Wrote about half of this about 2 years ago, then never intended on posting again, but I wanted to finish it up.
This chapter picks up where chapter 6 leaves off (they had a power outage on Christmas Eve, and played a game, kids have alternative plans for summer... have a re-read since it's been a while.)
This chapter is long and fulfilled 2-3 requests.
Author's notes at the end
Thanks
Chapter 10
Ground coffee, she sighs as she scoops enough into the filter for her household and their guests, if one would still consider Nicky Nichols & Co., "guests."
She sits down at her kitchen table Christmas morning and peels open yesterdays New York Times, when she feels a body press against her from behind. Two arms wrap around her shoulders, as she feels a cheek rest upon her head and before reaching up a hand to stroke the curly head in confirmation, she knows it's Harper.
"Morning baby," she says as her hand gets tangled in the knot of hair atop her daughter's head.
Her daughter giggles and mumbles a sleepy "Merry Christmas," before taking the seat that's perpendicular to her mother's chair and releases a yawn. She lays her face against her outstretched arm that leans along their wooden table. The brunette lowers her paper to find hopeful blue eyes tracking her face for any sign that she'd weakened in her consideration of letting her go to camp.
The corner of Alex's mouth rises involuntarily as she peers at the paradox of her daughter's current appearance. It's usually mornings, right at this table where she struggles to accept that her daughter is maturing but yet still appears so young. Her raccoon eyes leftover from the previous night's festivities juxtapose the loose tendrils near her temples; her teenaged toddler.
Blonde brows raise in innocence, but a bit too obviously. The brunette exhales and lifts her paper back to eye level, "I haven't spoken to your mother about it yet."
"Oh," she says pursing her lips and pushes back from the table. She fills the tea kettle with water and sets it on the stove. The brunette eyes her as she pours milk into a small saucepan.
She leans her elbows against the sink, the brunette senses her gaze, she feels her daughter's desperation,
"Harps...," she says folding her paper and slipping her glasses on her head, "trust me when I tell you, that I want you to take advantage of luxuries... like camp."
Her daughter pushes off the sink, and uses her pointer finger to pick the nail polish off of her thumbnail.
"But that doesn't mean I don't have my reservations."
Her daughter bites the inside of her bottom lip. She nods her head once and swallows, "okay," just as Piper often does.
"You won't know anyone there other than Jeremy, and don't get me wrong, I think he's a good kid, truly...," she says emphasizing this truth for her own sake more than her daughter's, "but he's your boyfriend and you'll hardly have any supervision."
Her daughter takes in her mother's point of view, but asks, "dont you trust me?"
Her mouth drops open to quickly tell her that yes, she does in fact trust her, for other than the little white lies that all people tell, she'd only broken her trust once before...
With an arm full of new books, Harper looks over her selections and tries to narrow it down to two. As her mothers peruse the book store, she returns three books that she decides she'll come back for at a later date, when she passes by the adult book section. She takes a second glance and sees something about the Kama Sutra and Paranormal Fantasy when Piper guides her away from that section, and re-directs her to the Young Adult section. She reads the backs of a couple more, when she realizes her mothers have each branched out away from her sight lines. She looks around to double check and walks back over to the adult book section, recognizing the spine of one of her mothers books. She reads the back of "Fifty Shades of Grey," when Alex slowly pulls the book from her daughters grasp and returns it to the shelf.
"I just want to know what it's about."
"It's about an innocent woman's sexual discovery.
Her daughter looks at her perplexed.
"It's a bit much for you right now, okay?"
"I've seen mom read it...more than once."
"She gets a kick out of it," the brunette says and pulls her mouth to the side. "It's horribly written, and I minorly judge her for it."
"Can I read it when we get home?"
"That would be a 'no.'"
The blonde's protest ends before it begins.
"You can pick almost any other book off the shelf, you know that. Give it a couple of years, alright?"
"What's the big deal? I know about intimacy."
"And I'm happy to talk to you about sex, but there's a difference between intimacy, and what this book entails. C'mon, before mom sees you again. I saw her move you away from here already."
The brunette walks away to find her wife, and looks over her shoulder to see her daughter's unyielding stance.
"Pipes...," the brunette shouts to scare her offspring.
"Okay!," the young blonde replies with widened eyes and takes a step in her mothers direction. The brunette follows Piper's voice, while Harper quickly pivots back, and slips the book in her bag.
A week later, Piper is looking for the glassware she sent off her families' lunches in, when she comes across the familiar book in Harper's backpack.
