Death Wish

Chapter Ten: Stolen Away

It was now thirty one days since I'd been captured by Fran.

I lied in bed, bored with the lack of recent events, and sighed as I gazed at my eyes through the mirror. Miraculously, the teal within them was beginning to fade, and become lifeless, just like they were before Fran changed them. I didn't understand what it was that made them that way. Never before had I seen the colors of people's eyes fade- except if in old age.

Was it something I was doing wrong? The dried blood on the mirror reminded me of my state of mind. I was fully enveloped in my insanity, lost to the world, for I was alone, in my own. My entire being was false; I wasn't real. I was a mockery of an existence to be hidden away, locked in a room where no one could see me... no one could care... I would die here, in my fake world... the prince... the maniacal prince.

"Bel-hime? You awake?"

Now, whenever my captor came in, I couldn't see him. I saw Mammon, and even though I could identify him as Fran; even though I knew I was hallucinating; even though I knew my captor wasn't kind; even though Mammon was dead, I could never see Fran! The color of his hair was eternally indigo, and his once teal eyes were no different. He was a beautiful man, masked by my heart, masked by my grief, and by my longing.

Who had killed Mammon?

It wasn't me.

A while ago, I had been convinced that I was guilty. But somehow, in the depths of craziness, I knew that I was not the one to have made the fatal cut. Mammon was my friend. He was my first love. And I, insane as I was, would never be the one to murder him. It was undoubtedly someone else. All of my disgust when I went to his funeral, my fury that someone would steal from this life such a wise and kind soul, was reinvigorated as I lied there.

"Bel-hime...?"

Way back then, I remembered seeing a face, among all the grieving classmates. A head of teal hair. An innocent, blank expression. A young boy, but a man at the same time, and behind him stood another, who's face I couldn't recall. That man's hand was on the younger's shoulders, comforting him, soothing him. I didn't feel it at the time, but I soon began to feel strange. I wished I had seen his face. That man who was comforting the younger brother of Mammon... whoever he was... there was something terribly wrong about him. Who would stand there and comfort a man at a funeral, if they did not know him? Fran did not have parents, nor were there other siblings.

That man... I had the overwhelming suspiscion that he was the truthful murderer of my best friend.

"Oh, Bel-hi-"

"Morning," I said, not addressing Fran by his name. The word 'Fran' had grown foreign, after all. I was no longer affiliated with that pretty sound. If I attempted to speak it, my mouth would betray me, and would call him Mammon. I was a sane mind within an insane body. I was trapped, and no one could hear me.

"Well, you're pretty short with me today," Fran commented, sitting down on the bed beside me. The body of Mammon tempted me, but, knowing it was a trick, I groaned, and rolled over, burying my face in the pillow. I soon felt a hand on the back of my head, stroking through my hair, trying to soothe me. "Did I do something wrong?" the illusionist asked me. I shook my head. Even his voice was warped. "Why're you not looking at me, Bel-hime?" Fran questioned, starting to gently rub my shoulders. Unfazed by the touch, I shook my head once more.

"It's my eyes," I lied. "They're fading."

"Maybe you should get more involved," Fran chuckled. "You're acting so goofy all the time, maybe your eyes are just bored with you."

I grunted in reply. I had barely even heard what he had told me. I wasn't focusing on him. I was focusing on myself, trying to steel myself to speak to Fran. I would never say his name. I would never say 'I love you' to him. 'He' was Mammon, and I didn't want to fool myself any longer. "Hey, Bel-hime," Fran murmured, easing me over and kissing me with lips that didn't feel like his. I shuddered, knowing that Fran was just trying to show affection, but it wasn't his face that I saw. My entire mentality was messed up, as if the nerves were cooked raw.

My thoughts were starting to make less sense, too.

"Mammon...," I whispered, "I love you..." His face grew somewhat pale as he heard my words, and his expression fell. I stared, guilty, as Fran turned away from me, then frowned as he was, and whispered, "Sorry."

