Chapter 10

"You smoke?" I ask.

"Nah – I like to keep my wits about me."

Of course. You never know when you're going to have to kill three people and then discreetly hide their bodies like it never happened.

When Edward showed up at my door an hour ago I didn't know what to do. So, I brought him upstairs to my room. My lights are dimmed, my window is open, and now there is the hottest boy in the world relaxing on my bed.

I take a hit from the joint I rolled a few days ago at Jessica's house. There is only a little bit left, so I'm glad I don't have to share. I may smoke, but all my contraband is usually kept somewhere else. Living with a cop is no picnic. That is, when he decides to care.

I take another hit and then stamp it out. It's basically ash now, but it goes back in the Altoids tin, which goes back in my pencil case, that goes back under some letters in an old shoebox, that goes back in an aging suitcase, which is kept on the top rack of my closet.

I can hear him chuckling as he watches me and my attempt to keep it hidden. "What?" I laugh, knowing I'm being overly cautious. But I'm really not, knowing Charlie.

"Nothing," he mumbles. I know he's smiling. Once the suitcase is secure, I head over toward the bed.

He yawns, which makes me yawn, as I take a seat next to him. I'm cautious not to touch him because I'm not sure if he's here being a friend, here making sure I'm not freaking out, or here because he's finally realized he's in love with me and can't be away any longer. A girl can wish.

I don't usually smoke on a school night, but this weekend has been the craziest of my life. I barely slept a wink last night. I was so scared and worried, and I don't even really know how to describe it. Anxious, numb, wired, all these things at once, yet how can you be numb one second and shivering from nerves the next?

I wanted to do something. Make a phone call. Talk to my dad. Drive over to Edward's house and demand to know what I needed to be doing. I was ready to cry at his doorstep and beg, "Please, tell me what I need to do right now to turn off my thoughts."

But I just laid there, then I smoked a bowl, and then laid some more. I slept for, maybe, 3 hours? I woke up around dawn with a headache from hell that I'm sure was caused from all the crying I did … and getting my head slammed into a wall of course.

He looks me over, but then he stops smiling and becomes serious. "Bella, about last night…"

Last night. Yes. That. The night you may have saved my life. The night you killed three people in front of me. The night you drove me home with three dead people in the trunk of your car. How he got them to fit, I'll never know - or ask. The night he dropped me off at my house with just a "good night, and be safe" before driving away.

"What about it?" I ask, playing dumb.

He gives me a look, but I only shrug. "Not sure what you are talking about, so drop it." He continues to stare but then nods his head. "Okay."

"Okay."

I know in my head that I should be afraid of Edward. Something just doesn't add up. He was too blasé about it all, and still is. He came to my door with a smile and a hello. I also know that he shouldn't be here, in my room. That I should be at the police station, giving a statement. But in my heart? I feel nothing but safe with him. I feel nothing but wanting to keep him safe from what would happen if anyone finds out about, about that night.

It's awkward for a minute. I'm not sure what to do with my hands, so I keep pulling at a loose thread on my bedspread.

I know we should talk about it. I have a million questions for him, but I also feel weird. I just can't talk about it. It makes it too real, if that makes any sense. All night long I prayed he'd come back and we'd talk and he'd tell me something to ease my fears.

"I took them to the hospital and they are making a full recovery. They are going to be locked away for the rest of their lives though."

Does it make me a terrible person that I'm glad they are dead ?

Yeah, it probably does. I have to stop thinking about it !

"You and Tanya look cute together," I say. Oh, God, why did I say that? I want to slap myself. I'm thankful it's pretty dark in here, so he may have missed the way I just cringed.

"Oh?"

"Uh, well, Jessica saw you together at that party last night, and I heard things, you know. Well, I mean, after you dropped me off , I guess."

Jessica called me just before noon today to tell me all the things I missed by being a "shithead" - her word - and staying home. I think I was still in some sort of shock because it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would when she brought up Edward and Tanya. My dad had just finished with his half-assed apology for not picking me up while we ate lunch. I lied and told him I walked home. I had debated calling Edward and asking if he was alright, or did he regret it, or did he plan to talk to the police - did he despise me? - when she called and laid out all the details about the new couple Tan and Ed. I was just numb. He must not need anything if he's capable of partying and scoring.

I mean, he saved me. Killed, oh god, he killed, for me. Drops me off and then goes to a party! What?

He stays quiet, so of course I can't shut up. "People talk you know. Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. It's new I guess, so… God, I'm sorry. I'm trying to make conversation and failing horribly at it."

I can feel the bed shaking with his quiet laughter. There is a pause and then he asks, "Does it bother you?"

"Hmm?"

He sighs. "It was for appearances. Everything usually is." I'm pretty confused by that.

"I made an appearance at the party. Where was I on Saturday night? Ask anyone. I was at a party. Apparently with Tanya. I'm sure she'll be happy to confirm that."

Oh. Right. It still doesn't stop my heart from hurting. I can't believe I'm even thinking about this.

"Cool," I say. Like a dummy. The bed moves a little and he sits up, next to me.

"I wasn't with her though, Bella." I swallow the lump in my throat and then pull too hard, ripping that thread off the bedspread. "If standing next to a person of the opposite sex qualifies as being in a committed relationship in this town, well, then yes. I'm with Tanya. I didn't realize this was 1901."

That makes me giggle. That and the weed I'm sure.

And my giggling makes me giggle even more, because I'm in my room with Edward Cullen.

He's on my bed.

"I don't like Tanya, Bella. "

I finally stop giggling and look up and meet his eyes.

"And Victoria?" I mumble.

He smiles a small smile. "I don't like her either."

"So, you're just hooking up? Cause Vic is pretty vocal. I was privy to some juicy TMI without my consent. You should be careful, cause she's one to kiss and –"

"Bella," he laughs. "Before you get carried away, yeah, I fooled around with her one time, but that's it. Tanya, no. Just say the word and I'm all yours."

I think my heart is going to beat out of my chest. "What?"

He scoots over so his whole right side is pressed against me. He brushes a lock of hair over my shoulder, and then his hand rubs down my back, lingering above my waist.

"You don't want me seeing other girls, just say it."

I meet his eyes again. His lips are so much closer. The look Edward is giving me does something to me. More than a flutter. More than a rush. It empowers me. It makes me want to be truthful. So I am.

"I don't want you seeing other girls."

"Whatever you want. I'm yours."