Chapter 10: Blame

A week later...

Tifa stood calmly on the cliff she had visited in the past week, the surroundings very familiar to her. This wasn't just some random place she picked to think; it was also the place where Cloud kept the Buster Sword. I never did hear the story of that, Tifa mused, her eyes wandering to that weapon for a brief moment. Eh, it's probably nothing exciting. She turned her attention back to the skyline.

It had been a week since the night at the farmhouse with Hiraku. In a way, it felt like it was an eternity ago. But at the same time, it was very fresh in Tifa's mind. She couldn't get Trent out of her thoughts, either. All the things that he had said...they stuck with her. However, she still wasn't sure how to fulfill what he requested of her. How could she just forget all the wrong in the world? It didn't seem like a simple task.

Maybe it isn't about forgetting. Maybe it's about accepting that things happen. Tifa scoffed at the idea. How was she supposed to accept that her father was killed by Sephiroth? And what about Aerith? She didn't deserve to die. Tifa didn't understand why terrible things had to happen; Sephiroth had deserved to die for his treachery, but Aerith and her father hadn't committed any sin.

Tifa sighed softly, kneeling down next to the large sword. She was so tired of this. She was so tired of running away from everything, that she was finally trying to sort things out. But even then...the answers weren't coming. Someday soon though, she was going to figure out what everything meant. She'd find a way to live her life even when the terrible things were happening around her. There was hope for the future.

"Oh, Miss Lockhart!"

Tifa furrowed her brows, her hand curling into a fist. Not again. For the past week, Tifa had been trying to escape a rush of reporters who credited her for ending the war. She may have fought and weakened Hiraku, but nobody knew all of it. Only her friends knew, and the reporters didn't care about what they had to say. They only targeted Tifa. Surprisingly, they were only now finding the place where she went to escape it all. The young woman got off her knees and turned around, her eyes scanning the area. There were so many reporters, practically one from each news station in the Edge. Tifa sighed; this was going to be annoying.

The reporters rushed her, cameras flashing brightly as the voices all mixed together. Tifa instinctively took one step back, but she was quickly surrounded by all the reporters and their crews.

"Tifa, how did you defeat Hiraku?" One reporter inquired.

"How did you find the location of the Yurak leader?"

"Is it true that Hiraku is the reincarnation of Sephiroth?"

"Will the rest of the Yuraks come out of hiding someday?"

"What kind of conditioner do you use?" Tifa arched a brow at the question, her brown eyes finding that odd reporter. Apparently everyone else wondered who would ask that question as well, because they all turned toward the strange man and stared at him in stunned silence. He had a sheepish smile on his face.

A roaring sound entered her ears, and Tifa looked past the reporters and out at the open land in front of her. A small smile appeared on her face as she stared at an oncoming vehicle. It came closer and closer, not slowing down despite the fact that it was nearing the crowd.

"Look out!" one reporter cried, realizing the motorcycle wasn't going to stop for them. He ran off to the side, most of the reporters and crews following his lead.

Tifa took one step back, the bike skidding to a halt right in front of her. The rider didn't wear any goggles, and his blue eyes shone brightly as he looked at Tifa. His blond spiked hair wasn't even ruffled from the wind. Tifa smirked faintly, wondering how exactly that worked.

"Looks like you could use an escape," Cloud commented, a smile appearing on his lips as he gazed at Tifa. The young woman only nodded, her small smile widening at his statement. "Well then, come on," he encouraged, extending a hand. Tifa slipped her hand into his without hesitation, climbing onto the bike behind him. Before the reporters could recover from their state of shock, the two had already sped off.

Tifa wrapped her arms around Cloud more tightly, the wind rushing by her. She hardly ever got a chance to ride with Cloud like this, and each time she forgot just how strong the wind was. The only way to avoid it was to use Cloud's body as a shield. A relaxed breath left her lips as she leaned forward, her head resting against Cloud's back. She didn't mind being closer to him, and she was sure he felt the same.