She tucks the book into her side, sets the sought lunch container on the counter and goes to the couch to confront her daughter. The young blonde's eyes go wide.
"I really thought I'd made it clear that I didn't want you reading this stuff yet," she says, remembering her daughters interest in the adult section of the book store, the previous week.
Alex looks up, her attention now refocused due to her wife's tone. "Uh, and I specifically said that you could pick any other book off our shelf," the brunette says gesturing toward their wall of books.
Piper looks back and sees her copy, and slowly looks down at the one in her hand; her forehead wrinkles, "where did you get this from?"
Their daughters eyes wander, while she adjusts her position on the couch a few times nervously.
Alex rises, and takes it from Piper, it's far from being worn. Her eyebrows lower beneath her black frames in disappointment, "did you take it?"
Her blue eyes shine behind a film of wetness, her bottom lip quivers, "I was gonna bring it back," her voice is small and scared.
Piper's nostrils flare, she raises her hands and clasps her hands behind her head and walks around in a haphazard pattern. Alex tosses the book on the couch, and slips her glasses on top of her head.
"Everyone was reading it at school, I just..."
"Are you really trying to justify this?," Alex asks her angrily.
Piper interjects before it escalates, "just walk away before you say anything else that'll make this worse. We'll come to you when we're ready."
After a while of pacing and ranting, the brunette slumps down on the couch and cradles her head in her hands, "what're we gonna do?"
Piper crouches down opposite her wife, "we are simply going to talk to her, and then we're going to figure out what her punishment is."
"And she needs to bring that book back to the store, tell them she stole it, and she's going to volunteer her time there every weekend for the next month," the brunette adds disappointed.
Piper frowns knowing her daughter will be humiliated having to return the book, never mind the shame that accompanies admitting to her wrongdoing, "I think that's fair."
The brunette nods wearily.
"Babe, try to relax," Piper says seeing the worry across her wife's face. She cups the back of the brunette's nape and gently squeezes out the tension.
"Heh," the brunette exhales unbelievably. "What if she got caught?"
"I mean, from that store? They know us," Piper reassures her, "they wouldn't do anything but call us...but it could've been a lot worse."
"It's not like her," Alex states knowing her daughter is generally the type to pester until she gets what she wants, not the type to disobey.
The following day, they stand in the doorway of the bookstore while they watch their daughter confess, and volunteer to help around the store. They watch as the owner, who they called in advance, act as firmly as a senior citizen who's watched this little grow into a young woman could act.
Piper stays back in the book store, to talk to the owner, while Alex escorts Harper to the bench outside the shop.
"I know that was hard to do, but you realize that when you take something from a store, you're directly taking money from those people's pockets."
"I was going to bring it back but...I know."
"If you'd been caught somewhere else, you could've had to pay fines, and could've spent time behind bars!"
"I'm sorry!," she says truly, "I know it was wrong..."
"It's just not worth it Harper! The system is so fucked up, you know better." Alex looks at her daughters guilt leaden slumped position. She puts her arm around her. "What've I always told you?"
"You've told me a lot of things."
"I've always told you you could come to me with anything."
"But I did, I told you I wanted to read it."
"And I told you that it wasn't the time...yet... not that you could never read it."
"But by the time I would've been ready, no one would even remember it by then."
"I guarantee you, no one in your school knows their ass from their face."
This makes the blonde lighten up, but she angles her body cautiously toward the brunette, and in hesitant admission states, "I don't know if I understood all of it."
Alex takes a deep breath, her nostrils flare preceding her inquisition, "I honestly have only read a piece here and there, but what didn't you understand?"
"Uh...well I don't really want to talk about it with...you."
The brunettes eyebrows furrow, "why not? You think it'll be less awkward with mom?"
The blonde curls her upper lip in disgust.
Alex pats her daughter on her knee, and rises, "when I tell you not to read something, because you're not fuckin ready, please just listen to me." Her daughter grabs the loop on her jeans so she can't walk away.
"I'm...," her daughter gathers her courage, "not really sure why someone would want to be spanked?"
The brunette pivots and bites her lip while she thinks, she nods, releasing a small chuckle. "Valid thought," she verbalizes and she briefly contemplates how she enjoys the sting of slapped skin when she's been bad.
"There were just things... a lot of things, that I didn't think were supposed to be... enjoyable?"
"Sex should be, respectful, and both people should agree to everything beforehand."
