PIKMIN 2! It also had a red FIRE cannon, yellow ELECTRIC cannon, blue WATER cannon, and pink POYSON canon. "KILLIN IS TEH AWSOME!" Mayor yelled.
"Oh balls. thats a hella BOSS BATTEL" Carl shoted.
Quimby walked out ther. "er a um, SENT OUT SOLGIER FORCES OF ATTACK OFFENSE!"
He sent out those with fire proof, ut the Titan Mecha use LIGHTNING attack insted of fire atack! The people who was try to attack was set on electiciuy! (Getr it like set on fire but with electiricy?)
"er a um, NO!" Quimby shouted before wisseling tro save them like in Pikmin. But he needed to use rubbers on them!
Carl then reelized. "NO! WE ARE SO FUCKED! WE CANT USE SOMEONE WHOS IMMUNE TO 1 ATTACK OR THEL USE ANOTHER? WHAT DO?"
Mayor quimby jumpd to his asistense. "er a um, wy you flip the fuck out?"
"BECAUZE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I AM NOT A GOOD LEADER AFTER ALL! :("
But Carl lerned that the time was now so he got out hiis SONIC WAVE GITAR and hit it. But it didn't destroy it! Insted, it only got the atention of the Millenniu,m and made them wanna FINISH OFF THE HECKSINGS!
"Ah" Major said like Rolf from Ed Ed and Ed. (HAY COOL THEY JUST CAMEOD LAST CHAPTER) "Nice to finnly see jew in person, Carl Stevens. Also nise to see jew agan, RIP."
Rip worried.
Major continue, "rip, jew be a trader. AND I NO LIKE TRADERS!" Doctor laughed around with him since this kind was of supposed to be his chapter in the spotlight.
"Yes, I'm sorry about that, but you see, Carl showed me the ways of love. And that's more than I can say about this organization-"
"SILENSE. HOOS THE BOSS BATTEL HERE?" Major yelled.
Mayor Quimby was, "er a um, HOW WE GONNA DESTROY THE MECHA IF IT KEEPS ATTACKING USA?"
Carl was thinking for a minite, and for this minite the millennium was use all 4 cannons on the bildings and killing people. "I KNOW! In loving memory of that rockin' Zorin:
"we will use Pikmin to takeout each weapon one by one, and then we';ll kill the body w/ purple pikmin cuz they are strong."
And then they try'd to did just that. But it was stil hard becuz again they kepts swiching weapons. But Carl and Rip manajed to do this with NO DEATHS, unlike with Quimby. Thank God no Pikmin were harmed in the actual film! Or the making of, for that matter.
"er a um, wow." said Quimby. "er a um, HAY WAIT I TRIED THE SAME FUCKING THING AND IT DIDNT DO JACK SHIT."
Carl entered wiseass mode. "Ah, you shuld try harder next time. But don't worry, your chance for pimpin' will be there soon."
"er a um, I think I pikmped before you were born."
"Uh... I hate to give away this secret, but I lie about my age.I'm older than I look. Both because of the social stigma abd because I'm over the legal drinking age."
"er a um, oh. er a um, shit is that illegal?"
"It was on Mars! But wait, whatt drinking age maximum is on London?"
Meenwile, Major get so mad!
"Grr... thats it. Dr, I have a idea."
And then they activated the fire jets at the bottim of the TITAN MECHA, and flew off!
"It can fly?" Rip asks.
(Speeking of things we didnt no can fly before this Ch...)
Seras arived at house in the middle of contry. She nocked on door. "Mom?" She asks.
And then a wonan who looked kinda like Seras only EVEN HOTTER answered thedoor.
"Hay. OH SHIT SERAS ITS YOU. AND YOU GOT SUM BIGASS TITTIES SINCE YOU LEFT."
"YEP! ALSO HOLY FUCK MOM YUR STILL ALIVE?"
"NO SHIT THE CRINIMAL DUDE SAID HE HAD A FUCKING 'IPOD APP GUN' WHO WOULDA BELIVE THAT? I NOTISED HIS BLUFF AND THAN I CHASED THE FUCKER OUTTA MY HOUSE AND STOLE HIS IPOD! HERE YOU CAN HAVE IT! BY THE WAY SERAS HOW DID U LIVE LIFE AFTER YOU RAN AWAY?"
