A/N: Hey guys, long time no see. Sorry for the delay. This story should have about 3 more chapters and I hope to have it finished by the end of the month. I know Merlin's a bit OOC in this chapter, but I was feeling kind of like angst and looking back it shows in this chapter. oh well, Thanks for baring with me this far!- Harisa

Sometime later they stopped for the night and made camp. Merlin had passed out on the stretcher they fashioned and hadn't woken, his unconsciousness slipping into a restless sleep later in the night. He was positioned by the fire for warmth while Arthur dutifully watched over him and the others as they slept.

The king felt incredible relieved to have Merlin back but was still too tense to sleep himself, so he had stationed himself at the warlock's side and volunteered the first watch. He kept a wary eye on Merlin's condition, mindful of his still too pale complexion and the puffy redness on his chest that was the beginnings of an infection. Even in his sleep the warlock's brow was creased in discomfort and he would squirm occasionally, wimping when he bumped his wounds.

Arthur hated to see him like that, and they weren't out of the woods yet. Just because they had rescued Merlin from his cage, didn't mean they'd freed him from all his bonds. Arthur reached out and touched the silver band that was still secured around Merlin's neck. They had tried every key on the key ring Edgar gave them but the smooth surface was unblemished and without a hole to insert one. The cold metal felt sinister to Arthur's touch and sent shivers across his skin.

As if sensing Arthur's discomfort, Merlin's golden eyes fluttered open and he looked around wildly trying to figure out where he was. The sight of the glowing gold was still a shock to Arthur and he had to stop himself from drawing away from the tell-tale sign of magic. However he was determined not to let Merlin see his reluctance and placed a gentle hand on the warlocks arm.

"You're awake." He announced quietly with an attempt at a kind smile. "It's about time."

Merlin raised an eyebrow, surprised at Arthur's friendly attitude. He had half expected to wake up with his hands bound and being dragged back to Camelot for execution. There was still strain behind the kings' eyes, but he was trying. Merlin attempted to sit up and look around, but Arthur firmly pushed him back down.

"No, no. You need to rest." The king ordered, using his best Gaius impersonation. He took a bracing breath before asking seriously "How do you feel?"

Merlin attempted his own goofy smile and responded in voice croaky with disuse "Like someone took a hot poker to my chest and broke both my legs, but other than that…..Still better than a day with you on the training field" he trailed off with a wry smirk that turned into a wince.

Arthur snorted and before he could stop himself he was dissolving into poorly contained giggles followed by laughter. He hadn't even said anything funny. It was just so like Merlin; the smile through the pain, the dismissive attitude. The man must have been in incredible pain and he was trying to smother it with cheek. His emotional reserves overflowing from neglect and the yo-yo trip they'd been on in the last few day, Arthur was helpless to stop himself. Once Arthur started laughing, Merlin found himself laughing as well, even though he couldn't fathom why.

"Why are …..we…..laughing?" Arthur wheezed, trying to get himself back under control.

"I don't know…..but... it hurts!" Merlin gasped, holding his injured ribs which were shaking with laughter. Despite everything that had happened, a weird kinship reappeared between them and reminded both of the ten long years they had at each other's side. All the worry and guilt from the past few days mixing with the relief of the ordeal being over.

"Okay." Arthur said after a minute or two. He wiped a few tears from his eyes and tried to slow his breathing. "okay I'm back. Are you alright?"

Merlin nodded, his shoulders still shaking with the occasional giggle. "Yes, but I think I might have pulled a muscle in my ribs." Without thinking about it, Arthur reached over and gently probed Merlin's ribs with his fingers.

"It doesn't feel broken, but you shouldn't agitate it further just in case." He ordered, feeling very strange. He'd seen Merlin doctor people enough times to know what to look for, but having their roles reversed felt weird. "You've got the beginnings of an infection on your chest and you shouldn't move your legs yet either. I don't suppose you could just heal yourself?"

Once Merlin had taken a few deep breaths to steady himself and gotten over the shock of the fact the Arthur had just asked him to preform sorcery, he replied "Not while this collar's on. It stops me from doing any magic"

Arthur didn't miss a beat before asking "So how do we get it off?"

"I don't know." The warlock admitted.

They sat in an almost awkward silence for a while as each was absorbed in his own thoughts, yet completely aware of every move the other made. Arthur's mind drifted back to Camelot and he wondered how Gwen's mission of repealing the ban on magic was going while Merlin contemplated his options for the future.

