Author's Note: So I was checking my stats today, and I looked over the reviews I had for my one shot fic, The Eternally Forgotten, and I noticed one of my readers now read that story almost 2 years ago and I thought that was sentimentally amusing. But I guess she didn't recognize me due to my frequent change of pen names (my pen name then was the one I have now but I changed it so often!) I think you know who you are, Kyuuketsuki-san. xD! And I read more reviews and I noticed that the other fanfic authors I adore reviewed that story and gave me a review that would probably be considered the best thing a fan could ever ask for. But no wait I have to correct myself. The great gift an author could give to a fan like me is inspiration to write something as successful as L'hiver de la Lune Solitaire. Thank you.
I'm sure Sesshoumaru appears as repulsively chauvinistic as he can be right now, but he has good in him. Oh yes the baby. It came so soon! Actually this story will end (well I think it will based on how well I pace this) in, uh, four or five chapters? But I do hope it goes longer than that. I actually enjoyed this experience. Anyways… on with the story. Chapter 10 is French for Nice to Meet you, Mr. Despair/Sorrow. It's not really relevant to the story (the chapter title) but I kind of liked it so there xD.
Chapter 10: Bonjour, Monsieur Chagrin
When my first son was born, my mind was exuberantly filled with emotions of contempt. For nine, arduous months, I anticipated the coming of an illegitimate infant I closely held within my heart. This whole year nothing came to me as exciting as seeing the curious eyes and melodic weeping of a newborn. Yet… why do I feel so much disdain? Why do I feel as if tragedy will once again anchor my feet to the pits of despair… burying all my aspirations beneath lapidarian gems, which outshine the waning luminosity of my once incandescent dreams.
Has the end of my fallacious life come to an end? Will the child carry with him the pernicious evidence of my iniquity? Thoughts of ignominy immersed my laboring agony into a palliative numbness. While my body screamed every agonizing breath of air out of my malcontented lungs, my mind was in such a disquiet state, filled with the raging flames of paranoia.
My body seemed to have been possessed, for it moves on its own, the force of movements deriving from natural instinct. Though I was merely seventeen years old, my body and the thaumaturgy of birth have been an ancient experiment, conducted since the world's infantile days. Even though this sort of pain was obscure to my tormented soul, my body was indeed fine.
A glaring beam of light enthralled my eyes, with nebulous silhouettes hovering over my head, my temples crowned with cold sweat. Those amorphous silhouettes uttered words which were incoherent to me, for the pain was drowning in my ears, congesting it with torturous screams. It took me a while to realize, those tortuous screams, were indeed mine.
"When will it end?!" I wailed. My eyes welled with tears, slithering down my cheeks. I felt Isabelle's gaunt hands suddenly grip my arms rigorously. After a few rapid moments of recovering from that instantaneous pain, my spinal cord and ribs lurched with extreme throbbing, jolting my stomach into a sensual feeling of ataxia. My face winced, unable to tolerate any such torment.
A silver-haired doctor, whose skin was leathery and sagging, gave me an observant look as he nudged my knees apart. "Your contractions are culminating, I'm sure you'll be giving birth very soon." Although he was studying the area between my ties at a close range, I felt no need for modesty or indignity. As of now, I was completely anesthetized from my whirlwind of emotions for they were vigorously dominated by misery and pain.
This was of no assistance to my aches. I lay my head against the soft cushions of my silk pillows, my chest heaving violently as I gasped for breath. My throat felt raw and dehydrated, and the once soothingly cool droplets of sweat were now smoldering my emaciated skin. And my once silky and tamed hair was now in complete dishevelment, with obstinate strands soaked with either tears or sweat as it cohered with my drenched cheeks. "Water…" I whispered.
A maid on the other side of the bed retrieved a glass of water, which I… not drank… but ravenously devoured in a single second. I continued to pant nervously, each breath being exhaled faster as each moment passed, preparing myself for the upcoming wave of familiar anguish.
My eyes shut immediately, pinching in the tears which seeped through so languidly as my fingers ferociously clutched at the bed sheets, almost tearing the stained cloth. My lips widened as far as they could to let out a screech which echoed endlessly throughout the solemn corridors of the mansion, haunting the desolate magnificence of its affluent walls. Inside of me, I could feel the baby barbarically perturbing my organs, shoving its way to a leisurely and time-consuming exit.
My head turned towards Isabelle as my hands brought a convulse grip over hers, "Sesshoumaru…" I respired. An alabaster darkness swept my eyes as I hazily pictured his gentle and expressionless face. "Don't leave …" I cried choking in tears.