"I thought it was mainly just touching and then just... sex? I thought it was implied that you agreed to it when you say you want to have sex."
"No... overall, it's uncomplicated but there are many rules that are to be discussed at one point and understood, that can make it complex, which is why you don't just do it." She thinks about the irony of do as I say, not as I do.
"It's not like I want to, I just wanted to see what everyone was talking about."
"Half of the stuff in there, that's not real. We'll explain to you what's real, what to expect, what should happen. Even if it's a little weird to talk about."
She has her daughters undivided attention. "The stuff in those kinds of books, it can be fun, once you already set the base with someone you know well. If you do all that with just anyone, it's not as fun."
The little bell on the shop door rings as Piper steps out.
"What?," Piper looks between the two of them.
Harper looks pensive, Alex appears amused.
"Harps, I do trust you, but you're curious," she states factually. "And while I love that, sometimes, when you're away, and you're excited to be around each other, things just... happen."
"Don't you think things can... happen here?"
The brunette doesn't answer as she turns off the coffee pot and pours herself a cup.
"I have a big mouth...," the young blonde states in self-awareness.
"You don't say!"
The blonde smiles, "I can say what I want and what I don't want to do."
"And I'm glad babe, but what happens if you do want to?"
"Then I do, and just trust that I'll have your chin on my shoulder obsessing that I'm not doing something stupid. I won't."
"I'm really not that bad."
"Sometimes you really are," she laughs while removing the kettle and the pan with milk from the heat, "you don't nag like mom, but I don't know youre an actual...guardian?, and while it can be annoying sometimes, I know it's just because you love me and Jamie so much." She pours each over a pile of oats in two different bowls and places the one with milk in front of Alex.
The brunette gently shakes away, the enamored/affection (feeling- reword) "And do you think this camp of yours is gonna comply with your vegan diet?"
"I'm just trying it out a few days a week."
"Mmmhmm."
"Can you please be supportive?"
"Uh, I'm a vegetarian three days a week because of you, and I got that hemp and nutritional yeast thing from the store the other day... again, for you!"
Harper spoons a glob of oatmeal into her mouth and smirks proudly, "yeah you did."
Alex rubs her eyes with her thumb and index finger and tries to suppress her chuckle. She pushes her glasses back up the bridge of her nose.
"It's a really great source of protein, ma."
"I don't doubt that babe, it's just..," she stops as she catches a glimpse of a makeshift ornament that reminds her of her mother.
"What?," Harper wills her to finish, while trying to track her mother's sight lines. "It's just...what?"
The brunette stands up from the table and walks slowly over to the tree. She lifts the copper measuring spoons with the pads of her fingers, the white lights from the tree illuminate them before she removes them from the branch.
She pivots holding a spoon in each hand, while the rest hang from the ring that keeps them secured to one another and wiggles them like they're on marionette strings. She looks at them fondly before walking back over to the table and placing them on the table in front of her daughter.
"Grandma Diane's spoons?," the blonde asks nervously as she sees her mom nibble on her bottom lip.
The brunette shrugs a single shoulder, "we only baked and really cooked a few times a year," she says thinking of the times Diane made her cupcakes for her class on her birthday, conveniently leaving out that she didn't have any true friends to share them with. "She was really pretty good in the kitchen,"... she says as Harper examines the spoons, "she just hardly ever had the time or extra money to make anything elaborate."
Reminiscing, "this one Christmas, she drove down with my aunt and cousins and made this huge breakfast on Christmas morning," she does her best Diane accent, "you would've thought David Bowie was coming over," she smiles momentarily. "But normally it was Friendly's leftovers and Swanson microwave dinners."
Harper looks at the space on the counter where their microwave used to be, before Piper convinced their mother that she'd die of radiation poisoning and made her throw it out. "The cheapest melt in your mouth white bread, ...definitely nothing with nineteen grains, and if we got meat, it was usually hot dogs."
"Do you think she'd make fun of me?"
"No!," the brunette quickly responds knowing her daughter would've been the light of her mother's life no matter what she was like. "No, she'd have wanted all this for me," she speaks her strongest truth, but feels herself getting worked up over the fact that her mother doesn't get to be a part of her weekly health store jaunts. She focuses back on her daughter,
"so who's going to make sure I stick with eating less animals if you're over there, in your fancy pants camp, learning how to spin clay into pots and shit?"
Her daughters smile is wide, "mom will."
"And who am I gonna finish binge watching 30 Rock with? And who's gonna make fun of my attempt to beat your high score on Just Dance?"