The two had been riding for only a few minutes when Cloud brought them to a gentle stop. Tifa slowly released her friend as she opened her eyes, scanning the area. Awe overtook her as she looked around; Cloud had brought her to a grassy meadow. And in the flowers, there was a plaid blanket laid out. On top of that, there was a picnic basket.

"C-Cloud?" Tifa stuttered, releasing him all together as she started to get off the bike.

The blonde man chuckled. "I wasn't hoping we would come here in these circumstances," he started. "But I'm glad we're here anyway. And while we're here--" he took a few steps forward and picked up the basket. "--would you like some lunch?"

Tifa laughed at his adorable facial expression. "I'd love that," she responded, approaching the blanket. Her eyes only left Cloud's when she looked down to set herself on the ground. The earth was so soft. The comfortable atmosphere around her made her forget all her troubles and the annoyances of life. At that moment, the only thing that mattered was her and Cloud.

"I brought ham sandwiches," Cloud said, handing one to Tifa.

"Mm, my favorite," Tifa smiled, taking it out of Cloud's hand.

"I know; that's why I packed those." Tifa's smile widened at that statement.

"Um, thank you," the girl said after a moment, her cheeks reddening.

Cloud shrugged. "Making sandwiches isn't that big of a deal."

"No...I mean...thank you, for the sandwiches too, but really...thank you for getting me away from the reporters earlier. I can never seem to get rid of them myself."

Cloud's eyes softened at the change of subject. "No problem." He set a hand on her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. Tifa's heart skipped a beat. I gotta say something, or I'm going to start being extremely shy again, she decided mentally.

"Why do reporters have to be so obnoxious?" Tifa wondered aloud, that being the only comment she could think of to make the awkward silence disappear.

"Because they want what they can't have. They want to know what happened that night and get a juicy story." Pause. "Me though, I just want to know what happened," he stated more softly. Tifa looked away. She never had explained who Trent was. "Would you please let me know what's going on?" There was no demand in his voice, only gently prompting. Tifa decided to be honest with him and just say it; it would be quick and painless.

"The guy that rescued me is named Trent. I travelled with him when I was with the Debks. He always was watching out for me in battles and everything."

"You were...close?"

Tifa nodded faintly. "He was a great friend," she started softly. "Too bad I didn't realize it until it was too late."

"'Too late'?"

"Trent was killed in an ambush a couple months ago. I think that was around the time that Hiraku started targeting me."

Cloud fell silent for a moment, trying to compile all the facts in his head. "Trent was into martial arts as well?"

"He was trained by a monk growing up, then joined the Debks when he saw what a threat the Yuraks were."

"How did you two become close?" Cloud was asking a lot of questions, maybe too many. It was bringing up too many emotions inside Tifa. She tried her hardest to keep them hidden.

"He somehow latched himself onto me, refusing to be rejected. Trent had that way about him. Once his mind was set on something, he wasn't going to give up. That's probably why he was fighting to the end."

"I don't understand what you mean..."

"He promised to always defend me...and always watch out for me. I was between a rock and hard place, and he didn't flee from the battle. He died, when I should have." Tifa choked back tears, her eyes staying glued to the ground.

Cloud was silent for a few moments, and that made the situation even more tense than it had been before. After a few seconds, Cloud lightly set his hand on Tifa's head, running it down her long black hair one time. "And you blame yourself for Trent's death," he declared softly, his bright blue eyes never leaving her.

"Because it is my fault. He wouldn't have been there if it hadn't been for me."

"Tifa--"

"And don't try to convince me otherwise, because I know that's the truth," Tifa snapped. "If he didn't have some kind of obligation to me, he would still be alive."

"He was doing what he saw was right. Even if you tried to convince him to flee, he wouldn't have."

"I don't care about any of that!" Tifa screamed, her emotions getting the better of her. She rose to her feet quickly, heart pounding in fury. Why couldn't Cloud understand what she was feeling? She would try to get him to comprehend it all. "He's still dead. You know why? Because I had to join the Debks and have the Yuraks find me. He was killed because I was being hunted. It shouldn't have worked out that way!"