Isabelle gave me a disorientated look, as if unsure whether to answer me or to let me be in my delirious hallucination.
"Rin," the irksome voice of the elderly doctor called out, "Before you give birth to your baby, I need you to empty yourself alright?"
Empty myself? What heresy does this lecher speak of?!
Before I could protest or any of that sort, a basin was placed between my parted legs. Embarrassingly enough, my bowels loosened themselves, releasing excrements without question. I smiled witlessly, realizing how burlesque and bizarre this is. I must've appeared mentally deranged to Isabelle, for she stared at me horrified with her lips trembling so innocently. Nevertheless, she still held on to me, as a way to provide solace.
An hour passed, filled with the usual contractions which hammered my petite body with pain as one of the maids brought me water, the doctor instructed me to relax and breathe (which I yelled at him for since he has absolutely no idea how miserable I am), and Isabelle just dully held onto me with that frightened look about her. Occasionally, a drenched towel steaming with heat would be placed against my already scorching forehead, but it did help for it brought a sensational comfort to the aches I've been experiencing.
When I thought the worse was over, Mother Nature quickly clouted my cheeks, reprimanding me for ignoring reality. Reality was heinously abhorrent, especially when my eyes bulged, startled by the dry blood which spewed from my opening. At the same time, I could feel my innards being hammered repetitiously; causing me to groan in pain (I could no longer scream for by then my voice faded).
"Kill me…" I begged while sobbing hysterically. "Kill me please!" The maids huddled around my pathetic form by now were negatively astounded, for I'm sure this suicidal behavior swept them with calamitous fright. (This sort of behavior, I learned in many years after having my younger children, was typical for women in labor)
"Continue speaking in such pessimistic manner and I will," said a banausic voice, which was tenderly familiar to my lacerated ears. Never have my rubicund eyes rejoiced so jubilantly out of this sanguine moment. I was in such a state of reverie… for there he was standing gallantly before me.
Isabelle stood aside as Sesshoumaru knelt by my side and took my vacillating hand. At his appeasing touch, I felt my body, which was previously sinking to the bottomless ocean, so murky and dark into the bright surface, so golden from his sun, bathed with salvation and elation. For a moment, an everlasting peace permeated throughout my throbbing heart, sedating the atrocity which shattered my heaven into a peaceful slumber, eternally forgotten in the celestial sanctuary of a euphoric beatitude.
"Anata…" I whimpered, almost croaking for my voice was sordid. The word which ascended my elated lips was alien to me. Whatever it meant I was unaware of it, but it brought a nostalgic pang to my heart. "I'm so glad…" I was about to say more, but my tongue froze, unable to conjure words of relief and gratitude. However I mouthed them anyways… muttering such idolatrous words, "I love you." It didn't matter to me if I was inarticulate or seemingly aberrant… as long as he took my words to heart then I can give birth regardless of pain or sorrow.
Afterwards, Sesshoumaru gazed at me fondly, his golden eyes shimmering with delight and amorous emotions. Even though his luscious lips or angelically chiseled face was frozen as it always has been, his eyes seemed so out of place… so charismatically ambiguous within a beauty so barren of emotion. He nodded his head, prompting me to cry even more.
It seemed as if the whole world intermitted, only to stop and watch our enamored exchange. It especially seemed so… for right after I sank to tears, a convolution of pain, agony, sorrow, and suffering gravitated towards my pelvis, producing a scream so timorous it petrified all the personnel in the room, even Sesshoumaru let his guard down only to reveal his eyes slightly widening. He must've felt a significant fraction of my pain for his hands quivered as my finger nails dug inside the palm of his hands, piercing the soft and delicate skin. Yet… even so… he did not wince or even display the slightest emotion of suffering for he remained fixated at me, who collapsed right onto the bed, writhing in futility of the pain. I was thankful to him for being extremely complaisant.
Compared to the current predicament I am in, the agony I suffered earlier were mere slaps or pinches. Previously, I believe I said I felt like I was being hammered repetitively. Well now, in the area of my pelvis, my body thrashed for I felt as if I was being axed and that my stomach was being slaughtered inexorably. My neck arched as I held my body in place at the bed, preparing for the brutal and exceedingly gruesome labor.
"Alright, it looks like you're ready," said the doctor. The maids around him all rushed, carrying towels and placing it beneath my bottom. Within my treacherous body, I felt my spine within the stages of breaking, for it felt as if something was slowly sawing it into half. I inhaled deeply when a masticating pain tightened my abdomen. Something was surging through my bowels and I wanted it out of me.
