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Ch. 10 But Somehow When You Smile

(DALLAS)

"So Clare's co-op mentor is in the hospital after being beaten last night," Adam comments when we're in my car on the way to school.

"Yeah? Where'd you hear that?" I shrug and Drew looks at me.

"It was a news bulletin I got on my phone this morning. They said the six assailants were wearing hockey masks. He was Clare's mentor and you're on the hockey team, and he gets the crap beat out of him the night after Clare went into the hospital. You can't tell me that's a coincidence," Adam comments with a suspicious tone.

"Did you and the hockey team beat up Asher for a reason?" Drew questions.

"Actually only Owen was with me, the rest were people that Owen knew and yes we did. Asher is a creep, he kissed Clare and told her it was a mistake then he tried to assault her in his car," I inform them.

"She never told me that," Adam replies.

"I'm not sure she would have told anyone except that Owen and I found her after the kiss. She was just standing on the street staring into space. We picked her up and we coaxed it out of her, I think she was still in shock. Owen and I wanted to go and kill him right then but Clare told us no, she was sure it was a mistake and wanted to go talk to him first. After we dropped her off Owen told me that she told him she'd almost passed out at work and Asher caught her, but he held onto her a little too long and it made her uncomfortable. When we saw her the next day she told us that he said the kiss was a mistake and everything was fine. He assaulted her that night, she also went to the hospital that night because she was paralyzed. She had other things on her mind but she called me back the night after we found out and told me about the assault, so I told Owen the next morning that we needed to kill Asher. He called the others and we went last night, but made sure he wouldn't identify us. We didn't mention Clare but he probably knew why we were there."

"It didn't say anything in the article about Clare just that Asher was in the hospital after being assaulted by six assailants in hockey masks. So who were these other guys that helped and why didn't you tell us?" Adam questions.

"We didn't know if Clare wanted you guys to know. The other guys were Spinner from The Dot, Johnny and Lucas who used to hang out with Fitz and a guy Spinner knows named Jay," I tell them pulling up to the school.

"Does anyone else know about Asher?" Drew queries as we get out of the car.

"Far as I know just us and the guys that help me beat the crap out of Asher."

"I just hope he doesn't go after Clare or something," Adam comments.

"She's been in the hospital and it was obvious she wasn't part of the attackers. If he does try anything we'll pay another visit to Asher. I'll be going to see Clare at lunch and stay for my spare so I'll ask her if Asher did try anything. If he does try and go after her with her in the hospital and going through what she is we'll go after Asher again and this time he won't be able to talk," I reply as we walk into the school. I leave them to go to my locker and find Jake at his locker. "Hey Jake, good to see you back how's Clare?"

"The same, barely talking, scared to death, depressed. Darcy is staying with her though and she insisted the rest of us go back to our lives."

"She's probably right you can't just hang out at the hospital with her. I'm pretty sure it was driving her crazy to have everyone there."

"Yeah I know and she was trying to be strong for her parents, whenever she broke down Helen would breakdown and vice-versa. Randall wasn't much better and honestly my dad hasn't much let himself feel anything as he's trying to be strong for Helen. I'll be going over after school like a lot of people," Jake tells me.

"I have game after school but I'm going over at lunch and staying for my spare."

Jake smiles at me as the bell rings and we walk to homeroom business management class. Drew greets us when we get to class, a lot of people have heard about Clare and ask Jake about her before the teacher begins class. Owen has a spare second period and he tells me he's going to swing by the hospital to see Clare before he comes back for lunch. Jake is spending his spare with Katie which is good because he needs to take some time for himself. When I get to second period Eli is in there talking with Imogen and Fiona.

"I'm meeting with Simpson at lunch to get final approval for the play but I'll go to the hospital on my spare," Eli tells me.

"Cool I'm going over at lunch I'll let her know you plan to come on your spare," I reply. Class is a little boring and seems to drag on a bit, although that could just be that I want to get to the hospital and check on Clare.

"Tell Clare I said hi," Drew says as we leave second period when the bell rings for lunch.

"Will do," I smile before stashing my backpack and walking out to my car. I drive to the hospital and park going through the emergency entrance because it's easier. I can hear the TV on in Clare's room and peek my head in to see if she's awake or wants company, not that I think she'd turn me away.