Cloud rose to his feet as well, his eyes locking with hers once again. "Tifa, calm down," he requested softly. Her rage was growing at an unhealthy rate. He was very concerned for her.

"No! You don't understand this Cloud! His death...it's all my fault. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. It's just like Nibelhiem!"

"What do you mean?"

Tifa was crying now. "If I hadn't led Sephiroth to the reactor, he never would have gone insane. He never would have burned down the town, and he never would have gone on to kill all those other people." Including Aerith, she added mentally. "I'm the one to blame. For everything."

Cloud grabbed her by the shoulders, not gentle at all, but very strong and firm. "Tifa, listen to me. You can't blame yourself for any of this. You didn't kill Trent. You didn't hurt all the other innocent people that Sephiroth killed."

Tifa shook her head, looking away from Cloud. "You're wrong." The young woman brought up a hand and grabbed onto Cloud's wrist, forcing him to release her. "None of that matters. I may as well have killed them. They're all dead now anyway. A consequence of my sin. The only way to redeem myself is to fight evil and give the innocent the chance to live."

Cloud grabbed his wrist, clearly surprised that Tifa had gotten out from his grasp so easily. "That's not logical, Tifa. You're pushing away everyone who loves you trying to find redemption, but you're never going to find that! You need to forgive yourself on your own. No course of action or lifestyle can provide that. You can keep fighting all you want, but it'll never be good enough for you. This search you're on...it's never going to end this way!"

That was all that Tifa could take. Cloud had taken it too far this time. "You don't know what I want," she hissed. "You think you're so knowledgeable. Maybe you have experience with your own pain. I know when you were lost last year, you made my life miserable. Do you know how hard it is to love someone when they're too depressed to even react to you?"

"Yes, I do know how that feels," Cloud responded softly, interrupting the young woman. Tifa froze. He meant her.

"H-how dare you? This is nothing like last year."

"How so?"

"This is about me, not you. You have no right to judge me and think you've felt all the feelings I've felt. Until you've seen what I've been through my entire life and the last year, you don't have the right to say anything."

"Teef--"

"You know what? I'll prove it to you. I'm going to go out and find my redemption. And I'm not coming home until I find it. There are still Yuraks out there. I'm going to get rid of all of them. Defeating Hiraku wasn't enough. This will be." She turned and started walking away from Cloud, not waiting for a response.

But Cloud wasn't going to let her go that easily. He came up behind her and grabbed her wrist so firmly that Tifa had to turn around to face her friend. Cloud was being extremely forceful with her, surprising Tifa. He had been very gentle lately, and it was rare not to see that side of him. "I'm not losing you again," he stated calmly, though he couldn't hide the slight tremble in his voice. He was scared for her.

Tifa could see his concern, but at that moment, she couldn't remember why she should care. He was her friend...However, her redemption was more important. Even if it came at a high cost, she would get it. Tifa raised her free hand and quickly curled it into a fist. She swung it right at Cloud's chin. The fist never touched his skin, for with his free hand, he caught hers and stopped it dead in its tracks. Before Tifa could move again, he released her other hand and set his on the back of her neck. He gave it a gentle squeeze, his index finger pressing against a pressure point. Tifa collapsed in front of him, unconscious. At least for the time being anyway.

What have I done? Cloud wondered, his thoughts running through his head at a thousand miles per hour. He had no choice but to take action against Tifa; it was either him or her. Besides, now he had time to digest what was going on here. Hopefully Tifa would wake up and not be so erratic as well. Cloud sighed. He just hoped things would turn out all right here. Tifa was much more broken than he had originally thought. This could be the one problem he couldn't solve.

Author's note:

[Guys, I know this seems really random at the end and out of character, but it was the best way I could think of to write this story. If you didn't like that, then hopefully what's in chapter 11 will make up for it.]