A/N: This feels so unreal... I cannot believe that this is the final chapter...
Now before you all bite my head off about being MIA, I just finished my final exams this week and earned my degree so busy busy... but finally I can write again!
Thank you so much to each and every one of you who have taken a chance on my story and read it... I received the most amazing response since the first chapter and all of your support has encouraged me to keep writing.
This is only my second multi-chaptered story that I've completed so please do go check out my other works.
Remember to comment and let me know what you think for one final time! xoxo
So this was it then; he was no longer a Hogwarts student, he was free and he had his entire life ahead of him... but he just couldn't be happy about that.
Harry looked to his right where all of his friends and fellow graduates stood conversing jovially; all except one, Draco Malfoy.
As Harry approached, Draco snapped out his thoughts and spoke, "So Potter, finally done eh?"
"Finally," answered Harry in a monotone, "How are you really, Draco? I know you wished until the last minute that Severus would show up..."
Draco clenched his jaw, "Can we just not talk about that? Besides, it's you that I'm more worried about... Are you really ready to leave the castle forever without seeing him once?"
"No, Harry!" exclaimed Hermione in a hushed tone as appeared at their side, "You promised not to and besides, the carriages are going to leave in 15 minutes."
"Tell me," said Ron joining the conversation, "why are we discussing this in the middle of the Great Hall surrounded by half the school? Snape will kill us if this gets out."
"There's nothing to discuss," said Draco, "You have to give it one last shot before you leave or you'll always wonder."
"He'll come to you if it's meant to be," countered Hermione.
"It's a difficult choice Harry but you've spent all year doing what everyone else says," said Luna, making everyone turn to her, "maybe this time you should do what you feel is right... what your heart tells you to do..."
"My heart tells me to go to him, even if it's just to say goodbye..."
Hermione appeared beside Harry and patted his shoulder, "Then do it Harry. I'm sorry, all of us are just observing from the outside, we have no idea exactly what you're going through... of course you deserve to see him one-"
Hermione stopped abruptly and coughed to cover up her slip but Harry continued, "-to see him one last time..." he sighed, "yeah I'm going to go now but I'll meet you back at the carriages yeah?"
"Sure mate," replied Ron.
Harry gave his friends one last nod and headed for the door.
"Mr Potter, I'll be expecting an owl from you soon."
Harry stopped in his tracks and turned to face McGonagall, "Of course Professor; there's just still some things I need to sort out first."
McGonagall smiled at him warmly before sending him on his way.
Harry raced up to Gryffindor tower and prayed that the house-elves hadn't taken their luggage to the train yet.
He almost fell over once he had entered the common room, tripping over the large pile of suitcases arranged at the entrance. Harry counted his lucky stars and immediately located his own. One of the house-elves looked at him suspiciously as he rummaged in his trunk for a few seconds, finally surfacing with a brown package before saying a hasty "see you" to the elf and dashing out again.
It was another mad dash to get down to the dungeons but once he reached Severus' door he stopped for a moment to compose himself.
It was the first time that he was here since last Christmas and he felt all sorts of feelings bombard him, but mostly the feeling of sadness dominated in washing over him. There was a dull ache in his heart and he felt as if he couldn't breathe but he was used to all of this, he felt it every single day.
Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath; it wouldn't do to approach Severus in this state.
He'd finally regained some semblance of control and so he knocked.
There was a slight shuffling behind the door before it opened to reveal the Potions Master.
Harry gulped and gave Severus a once over; it had certainly been a while since he'd seen the man with just his trousers and his shirt- he looked as amazing as ever.
When his eyes returned to Severus', he was looking at Harry questioningly.
"Sorry, to disturb you I mean... you weren't at the ceremony and I just wanted- Gods, I just wanted to say bye before the carriages left."
Harry knew that his voice sounded raspy, that every emotion could be heard but he didn't have the strength to hide anything from Severus anymore.
Severus looked at Harry as if he was fighting some internal battle before he silently stepped to the side allowing Harry to enter his office.