Arthur's attitude confused him. He'd never expected the king to come to his rescue and he wasn't sure what they were to each other now. They weren't servant and master, Merlin vaguely remembered being fired along with being banished. They had never openly been friends, even though Arthur had never lost that status in Merlin's mind. And they couldn't exactly be King and subject with the law obligating Merlin's death every second he remained in the kingdom. The fact that Arthur was willing to being to within an arm's length of the warlock surprised Merlin, let alone laugh with him about nothing. Merlin searched his brain for a reason for Arthur's sudden change of heart, and came up with what he thought was the only explanation. If he was right, then maybe there was a way for him to stay alive and continue to be at Arthur's side.

Merlin fidgeted on the stretcher, nervous about pitching his idea.

"Arthur, I was thinking…" Merlin started, but Arthur cut him off.

"That's never a good sign." The king joked, and Merlin smiled at the attempt at familiarity. Their bantering wasn't quite up to par, having a forced undertone to it, but Arthur's determined attempts to act like they used to left him feeling optimistic. It warmed Merlin's heart and made him hopeful that the king was trying to restore some semblance of their former friendship.

"I was thinking," Merlin continued on, ignoring the jib. "Maybe I should keep this on." He said, gesturing mildly at the silver band around his neck.

Arthur went still as stone, convinced he must have misunderstood the other man "What?"

"Maybe I should keep it on." Merlin repeated calmly, then explained when he realized Arthur was still staring at him "It's just that….well, when I have it on, I can't do magic. I'm not a threat to you, or anyone else in Camelot. Maybe if I keep it on, I could stay…..in Camelot. If you'd let me. You're always saying how much you'd hate to have to train a new manservant." He said, not looking at Arthur for fear of rejection and painfully aware of how his eyes glowed. However against his wishes, his optimistic mind was already playing with the idea of being able to return to Camelot. Sure, he wouldn't be able to use his magic, but he had made enough friends within the magical community to be able to enlist help in Arthur's defense, should an occasion arise. And it would be far easier to coordinate efforts to protect the king if he was allowed to stay at his side. Merlin glanced up from under his lashes at Arthur who was staring blank faced at the ground with his brow slightly furrowed, and his hope dropped out from under him.

"Merlin…."Arthur said hoarsely. Merlin shook his head, mortified to find a few tears leaking from his eyes and he quickly brushed them away with the back of his hand. The warlock hurried to recant his words before the king saw his disappointment.

"It's okay," He hurried, tripping over his own words "I should have known….I mean, I understand I can't…."

"Gili said it was painful." Arthur interrupted in a dead tone of voice, not having moved barely a muscle since Merlin had made his request. His statuesque features revealed none of his thoughts as he continued "He called it a torture device."

"Well, it's only really bad when I accidentally to do magic" Merlin explained "Most of the time it just kind of itches and feels like there's a bee buzzing around in my head somewhere"

Arthur stared at the warlock, really seeing him for maybe the first time. The fact that Merlin was willing to keep the collar on in order to stay at his side both amazed and horrified him.

"Why would you…"He started to ask, accidently voicing his thoughts and then had to follow through with it. "Why you do that? Why would you risk so much pain?" Why would you want to come back to Camelot?

Merlin gave him a funny look, like he was surprised Arthur hadn't figured it out yet.

"I told you once that I was happy to be your servant until the day I died." He said in a voice more akin to a man swearing an oath of allegiance, and Arthur realized that was exactly what it was. "I meant it then, and I still mean it now."

Warlock and king looked at each other, Arthur's blue eyes meeting Merlin's shinning gold ones as understanding dawned on the king. Merlin wasn't a knight, he wasn't a noble, he wasn't anything Arthur had ever encountered before. Yet what he saw in the eyes of the magical servant, born a simple country boy, was what he had been unconsciously searching for for as long as he could remember. It was why Morgana's betrayal had hurt so much, why Agravaines had as well. When Merlin looked at him, Arthur saw the total and unreasonable loyalty that came only with family. And that's what Merlin was; he was family.

Arthur cleared his throat, which was suddenly tight with emotion the strength of which made him uncomfortable. He decided that then was as good a time as any to finally confront the warlock about the millions of questions he had.

"Merlin, I...I want to know. About everything, everything that has happened and you couldn't tell me before. But please, " Arthur begged "No more lies."

Merlin gulped. He owed Arthur the truth. The whole truth, as much as airing his mistakes to the kings judgement terrified him.

