Dean hadn't become comfortable with the idea of public displays of affection from Castiel, not that the angel had ever breached this line. In fact the hunter was surprised that, once they became official, things did not immediately progress towards the many mortifying scenarios he'd built up in his head. It really shouldn't have surprised him at all. Castiel had never been thoroughly familiarized with such traditions as hand-holding, a caress, a kiss on the cheek, or hugs. Let alone the appropriate timing for such things. Although the more Dean understood this the more he began to dread some sort of slip. Which he knew, logically, was ridiculous. It wasn't as if Sam or Bobby were unaware of their relationship at this point. Still Dean found himself fighting to anchor his relationship with Castiel, within the minds of his family and only within their minds. Contemplating how Sam and Bobby might react, to actually witnessing the manifestation of his affections for the angel, ceaselessly caused cold chills to run down Dean's spine. Although, even he recognized that this knee-jerk response was unhealthy. Every time his eyes alighted on Castiel, when they were with company, he forced himself to avert his gaze and was met with a hearty pang of guilt. Which was becoming far more familiar to him lately than he would've liked to admit. His heart pulled him towards the angel. His upbringing and relations drew him towards a more widely socially acceptable status of "normalcy." Which, if Dean had really thought about it, was perfectly laughable considering how he and his family spent their lives. So the pang of guilt was warranted, no doubt, because he knew that he shouldn't have to feel ashamed of loving Castiel but he was. He'd also lied to his angel about that fact, but he couldn't lie to himself and it was eating away at him. Weakness had long lived inside the eldest Winchester. In fact from the time he was a child. But once he'd dawned that brave face he'd never removed it, for fear of anyone realizing just how weak he really was. And, somehow, that's what loving Castiel felt like to him. Weakness. Unfortunately this was one frailty he'd decided to live with.
However, over the next few months, all of that changed. Dean began to feel far less concerned about Castiel committing an act of PDA and, instead, began to wonder why he HADN'T. Which, once again, he knew was entirely irrational. But, by then, the idea of initiating contact had become too alluring to resist. He told himself this was purely to find out if Castiel was, possibly, also feeling apprehensive about putting their relationship on display. Two days after committing to this plan Dean found, what he considered to be, a perfect opportunity to "test the waters." Sam, for a change of pace, had drunk himself into a stupor and called Dean for a ride back to their motel. The elder Winchester had hurried to assist, repaying a favor far too often received. Dean plopped Sam into the back seat of the Impala and, as he drove them back to their current dwelling, left the radio off so his brother could doze. That's when Dean had the idea to pray the angel to him. Castiel appeared seconds later.
"Is he ok?" Castiel asked, immediately taking note of Sam's condition.
"Nothing a good nights sleep can't cure," Dean replied quietly.
"Then why am I here? …If you don't need my aid?" Castiel inquired cocking his head to the side as he looked at Dean with a befuddled expression.
"Well, " Dean replied nonchalantly, forcing a slight chuckle, "I, uh, just wanted some company for the drive. Can't turn on the radio…might wake Dionysus back there."
"Your brother hardly resembles…has his body been possessed by the god of-" Cas replied, further puzzled by Dean's joke.
"No! ...No, uh, that's not what I meant" Dean interrupted, speaking loudly at first before returning to a whisper. "I just...I'd like some company. That's all."
"Dean. Normally I would enjoy that but, you know, I am trying to assist Bobby with finding that box to bury the artifact in. Shouldn't I…wouldn't you prefer I focus on that?" Castiel inquired sounding a little annoyed. Dean didn't blame him. It was silly to waste the angel's time this way, however selfishness overcame the hunter at that moment.