Harry watched Severus for a while before he entered and looked around him.
"Going somewhere?" he asked, gesturing to the boxes and the large trunk beside the empty desk.
Severus turned around after shutting the door, he looked at Harry for a while before answering, "I will be handing in my resignation today before leaving."
Harry was taken aback, "You're leaving? Where will you go?"
Severus glared at Harry before moving to sit on his desk, "I do have a home, Mr Potter."
He sounded like his old self.
"McGonagall offered me a job here," blurted Harry, "she's finally accepting the post of Headmistress and wants me to take over Transfiguration."
Severus' eyes narrowed for a second before he schooled his features, "I see..."
Harry took a deep breath, "That's also why I needed to see you; I wanted to ask how you felt about me accepting it- the position, I mean. If you don't want me here, I'll leave... Anything, remember?"
A strange expression crossed over Severus' face before he turned his back to Harry, "I am leaving anyway so the decision is yours... is that all you wanted to discuss?"
Harrys' heart broke all over again- Severus couldn't even look at him for more than a few moments.
"Actually no," replied Harry, "I brought you something."
Harry walked over to Severus and presented him with the package. Severus eyed it for a few moments before looking up at Harry, "That is not necessary."
Harry convinced himself to stand his ground, "Please, it's not what you think."
It took Severus a few more moments but finally he accepted it. When he seemed to notice that Harry wasn't budging, he began to unwrap it.
The moment he removed the wrapping, his eyes widened and he looked up at Harry, "How did you-"
He turned the heavy book over in his hands almost as if he couldn't believe what he was holding.
"I happened across it and it looked like you were tossing it out but I know how much time and effort you put into it... I got into contact with a publishing firm and they got this all done. This is the first copy; if you approve of it then it can get on the shelves by the end of the week."
Severus placed the book on his desk, "This is rather- thoughtful... I don't think that I can really thank you enough Harry."
Harrys' breath hitched upon hearing his name from those lips after so many months, "Knowing that I could do something for you is all that I really need."
Severus' eyes were sad, like he was longing to grab Harrys' hand and beg him to stay but instead, he remained where he stood and contented himself with just staring into Harrys' eyes.
Harry wanted to say so much, he wanted to apologize over and over again but they hadn't even breached the subject so how was he supposed to just destroy this calm that they had over them at the moment.
But he couldn't stand here either; he couldn't stand here and watch Severus choosing to remain indifferent towards him, like nothing had ever happened between them.
"I think I should-" he swallowed, "I think I should leave... the carriages will leave any moment."
Severus nodded, "I need to go as well."
Harry backed away towards the door, "I guess this is it... take care of yourself Severus. I'll always- I'll always care about you."
Severus smiled at him sadly but said nothing so Harry opened the door and exited the office. He had a strong urge to sink to the floor and scream out his heartache but he forced himself up the stairs, he had a train to catch.
Inside the office, Severus sat down on his chair and stared at the book, "As will I Harry, as will I."
Xxx
Severus berated himself for the fifth time in as many minutes. He simply couldn't believe that he'd allowed Harry to walk out of his life- possibly forever- without any objections.
He took the book in his hands and turned it over; Harry had done all of this just for him even after he had treated the young man so terribly after the holidays.
He thought back to his manuscript and remembered how he had tossed it aside. He lost all direction after ousting Harry from his life; his only aim was to get through the school year, he could see nothing beyond that...
It was only now, upon seeing his book as a reality that he realized exactly how great of a service Harry had done to him. This book could assist many folks to perfect their potions, serve as material to tutor pre-Hogwarts students and even have the potential to become a standard textbook; his finances would be taken care of.
Severus closed his eyes. Leaving Hogwarts seemed like the best option because even though Harry was leaving, every part of the castle held his memory, the hallways rang with his laughter and the walls of his own chambers held their secrets as a couple.