"Sure," Fran muttered. "Sure you are!" I watched in suprise as he turned and glared at me, his eyes blazing with intense rage beyond what I believed him to be capable of. "You're nothing but an insane maniac. You don't even deserve to live."

I looked down, and said, "You're right."

"... Huh...?"

"I said you're right," I murmured, looking up. "I don't deserve to live. I've retrogressed back into my old ways. I'm a wild beast, thirsting for blood. I'm disgusting. But you should let me live, because deep down, I'm a good person! I really am!"

Fran thought for a moment, then reached out, and touched my cheek. "What's my name?" he asked.

For a moment, the vision flickered, and I saw the truth. "You're Fran."

Warm lips crashed into mine as Fran grabbed my head, and I blushed as he pinned me down, this time so close that I could feel his body rubbing against me. I was ready for him to take me. I wanted him to take me. I wanted to become someone who belonged wholly to Fran. I wanted it with every fiber of my body. I craved it. I needed it.

Fran.

"Fran! Get over here! The police are at the door!"

Both of our bodies momentarily stiffened, before Fran suddenly hopped off of the bed and ran out, and I teared up, amazed that we had been stopped again. And then it registered inside my brain what Mukuro had shouted, and a spike of fear ran through me.

I feared being taken away from Fran. I didn't want to go. I wanted to be with him for eternity, right beside him, absorbing his warmth, his spirit... his love... I wanted to be Fran's lover... because, I felt, it's what Mammon would've wanted.

Mukuro walked inside, shoving Hibari along, and he kicked the ravenetted down with an untamed kick, before walking up to me, and seizing me by the arms. "Come on, now," he hissed, yanking me out. I glanced at Hibari as I was pulled away, shocked, for it seemed as though Mukuro had tortured him again.

The entire world was crumbling around me.

Mukuro continued to tug me along, before eventually taking me to the entrance. "Is this the man you're looking for?" he spat, throwing me to the ground.

"Bel!" Warm arms embraced me, helping me back to my feet, and I saw Squalo, looking at me with concern. "I'm so glad you're okay," he murmured. "We- the Varia- were so worried!"

I glanced back at the door, and saw Mukuro there, his hand on Fran's shoulder, and I saw Fran's expression. He was staring at me with sadness, his eyes filled with emotion as he watched me leave in Squalo's tender hold. I began to cry, then, for I had come to a realization, and I couldn't act on it. As I watched Fran and Mukuro, staring after me, I saw quite easily the resemblance. It wasn't the first time I'd seen an older man comforting a younger boy. Months earlier, I'd witnessed the exact sight... at Mammon's funeral.

It was him.

The man who comforted Fran at the funeral was none other that Mukuro Rokudo. He killed Mammon. And yet... I couldn't do anything about it. I was powerless. "Glad to see you back, Bel," Xanxus greeted, taking my other shoulder as the three of us headed into town. "Squalo's the one who tracked you down. When we knew where you were, and how to get you back, we set up an appointment for you and Lussuria and impersonated the police so that we could get you. Are you hurt at all?"

Only in my heart, I longed to say. "Not severely," I murmured. "A bruise here and there, but... I'm fine."

Squalo looked up at me, and smirked, then said, "Don't worry Bel, you're back now."

Yes. I was back. Back in the world where I was none but a sane killer. Back in the world where no one loved me. Back in the world where Mammon was dead. Back in the world where Mammon would never have justice. Back in the world where Hibari was trapped away in a room being tortured. Back in the world where... back in the world where...

Where I didn't have Fran.

I allowed my friends to bring me up to Lussuria's place, and they led me into his room, and I looked at him. He looked kind and motherly as always, and he told me to sit down, while Xanxus and Squalo left the room to wait for me. "So tell me, hun, what's been going on recently?"

"Well, let me start from the beginning..."

-End Chapter

Approximately 5 more chapters to go! :) Anyone frustrated yet?

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