"We will mostly definitely finish 30 Rock before I go, and I'm fairly certain mom would love to continue mocking the crap outta you."
Alex swallows some of her oatmeal, "it's not the same."
"It'll only be four weeks and you guys can come right at the two week mark to visit."
The brunette again keeps her poker face.
Harper's careful with her words and though she's 90% sure she already knows the answer, she asks, "did you ever go to camp?"
The brunette shakes her head, "no. But that doesn't mean I didn't want to." Her eyes squint for a moment and then she nods, "I really wanted to, even though I knew we couldn't ever afford it, I was always so jealous of the girls who got to go."
"I would help pay for it."
Alex gives her daughter a look to relay that if she were to get the okay, she wouldn't have her pay for anything, "oh yeah? From what source?"
"I could baby sit?"
"That'd be a lot of kids to watch."
"Ma, they have a trapeze," she says justifying the dozens of kids she'd have to watch in order to go.
"Harps I'd want you to...," she stops herself, "seriously?"
Her daughter scrambles for her phone so she can show her the page with pictures of activities.
"Well fuck, how am I supposed to say no to a girl who wants to swing from a trapeze?"
"You tell her that it's too kinky, even for you," Nicky busts in and kisses Harper on her head.
"And you're honestly worried about me?," Harper says in response to Nicky's antics. "I'm pretty sure nothing would surprise me anymore."
"Exactly, so how do I know when you say you're not doing anything, you don't just mean you're not doing anything worth mentioning?"
"Because I'm a good girl, you said so yourself last night."
"And what if I miss you too much?"
"You won't," she angles her head right against her mother's and bats her eyelashes, "because really it's just gonna be two weeks til you see me again."
"Vause, the kid should go. It's good for her. As is Lampoon's European vacation. They need to do their own thing."
"I didn't say no. I... I just need to talk it over with Piper."
"That might be so, but we all know, it's really your 'okay.'"
"What do we need to talk over with Piper?," Piper asks as she comes in from the living room, carrying stray cups from last nights blackout festivities. Alex glances at her daughter and nudges her head toward the sink, silently signaling for the girl to help her mother load the dishwasher.
"Your daughter wants to go to sleep-away camp, during the same time your son wants to study abroad- in Europe."
"Okay?"
"Okay?," the brunette asks non-plussed. "Oh that was a gold plated brick I shat this morning. My bad."
"I'm sure we can manage it babe."
The brunette tries her real tactic, "not to mention, both of them will be gone, for the whole summer," Alex clarifies, emphasizing that the time that they should be spending together, reunited as a family of four, will dissipate further.
"Uh, mine's four weeks and theres Family Day after two weeks," Harper reminds her with irritated eyebrows as she's already made this clear, "and Jamie's isn't the whole summer either."
"So let me get this straight," Piper starts, "you had to discuss, with Piper, that both of her kids will be gone for the summer and that she will have her wife and her whole apartment to herself for four weeks?"
Alex looks toward Nicky for some support but is met with an exhaled chuckle before the wild haired woman throws her hands up in the air as Piper has just spelled out the point she'd been trying to make to her friend.
"Cover your ears," Nicky says looking at Harper, who has learned the hard way to turn on the faucet to drown out the conversation if her aunt forewarned her. "When's the last time you woke up buck naked and traipsed around here without worrying about flashing some nipple, heh?"
The brunette settles the hand that was finger combing her hair and lets it fall onto the table. She dog ears a random page of the newspaper and turns her head back toward Nicky.
"When's the last time you got laid in the living room, exactly when you wanted to, because you knew there was no chance that one of your ankle biters would pop up in the middle of your attempt to make Blondie scream your name? Am I right?," she redirects her attention to Piper for confirmation.
The brunette cocks her head in thought and nods in slow agreeance.
"Ankle biters?," they're both taller than you, Piper says as she taps the faucet off, appalled at the amount of water that was just wasted.
"That's besides the point," Nicky says while Alex is lost now in a world of creative methods of seduction.
The ex-junkie philosopher continues, "my point is, you've proven your love, it doesn't mean you'd lose your reigning status as parent of the year if you don't spend every waking second worshiping them, alright? You deserve some spontaneous nubbin clubbin."
The brunette laughs at the ridiculous euphemism, "really?"
"No? How about 'paddling the pink canoe,'" she says, "for that summer camp spirit?"
The brunette looks over her right shoulder, "I'll think about it, okay,?" she offers to her daughter, who knows the brunette is really what's stands between her and her summer in a forest.