"I promise you I will answer any questions you ask me with the truth, but you're not going to like some of the answers. I've made mistakes and people have died because of them. But you have to know….I always thought I was doing the right thing, I thought I was doing what was best for you and Camelot." Merlin pleaded.

Arthur placed the palm of his hand on Merlin's shoulder soothingly, and the warlock immediately calmed down.

"I understand" Arthur told him. And he did. When he looked at the sincerity and raw vulnerability in Merlin's bruised face, he felt even more ashamed for ever having doubted him. He wasn't naive to the fact that Merlin had been silently fighting a secret war on Camelot's behalf for years. He had even started to put a few of the pieces together on their journey to rescue him. Yet, above all he understood that he owed it to Merlin to listen to him, just as Merlin owed it to Arthur to tell him.

For a moment Arthur floundered with what to ask first, then remembered something Merlin had said earlier that confused him.

"How can you accidentally do magic?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"Sometimes I don't even really think about it." Merlin admitted sheepishly. "Mum said I started levitating my toys when I was about six months old, though I don't remember it. I do remember going to sleep one night thinking about how much I wanted apples and then realizing the next morning I'd grown a small apple tree in the middle of our house." He chuckled fondly at the memory. "Boy, was my mother mad!"

"Gaius told me you were born with magic. I didn't..." Arthur started, then corrected himself "I don't understand what that means? How could someone be born with magic?"

"I have no idea." Merlin admitted with a humorless chuckle that startled Arthur. "the technical term is warlock, but most don't develop their powers till much later in life. I don't know why I could use magic at such a young age, I don't think anyone really does, except maybe Killigarrah and he's certainly not going to give me a straight answer. I'm one of a kind."

"Then why did you stay in Camelot?" Arthur asked. He ran a hand through his blond hair with a bit of exasperation. "You would have been welcomed into the court of any kingdom in Albion where magic is legal. They would have granted you land, a title and much more to gain your allegiance. Why stay in a place where you could have been arrested at any moment?"

Merlin looked at him like he was being very stupid, or missing something obvious.

"I stayed to protect you. I stayed because it's your destiny to become the greatest king Albion has ever seen. The Once and Future king."

The back of Arthur's neck prickled in eerie recognition.

"Edgar called me that." He told him. "He said it was part of some druid prophecy. He called you Emwis"

"Emrys" Merlin corrected with a frown. He tried to be nonchalant as he explained "That's what the druids call me. They kind of worship me and use it like a title. It basically means that I'm the most powerful warlock there is or ever will be." He peeked up at the king from beneath his lashes hoping he wasn't too freaked out. Arthur had schooled his features to give nothing away, but his face was noticeably paler. There was quiet for some time as Arthur processed.

"Huh." He said at last, then gave Merlin a skeptical look. "Worship? Really?"

Merlin nodded with a tentative smile. Arthur wasn't reaching for his sword yet, which was a good sign. But then again, they hadn't started talking about his more costly mistakes. Thinking about those times sobered Merlin. He felt the full force of his guilt over all the innocents who were dead because of him, guilt he constantly pushed to the back of his mind to stay sane. Now having to spill everything to Arthur brought it all up and into the light. He was so lost in his darker memories that he almost missed Arthur's next question.

"Merlin, I understand why you decided to protect me" Arthur said, and he really did. He knew it was part of Merlin's nature to try and help people, and he knew the feeling of responsibility to protect someone else- it was pretty much the way he felt about Merlin. "but why didn't you tell me about your magic? Did you really think I'd have you killed?"

Merlin didn't say anything, and Arthur's worst fears seemed to be confirmed. It was obvious that Merlin was willing to die (or worse) to protect Arthur, but he had no faith in Arthur's loyalty to Merlin. It was true Merlin's magic had been a shock, but he had known almost immediately that he wasn't capable of causing the warlocks death. Merlin's faith in him to do the right thing was one of the few things Arthur could always rely on. One of the few things he needed. That loss, the loss of Merlin's faith, hurt more than he could bare.

"You might be better off if you had." Merlin said in barely a whisper, so quite Arthur wasn't sure if he was meant to have heard.

"What?"

"I said you might be better off if you had" Merlin said a bit louder, then clarified "Killed me, that is."

"No." Arthur hissed on instinct, repulsed by the very idea "Why would you…. Why would you even say something like that?!" The king had gotten to his feet and loomed over Merlin as he demanded answer.

"Why delay the inevitable?" Merlin challenged. Arthur sucked in a breath through his teeth and tried to rain in his anger.