He stood up suddenly and made a decision there and then, they were going to have a conversation, and they needed to have one. He might have already lost Harry with his behaviour, he had a right to be angry but hadn't he far outplayed his role? Hadn't he made himself and Harry suffer for long enough? His pride was in the way; Harry was sincere and he could see it but it was so much easier to hate the younger man, to hide behind their fallout and pretend that he didn't feel anything but it hurts and he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life regretting his choices... no, he was going after Harry.
He stopped in his tracks and cast a tempus before realizing that the Hogwarts Express must already have left. He did some quick thinking and decided that he'll use his personal sanctuary to apparate directly to Kings Cross Station. He'll definitely reach there before the train and he'll be able to meet with Harry.
He quickly threw on a robe and threw the door open and froze.
There was Harry Potter, sitting on the floor with his knees drawn to his chest against the wall directly opposite Severus' door.
Xxx
Harry stood up immediately when he saw Severus.
"Don't leave!" he said immediately.
Severus stepped out into the corridor and seemed to catch the draft of icy wind; he took Harry by the arm and pulled him into his office, shutting the door behind them.
"You'll catch your death out there, Potter. How long have you been there anyway?"
Harry tried to not let Severus see how cold he really was, "Not long... I- uhm I went up to the carriages and just as we were almost out of the gates I realized that I can't leave, at least not without a fight... a fight for you, for us. I thought you'd already left when I got back but I still couldn't leave..."
Severus' face betrayed no emotion as he said, "I could not leave either. I was going to apparate to Kings Cross so that I might have had the opportunity to talk to you."
This was it. Harry could not back, especially now when Severus was telling him that he was going to come after him. That certainly meant that the man was not ready to give up on them.
Harry launched himself onto Severus, he wrapped his arms around his waist and laid his head over Severus' heart all the while chanting "I'm sorry" into the fabric of the mans' robes.
Severus seemed startled at first, his hands were still at his side and he was clearly battling the urge to place his arms around Harry. That seemed rather silly given the fact that he was ready to run after said young man just only a few minutes ago.
Harry continued speaking into Severus' robes, "I made a mistake... I'm so sorry Severus but I didn't lie about anything else and I swear that I was going to tell you everything. I wanted to be with you and I knew that I couldn't carry this with me forever but you found out in a horrible way and I'd do anything to go back in time, to do things differently, to not hurt you..."
Suddenly Severus spoke and Harry almost jumped at the rumble in the strong chest beneath his head, "We only have the power to hurt those who care the deepest about us Harry, because they are the only ones that we know will eventually forgive us for our mistakes and allow us a second chance."
Harry swallowed around the lump in his throat and pulled back a little so he could see Severus' face, "And do you care about me Severus?"
Their eyes locked and for a long moment Harry wondered just how he would be able to manage walking away for a second time until Severus spoke, "I care for you more than I could ever admit to myself."
With that, Severus raised his hands and pulled Harry closer to him. The arms were strong and reassuring and Harry burrowed deeper in the warmth, he hugged Severus as tight as he could and Merlin, he was sobbing into Severus' chest this time chanting a mix of "Sorry" and "Thank You".
Severus pulled Harry back a bit so he could look at him, "We can by no means forget what happened but we can move past it and we will. I believe that you once told me that our relationship wasn't formed under the most honest of circumstances... despite everything, a relationship was formed and against my better judgement, I haven't lost all of my faith and trust in you. You need to stop apologizing Harry, it's done. We can only move forward now."
Severus cupped Harrys' face in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears, "You're so important to me Severus... and I know you don't want to hear it but please just- I really am sorry that I lied to you, will you please accept me back into your life?"
Severus smiled at Harry and his heart skipped a beat, "Apology accepted. I thought that you were never going to ask."
And with that, he leaned forward and caught Harrys' lips in a sensual kiss.
Everything that they couldn't say, everything that they hadn't felt in those months apart, all of it was channelled into their kiss and what started out as sweet and sensual, turned wild and passionate within moments.
When Harry started to thrust his hips against Severus', the man broke the kiss, "Harry, slowly..."