Piper flips through the three day old newspaper, while the soup simmers on the stove. She revels in the quiet of the late morning during winter break.
Harper's the first to join her in the kitchen; Piper removes the Science times and slides it down in front of the chair beside hers for Harper.
After a while, Alex comes in, already complaining about it being cold. "I saw your sports bra on the door," she tells Piper, "tell me you didn't run in this polar vortex?" She kisses Harper's head and pours herself a cup of coffee.
"I may have," Piper tells her, "but just a short one. Super posted a flyer downstairs; they're fixing the boiler again."
"So theres no hot water either?"
Without looking, Piper points toward the stove, "hence the soup."
The bespectacled woman trudges back over toward the table, and looks over her girls with the paper while absentmindedly caressing Piper's hair, "so catch me up on what's happening."
Piper gently turns through the paper, "Madame Butterfly was well reviewed, two people were shot and killed the other night, there will never be peace in the Middle East and," she presses her index finger on the page Harper's looking over, "the average human being contributes over a thousand plastic water bottles that inevitably end up in the ocean, because surprise surprise, they're not recycled properly."
Her daughter starts ranting about a reusable water bottle, so she takes a seat at the table, the back of her chair touches the wall, her foot rests on the nearby seat of another.
"And did you know that by just using the same bottle, it saves 1,460 plastic bottles?," the young blonde passionately divulges.
"I did not know that."
Piper looks at Alex, proud of their daughter and gets up to spoon out their soup.
"So between your water bottle, your reusable bag, and your Tupperware that you use for takeout you've saved what?," she pauses to think, "nine trillion sea creatures."
Harper nods, still absorbed in the article.
"My daughter, the environmentalist."
Piper ladles out soup, but then uses a slotted spoon and gives the brunette broth.
The brunette looks down at her sad bowl of liquid, "um, did I do something?"
"No food remember?"
The brunette looks at her confused, having no idea what the fuck she's talking about.
"Clear liquids only, ass doctor tomorrow."
"What?," still uncomfortable from the memory of her last ass doctor experience. "I didn't schedule that," she says as subtly steals an oyster cracker from the box on the table.
Piper uses a pincer grasp to remove it from her wife's fingers, "yeah... I did, and it's been on the calendar for three months."
The brunette pouts, at her loss of cracker.
"Don't be a baby."
"It's one cracker."
"They said no solids for a reason."
"I don't even know why a colonoscopy is necessary."
"What's a colonoscopy?," Harper asks.
"It's a test for cancer."
Terror instantly takes over her face, "you have cancer?"
"No...," she glances quick at her daughter, and sees her face, and immediately scoots closer, "no! It's just a screening test to check for that. It's a routine test for anyone over fifty," she grunts." There's no need to worry."
Harper looks at Piper. Alex takes a spoonful of Harpers soup, making sure she scoops some with a piece of celery.
"She'll be fine, but it's imperative," Piper continues without missing a beat as she removes the spoon from Alex's hand, "she doesn't eat before."
Piper comes home from running errands after work, when she hits the answering machine, and raids the fridge.
"Hello, this message is for Alex Vause. This is an message from Dr. Streeters office, please give us a call back as soon as you can to discuss your colonoscopy results. Have a good day."
She chews her apple, her eyebrows wrinkle, while she replays the message, trying to hear solemnity in the tone.
Why wouldn't they just say everything is normal if everything was normal?
She calls the number back and the automated recording plays back into the receiver. She looks over at the clock on the stove, "fuck!," she exclaims realizing the time. She slams the phone down, what the hell could be wrong? She sits, eyes remain fixated on the machine. Do I leave it on the machine or do I just tell her?
Her head picks up as she hears the brunette come inside. She stands up but can't move forward. She hears the brunette recall the events of her day but she's not really paying attention until she hears, "and then he has the nerve to tell her, that she's not meeting expectations. I mean if she bent over any further, you could see her asshole. Can you believe this shit?! Like what fucking year is it?"
The blonde instantaneously gets teary eyed...
"Pipes?"
The blonde shakes her head back and forth, as if she has nothing to say.
Alex's entire demeanor changes, for her wife's expression is one of genuine worry. "What's wrong babe?," the brunette puts her hands on her shoulders and rubs them down the length of the blondes arms.
"Dr. Streeters office left a message to call back to discuss results but they're closed. What if something's wrong?"