"WELL MOM I LIVED BY THESE ADOPTED JIRKS FOR ABOUT 10 YEERS UNTIL THE SAME FUCKIN JERKASS CRIMINAL CAME BACK BUT THIS TIME WITH A REEL GUN PLUS SUM REEL BALLS I GUESS! BUT I KILLED THE FUCKER SO YOU DON HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HGIM! THANKS FOR THE IPOD BY THE WAY I WILL CHERISH IT!"
"ok"
"So um..." seras then entered moe mode. "ok I just wanted to see if you stil alive. I dont realy have tht many other plans so I'll just go now. oh By The Way im a vampire."
"A VAMPIREE?"
"ya. WHAT YOU RASIST ABOUT IT CUZ RASISM AGANST VAMPERES IS BAD U NOW. I DELT WITH A RACIST THE NIGHT I WAS A VAMPR."
"NO I'M NOT RASIST IN FACT I'M GLAD THAT MY LITTEL YELLOW FURRY IS IMMORTAL."
"MOM I TOLD YOU NOT TO CAL ME YELLOW FURRY IT SOUNDS LIKE PISS."
"SORRY FOR ME GIVIN SUCH A SHITTY NICKNAME."
"NO I MEEN litterally. But you can also say its a shitty nickname since piss and shit are similar."
"o."
"Anyway vampirates may not be immmortal. The guy who turnd me, Alucard, is dead."
"HOLYSHIT ALUCARD BADGUY?" Serases hot mom was shocked!
"Yes that one."
Then Seras flu out!
(That was boring emotional crap. Anyway in oshin)
The TM was fly thru ocean and found Alucard's tank.
"IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!" yelled Tank. "I'VE BEEN SITTING HER FOR 6 CHAPTERS!"
(No wait the tankk didn't talk that was just a small gag)
Major asks, "ok now Doctor I want jew to fuse this tankw ith the Titan Mecha can jew do that?"
"WHAT YOU THINK DUMPASS THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?"
"hay don't yell at me i'm jew're boss. D:"
Then Dr. make the fuse! The Tank transform into a fifth, GREEN canon that was on top the mecha and not on the sides like the other 4 cannons! (It was green not cuz of the exploshons element - it is oringe - but insted because Alucars tanks was green)
Then they flu back to the UKOL.
"FUCK." catboy complains. "Not again with a long ride!"
"Sorry Schro, bbut shit like this is what a TRUE villain needs to go thru!" Doctor bragged arrogantly. He was always the arrogant type... interesting character look...
(The City (not city of TOWNSVILLE lol))
Seras landed.
"SUP." she said."I FOUND MY MOM AND SHE'S STIL ALIVE AND HAPY TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ONLY VAMPERER BUT I WAZ TURNED BY ALUCARD!"
But then, the Titan Mecha landed 2! "ha ha was haz Als tank fuzed with us." And then the new, BIG cannon moves down towards underneeth body! But Carl laffed!
"Heh heh the new cannon is like penis. BUT MINE IS BIGGER, HEH EH WINNING!"
"SHUT UP!" Major yells, pulling a swich and macking it shoot explosives! Most of the Pikmin dies! (Not all though I mean come on aftre the Hecksing Gards and Vild Geass died I'm not kiling off the Pikmin that would just be fuckin stupid)
"NO!" Carl yells in a MAD accent! "THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NO DEATH RUN!"
But then he got another idea! "I know! I can use the orange Pikmin, who have not been in games, that are imune to exploshons!"
"WHAT THE ASSCOCKS?" Demanded Major. "FAN PIKMIN? o gog no just no..."
Then he got pisses, and told Dr "Hay Dockter jew know how this works use this fucking thing to MAKE THEM PAYT."
Rip shurgged. "Why are there so many Homestuck references now? What happened to this work being a secret parody of badly written Total Drama fan fiction?"
But she did not get her answer, cuz Doctor shook off the Oringe Pikmin with his controls and then aimed his OTER 4 CANNONS on them! He badly injured Seras w/ the electric one (badder than wen Rip fot her just to show that this is geting closer to the FINAL BOSS and shits getting real), shoots lotsa water ayt Rip with the water one and it ends up pushing her intop a abandom factory were its slowly filling with water and drowing her. Doktor then he shot poyson at Carl.
"HA HA!" Carl laffed (but not like Nelson from Simpsons cuz the Simpsons is fucking stupid nowadays) "I BOT A GASSMASK JUST IN CASE! IT WULD TAKE 2 CANONS TO STOP ME!"