"Hey Distract-Friend," she grins weakly but does seem happy to see me. She's not alone Darcy is reading in a chair but Jake already told me she'd be here.

"Hi, Drew wanted me to say hi for him and Eli is meeting with Simpson but said he'd come by on his spare," I inform her as I sit in the chair next to Darcy. "So how you feeling?"

"The same; tired, scared to death," she replies and her eyes gloss over by tears.

"Hey you're going to be just fine," I assure her taking her hand. "I was going to go home this weekend but I called my parents and…"

"No," Clare cuts me off, "no you need to go home and be with Rocky."

"No I'm going to be there to get you settled at the cancer hospital. I explained everything to my parents and Vanessa, they understand. My parents will bring Rocky up to see me this weekend so I can visit with him and still be a few miles away in case you need me," I insist to her just as the door opens and an orderly brings in some lunch.

"You know it is your lunch and Darcy's had nothing but coffee you two should go get some lunch in the cafeteria," Clare urges as she moves her bed up a little so she can eat.

"I am pretty hungry," Darcy replies.

"You sure you'll be okay?" I ask Clare.

"I'm just going to eat and anyway it won't take you over an hour to eat I'll see you when you're done. Besides you said yourself that Eli was going to come by," Clare insists.

"Okay then can I buy you lunch?" I ask Darcy as I stand up.

She smiles and follows me out of Clare's room. We go to the cafeteria and I buy us both lunch. We find a table and sit down together eating in silence for a few minutes.

"So will I get to meet Rocky while he's here?" Darcy questions suddenly and it takes me by surprise.

"Uh yeah, yeah you can come to the house Saturday. I mean as long Clare has company, I'm sure she will though with everyone," I stumble over my words and Darcy giggles. I'm usually completely confident with girls, suave even so why is it so different with Darcy?

"I'd like to see you play hockey too, Clare says you're really good," Darcy comments and I grin.

"We have a game tonight I can get you a ticket."

"That would be great, if Clare doesn't mind me being gone tonight. She likes to have us there to be a buffer for the parents. The worst part is Mom does hold it together pretty well at the hospital but totally breaks down at home," Darcy tells me looking down with sad eyes that break my heart.

"You're staying at your mom's house now?"

"I was going to stay with Dad and his fiancé but they have a pretty small apartment. And since Clare won't be coming home," she says with those sad heartbreaking eyes of hers, "I'm staying in Clare's room."

"It's good that you can all be there for each other, especially with the nasty divorce your parents had," I remark and then regret it because I worry it will make her have those sad eyes again. Surprisingly she smiles softly and it makes my heart flutter.

"I wasn't that surprised when they got divorced, I'm not sure Mom and Dad ever loved each other but I know they love us fiercely."

"It's a parents unconditional love. Vanessa and I get along okay but we definitely couldn't ever be together again but we come together for Rocky. When she first told me I had no interest in being a dad, I was still a kid myself, I thought it would be the end of all things but I wasn't going to abandon her. I was wrong though, Rocky's birth was the beginning of everything. As soon as I held him in my arms I was in love, I wanted him to have everything and to protect him."

"Tell me more about Rocky," Darcy requests with a coaxing smile and I feel my heart pattering in my chest again.

I spend the rest of lunch talking about Rocky and when we're done we return to Clare's room. Clare seems to be done with lunch, at least her plate is covered and the tray pushed away.

"I wanted to go to your game tonight but I can't leave the hospital so I think Darcy should go to your game. If it's not too late for you to get her a ticket," Clare says as soon as we enter the room.

"It's funny you should mention that because we were talking about it at lunch," I reply with a grin. I sit on the edge of her bed and lean down to her ear, "Why do I get the feeling you're trying to set us up?"

"Because I think you're good for each other," she whispers back. I sit up with a grin looking at Darcy.

"Will you be okay tonight?" Darcy asks her.

"I'm sure I'll have plenty of company, including Eli and Mark. You should go you need to leave the hospital sometimes and you can watch the game for me and report back," Clare insists.

"I'll leave your ticket with the box office," I grin at Darcy.