"You still think I'm going to kill you?" He seethed "You idiot! Why would I come rescue you from that cage if I was going to kill you!?"

"Because you don't know the things I've done."

"I'm asking you now!" Arthur had begun to pace back and forth next to the fire. "You're a sorcerer! You've broken the highest law in the land by practicing magic, and even then I couldn't bring myself to see you come to harm. What could you have possibly done that is worse than that?"

There was only the sound of the fire crackling as Arthur stared at Merlin, demanding an answer.

"You promised me honesty." Arthur reminded him.

Merlin clenched his jaw. He didn't know how Arthur would react to the news, but he wasn't optimistic for his own chances of survival. His eyes flicked toward the sword at Arthurs side, which Arthur saw.

The King angrily unbuckled his belt and tossed his sword aside and out of reach, scabbard and all.

"There. Now talk." Arthur implored with an order.

When Merlin finally spoke, he didn't look at Arthur as he said:

"I killed your father."

Arthur blinked at him and began to shake his head in denial.

"No. No you didn't." He scoffed, trying to shake the notion off as impossible. "It was Dragoon. The old sorcerer. It wasn't you."

Merlin closed his eyes and a single tear leaked out onto his cheek.

"It was an ageing spell." He croaked with a voice thick with emotion. He thought back to how devastated Arthur had been, how lost he had seemed after his father's death, and felt like the guilt would eat him alive. He should have checked the room for other enchantments, he should have expected Morgana to try something. But he hadn't. He had failed and Arthur had gone through terrible pain because of it.

Arthur was still trying in his mind to deny that it was possible, but as he looked at the dark haired man in front of him he picked out the shape of his facial bones, imagining those donning wrinkles rather than the young skin they currently sported. He remembered the sorcerer's eyes, hauntingly familiar, and he knew it was true.

"Why?" Arthur growled

Another tear fell down Merlin's cheek.

"I didn't mean to." He sobbed. "I was trying to heal him. The spell would have worked if only Morgana hadn't reversed it."

"Morgana?" Arthur asked. "What did she have to do with it?"

"She place a pendent on Uther that would reverse any magical spells cast on him. Instead of healing him, I just made him worse."

"Then Morgana did it" Arthur said, clinging to the idea of Merlin's innocence "you didn't know she had reversed things. It wasn't your fault."

"I should have known." Merlin spat viciously, disgusted with his own failure. "I should have known she would try something like that. Especially after what she did to…"

"What did she do to who?"

Merlin clammed up and shook his head, wiping the snot from his nose on the back of his sleeve.

"Merlin, you promised." Arthur reminded him.

"What she did to you and Gwen." Merlin whispered. He watched Arthur carefully for his reaction. The king went very still, leaning away slightly as if bracing himself as he asked;

"What do you mean?"

"She brought Lancelot back from the dead." Merlin explained, but he stared into the fire as he did so, unwilling to look Arthur in the eye. "He was a wrath, a mere shadow of the man we knew. I knew he wasn't himself, that she was controlling him somehow, but I thought you were her target. I never considered that she would go after Gwen, that she would try and attack your happiness together."

"Wait, you mean…. She….that means Guinevere was…." Arthur trailed off, his mind dredging up the memories he had tried so hard to burry deep and never think of them again.

"I found a bracelet in Gwen's cell after she was ban-, after she left. It had a love spell, or really an attraction spell placed on it. That's why Gwen….." He didn't need to finish the sentence. Arthur's memories were already replaying the scene over and over again, but this time under the light of the new information.

"She was enchanted?" Arthur asked as though in a daze. He had gone rather pale himself to match Merlin's pallor and looked like he was fighting to keep down his dinner. "And I….I banished her for it." Guilt and pain on behalf of Guinevere's ordeal hit him life a blow to the stomach. Fury flashed through him as he thought about the woman responsible.

"Morgana." Arthur hissed, his fists clinching in anger and all of the blood rushing back to his face. "I hate her. I really hate her. I just… I don't understand what went wrong? She used to be so good. Gods, she's the one who taught me how to stand up for what I though was right, against my father, against everyone. What happened to her? How did she get to be what she is?"

"She started developing her powers and that made her scared. She was alone with no one to turn to until Morgause showed up and gave her something to fight for." Merlin got much quieter as he reflected back on his mistakes so many years ago. "I knew. I knew how lonely and scared and desperate she was. I was warned about what she would become, and because of that I wasn't there to comfort her or guide her into the light. Morgana fell into darkness because I wasn't there for her when I should have been. She was my friend and I let her down. The evil we have to deal with today is my fault."

