Act Two: "Chasing Hedgehogs"
Chapter Nine
"Back to Earth!"
We find our four heroes in the same black space we left them while HTKWolfe took a much deserved break. In the black void Modern Sonic feelt around for Classic Sonic.
"Hey hey! Rise and shine!"
"Wah!" Classic rubbed the sleep from his eyes, "What do you want?"
"Time to continue our magical adventure, dude!"
"What the- It's ten o clock at night!"
"Oh c'mon you big baby, there's no time in this white world."
Classic made an audible groan of protest, "Another five minutes!"
"Get out of bed you cranky butt, c'mon!"
Sonic set off an alarm clock as he started pulling Classic out of bed, "C'mon- C'mon- C'mon- C'mon!"
"Will you let go of me?! AND SHUT THAT THING OFF!"
Sonic turned off the alarm clock.
"Thank you, jeez! That thing is for reals."
"Alright, c'mon Mini Me!"
"Where're we going?"
"Looks like our next destination is good old Station Square!"
"Okay cool," Classic said groggily. "Let's just go."
"Well, all we have to do is open up this door, it's so damn dark in here."
…
"And voila, we're here!" Sonic fixed his gloves before he took off. Classic was still sleepy so he ended up taking a different route, not that Modern Sonic noticed. He was too busy talking to himself.
"Time to check out of the motel, and take it to the highway!"
"Oh okay- WHOA!" Classic's eyes shot open as he hit a Boost Hoop, which shoot him into a Loop. "Okay, that woke me up."
Modern Sonic boosted through a Loop of his own, "WWOOOOOOOOOHHOOOOOOOOO! YEAH! Now this is what I call a Speed Highway! Nonstop running along the sides of buildings!"
Classic was still close enough to hear him, "Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that. What is this place? I don't think I've ever been here before."
"Well, when you're 14 you end up in this batshit insane city named Station Square-"
"OW! WHAT THE-?!"
"Whit batshit insane drivers," Modern Sonic finished dryly.
"GET OFF THE ROAD," one of the drivers shouted.
"UP YOURS," Classic retorted.
"Don't forget to mention this ain't Mobius no more," Omachoa said.
"I was getting to that," Modern sighed.
"Huh?" Classic cleaned out one of his ears.
Omachao continued, "Don't forget to mention the crooked pigs who run these streets."
Classic started, "What?"
"Yeah you appear in this scary place called Earth."
Classic was so shocked he didn't even notice that he was running off the edge of a building. Luckily he caught on to a conveniently placed-
"WHOA! A rocket?!"
He rode it to the next building until he let go while crashing through a window, and the rocket blew up a few stories above him.
"That didn't sound good," Classic dusted himself off while Modern was hopping over boxes across the street.
"Yeah rockets will do that. Crap, missed that Light Dash."
"Light Dash? Earth? Pigs? What are you talking about?"
"Shit happens in the future." Sonic hit a spring that shot him high into the air, and he grabbed onto a helicopter. He glanced up as he heard the pilot talking into his radio.
I've located the perpetrator! He's on my vehicle right now! I repeat, ON MY VECHILE!
"This is my stop!" Modern Sonic dropped off into a freefall.
He's escaping!
Send the force after him!
Sonic whooped as he ran up the side of a building, and came face to face with three hovering cop cars.
"Oh hello!"
FREEZE! Hey, where'd he go?!
Back there sir.
Sonic was trying hard not to laugh as he ran down the side of the building, "Oh I'm sorry officer, is there a problem?"
BET YOUR ASS THERE'S A PROBLEM!
"Catch me if you can Pigs!"
He's heading into the underground parking garage!
Sonic bashed through some skylights, and had to dodge some pillars.
"WHOA! WAH! SHIT!"
"Hi," Omachao popped up again. "I'm here to warn you about something."
"A little late jackass!"
The swarm of cop cars that had been chasing Sonic started crashing into the ground.
I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!
I CAN'T FEEL MY APEDEX!
Sonic laughed as he boosted off, "Ha! Just what I'd expect from noobs like you!"
Sonic was so wrapped up in his self-congratulations he failed to notice a window opening as he ran across the side of a building, which he promptly crashed into.
"Ow…"
Somebody catch that little blue bastard!
Classic Sonic was peacefully making his way through another part of the city, "What's with all the commotion? Did something go down?" Off in the distance he could hear something…
FREEZE! THIS IS THE TIME POLICE! YOU ARE TRESSPASSING IN A TIME PERIOD THAT IS NOT OF YOUR OWN!
"Too bad."
…Classic shrugged, and hit a spring that shot him high into the air.
"WAH! Whoawhoawhoawhoa!"
He caught onto a helicopter, and let out a sigh of relief.
"Okay, that was lucky."
I've located the hedgehog, once again, ON MY VEHICLE!
"Huh?" Sonic let go, and took off again.
Modern Sonic was having a good time though, "WHEEEEEE!" He caught onto a rocket, and used it to get to the next building.
The miscreant is escaping!
A ROCKET JUST BLEW UP A CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE… AND A CHURCH!
Classic Sonic heard that one, "Miscreant? What does he mean by 'Miscreant'? Did I do something wrong?"