"So how are things going with Eli and Fitz anyway?" I ask Clare.

"I don't know," she replies looking a little worried.

"Is there a problem? Do I need to talk to them again?" I question and she smiles.

"No they've both been good but this changes things," she replies.

"If they care about you the way they say they do it won't," I assert and Darcy nods.

"I can't walk," Clare argues.

"And I still say that won't matter. None of this depressing talk," I tell her.

"Okay you want to tell me what happened last night? I saw on the news this morning that Asher was in the hospital, thankfully not this one," Clare comments and I look at Darcy unsure if she's been briefed on the whole Asher situation.

"She told me this morning," Darcy says with a look of disgust over Asher.

"Good, I told Drew and Adam this morning too. Adam saw it on a newsflash on his phone and figured it out so I told them. And I already told you last night we took care of him, if he so much as mentions your name again we'll go back to talk with him," I assure her.

"You mean you'll beat him up again," she counters.

"We'll talk to him with our fists," I shrug.

"Hey Beautiful how you feelin'?" Eli asks coming into the room.

"Okay I guess. What were you meeting with Simpson about?" She asks.

"Final approval for the play, he approved, casting is done we start rehearsals Monday," Eli tells her.

For the rest of the our visit Clare asks Eli and I questions about school. Eli and I both leave with enough time to get back to school for fourth period. As soon as I get back I call Coach and ask him to reserve a ticket for Darcy at the box office. Eli and I get in and grab our backpacks before heading to auto shop.

"How's Clare?" Drew and Owen both ask when we get into class.

"Scared as before, trying not to think about it," I reply.

"I wish there was more I could do for her," Eli comments with a sorrowful face and Owen puts his hand on the smaller boy's shoulder.

He is right though I wish there was more we could too.

(CLARE)

"Jenna can you get everyone out of here for a few minutes I need to talk to Eli and Mark," I request. It's Friday evening and my room became flooded after school. Darcy and Jake convinced my parents to take the night off but Jake came after school, so did Mark, Eli, Adam, Jenna, Alli, Dave, K.C. and Wes. Connor is going home this weekend, Drew and Bianca are at the game as of course is Darcy at my insistence.

"No problem," Jenna smiles. "Hey everyone but Fitz and Eli let's go get some coffee and dessert. We'll get enough for everyone and bring it back to the room," Jenna says loud enough that all conversation stops and everyone looks at Jenna.

"Come on you heard her," Jake announces herding the others to the door.

"I guess you want to talk to us?" Eli remarks when the room empties except for the three of us.

"Yes I did," I nod as they each sit on one side of my bed. "Don't say anything, both of you just listen until I'm done please. You know I like you both and before all this I was spending time with each of you to figure out my true feelings. But this changes everything, it doesn't change how I feel about either of you, however I can't move my legs and when…if I leave the hospital I won't be able to even walk which could make dating a little difficult. I can't even date unless I beat cancer and I'm going to start looking and feeling sick. I'll probably lose my hair and be…" I stop talking as I become choked by tears and both boys squeeze my hands. I take a deep breath and close my eyes briefly before speaking again. "You both need to think about whether you want to stay in this? I'm not suggesting your feelings have changed or that mine have but the situation has and if you don't want to be with me that way any longer I'll understand. I won't be upset or angry, I promise as long as I still have your friendship I'll be happy. I don't want either of you to answer now, you need to take a minimum of 24 hours to think about it. Really think about it, don't tell me you're still in this because you feel obligated."

"Okay if that's what you want I'll take a day and really think about it," Mark tells me.

"Me too," Eli nods, "but my feelings for you have never changed," Eli adds with a smirk.

"Neither have mine," Mark responds kissing the back of my hand.

"Boys no fighting," I remind them.

"Sorry," they apologize at the same time.

"What are we apologizing for?" Spinner asks coming in with someone I vaguely remember.

"Hey Spinner, hi Paige," Mark greets them and I realize who Paige is now and remember that they got married a year after Darcy left. I heard about it but had never met Paige and hadn't gone to the wedding.

"Clare this is my wife Paige, not sure you two have ever met," Spinner comments introducing us.