"Please Severus. I'm not a student anymore and we haven't been together in months... please let me have you."
Severus moaned as Harry pulled his head down for another kiss, "Fine, but I am not taking you for the first time over my office desk; bedroom, now."
Harry gave Severus a spectacular grin as they joined hands and headed for Severus' bedroom.
Harry had already managed to shed his robes and open the buttons on his shirt by the time he reached the bedroom. Severus took a glance back at Harry and snorted at the younger mans' eagerness.
Harry shed the last of his clothing leaving his shorts on as he moved forward to help Severus.
While Severus unbuttoned his shirt, Harry slid to his knees and began unbuttoning Severus' pants.
"Harry, what are you-"
Harry pressed his palm onto the bulge in Severus' pants, effectively shutting the man up.
"I've always wanted to do this to you..."
Harry freed Severus' erection from its confines and gave it an experimental tug.
Severus' hands fell to his sides, abandoning their task of ridding himself of his clothing.
Harry looked up and smiled mischievously, "None of that Severus," he licked the tip of the glistening cock, "mmm get all of it off; I want to see you..."
With that, Harry slowly slid the length of Severus' erection into his mouth and moaned around it. Severus managed to get his shirt off and immediately buried his hands in the black mop of hair. He had to resist the urge to buck forward as Harry took as much as he could manage into his mouth.
Harry took Severus' cock as far as he could before sliding it back out. He managed to set a pace after a while and even took to playing with Severus' balls- anything to get the man to lose control and make all of those delicious noises.
Harry hallowed his cheeks and added suction as he pulled Severus' cock out of his mouth and Severus' hands tightened in his hair, "Harry, stop... I'll come."
Harry was so distracted by how erotic those words sounded coming from Severus, that he didn't even realize Severus was pulling him up until Severus caught his lips and proceeded to taste himself on them.
Severus pushed Harry onto his bed and crawled up to the younger man much like a predator. He stopped level with Harrys' crotch as he slowly slipped the shorts off.
Harrys' cock slapped back against his abdomen once freed and the younger wizard let out a hiss as the cold dungeon air washed over him.
Severus licked up the beads of pre-cum on the tip of Harrys' erection before spreading said wizards legs and nipping at the sensitive skin on his inner thigh.
Harrys' whimpers grew louder as Severus completely ignored his cock in favour of licking and sucking on every other part of skin he could find.
Finally Severus looked up and smirked at his young lover before flipping Harry onto his stomach. There was a small yelp before Harry moaned deeply.
Severus pulled Harrys' hips up and off the bed once he realized that Harry was rubbing against the sheets. There was little time for Harry to protest once he felt Severus part his cheeks and blow hotly against his puckered hole; instead he fisted the sheets and almost jumped a foot in the air when Severus licked along his crack.
Severus licked around Harrys' hole until it was nice and wet before slowly pushing his tongue in; he used his thumbs to tease the sensitive ring of muscle as he twisted his tongue around using it like a mini cock to fuck Harry.
Harry couldn't stop bucking his hips and trying to get that tongue deeper into him; before long he was yelling for more and for Severus to go harder.
Severus withdrew and slicked his fingers up; first one and then two until Harry was writhing for a third.
When Severus touched Harrys' prostate for the first time, he had to use his free hand to squeeze the base of Harrys' cock for the younger man had bucked so violently in response.
By the time Harry was ready for Severus' cock, the older wizard was all but ready to thrust home but he knew that he needed to take it slowly.
As Severus' cock breached him, Harrys' hands gripped the sheets and he cried out.
Severus wrapped an arm around Harrys' waist and sat back, "Sit up and bear down on me, Harry."
Harry did as asked and finally he was properly seated and back to front with Severus.
Severus moved a little and Harry let out a long drawn out moan; he leaned further back, wrapped an arm around Severus' neck and started to move with small bouncing movements, rising ever so slightly and then sitting back down quickly.