Panic tries to set in as the brunette tries to digest, but she looks at the fear-filled blue eyes that frantically study her face, and tries to persevere, "then I'll deal with it? It's probably nothing." She takes a few steps toward their kitchen, the pit of her stomach sinks deeper as she thinks about the "polyps that looks a little suspicious," when Piper grabs her hand and pulls her over toward the answering machine and replays the message.
Alex slowly sits down at their kitchen table, desperately trying to remain calm, while the blonde almost instantaneously becomes angry and starts pacing , "why would anyone just leave a message like that? They know they're closed, so 'here let me just dump this pile of shit on someone and let them sit with it for the whole fucking night. It's just rude."
The brunettes stomach turns over again, something is definitely wrong. She can hear Piper in the background, "regardless of what they say, I'm going to speak to their office manager, because they should know better than to... Al...," she pivots fast to pull back the brunettes hair as she empties the contents of her stomach into their kitchen sink. She continues to dry heave, while Piper hugs her from behind, rests her forehead on her back and begins to cry.
After a moment, Alex rinses her mouth and spits. Piper rakes back the grey streak of hair behind the her wife's ear, "no matter what they say, everything's going to be okay." She removes the black frames, exposing glassy green eyes and wipes away the excess moisture, "I won't let anything happen to you."
Even though she knows her wife lacks such power, it oddly makes her feel a little better.
She sighs, "Pipes I know you're just trying to make a shitty situation less shitty, but you don't know that. They biopsied polyps that looked abnormal, if they were normal they would've said that."
"You knew there was something abnormal?"
The brunette's eyebrows raise.
Against her urge to snap, the blonde stands up straight and rolls her shoulders back, "why didn't you say anything?"
"Didn't want to worry you until there was something to worry about."
"I'm a big girl Alex."
"As am I, but if I can recall correctly there was a time when you withheld knowing if everything was medically alright, before letting me in."
She could've raged and gone on about how this is not at all the same thing, that that was fourteen years prior, and that they'd agree to leave resentful bygones in the past but, she accepts her touché and holds her tongue, "we'll get through it."
There's a fogged monotone ringing, that accompanies the moving mouth of the doctor that sits across the desk from them. His hands change from a clasped position, to reach back to grab a plastic model of the lower gastrointestinal tract, and the ringing stops. Piper clicks the top of her pen and starts taking notes.
"So when we biopsed the polyps, there were cancer cells at the margins," he says pointing to the edge of the plastic polyp on the model. "So the recommendation is to make four small incisions near the colon in order to remove the effected cancerous tissue. Whether surgery alone vs adjuvant chemotherapy is recommended will depend on information gathered during the procedure and pathology results." The brunette nods in understanding, while Piper writes furiously.
"Do you have any questions?," he asks.
Alex adjusts her glasses, and sits on her hands. "Um," she starts, her face fidgets as she blinks rapidly.
Piper puts her notepad down and gently takes her wife's hand from beneath her thigh.
The brunette zones out, she looks down and sees Piper's fingers intertwined with her own, and hears bits of the blonde's questions, "...soon can surgery...," and "if chemo is needed..." In that moment all she can quantify is how grateful she is to feel Piper's gentle squeeze.
As they walk to the train, they're initially quiet, until the brunette starts, "what if once he gets in there, it's much worse than he thinks it is?"
"Don't think about the worst case scenario. He's optimistic, everything's going to be fine."
"Do you have some kind of deal with the grim reaper that I don't know about?"
"No but I..."
"But what? You can't promise me that 'everything's going to be fine.' You don't know that, so stop saying it."
The blonde opens her mouth to retaliate but instead rubs the brunettes back in wide circles.
"What if...," she pauses, "what did he say? If it involves lymph nodes than I definitely need chemo right?"
The blonde nods silently.
"What if I need chemo and it doesn't work? Harper's not even in high school."
Piper stops her, "Al...," she waits until their eyes lock, "I will read everything there is to read, learn about every alternative treatment, call whomever I have to call, and get you to wherever you need to be to ensure that you have the best care that exists. I don't know the grim reaper, but I can do that."
At home their kids laze out in the living room, as they head into the kitchen to continue their conversation out of earshot.
Harper gets up to get some water, when she stops and hears,
"Does our insurance even cover this? These consults? Surgery? Possible chemo?"
"Al...," Piper starts with a patronizing tone, but stops abruptly due to the I dare you to fuck with me look she receives from her wife. "I could call and check, but I'm sure it does. The financial parts are the least important and there's always payment plans if we need them. And if there aren't... well, I don't really fucking care Alex."