I grimaced as my face pinched, huffing in air as I felt the need to push. Something in my womb was caving in, causing me to croak from vexation. I was tempted to scream. Very tempted. But I'm afraid my voice lost all will to exclaim in agony. The doctor who was positioned in front of me, must've noticed my expression for he said himself, "It looks like you're ready." He peered at the two maids beside him, "Quick, place some pillows behind her so she sits up."
Sesshoumaru helped with this and sat beside me, to help as a support for my upper torso. "Are you ready, Rin?" the doctor asked. I nodded my head tempestuously. At this answer, the doctor began to chat numbers, counting to three, and at three, he cued me to push. And when I did… oh my… it felt as if I was trying to push an anvil out of my opening!
As he counted loudly and… enthusiastically… I took the opportunity to gasp for breath and then exert all force within my womb to push the child out. Each number ensued a desperate puff of oxygen to be exhaled from the rims of my mouth and the flares of my nostrils. During the fleeting seconds of when I pushed, I felt a sadistic sense of relief… as if happy that all this pain means it's nearly over. Beside me, Sesshoumaru let me partially lean on him and at the same time placing a death grip on his arms as I pushed oh so vehemently. Everything was so fervid… everything was so perplexing.
"I don't see a head yet!" yelled the doctor as he placed his hands between my thighs, in a way as if he was going to catch something. With his exclamation, I used triple the force and energy I poured into my body.
"Ready… PUSH!" We repeated this for what seemed like an eternity. Three seconds of ultimate pain gravitated where my folds were and then a slight ecstasy would rupture my soul right when I did the "push". Each minute conjured an excruciating pain which I will never forget… oh the miracle of life! I'm surprised the women don't die in the process…
Each time a push failed, my head would collapse on Sesshoumaru's shoulder, and I would gaze upon his mesmerizing eyes of gold and each time this happened he would stare at me soothingly, mouthing words like, "You're fine" or "Push…" but his voice didn't reach my ears, for they were already occupied with my agonizing screams.
"I can see the head!" the doctor yelled gleefully. I smiled throughout my pain as I heard this. My journey… is almost over…
Each and everyone of them encouraged me to push, enacting deep breaths and wincing faces. If I wasn't in such thorough pain, I would've laughed at the hilarity! But such amusing thoughts would only evanesce at the coming whiplash of agony.
Something was emerging between my thighs, and the weight and cumbersome shape of it, smacked my mind senseless. I was in a daze of anticipation and misery, swirling within scornful wretchedness. "Please let it be over…" I pleaded at the gods above me, relentlessly watching me suffer this sick joke of nature. It felt as if I would separate into two! No not separate…mutilating into pieces! Now I know what paper must feel when it is torn into half.
The next few seconds brought with them blessed gives of… oh well… flaming torture! Not only did I feel like being lacerated but I also felt as if someone's cruelly baking me on top of a fire place! My midsection burned with agony as I pushed and pushed only to realize failure.
But within me… the gentle kicks and movements which swam inside my body unexpectedly brought the comforting moments of the child's departure. It was as if the baby and I came into an armistice in this bloody war of birth. There must've been blood, for I could smell the metallic repugnance which hovered obnoxiously above us.
I peered at the doctor, who is now wearing a ridiculous grin over his lips. For there it was… It was that moment… the climax of it all! Tears once again welled into my eyes as I felt a cumbersome being slide from my body, which was indeed painful… but the knowledge and realization that the cumbersome being was my baby… immediately eradicated all doubts, anger, pain, despair, and desolation within me.
For a miniscule second, my ears were to deaf to my vicinity and the feeling of my heavy reality being lifted from my shoulders. All the lights around me faded into an alabaster darkness, smiling at the peace brought upon me. Oh how serene, oh how lovely… An eternally sanguine moment was forever frozen in my heart and in my soul, and once all of the world returned to me and my senses resumed, the first thing my fragile ears heard was the melodramatic voice of an angel crying… wailing… and only for one thing.
It's mother.
His mother.
All my surroundings once again faded and the only thing my eyes could visualize was a tiny infant, sobbing mercilessly at the world for his mother's gentle arms. I was unaware of who passed the child to me, but as soon as his chord was severed and wrapped in a cloth so soothingly white, the baby drifted into my welcoming arms.
My garnet lips curled into a complacent smile as a crystal droplet descended from the rims of my eyes. "Hello, little one." I lay gently down on my bed, absorbed in this tranquil moment as I let the crying child near my lips and pecked him softly in the forehead.
The first few glimpses of my child were rather dubious for tears inconveniently blurred my vision. But it didn't take awhile for the image to resume to a halcyon state, revealing a beautiful baby boy. I disregarded his physical attributes, forgetting that discord and bane may consequently follow.