"That's not true." Arthur argued. "Morgana has made her own choices and her crimes are her own. You were as scared and alone as she was for far longer and you never turned evil." Merlin said nothing, remembering all the blood on his hands since coming to Camelot. He couldn't quite say he agreed. Arthur smirked, recalling things for himself.

"When I think back on everything….all the 'luck' we've had over the years…..it was all you, wasn't it? All the miraculous recoveries, all the unsurvivable challenges we survived. It was all you." Arthur laughed dryly, remembering "You really did cure Guinevere's father, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did." Merlin said somberly "And Gwen was almost burned at the stake because of it. I probably could have healed everyone who got sick back then, but I didn't. I just stayed silent and watched as they died to save my own skin. That was one of the first lessons I learned in Camelot. Overtime it got easier to justify my inaction; I told myself you needed me alive, that I had to remain hidden so I could protect you…..but the truth is; I'm just a coward."

"You're not…." Arthur tried, but Merlin interrupted him.

"You'd never have stayed hidden." He challenged, looking straight into Arthur's eyes. "Neither you, or any of the knights would have ever stood by and watched people die to protect yourselves. I've seen you drink poison to save a lowly servant."

"Revealing yourself would have been suicide" Arthur snapped a little sharper than he'd meant to. The depth of Merlin's mental self-punishment troubled him and he was beginning to realize that it stemmed from living his entire life with an executioners axe hanging over his head. An axe which Arthur was partially responsible for putting there.

"These type of decisions regarding life and death are one's you should never have had to make. I am the king, my peoples safety is ultimately my responsibility, not yours. I have been trained since birth to make these type of decisions and how to deal with the consequences. You should never have had to bare these burdens, certainly not by yourself. I wish…. I wish you'd told me before. You should never have had to carry that weight alone."

"And I didn't drink that poison for just any servant" the king reminded him "I drank it to save you."

"You shouldn't have." Merlin choked out, tears trickling down his cheeks and his nose going cherry red "I'm not worth it. My life is really not worth as much as yours, and not just because you're king."

"I always thought it was just the ban on magic that kept me from telling you, that the law was the thing separating us. But the truth is Arthur, I'm just like all the other creatures in those cages! The griffins, the wyverns, the sidhe; they're all creatures of magic, just as I am. We're monsters. You kill monsters, Arthur it's your job. More than that, it's part of who you are, you protect your people. Protect them from things like me."

"You're not a thing, Merlin."

"I'm not human. I may look like it, but just like the Lamia it's just on the surface. You were right; I am a monster."

Merlin looked away from the king, to wipe the swell of tears that dripped off his chin. Therefore, he didn't see the attack coming until it was too late.

Arthur reached over and smacked Merlin hard upside that back of his head.

"Ow!" Merlin complained loudly, but the king ignored him.

"You idiot." Arthur stressed venomously, and for the briefest of moments Merlin was scared of the King's obvious fury, not understanding what he had done to upset him so much.

"I was wrong. Do you hear me!? I was wrong to call you that Merlin, and I'm…I'm sorry. Sorrier than you can ever believe. Even though I said it, I didn't believe it for a second, not really. And you shouldn't believe it either. You're not a monster, Merlin."

"I'm not human." Merlin reiterated again, gesturing mildly at his glowing eyes. He hadn't realized how much the revelation had bothered him until then. He had always known he was different, more powerful than any other sorcerers, and Killigarrah had called him a creature of magic before, but he had never connected the dots and figured out that it meant he wasn't human. The discovery left him feeling empty inside and lonelier than he ever had before.

Arthur regarded him carefully before finally nodding solemnly.

"Maybe you're not. It would make sense after all" Arthur admitted, and even though there was no revulsion or disgust in his voice like Merlin had expected, the words still cut the warlock deeply. But then Arthur continued, barely choking the words out "Merlin…no human could ever hope to have half the heart or the goodness you possess. No human could ever be as loyal, as compassionate, or as wise as you are. And no human could even compete at being a better friend."

Arthur reached out and gently grabbed the back of Merlin's head. He pulled the Warlock toward him and knocked their foreheads together with a bit more force than was necessary. Merlin closed his eyes as the king pressed his own forehead against his and said:

"I am honored to call you my friend, my brother" He ruffled Merlin's dark locks with brotherly affection "Human or not."

The moment was ruined when Gwaine's voice echoed across the camp startling them both back into reality.

"Good, now can you both shut up and go to sleep!"