Carmilla disliked the cold. Granted, she was usually cold, and she attributed that to being undead, but she still hated snow and winter and everything about the season. Over three centuries she had seen Christmas turn from a time of solemn reverence to an excuse to buy more stuff. She hardly remembered spending Christmas with her family-her real mother and father. And her brother. She had never been particularly close with her family members, but they had certainly topped Mother and Will. When she had first met Will during the 1950's, she had hoped he might be a sort of surrogate for the brother she had lost centuries before. She gave up that hope relatively quickly after watching him brutally subdue and feed from a young girl in the middle of a concert at the Woodstock festival. That was not the sort of family she wanted.
She and Laura stood side by side waiting for the 7:04 train that would carry them to New York. Carmilla tried to turn her thoughts towards less unpleasant memories, but the cold always made it hard for her to think happy thoughts. She gave up on false optimism and reached for Laura's gloveless hand.
"How are you not freezing?" Carmilla had two coats on plus heavy leather gloves. After taking one step outside, she had insisted on going back inside and putting on a pair of leggings underneath her jeans before leaving the Hollis residence. They had taken a taxi to the train station-this time Laura's father didn't cover the charge.
"It's like forty degrees out," Laura replied, taking Carmilla's hand and swinging their arms back and forth. "It's basically spring."
Carmilla made a sound in the back of her throat that was a combination of a growl and a discontented monotone moan.
"So what do you wanna do in New York?" Laura asked, looking at Carmilla with wide eyes. Carmilla smiled at her playfully.
"How about re-enacting the couch scene?" Carmilla proposed, turning to face Laura and grasping her other hand. She raised an eyebrow and bit her lower lip, knowing full well that it would elicit a flustered reaction from Laura.
"Uhh," Laura stammered, yanking her hands away and wiping them on her jeans. "We should probably talk about that at some point."
Carmilla nodded. She wasn't avoiding the topic, necessarily, but the inevitable interruption came when the train pulled up to the station. They could wait until they got to their hotel to talk. Carmilla picked up Laura's suitcase and hoisted it up the stairs along with her own. Laura led her to the back of the second to last car and chose a bench by a window as their seat. Carmilla threw their luggage onto the rack above the seat and stepped over Laura's knees to claim the spot closest to the window. As soon as she sat down, Laura settled onto her shoulder and closed her eyes.
"Hmm, your coat's fluffy," Laura murmered into her new Gryffindor scarf.
"Still making fun of my layering?" Carmilla replied with a fraction of her usual commitment to sass. She hadn't slept well between pondering the conversation with Laura's dad and her anticipation for their trip. Hence, she was grateful Laura wasn't in a chatty mood and had chosen sleep over conversation. Laura shivered slightly and wrapped her arm around Carmilla's stomach, her hand landing over her girlfriend's hipbone. Carmilla moved her hand, careful not to shift her shoulder, to rest on top of Laura's. Carmilla concluded that at least one good thing had come from the cold and let her head drop on top of Laura's as she fell asleep.
A few hours had passed when Carmilla was pulled out of slumber. Laura was chewing some cereal she had packed rather loudly, which Carmilla had heard before waking up. She had dreamt she was in a forest and Will was searching for her, unable to see her even when he walked right past her. Once Laura had started crunching, however, the trees in Carmilla's dream had started to move, walking to form a wall between Will and Carmilla. What happened next would remain a mystery as Carmilla opened her eyes and saw the source of the mysterious crunching noise.
Laura noticed her girlfriend was awake rather slowly. Carmilla watched her violently chew through three handfuls of Cookie Crisp by the time Laura happened to spot her in her peripheral vision. Laura turned towards her, eyes wide, ever more slowly munching another handful of cereal. She stopped chewing altogether when her gaze landed on Carmilla. She paused and gulped down the partially chewed Cookie Crisp.
"Sorry," she said, crumbs falling from the corner of her mouth.
"It's alright, cupcake," Carmilla said, bringing her own thumb up to her mouth to indicate to Laura that she had unintentionally saved a snack for later. Laura touched at the opposite side of her mouth and was perplexed when she found no crumbs. Carmilla sighed unnecessarily loudly and brushed off the corner of Laura's lips herself.
Carmilla stretched her arms up over her head, letting her right arm come down around Laura's shoulders. She pulled Laura towards her, leaving no space on the bench between them. Laura was still looking up at her, her eyes bright even after awakening recently. Carmilla closed her eyes and bumped her forehead against Laura's, pulling back to speak to her.
"Could we go see the Metropolitan Museum of Art?" She was practically pleading with Laura. She had wanted to see the museum since it had first opened. Although the exhibits would of course be completely different, she still had to see this museum.
"Ooh, sounds fancy. Of course," Laura said excitedly. That earned her a wide smile from her artistically savvy girlfriend. "You're gonna be like a kid in a candy store."
"Children appreciate art much more than adults do," Carmilla said with mock defensiveness.
"There's this really great place we can go for dinner, too," Laura added. "Ellen's Stardust Diner. You can choose a song and the waiters will sing it for you live. They jump on tables and everything."
"Sounds great, cupcake."
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Um..." She hesitated, making Carmilla suspicious.
"What, Laura?"
"When was the last time you spent Christmas with a real family?" Carmilla suspected she knew the answer, but she was feeling well-rested and particularly patient after her nap.
"Long time ago, sweetheart," she sighed. "Not since before-everything."
"Do you miss your family a lot?" Laura asked the question like a young child might ask why Santa Claus had only eaten daddy's favorite cookies and left the other ones behind. Carmilla decided to indulge her nonetheless. Rarely did anyone ask about her past, and she found sharing it with Laura was less painful than other times she had discussed it.
"Sometimes more than others."
"Do you miss Elle?"
Carmilla's breathing stopped for a moment as her heart jumped at the name. It wasn't the same familiar fluttery skip that came when someone mentioned Laura to her. Instead, Elle's name made her feel like she had just approached the edge of a high cliff and looked over the edge only to find nothingness for hundreds of feet.
"I-" Carmilla broke off when she realized she had no answer. She wasn't ambivalent about anything; she just hadn't thought about Elle much. Memories of her were all tainted with deceit and betrayal. Carmilla looked down at the floor of the train as if it might miraculously answer for her.
"It's none of my business. Sorry," Laura said, disappointed in both herself and the lack of a definitive answer from Carmilla.
"It's hard to miss her. Our entire friendship was built on lies," Carmilla explained. "Once she found out the truth, she ran. At least she tried to."
"I would say you could ask about one of my exes now, but there aren't really any options," Laura said, trying to lighten the discussion.
Carmilla shrugged. "For me it's just Elle. If she even counts." Laura looked as her father had when he found out Carmilla didn't use the chore wheel.
"You haven't dated anyone else in three hundred years?"
"Mother was never much encouraging of attachments. Made things messy."
"Wait...so have you not..."
Carmilla raised an eyebrow at Laura and finished her sentence for her. "'Waltzed' with anyone? I'm very old-fashioned, cutie." Laura said nothing. She just sat there in blank silence, in awe of what she was hearing. "Dancing was scandalous enough. Hence, I don't chest-to-chest with strangers. Face-to-face, on occasion."
"Well...this makes things...easier? I guess?" Seeing Laura at a loss for words was worth the admission.
Carmilla smirked at her. "No pressure, cupcake. I'm in no rush."