WILL P.O.V.

I almost kissed Kieran. I almost did kiss Kieran. I wanted to kiss Kieran? ...I did. I know I did. As much as I try to deny and deny and deny. I can't deny the fact that I wanted to kiss my best friend. Kieran. But it's not that strange though. At least I don't think so. Maybe? I mean don't guys have those "homo moments" with their 'bros'. It's like natural? ...Ugh. I'm so confused. I love Emma. I love her, and I know I do. Those things that I feel for her prove this. But...could I also feel attracted to Kieran...in the same way maybe? Then again maybe me wanting to kiss him isn't so random as I think it is. Maybe I'm just feeling extra hormonal. I mean Emma and I haven't had sex in like, well, a couple weeks or so. And I don't mind it at all. But my body might just have a mind of it's own and to make up for the lack of skin to skin contact with Emma, it just hopped on Kieran. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. ...Yeah. I'll just have sex with Emma and all of this will go away.

…

All of this did not go away.

Here I am, laying next to Emma, her head on my chest, me listening to her shallow breaths as she sleeps, right after a good time making love, and the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head have not disappeared. They didn't even disappear when me and Emma were having sex. Thank goodness she's not a mind reader or anything.

I take a deep breath, and then exhale. Emma shifts slightly under me.

I don't know what to do. What do I have to do? I already accepted the fact that I wanted to kiss Kieran. But why? I guess that's the million dollar question. Lust? Lust for Kieran or just lust? ...Or love. Love for Kieran? Ughghghgh.

That's it. I'm gonna settle this. On Monday at school I will...uhm...I will er, I will ask Kieran to hangout after-school and we'll just hang out. Just us. And if I feel anything, anything anything, then I'll have my answer (along with a side order of 'freaking out what the heck do I do now') and if I don't feel anything anything, then all will be able to go back to normal.

Back to the way things were.

…

I see Kieran at his locker. My heart hiccups in my chest. I approach him just as he closes it. He turns to me and gives me a one sided smile.

"Hey ," he greets.

I don't know why but I can't quite emit any words from my mouth. Oh wait, I do know why. It's because I just now remember that Kieran, who has feelings for me, probably, no, definitely knows of my intentions during that moment we shared last weekend.

"Will." Kieran says, eyeing me expectantly. I open and close my mouth a few times. But nothing. Kieran laughs softly and asks, "Are you feeling okay?". I release a breath I had no idea I was holding in.

"Yeah. ...Yeah I'm good. I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out after school. Just us."

"Is this about yesterday?" Kieran asks. Dear planet Earth, just swallow me up whole right now.

"Uhm...Uh…"

"It's fine, Will. Really. Random things like that just...happen sometimes I guess." Kieran huffs a laugh and I begin to ease up a bit. "Anyway, yes I can hang out with you later today. I'll see you around." Kieran says, with a smile playing at his lips. He walks away and I'm left alone, washed with relief. At least the hard part's over. Or maybe it's not. Either way things seem to be going pretty well.

"Belmont." I know that voice. Freaking great. I turn around and none other than Nina is standing right before me.

"What is it Nina?" I ask exasperatedly.

"If I don't have something on Kieran by tomorrow, I'll make sure the entire world knows how lousy of a lay you are. And I've had sex with Jake." Nina pushes past me, her red hair bouncing as she saunters way.

Bitch.

…

I see Kieran exit his house. He approches my truck and hops in.

"So where are we off to?" Kieran asks.

"Uhh," I sigh, "I haven't quite thought about that…". A beat of silence passes between us.

"Anywhere's fine Will."

"You sure?" I ask looking over at Kieran.

"Yeah. I'm just, glad that we'll be hanging out together, just us. ...Doesn't matter where." Kieran is now looking away from me, out of the truck window. I smile to myself, because I know he means it. He's just happy to be with me. ...And I'm just happy to be with him. And I think I know of a place where we can go.

…

"Will, where the hell are we going?" Kieran grumbles behind me.

"Just try and keep up." I reply swiftly, stepping over a tree log. "It's right through here." I shout back to Kieran. I hear him grunt in response. In front of me lies a small opening between the dense thick forest that Kieran and I are in. I walk through the opening, ducking my head slightly, and before me lies natures beauty. A clearing with a cliff on the edge, that shows a large body of water that shimmers when hit by moonlight, and a partial view of lakewood. Fireflies buzz about, sparking the night sky every other second, and the moon lights three quarters of the clearing. It's quiet, except for the occasional chirping of crickets. I hear Kieran from behind me, and I turn to see his steps falter slightly, as he takes a place standing by me. His eyes glisten with intrigue and curiosity.

"What is this place?" Kieran asks.

"Lakewood's Den," I reply, "The gang and I come here together to unwind sometimes. Riley and Nina found it one night when they were looking for Nina's dog. No one knows about it but us, I'm pretty sure. ...I take Emma here sometimes on dates. Caus it has that vibe, and it is nice."

"It's beautiful. I can imagine why you guys wouldn't wanna share it with anyone else."

"Well, now I'm sharing it with you." Kieran turns to me and smiles. I jerk my head forward to signal Kieran. We walk to the edge of the clearing by the cliff. We take a seat about a foot away from it, our eyes capturing pieces of Lakewood. Kieran and I don't talk, we just enjoy the moment. I know I've been here many times, but every time I come here, I'm more amazed than before. Probably the only place that can do this to a person in this plain town. I look over to Kieran and I see that he's taking everything in. His eyes locking on something every couple of seconds, and his lips slightly parting in astonishment every now and again. I feel myself flutter, it's almost strange, but inviting, and warm like moving to a new house. I don't wanna admit it...but it feels like a cross between friendship, and love. Love love. That reminds me, there's something that I have to do.