Harper leans down on the couch asks Jamie at a whisper, "chemo is what they used for your friends grandma's cancer right?"
"Yeah, why?"
She whispers at a hiss, "moms are talking about it." She beckons for him to go somewhere more private so they retreat to Jamie's room. "Ma went to a doctor last week but she said she didn't have cancer, but what if she was lying to me, because she didn't want me to know?"
Her brother looks completely blindsided, before he can muster, "what exactly did you hear?"
They pace around his room and try to piece together what they know.
Their children look unnatural, as they've been asked to come into the living room to have a seat on the couch together. Piper sits on the smaller couch, while Alex half sits beside her, on the arm. Once again she's nauseous, as nerves pulse throughout her body.
After Piper prepares them, she squeezes the brunette's thigh,
"...well they came back as cancerous." She averts her eyes from Jamie's stunned, heartache-filled expression. "The doctor said it's early and thinks I'll just need surgery to get it out, but I might need some extra therapy to be on the safe side."
Even though they overheard, hearing it confirmed brings new sadness, confusion and primarily fear. Her son appears angry, at the injustice. Her sight-lines change from her son to her daughter,
"you didn't know when you told me you didn't have cancer right?," Harper asks.
"No," she says with a sad reassurance that she hadn't kept something this big from her, that this wasn't an act of betrayal, "thats when I went to have the screening tests. I didn't know."
The young blonde nods, and gets up almost immediately to give her a hug. She pulls back, but just looking at her mom who's trying to be brave, and failing, because she knows her too well, she breaks, "but you're gonna be okay right?!" She looks between both of her mother's for that confirmation. "Because Joey's grandma," her voice cracks, "died of cancer," she says gravely, "but yours is still early."
She hugs her daughter tightly and sucks in air to get just enough. Piper immediately replies, "we're going to do everything to make sure she's okay."
Harper takes a big breath and rests her head along the brunette's shoulder
"So when do they want to do surgery? How fast can they get it out?," Jamie inquires.
"I'm scheduled for next week."
"But I'm back at school next week...," he says implying this day isn't going to work for him. "Can they do it this week?"
"Nah babe, they need to do preliminary blood work, some preparations and stuff," his ma says. "They already got me in as early as possible."
"It's okay, we'll call you with updates and let you know what's happening," Piper reassures him.
His eyes widen as if she's crazy. "I'm not going back if this is happening next week."
Alex raises an eyebrow, "you're going. There's nothing you can do here that you can't do from over there."
"I'm not going to school while you're here going through this," he says unbelievably. "There's nothing that I'm going to learn the first week anyway, we just cover the syllabuses, people transfer in and out of classes," he stands up, his passion makes it unbearable to remain seated, "and even if we did, do you think I'm actually gonna pay attention if you're over here and I'm there!?"
She looks him up and down and up again, disenchanted with his uprise. She stands up, they stand eye to eye. He leans forward, which makes her scoff, "this stance of yours... is not only unappealing but it's borderline aggressive, and I don't like it."
He swallows, and blinks hard," I'm staying," he reiterates.
She rolls her eyes, shoves his shoulder slightly and flicks her hand to do away with him, "Okay, okay, fine, you win you teenaged giant," she says easily defeated.
Jamie sits, crosses his ankle over his knee and leans into the arm of the couch, irritatedly satisfied.
"And I don't want to go to camp anymore."
Her mothers both look at her incredulously, "what happened?"
"I just want to spend the summer at home."
"Why don't we see how everything goes? By then mom should feel better, yeah?"
Alex adds, "I appreciate you guys wanting to be here, but how am I supposed to feel if you're missing out on things because you're watching me be miserable?"
Telling Nicky, was another event in and of itself. "I wanted you to know, because I'd want you to tell me if it was you."
Her wild haired friend nods silently for a bit, emotions course through her veins; her bottom lip trembles in hesitation while she juts out her teeth, "Yeah, I mean, I'm glad I know," she shrugs thinking, what the hell am I gonna do if this goes south: Piper, baby Vauseman's, my best fuckin friend... her thought process redirects, if I'm feeling this way..., "on a scale from 1-10 how far gone is Chapman?"
"In front of people? She's been okay, shes got the 'everything will be okay' mantra going on, but she's broken down a few times."
Nicky chuckles and breathes heavily unable to mask her sadness, her voice tremble, "it is gonna be okay though right? Because I can count the number of people I care about on this one hand... and the tallest one," she double taps her middle finger, "would be you."