Modern Sonic boosted across the side of a building, and onto a road.
He's speeding on the highway!
SPEEDING?! That son of a bitch…
Three more cars got in Sonic's way.
FREEZE!
"You freeze!" Sonic hit them with Homing Attacks before moving on.
YOU LITTLE-!
"NOT GONNA CATCH ME SUCKERS!"
There he is- GAAAAHHHHH!
Sonic shook his head sadly as he boosted right through their ranks, "Wow… just wow guys."
Classic Sonic was having a WTF moment of his own, "What is wrong with the design of this city? Springs everywhere, whacky highways, spikes, falling platforms… Who built this place anyways? What were they thinking?"
Modern Sonic was stopped by a traffic jam, and he jumped up and down on a car, "C'mon you ass the light is green!"
Sonic hopped off, and tried to get around the line of cars, "C'mon, get out of the way!"
There he is!
FREEZE!
"SHIT!" Blinding lights flashed on all around Sonic.
Classic Sonic spotted the sign, "There sure is a lot of stuff going on in this city, at least I'm leaving now."
…
Classic stretched as he stood outside Speed Highway in the white Limbo.
"Well Sonic, looks like you've pulled off a fast one once again."
He watched Speed Highway color itself in, and jumped a bit when he heard, "YeS! FrEeDoM! fReEdOm!"
He snapped his head around for the source of that demonic voice, and saw Cream the Rabbit, and her Chao Cheese being freed. She cleared her throat, "Uh... Um… I mean I'm free!" She hopped for joy a couple times before she high-fives Cheese.
"Um," Sonic scratched his head. "Do I know you?"
"Of course you know me," Cream said in her sweet voice. "I'm Cream the Rabbit, Silly!"
"Uh…"
"Anyways, thanks Master Sonic!"
(A/N: Just to be clear for the ignorant, the term "Master" here is implied as an honorific for a young man. It's a British thing from the Ye Old era... At least I hope that's what it means here. O.O)
I guess he made some more friends throughout the years… Speaking of which, where is he?
Classic looked over his shoulder at the sound of a telephone ringing.
"Huh? …What's that? …It's coming from over there."
Sonic ran back through the Limbo past the stages they've already freed.
"Hey Knux… Hey Psycho Bitch… Hey Tails…"
He passed a stand with Omachoa floating out in front, and Sonic barley paid him any attention as he walked over to the payphone that was ringing.
"Hey retard bot," Sonic then picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Dude... they got me."
"Other me?!"
"Yeah, it's me. The Coppers dude… they got ahold of me, and dragged me down to the Big House!"
"Are you alright?"
"Sort of… Still scared shitless about what's gonna happen to me. What with the prison mates, and the showers and all…"
"What?"
"Dude, you gotta bust me out, I'm freaking out here!"
"Uh, what if I just get some rings from Casino Night, and bail you out?"
"No! That place sucks! You gotta do this NOW! Please man, it's scary as hell here!"
"You're Sonic the Hedgehog, what are you afraid of?"
(A/N: Besides water, and Amy Rose?)
"MR. Hedgehog! For the third time, I ask, PLEASE PUT AWAY YOUR CELL PHONE!"
"What the… Who was that?"
Modern Sonic sighed on the other end of the line, "I gotta go…"
…
Sonic slipped his phone back into his quills as the judged banged his gavel.
"Your impulsive behavior is intolerable Mr. Hedgehog!"
Sonic looked abashed, "Uh, sorry Your Honor…"
"Sorry won't cut it now, considering what your crimes are…"
Sonic was a little ticked, "Oh, for trespassing in a restricted area? Everyone does that in this stupid city!"
"Oh we're not talking about that Mr. Hedgehog..."
Sonic raised an eyebrow, "Wait, what?"
"We're talking about the many other crimes you've committed since you've stepped back into this city! Allow me to read from this list…"
The judge picked up a paper labeled "Court Crap," and Sonic frowned in confusion as the judge cleared his throat.
"Ahem… Destruction of city property, busting others' televisions, urinating in others' toilets, making fun of the obese, sexually harassing the young and innocent, going over the speed limit, stealing food, attempting to break into public and private vehicles… Annnnnd to top it all off: burning down a church… and a children's orphanage."
Sonic narrowed his eyes at the judge, "But I didn't do any of that!"
"Bullshit."
(A/N: I'm with the judge on this one, you were obviously speeding.)
The prosecutor Edgeworth pointed at Sonic, "Mr. Hedgehog we clearly saw you do all of it… Even if it was dark at night… and it was hard to see your blue fur… And some of the officers weren't as active because SOMEBODY decided to drink all their morning coffee-"
Godot took a big gulp from his mug, "FUCK THAT'S GOOD!"
"But that don't mean we ain't stooped or nothin'," Edgeworth finished.
Sonic looked to his attorney, "C'mon Pheonix, you gotta have something!"
In the audience Tails, and Amy crossed their fingers as Pheonix said, "…I got nothing."
Sonic hung his head, and his ears drooped, "I'm going to prison, aren't I?"
To be Continued…
Next Chapter: "Escape from the Batshit Insane City!"