Severus latched onto a rather sensitive spot on Harrys' neck while his hands pulled at the already taut nipples, pinching and scratching to drive Harry just a little more towards the edge.
Harry sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and rose up a little; this put the tip of Severus' cock directly on his prostate. He spent the next few seconds rocking ever so slightly, breathing heavily with his head thrown back until Severus surged upwards and thrust hard.
Harry swore loudly as Severus gripped his hips hard and pushed him forward again onto his hands and knees. Severus set a brutal pace; he pounded Harry into the mattress hitting his prostate on every thrust.
Harry didn't even need to wank, he gripped the sheets and allowed the sensations to take over until Severus leaned over his back and his thrusts started to become irregular.
Harry could hear Severus' ragged breaths and every so often he murmured about how tight Harry was or how close he was to coming.
Harry turned his head to the side and stared into Severus' eyes as he reached his peak.
He felt his orgasm take over him and he slumped forward as his cock spurted ropes of thick come onto the sheets. He was only vaguely aware of Severus biting into his shoulder and then a warm liquid coating his insides.
Harry felt as if it was ages until he managed to get his breathing under control; Severus was on his back beside him and he reached out to pull Harry closer.
Harry laid his head on the older wizards' chest and ran his fingers through Severus' dark chest hair.
"That was brilliant!" exclaimed Harry.
Severus snorted but he agreed, "I'm starting to believe that everything is much more brilliant with you in it."
Harry kissed the skin closest to his mouth, "I missed you."
Severus carded his hands through Harrys' hair, "I apologize for not attending your graduation."
Harry smiled warmly, "Well I know your reasons but I think Draco is going to need a bit more convincing."
"Was he really that upset?"
"Devastated I tell you."
Severus gave Harry a gentle slap on the head, "I shall check in on him later to apologize."
Harry looked up at Severus, "Rather not; if he's as lucky as I am then he's probably getting a congratulatory fuck as well."
Severus groaned, "Did you have to put that image in my mind?"
Harry laughed for a while before he calmed down enough to ask, "Are you still planning on leaving?"
Severus raised an eyebrow at him, "Unless this was a once off and you never want to see me again?"
Harry would have bolted up if it wasn't for Severus' arm around him.
"Never, I just meant that since we're back together..."
Severus let out a huff of laughter that earned him a scowl, "Relax brat, I'm just teasing... if you do recall though, I had always planned to leave with you once you graduated but I gather that since Minerva has offered you a job, you'll want to stay on."
Harry relaxed back into Severus' arms, "To be fair, I think she only offered me the position because at that time you and I weren't together and she knew that we weren't going to leave together after all... I think she just offered me an alternative. But I really was keen to leave with you Severus. I haven't accepted yet, do you think she'll be able to find someone for the new term?"
"That is many months away but if she has not found a replacement by then, then I will be alright with remaining with you at the castle for a while should you wish to assist her for the time being."
Harry smiled, "Then we can leave and start a new chapter..."
"But let me warn you Harry," said Severus in a serious tone which soon reduced Harry to laughter once he heard the rest, "you can't just assume you'll give me a blowjob every time you mess up."
Harry bit Severus' nipple lightly, "Yeah well there's many other things... especially that thing you did with your tongue, teach me 'kay?"
Severus growled and tackled Harry onto the mattress until through a fit of laughter Harry apologized for his 'insolence' as Severus so eloquently put it.
They settled down and there was silence for a long moment before Harry spoke, "You know, I think I realized for myself in the time gone pass that hating you was much easier than caring..."
"That is an- odd thought."
Harry moved so he could look at Severus' face, "Yeah, well now that I care, I feel every bad thing with twice the amount of pain... I just never cared when you ignored me when we hated each other..."
"Are you saying that you prefer hating me?"
Harry grinned before he kissed Severus, "I'm saying that I hate that I don't hate you!"
"Brat!"
Please note that this is an extra bit... It's a poem from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You that Kat recited when she found herself in a similar situation as Sev and Harry.
I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all
Review Please :-)