I turned my head to look at Sesshoumaru, who sat so affectionately close beside me, wearing a never-before seen smile erupt from his deadpan expression. Such eccentricity emanated with pure joy, causing exhilaration to sweep away all of my apprehension, only to bring a moment of exulting serenity. There he was… smiling at our child.
Akira ceased his weeping as I caressed his tiny head against my cheeks, which were sore and soaked with tears and languorous sweat, feeling the smooth and permeating warmth within the baby. My heart ceased beating at the touch as a harmonious sound escaped Akira's ruby lips.
"Oh my, so handsome…" I jokingly commented. One might say so, but he unexpectedly looked like me (which was indeed very bizarre for everyone expected him to take after Sesshoumaru). His hair was black, a raven color so darkly contrasting against the pale light bestowed upon him. His skin was the same color as ivory, just as mine, copiously fair yet rosy and pink. If one were to look at him, one would never declare him to be a son of Sesshoumaru's… well that is if one didn't look at his bewitching eyes.
Within the oceanic white of his eyes floated conspicuous and beautifully enigmatic golden orbs, so reminiscent of Sesshoumaru's. The gaze held the same familiar allure which captivated me to his father in the years before. It was no mistake… this was Sesshoumaru's son.
When I first saw my son, I initially thought of Naraku that is until I saw his eyes and their golden gleam. One might pity Akira, though, for in the later future his younger siblings were the exact replicas of Sesshoumaru, silver-haired, masculine, and exotically exquisite. What an equivocal scene it was… one son taking after me, two younger sons and two younger daughters chiseled the way Sesshoumaru was. They were all so illustrious and foreign to him.
It wasn't to say that Akira was resented. It was quite the contrary. Despite the fact that in the later years, Akira bore a physical resemblance to me, he acted much like his father. When one sees Sesshoumaru walking, one immediately imagines a magnanimous and dauntless king, taking his place upon a seat of gold and garnet. Akira humorously took after his father's brisk way of pacing down and up the corridors and even the way he furrowed and cocked his eyebrows! Maybe one habit derived from me was hereditarily given to him, and that was the subconscious pout I form when I am disappointed or saddened. Aside from him being the first born, Sesshoumaru took a peculiar fondness over Akira and made it a point to see him daily. But of course, such demeritorious ambiance could only be discovered and exploited by the rapacious secrets Sesshoumaru oh so cleverly concealed.
We were left to ourselves, me, Sesshoumaru, and Akira inside my sober chambers, which was now growing dim due to the setting sun, garnished decoratively with silver clouds. I wasn't aware of how much time passed during my birth, but the doctor said it's usual for such things to transpire for so long.
My body stayed there, embraced by the waves of bedspreads and as I sat against mountains of pillows and bolsters with Sesshoumaru lovingly placed beside me as he watched while I nursed our son for the first time. Little Akira's eyes fluttered to a close as his inflated cheeks continued to suckle upon my breast for the milk he desired so. I found this terribly amusing, so I had a grin worn over my emaciated face for quite a time.
"Is he asleep?" Sesshoumaru asked, disrupting my moment of peace. I looked over to his side and leaned my cheek against his broad shoulders, savoring the moment of our closeness. It's as if my dreams had burst from my imaginary fantasy and orchestrated for all this to occur.
"He is…" I vigilantly removed him from my bosoms and placed his abeyant form near my lap and against my now empty belly. It felt peculiar to lose elephantine appearance of being enceinte to be only left with a bulk of lard accumulated at the base of my belly.
All of a sudden, the most wonderful thing happened… Sesshoumaru wrapped his arms around me, positioning my torso to lie against his extensive and muscular chest. It was such a sensational moment, feeling the warmth of his breath fall upon the crook of my slender neck and the heaving movements of his chest. My face flushed of impeccability. I haven't succumbed to his touch for more than four months that his amatory gestures were heteroclite. My heart throbbed wildly as it did the night of our first kiss and I must say, this encounter is very reminiscent of the first.
"From here on, this Sesshoumaru will never think so lowly of women," he said. I found it a bit comical, although he was apparently serious.
I giggled gaily and teased him, "What? Did you assume that babies simply plop out of their mother's stomach? How do you suppose you came out?"
Sesshoumaru appeared to have liked my playful acrimony, since he smiled once more, for the second time. "What a delightful expression of sarcasm, how unlikely of you," he retorted next to my ear, the whisper rousing flirtatious enticement.