"Kieran," I speak up, gazing out towards Lakewood, "You have feelings for me right?"

"...Yeah. I do."

"How did you know? ...Why?"

A beat of silence.

"You saved me. You changed my life. You gave me comfort in a time I needed it most. A comfort that I never ever felt again, until we bumped into each other that day in the hallway. ...You're kind, honest, a true friend, just like you were back then. ...You uhm, you also have nice eyes, and uhm, lips...and I guess...to me...everything about you is perfect."

I can't...I can't...I mean what...Kieran...I didn't know I meant so much to him. I didn't know that I was perfect to him. I didn't know that I saved him. And the strangest thing is...this doesn't feel like it's too much. I'm not troubled or burdened by the height of the pedestal that Kieran holds me on. I'm not scared of it. At all. Flattered? I guess. Happy? Sure. However, anything but scared. Anything but troubled.

My head shifts, and my eyes travel to Kieran. He's tense. Apprehension practically seethes from his body. I get it. After a confession like that, I wouldn't be in the most comfortable of states, especially if Kieran thinks that I'll just say something in the form of rejection again. But if he thought that, then why did he say those things. ...Unless he has hope. ...Hope because I did try to kiss him the other day, and I did ask for us to hang out alone tonight, and I also did show him a secret, important place that a very select few know about. If I were him, I'd have hope too. ...Now it's time for him to see if he hoped in vain.

"Kieran." I begin, looking at him, but he still looks away, "I'm glad that you answered truthfully. I really am. And I appreciate it because...I need all the honesty I can get. ...I uh...I wanted to kiss you that day we went fishing Kieran," Kieran now faces me, his eyes searching for some form of deception, and his lips turned into a frown in need of explanation, "I didn't know why, and I kept asking, and asking myself that. 'Why did I want to kiss you?'. And I still don't know why I wanted to. Not exactly."

"That's why you asked why I had feelings for you?" Kieran asks. I nod. "Well, why do you love Emma?"

"Emma's always there for me. Everytime I see her my mood lifts, and she's like the best girlfriend. She's smart, empathetic, and really beautiful." I see a flash of pain pierce Kieran's eyes. No surprise there.

"You said you loved me right?"

"As a friend-"

"You said you loved me, right?"

"...Yes…"

"Why?"

"I trust you. You showed me the reality of trust. The reality of friendship. All the friends I've ever made since meeting you, I always compared them to you. You do take things to the extreme sometimes, but that's because you care. And when you care...you really do care. That's one of the things that really makes you who you are. To me, you haven't changed much..and I'm glad. Because I missed that kid who lived on my farm for a while. And I'm glad he's back in my life." A smile tugs at Kieran's lips, and it must be contagious because soon I'm sprouting one too. But soon, his smile dissipates.

"Are you physically attracted to me, Will?" Kieran asks. A breeze bristles by us, and I shiver.

"...I don't think so…"

"Can I do something?"

"What are you gonna do?"

"...I'm going to kiss you-"

"What? B-but-"

"If you really wanna find out why you wanted to kiss me Will, if you really want this to be sorted out...then you'll let me. Let me kiss you, and then you'll finally have your answer."

"What if I'm afraid of the answer?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

"Then that's too bad."

Kieran moves towards me, and his lips are on mine in an instant. I panic slightly, my nerves going haywire. But then everything stops. I'm numb both internally and physically.

And then I let everything in.

...And it's crazy. Amazingly crazy. Kieran's lips. His rough lips, feel...gosh I can't even explain it. I feel his tongue prod my lips apart and I tentatively part them, inviting his tongue inside of my mouth. I feel him lick practically everywhere, and it's incredible. My heart is jackhammering in my chest, fueled by adrenaline and this astounding feeling. It's just me, and Kieran. I've never felt like this with Emma. -Emma!

I gently push Kieran away. His breathing, and my breathing fill the air with intensity. His face is flushed, and his eyes glassy. He looks like he's been dragged through love. I probably look the same. ...Like I've been dragged through...oh shit. Oh shit, shit, shit. I don't know what to feel. I think...I think…

"Kieran." I say.

"Yeah." He breaths.

"I think I love you." Kieran's eyes dance with bliss.

"I love you too." He replies, with a teeth baring smile.

" ...But...I do still love Emma, Kieran." Kieran's face falls slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Who do you love more?"

"I can't...I can't do that right now Kieran." Kieran nods in understanding. I lay back on the grass and gaze up into the night sky. I feel Kieran lay down next to me, our shoulders touching. I don't want him to pull away.

Kieran sighs.

"The sky looks nice." He says. "Nicer than the sky back at my old town anyway."

"Do you miss it? Your old town?" I ask. Kieran releases a cynical laugh.

"No. I hated it there. It wasn't always like that though."

"What happened?"

"People happened."

"What did they do?" I feel Kieran tense, then un tense, then tense again.

"The High School I went to while there, Waterbrookes High, ...an incident happened there. I was humiliated. They humiliated me. ...Once my Aunt found out what happened, before I could do anything, she took me outta there. And we moved. ...All because of them."

I don't ask Kieran anything else about his old town after this. Instead we just talk. Talk, laugh, and enjoy each other's company. With occasional touches here and there.

…

Nina corners me in an empty corridor of the school building. I feel like a rabbit about to get devoured by a wolf.

"Spill." She grits out. But I stay silent. After last night, how can I do this? How can I do this to Kieran? I don't know if I can. "Belmont." Nina warns.

"I-I-"

"Five. Four. Three. Two. O-"

"Something happened." I blurt out. Nina eyes me and gestures for me to continue. "Something at Kieran's last school. Waterbrookes High. An incident. He was humiliated. A-and I found some pill bottles in his room one day. Quite a few of them." This seems to please Nina because she smirks and then struts away.

What have I just done?