"It's nice to meet you Clare, I knew your sister and I'd seen you around. I heard from Spinner and Jay that you were in the hospital and recently diagnosed with cancer. I was very sorry to hear about it and when he said he was going to come see you after work I wanted to come too. I hope you don't mind," Paige tells me with a kind smile and I return it.

"I don't mind at all it was very sweet of you to come. Spinner you probably know Eli from The Dot," I comment and they nod to each other.

"Jay went to the game tonight but he'll be by to see you soon and I know Lucas and Johnny want to come see you again too. When are you being moved to Princess Margaret's?" Spinner questions.

"Sunday," I tell him.

"We'll be there and remember if you need anything call," Spinner reminds me.

"I will," I grin as I hear my friends coming back because they are quite loud coming down the hall.

"We just wanted to stop by and see how you were," Spinner tells me kissing my forehead.

"Thanks for stopping by both of you, it was nice to officially meet you Paige," I smile at them.

"You too Clare, stay strong," Paige tells me before they both leave my room. Seconds after they leave everyone else comes back with coffee and various desserts.

"It smells good, I haven't had coffee in days," I grin.

"Here this one is yours and you get your choice of desserts," Jake tells me handing me a cup of coffee and a bunch of desserts are presented in front of me.

I decide on chocolate cake and everyone finds somewhere to sit to eat dessert. They brought coffee for Mark and Eli and enough dessert for everyone. I enjoy the moment of calm with my friends and, aside from being in the hospital and unable to move below the waist, it could be any other Friday night.

Since it is Friday evening and most people don't want to spend it in the hospital most of my friends begin clearing out between seven and eight. Adam stays, so does Jake as well as Eli and Mark. They just stay in my room watching a movie with me because there isn't anything they can say and they know it.

"Darcy says the Ice Hounds won and she was invited by Dallas to go to for celebratory pizza with the team. She says she can stop by afterward if you want," Jake tells me after getting the text from her at about ten.

"No I'm getting pretty tired, tell her to go home and I'll see her tomorrow," I reply with a yawn.

"We'll let you get some rest, I'll be back tomorrow," Adam says getting up and kissing my cheek.

"You want a lift Adam?" Eli questions.

"Sure thanks," Adam grins.

"I'll be back tomorrow Edwards," Eli tells me before giving me a tender kiss. As Eli and Adam leave Eli glances at Mark as if to see if he's also leaving but Mark makes no move to leave.

"I'm not leaving until you kick me out," Mark grins and it makes me smile.

"You can stay, I like having you here," I reply before looking at Jake, "you don't need to be here. Katie still has a couple hours before curfew you could go see her."

"No she's got family stuff tonight and even if she didn't she knows I want to be here with you. She's going to come tomorrow too," Jake tells me.

"I have to say you and Katie make a far better couple than Katie and Drew," I comment and Jake grins.

I fall asleep watching TV sometime later, I don't remember what I dreamed of but I wake up to a full bladder. My instinct is to get up and walk to the washroom as I had done since being potty-trained, at least up until a few days ago. My eyes open and I try sit up, which only partially works and when my legs don't move I get frustrated and I make an aggravated whine.

"Clare what's wrong?" Mark asks picking his head up and I realize he fell asleep here.

"Mark? What are you still doing here?" I ask him with annoyance feeling hot tears at the corner of my eyes.

"I wanted to be with you," he replies. It's a sweet response and he says it with an even sweeter smile, it makes my heart melt a little but at this moment I find it mostly intrusive.

"That's sweet but you need to go now," I assert looking away from him.

"Why Clare? Did I do something?" He questions taking my hand.

"No but…please Mark just go," I insist again but don't take my hand from his grasp.

"Not until you tell me why. You were upset when you woke up did you have a bad dream?" Mark asks and I shake my head. "Then what is it, please Clare you can tell me anything," Mark demands but in a gentle voice.

"It's…it's embarrassing," I whisper.

"I still want to know, if it makes you feel better I'll tell you something embarrassing about me afterwards," he says and it makes me smile so I finally relent.

"I have to pee," I admit quietly and Mark laughs. "Don't laugh," I scold him pulling my hand away.