Oh how torturous. I wanted to kiss him right there and strip ourselves of our clothing and make love! Perhaps even have another child! But I knew I had to rid myself of such concupiscent urges, so I immediately rose from my bed side, and waddled (I still felt slight pain between my thighs as I walked) hurriedly towards the new cradle sitting next to the French window, which Sesshoumaru purchased from Japan as a present (he had to convince Sayuri that this was nothing more than a friendly gift of course). The lacquered cradle, which was carved with outstanding finesse, was cushioned and adorned with fine Japanese silk, pure silver which gleamed with ampleness. My hands prudently placed my child amongst the comfort of his beautiful cradle, standing there, gazing at his sleeping face… his curved and dark lashes embellishing his closed lids, and the dark tresses which fell upon his forehead were too ambrosial to part from!
I reluctantly turned from my baby, and faced Sesshoumaru, who was so bedazzled at the sight of us as he sat so drowsily upon the bed. I looked back at him, unsure whether I should return to my place by his side or simply continue carrying his amorous gaze. "You've changed," he said.
I looked at him with a peculiar frown, "How so?" What a strange and ruinous conversation he has brought up. Personally, I never found changes within me… not physically at least.
Sesshoumaru placed himself at the edge of the bed and closer to me, where he urged for me to come closer with that seductive stare of his. I did so like an acquiescent concubine, trapped within his subtle desires. It was then that I acknowledged how tall he was, for even though he was sitting and I was standing, he sentimentally placed his head beneath my chest and placed his arms around my waist, pulling me into his pool of seduction and lust.
"Not now…" I protested silently. I was conscious of the sleeping child and didn't want to disturb its sleep by yielding to carnal pleasures.
Nevertheless, Sesshoumaru's hand meandered towards my shoulders, gravitating me towards his lap and in doing so he placed a lascivious kiss on my lips. "All I want is a kiss," he said.
Surprisingly enough, that was all that we did.
But of course, there were those prurient hands of his which wandered so "carelessly" towards the world of libido, but nonetheless I was pleased that he actually considered my feelings and the exhaustion of my body for that day.
I woke to the wailing cry of my child, my mind immediately alert and revived... However my body wasn't so rejuvenated, thus I was rather slow at attending to him. Sesshoumaru too woke, a bit startled, as he sluggishly rose next to my body… this I found puzzling for it's quite a first for me to wake by his side. Before I could even pick up the poor child, a heavy knock pounded on our door. I disregarded this and continued to silencing Akira, by once again nursing his insatiable stomach.
"Who is it?" Sesshoumaru gruffly asked. His clothing was heavily creased from our prior "activities", but his long hair miraculously remained to be the relic of divinity it was, for it shone so brightly amidst the night, with the humble crescent moon bejeweling it with its light.
"It's Isabelle, sir," her familiar voice echoed in this rather dark night. "There's someone here who wishes to see Miss Rin and the baby."
Sesshoumaru querulously responded, "She's too tired…"
"-But sir!"
I froze at the sound of her alertness. Who could the guest be that she dared defy Sesshoumaru?
"Pardon me, Monsieur, but Madame Sayuri is here, accompanied by Monsieur Naraku," her voice quaked with apprehension.
But her anxiety was nothing compared to the welling shock which struck me and Sesshoumaru. Visit me? Could it be that she suspected Sesshoumaru's reason for overstaying? What happened to her oblivious façade?! And to bring Naraku of all people?!
I stood motionless behind the desolate window whereas Sesshoumaru remained sitting on the bed, for the first time ever, unsure of what to do.
Author's Note: le gasp. How was it? I have to say this was my favorite chapter (I finished it in less than 24 hours) and writing the birthing scene was tremendously enjoyable. I'm not quire sure of the accuracy since I never really gave birth before, but I simply imitated movies and books. I assure you how hard it was to write it too. I mean, Sesshoumaru was OOC here BEYOND level. I kind of hate myself for that, but I can't have him expressionless at the birth of his first child! Of course he has feelings too! He's a human being in this fic after all xD.
By the way, the word Rin said when she saw Sesshoumaru, "Anata" stands for "you" or "darling" in Japanese. This hints to the senselessness labor can lead to, and the reason why I had her say this is to imply the desire for a mother Rin felt, and when she was a child, her mother often said this word.
I noticed that some of the words in spell check aren't considered words, such as thaumaturgy or etc but in dictionary(dot)com they're actually real words... So I'm quite confused!
Wow listen to me rant. Oh well we have like five or four more chapters to go… if anything we might have 16 or 17 chapters, I'm not really sure. But I intended for this story to be short in the first place, so bleh.