In A Most Unusual Way

Chapter Nine: Creativity All Around

"Okay. I can forgive you for smarting off to Principal Ernest and telling him what to do. But not paying attention during religion class? That's pushing it."

"I was paying attention," Johanna insisted.

Carmen crossed her arms. "What'd we talk about?"

"Probably God."

"See, when you start an answer with 'probably,' it means you don't know." Carmen slung her gym bag over her shoulder and shut her locker. "So who's doing P.E. since Tutor Catcherr's gone?"

Johanna grinned. "I know."

"Who?"

She sprinted down the hall without an answer. Her normally least-favorite class had turned into her favorite...at least for today.

Sure enough, Cole was pacing inside the semi-darkened gym. His gray suit didn't exactly match the setting, which made Johanna consider the already-considered possibility that this was a dream.

"You're in this class?" Cole asked.

"Yes, and for once I'm excited about it."

Cole breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. I spent the entire last period researching football and I have no clue how I'm supposed to teach a class on it."

"Give to ball to Frank and Lou. Tell them to pick teams. And stress no tackling."

"Who are they?"

"They'll be the ones in their jerseys. Captains of the football team. They're in this only for the easy A."

"Speaking of, why are you in this?"

"School requirement for the people not in a sport."

"Cruel and unusual punishment for the girl who trips over nothing," said Cole.

"Maybe the teacher should take pity on me and let me write a paper on the stupid sport as opposed to play it," Johanna suggested.

"I'm not missing the chance to see you do something physical."

Johanna groaned as she headed into the locker room, muttering, "I am about to make a fool out of myself in front of the love of my life."

XXX

"Uh-huh." The blonde owner of the Ark Cafe scanned Piper's resume. "You own your own club?"

Piper nodded. "We've had The Cranberries, Marvellous 3, The Barenaked Ladies, and we've got Michelle Branch pencilled in for sometime in January."

"Then why do you want this job?"

"Well..." Piper searched for a suitable falsehood. "My family and I are here visiting for awhile and I felt like I needed to get something to, you know, tide us over."

"Who are you visiting?"

"Um...our...cousin. Johanna. Johanna Carlson."

The woman nodded. "I thought that I heard John ni here yesterday complaining about his visitors."

The more Piper learned about small town life, the less she liked it. Lots of curiousity and gossip.

"From what I've seen," the woman said, "you've got the waitressing gig. I'm Loni. Welcome aboard, Miss...what is your name?"

"Pip-Piprina," she said on a whim, knowing that she would later regret not re-naming herself earlier. "Piprina Halli...bet. Piprina Hallibet."

Loni raised her eyebrows. "You start tomorrow."

XXX

Across the street in the reception area of The Ark Bark, Phoebe flipped through a week-old issue. It was no Bay Mirror, that was for sure. Because for one thing, everything in The Bay Mirror didn't rhyme. There was "Ark After Dark" (a gossip column written by Jessica Vark-a penname, she hoped), "Those Who've Left Their Mark on Ark" (profiles of the town's historical figures), "Ark Quarks" (notes from a science major at South Dakota State University who'd-surprisingly-grown up in Ark), "Ark on a Lark" (good day trip spots in and around town), and "The Ark Nark." The latter was an anonymous weekly crime drama about, from what Phoebe gathered in three issues, a woman who'd gotten in with a gang to spy for the police department and fallen in love with the leader. The news was simply titled..."News.'

Marge Franklin, the graying editor, beckoned for Phoebe to come into her office. "You must be here about the advice column."

Phoebe nodded. "And just let me say, your newspaper is quite creative."

"Well, we need some creativity for our column." Marge lowered her voice. "We got a few letters from disgruntled women saying that they wanted something that pertained to their lives a bit more than crop rotation did."

Smart women, Phoebe thought. All she said was, "Oh."

"What's your name?"

"My name...ah..."

"How do you spell that?"

Phoebe laughed. "No. My name is Phe...Fifi."

"Fifi?"

"Yes. Fifi Francisco."

"Colorful."

"I had unique parents."

XXX

Johanna limped into the gym. Everyone else was already in the locker rooms, but everyone else hadn't leaped for a pass, intending to be a sexy sports girl but coming off as a spastic nut with weak ankles.

"You okay?" Cole asked. (His opinion of "dressing down" for class had been removing his tie.)

"Fine." Johanna smiled with all the confidence she could muster.

"Ask your left ankle. I think it would disagree with you."

"Think I suck at this? Wait'll you see me in geometry next hour."

"How many classes do I have you for?" Cole asked.

"Geometry," answered Johanna, "and chem after that."

Cole looked around. "What do we do now?"

"Homeroom."

"You're not in mine?"

"Sweetheart," she drawled, "not all your dreams can come true."

As she walked away, she congratulated herself on playing it cool. Then she stumbled over an extension cord, breaking the illusion and possibly her ankle.

XXX

Paige flipped lazily through the newspaper.. She knew that Piper was anxious for her to go do something-she was too-but she didn't exactly know what. There were no human service agencies that she'd seen (even though from the looks of a few people, one was needed).

"I could work at...Wal-Mart. Or the mall somewhere." Paige paused. "Or I could skip the job hunt and mix up another potion to get us out of here."

That was it, she realized. A potion had gotten them into the mess, and a potion could get them out.

She put down the paper and weent over to the kitchen cabinets. She'd have to try to re-create exactly what had happened, figuring that she'd made some sort of universe-jumping elixer. If she could just get in the same mood.

Pulling a pan out of the cabinet and putting it on the stove, she tried to remember her emotions. Inferior...annoyed...useless...pissed off...

"Talking to myself," she said as she began to add ingredients at random. "I was talking to myself. How I just was trying to help and I'd messed up everything. How no one else screwed up witchcraft in the Halliwell family, only me. And I guessed I proved myself, too. Have you ever seen Piper get everyone into some crazy alternate reality? And I bet even if she ever would do that, it wouldn't be as far out there as this one. Yep. I'm the Charmed One to look out for. Careful, or she'll blow you to kingdom come!" She threw a dash of...something...into the steaming liquid. "Why can't I just put everything back the way it's supposed to be? All of the family under one roof. Our roof, not one two thousand miles away."

The potion went from steaming to smoking. This one wasn't red, like the first had been-it was a dark green. Paige looked at it suspiciously. "This is so not the same."

There was a high whistling noise and the pot exploded. Paige ducked.

When she looked up, she came face-to-face with a not-pregnant Piper, a kissing Phoebe and Cole, and a very alive Prue.

"Oh crap."