"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you I just think it's funny that you thought that was embarrassing," Mark replies taking my hand back. "Everyone does that, it's not embarrassing."

"Yes but most people can get up and walk to the washroom," I remind him.

I watch his face change, he looks ashamed that he didn't realize it before. Looking away from me for a moment with reddened cheeks, then he looks back at me with a smile.

"I can carry you to the washroom," Mark offers. Yet another sweet gesture and as much as I love them it's kind of driving me crazy right now.

"I can't use the washroom," I reply in a whisper looking at my hands.

"Oh then you have a bedpan?"

"No there's a bag," I tell him quietly. When I first found out about it I found the whole things disgusting. "The nurse will come empty it but you don't want to see all that you should leave," I urge him. Then close my eyes as those hot tears of frustration and shame break from the corner of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. Mark kisses the back of my hand and I open my eyes again.

"No I want to be with you, all of you. I'm not leaving, it's just urine and it's part of your life now. I want to be a part of your life and be with you and that includes things that aren't so pleasant," Mark tells me with a determined voice as he presses the call button. He then leans forward, brushing a curl behind my ear, wiping the tear from my eye and kissing the corner where the tear fell. It's a simple gesture, simple but tender and loving, it makes my chest swell and my heart thrums a happy song that makes my fingertips tingle.

"How are we doing Clare?" Nurse Kelly asks when she comes in.

"She went pee, she needs her bag changed?" Mark says but it comes out more as a question as he doesn't seem sure that it was right.

"No problem," Nurse Kelly grins kindly. Mark lets go out of my hand but stays in his seat as he watches the nurse change the bag. He can't see too much as the nurse does a good job of keeping the blanket covering most things. Nurse Kelly finishes and puts the blankets back. "All set," she smiles before leaving with the used bag.

"Was that so embarrassing?" Mark asks.

"No."

"Are you tired? Should I turn on the TV again? What do you want I'll do anything," Mark tells me and it makes me smile.

"I want you to hold me, please. Hold me and talk to me until I fall asleep again."

"With most extreme pleasure," Mark grins.

He gets on the bed and helps me roll completely on my side so he can get on the bed. He lies on his side, puts his arm around. Kissing me softly on my lips he starts talking and I fall asleep happily in his arms, listening to his deep voice reverberate through his chest.

(DARCY)

I was out late but I could barely sleep and came to the hospital early with Mom and Glen. When we enter the room we find Clare asleep in Fitz's arms. I smile because I think it's sweet and adorable but Mom clears her throat loudly so that they'll wake up.

"Uh good morning Mr. and Mrs. Martin. Hi Darcy. Umm I fell asleep here and didn't want to leave Clare, and then she woke up and wanted me to hold her," Fitz explains as he scratches the back of his head uncomfortably.

"That was sweet that you stayed the night," I grin before Mom can say anything.

"Yeah well I should be going, I work this morning," Fitz says kissing Clare's cheek before he gets out of the bed. He grabs his jacket and leaves the room rather quickly.

"Feeling better Dear?" Mom asks when Fitz is gone.

"Mark helped yes," Clare smiles. "I'm a little hungry could you two see about breakfast?" Clare asks Mom and Glen.

"Sure Sweetie," mom nods before she and Glen leave the room.

"So have you made your decision between the two boys then?" I ask when the parents have left the room.

"No not yet, and in fact told them both to think about whether they really wanted to stay in this…I hate calling it a competition. Mark was incredibly sweet last night. I woke up because I had to use the washroom and I didn't know he was still here. I asked him to leave but he refused, he said he wanted to be with me and he wanted to stay for this. I was embarrassed but he was really sweet about it and it really meant a lot that he stayed and wanted to be with me even for that. Then he held me and talked to me until I fell asleep. Enough about my love life how was the game last night?"

"It was great, Dallas is really talented I enjoyed watching him. It was fun to hang out with him after and get to know the team. Dallas asked me to go over at eleven today and have lunch with him and Rocky," I tell Clare and she smiles.

"And you're going right?" She asks just as Mom and Glen come back in.

"I can't believe they considered oatmeal and toast a proper breakfast this is a hospital. I sent it back they'll bring you yogurt and fruit," Mom tells Clare.