But then he ignited it on fire with the fire cannon! carl say the f word many times!
"Chief! Halp!" Carl said with much urgensy!
But then he fired the exploshons cannon at the Master Chief! "Ha ha I used the strongest one on MC cuz Halo sucks." Dr laffed.
"No!" Carl shouted. Rip was almost submerged and Seras was stil getting shocked. "I guess this is it. The Millenniums next wepon, the ulumate wepon, is too impossible to kil."
"NOTHING'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Carl looked over at the dust from the exploshin that hit the MC, and it was revealed that his mask came off, and it was reveeled of his true identitiy... KAMINA FROM GURREN LAG!
"HOLY SHIT!" Carl mocked the plot twist!
Then Kamina got out a drill, and shouted "GIGA DRILL BR8KER!" and drilled a bigass hole thru the Titan Mech!
"OH SNAP!" Shouted Dr. "Hay Major I'm gonna tell you something and it's kinda going to piss you off."
"waht?"
"This thing was set to BLOW UP once there's a lot of damage given to it. I dunno its a defense or something,"
"WELL THATS A SHITTY DEFENSE. CUZ WE MIUGHT DIE. IS THERE ANY WAY TO TURN IT OFF?"
Then Dr got remote, but it was shot awway to peeses! It was then reveeled that it was Quimby! (remember him even tho he does not apeaar in Ch 1-7 he's gonna be kinda important for the rest of the stoyry in fact he'll be a littel like Integra who was kiled last chapter.)
"IS THER ANY OTHER WAY TO TURN OFF THE SELF DESTRUCT?" Major asks. By this point, there was sparks coming from the insides of the Mecha.
"Im afade i cant help you w/ that."
But Schrodinger culd! He garbed on to Major and they both vanished in Fairy Dust! But Dr did not! He complain, "HAY! WHAT ABOUT ME?"
They teleported back briefly, and Major added "fuck jew jew're the one who build this dumb mechanics so I don't care what happens." then warp away.
He got his answer when the TM explodeds! (finally)
Carl then used SONIC WAVE on the electric mines that trap Seras. She free!
"Hay I save you know can I at leest get kiss?" He said while grabbing on her boobs.
"FUCK YOU YOU PERVERT ASSHOLE!"
Then she thru him across the ground and try to shoot his balls. But he manajed to scoot out of way. HAHAHA, just like Courtney/Duncan from Total Drama Island!
But the the Dr fell, AND HE WAS STILL ALIVE!
"YOU HAVE NOT SEEN MY LAST!" He said. But the a leg of the titan Mecha fell down on him and killed him. Carl and Seras and Kamina and Quimby laffed at the irony, but they stoped went they nows something.
"HAY." SERAS SAID. "WHERE THE FUCK IS rIP?"
Carl got a Frown of Worry! "Aw fuck I think she drownes! Dam. First Alucard, trhen Zorin and Integra, now Rip? Fuck, thers more and more deaths of the Hecksings!"
But then Rip was ther. But her clos was wet and sea through again cuz she was in room of water. Carl looked at her Z-cup bressts and blushed.
"HOLY CARP RIP YOU ALIVE? HOW!" Carl ejaculated.
Rip rolls eyes and laffs. (But Carl wasnt looking at her eyes if you know what i mean) "I was in an open werehouse. I just swam out, even with the water rising. It was very... shall I say, cool and refreshing." Then she did a lot of stretches that showed off her body, and Carl got even more interested. But he yelled at Quimby
"SHE'S NOT FOR YOU YOU FAT FUCK. But Kamina, you qwere cool as the CHief and slightly less cool, but you're cool enough to ojoin our foursome.s"
"Normally I don't mind multiples if the female to male ratio (and I mean number of females compared to number of males not number of people who turns from female to male let's not get into that that's a hairy subject) is equal or higher, but in your case I'd rather sleep with one girl than a hundred girls and your old, green ass."
Then Carl adds, "Hay wait a minite... MAJOR AND CATBOY R STILL MISSING!"
an: How wil they find the last 2 badguys? Findout latter, on the Final Season Part 2: Major Pain!
Responses to reviews:
mizukifox and miku233: I'm glad you liked this!
Closing AN:
Welp, this wraps up the first part of the finale. And that's all I really have to say about that.
Oh, and I may draw out this entire series in a comic-format later on after I'm finished.