"You've been looking for the past two days, isn't that like a lifetime with your angel speed? Look, I'm not asking you to stay the night, just…for now…for the ride home. Stay," Dean said finding it hard to keep his eyes on the road as he tried to gauge Castiel's expression. The angel didn't make any sort of audible reply, but his acquiescence was made evident when he rearranged himself into a more comfortable position. Dean, eyes on the asphalt, couldn't resist a small satisfied smirk. He too felt more relaxed now that the matter was settled, and he could work on the second part of his plan. Which, very simply, was to reach out and hold Castiel's hand. It would only take fifteen minutes to reach the motel so Dean knew he needed to act quickly. First he checked his rearview mirror to make certain that Sam was asleep. Then he shot a quick glance at Cas, and was pleased to find him aimlessly staring out the front window. Castiel's hands were resting flat on his knees and Dean figured that, as long as the angel didn't move, he could reach over without a whole lot of effort. However an occurrence the hunter did not anticipate dispelled the opportunity entirely. Just when Dean was about to reach out and take Castiel's hand the angel quickly began to roll down his window.
"You know" he said, sounding excited as he glanced back at Dean for a moment, "I've always wanted to try this." Then, without further preamble, he stuck his head out the window. A big goofy grin took over his face and Dean, though he shook his head, couldn't help but chuckle.
"Cas, you know that's just a dog thing right?" Dean called out forgetting about Sam for a moment.
"Whass goin on?" Sam slurred as he arose.
"Oh nothin' I'm just starting to realize how sane I am in comparison to certain people," Dean remarked.
"Nice!" Sam laughed as he caught sight of Castiel. Then, before Dean knew what was happening, Sam had also rolled down his window and was poking his head out.
"Oh Dean you have to try it! It feels amazing!" Sam shouted from the back seat. He now had his whole upper body hanging out the rear window causing Dean to have a minor heart attack.
"Hey!" Dean yelled at the pair. "Will you two get back in the goddamn car?! You're gonna get us pulled over!" Both Sam and Castiel complied, and each wore a pathetically mopey expression for being chastised.
"I swear to god I don't even know you two sometimes," Dean muttered ignoring their pouting.
By the time they arrived at the motel Sam had passed out in the back seat again, and Castiel had resumed blankly looking out the front window. Once they were in the parking lot and Dean shut off the engine Castiel turned towards him, once more, with a confused expression.
"Dean, why did you really call me tonight?" the angel asked. "You didn't seem particularly happy with my presence…especially after the window thing which, admittedly, I started but-"
"I was happy," Dean interjected.
"You were?" Castiel replied.
"Yeah, and the window thing…forget it. I was just frustrated about something else. Frustrated cause…" Dean paused. Everything he'd been feeling over the past few months got traffic-jammed in his throat.
"Is it…something to do with us? About my being away while I look for the box?" Castiel inquired. He'd felt anxious about being gone so often.
"Not really. I've just been thinkin' about…stupid stuff. It's nothing. Forget it," Dean answered relinquishing the train of thought altogether. He didn't have a clue as to how to tell the angel how sorry he was, and how much he didn't care if they were more affectionate in public, even though he did. It felt like something he could overcome though, if only he could figure out how to begin. With a heavy sigh the hunter began to exit the car grabbing the door handle but at that same moment, for the first time, Castiel reached out and took hold of Dean's hand. He generously returned the man's shocked expression with a warm smile, and further intertwined their fingers. A burst of joy radiated through Dean's body then and with his other hand he reached out to grab hold of Castiel's lapel, and pulled him into a kiss.
"Grooooss!" Sam piped up from the back seat.
"Oh yeah?" Dean retorted pulling away from Cas for a moment to smirk at his brother. "How 'bout this?" Following this remark Dean promptly returned to kissing Castiel, only he deepened the kiss and added tongue.
"Right, I am exiting the vehicle" Sam stated, though he chuckled as he went.
"You should probably help your brother get to bed. He seems to be having trouble getting into his room," Castiel said once they were alone.
"There wouldn't be any trouble getting into mine," Dean replied salaciously.
"I wish…but…the artifact…" Castiel replied looking torn.
"Yeah, no, I know" Dean said shaking his head of the notion. "It's alright. Like you said…gotta take care of Sammy first anyhow. Poor bastard…that's the second time he's dropped his keys." Dean spoke as he looked out his front window, where he could see Sam struggling to put the key in the doorknob.
"I'll come when I can," Castiel said.
"When you can I'll make you come," Dean whispered, placing another brief kiss on Castiel's mouth, before quickly exiting the Impala and rushing to Sam's aid. The angel watched them long enough to assure they made it inside and then disappeared, once again, to continue his search.