"Yes I'm going," I whisper to Clare and she grins.

Clare's breakfast is brought and it isn't long before Clare's friends begin to show up. I leave, taking Mom's car, a little before eleven and drive to the house where Clare's best friend lives and where Dallas is living while he's here. I'm a little nervous as I begin to drive and by the time I park I have butterflies in my stomach. I park and walk through the snow around the house to the basement door. When Dallas told me how to get to the house from the hospital he told me to come around to this door. When I come to the sliding glass door I see Dallas on the floor with a young boy. Dallas sees me and waves for me to come in so I open the door.

"Hi, I'm glad you could come. Rocky," Dallas says picking up the boy who is playing with blocks, "do you remember Daddy's friend Clare?"

"Yes. Where Clare?" Rocky asks looking at me.

"Clare is sick remember that's why you came up to see Daddy this weekend. But this is Clare's sister Darcy. Can you say hi to Darcy?"

"Hi," Rocky waves shyly and then hides his head in his father's chest.

"You ready for lunch Buddy?" Dallas asks and Rocky nods. "Okay go wash your hands," Dallas tells him putting him down again.

"Can I help with anything?" I offer.

"No it's just pizza, there's paper plates and everything," Dallas tells me.

"I know Adam, Drew and Bianca are at the hospital but where are their parents and yours?" I inquire just as Rocky comes out of the washroom.

"The four of them went out to lunch, I wanted you to meet Rocky when it was just us," Dallas explains.

Rocky is pretty shy at first but after he eats two pieces of pizza he goes back to playing with his blocks. When I finish mine I sit with him and ask if I can play and then he opens up, I play with him and the blocks for a while and he talks to me, building things with me and even sitting in my lap by the end. Dallas just watches us with a smile the whole time.

"This was really fun and I know Clare has lots of company but I also know that she's afraid to transfer hospitals tomorrow. I should be getting back."

"I want to see her too but I expected the parents to be back by now. Hey Rocky you remember I told you that Clare was sick?"

"Ya, Clare sick," Rocky replies with a sad face.

"We want to go see her, do you want to go say hi to Clare?" Dallas questions and Rocky nods clapping his hands.

"I took my mom's car, you can come with me and come back with Drew I guess?"

"I'll text Audra and ask them to pick Rocky up when they finish lunch, he probably shouldn't be at the hospital too long anyway. We just need to get his car seat out of my parent's car," Dallas says.

We put on our coats, Dallas gets Rocky into a coat and mittens and locks up the house. He gets the car seat out and puts it in the back seat of Mom's car. Dallas gets into the passenger seat and I drive us to the hospital. Dallas sent a text to Audra on the way and she replied that they would be here soon. Dallas picks Rocky up and carries him into the hospital. We take our coats off in the elevator and Dallas picks Rocky up again as we begin walking down the hall to Clare's room.

"Hey Distract-Friend I brought someone to see you," Dallas comments walking in with Rocky in his arms.

"Hi Rocky," Clare smiles.

"Hi," Rocky waves with a smile, "I sorry you sick."

"Thank you for coming to visit me," she replies.

"Uh Dallas who's that?" Owen inquires.

"This is my son Rocky."

Dallas introduces Rocky to everyone and he's only here a few minutes before Adam and Drew's parents and Dallas' parents come to get Rocky. I meet Gordon and Natalie, Dallas' parents, as well as Audra and Omar Torres, it's a pretty brief meeting as they want to get Rocky back for his nap.

"Thanks for picking him up I'll be back at the house by the time he wakes up from his nap," Dallas tells them.

"No trouble it was good to see you again Clare we were very sorry to hear about everything," Natalie tells her with a sympathetic smile.

"It was good to see you guys again too, thanks for coming."

Audra is talking to Helen but they say goodbye to Clare before leaving. Now that Rocky is gone some of the others begin asking Dallas questions about him and Clare tugs at my hand.

"Did you have a good time with Dallas?"

"I did and Rocky is very cute," I reply with a smile.

"I hear wedding bells already," Clare giggles pleased with herself and I just shake my head.

Update soon beginning with Clare being moved to the cancer hospital. Next to be updated is Why the Two of Us Should Never Touch.