The brunette can't help but smile widely, but her cheeks and nose redden, "yeah, look I mean I'll take the vitamins and supplements and rest and you know Piper's already printed out three lists of foods that support colorectal health that I'm sure will actually make me want to kill myself," she finishes with a wet, teary snicker. She runs her hand through her hair and moves it to one side. "Nick, I was mainly wondering if you'd be able to stay in the waiting room...you know...for Piper? I know..."
"Vause, I got it," stopping her, not needing an explanation.
The brunette nods, grateful for not having to spell it out.
"I got it, I'll bring the Jenga, the magic tricks, the snacks..."
Ten days later, she wakes up in the recovery room to Piper's feather light strokes around her face. Her wife's face, is unusually clear as it's a few mere inches away from her own.
Groggily, her eyes squint, "did I survive?"
The smile that could light up the world mirrors back at her, "you did." She helps Alex lift up her neck to adjust her pillow. "How do you feel?"
"Tired, but I'm fine. Mmmungry."
"No food yet babe."
"Did they say when I can eat?"
Piper averts her eyes, "probably tomorrow."
"What?," the brunette's grumbles not having the energy to raise her pitch.
"They said today you're just supposed to lay around and have your pain controlled, as the anesthesia wears off. Tomorrow you can get up and walk around if you're up to it, but they have to hear your intestines move and you have to pass gas."
"So I have to wait to fart before I can eat anything?!," she bitterly slurs.
"'fraid so," she says and kisses the top of her head, "I'll be right back, just want to let them know you're awake."
"Tell J to grab me a burger."
She returns with Nicky and their kids, who are prompted to speak softly as people were recovering, but when they see her, she should've known they wouldn't have needed the prompt. The plethora of medical equipment attached to the brunette was intimidating: the nasal cannula, the ekg monitor, iv line, blood pressure cuff, pulse oximeter, catheter, compression boots etc. They rotate in keeping her company primarily remaining quiet as she dozes in and out, until she's deemed stable enough to transfer to what will be her room for the better part of a week. They stay with her well into the night as her room is private, but leave only after Piper promises they'll return in a few hours with some comforts from home.
Early in the morning Piper leaves the house before the sun has risen, before her kids have woken up; they'd only slept for a few hours as they stayed up talking into the early morning, wishing she was home with them. Jamie can vaguely remember a time where his ma didn't sleep at home, but for Harper, the concept is a completely foreign one as she's never slept in their home without her mom. Piper leaves them a note on the counter with visiting hours as well as her room number in case they hadn't remembered.
The hallways of the hospital are busy as the medical assistants take vital signs, and the nurses are giving out the morning meds. She walks into her wife's room and sees her wincing as she tries to change her position.
"What're you doing!?," she admonishes and scurries closer to her bed to help her.
"I just want to lay on my side."
"You're supposed to take it slow," she says sternly but with concerned eyes.
"Do you see me going anywhere fast?," the brunette quips sardonically, "I'm not an invalid."
Piper helps her bend her knees up and assists her to her side. Her nurse comes in to assess her pain level, hands her her pain medication and reassures her an aide will be in shortly to help her wash up.
"That won't be necessary," Piper reassures as she unzips the suitcase she'd brought with toiletries from home. She scrounges around the hospital room and gathers the things Alex needs to brush her teeth and get washed up in bed. Piper walks back and forth to the sink to rinse and ring out the washcloth and comes back to her bedside to wipe down her neck and back.
Alex hooks her hands behind Pipers neck to sit up some, "if you could lean a little further and go a touch slower...," Alex stops speaking as Piper pulls back slightly afraid she's moved too fast, Alex continues, "it would elevate the naughty nurse vibe just a tad."
The blonde playfully, taps her wife, "asshole."
Piper hands her the lotion, while she starts spraying her hair with dry shampoo; she brushes it back gently and styles it up in a messy bun.
"Hey..." she says as her kids come in through the doorway.
"How're you feeling?," Harper asks as she puts her bag down on the table, gives her a long hug, and snuggles up next to her.
"Honestly?"
Jamie nods.
"I'm sore all over here," she points to the area below her belly button, "and I feel like a jagged brick tore through my asshole."
"Hey!," Piper says excitedly, "that's how I felt when you guys were born!"
Harper's eyebrows narrow in sympathy while Jamie is nonplussed as if he expected such a response; he sits down in the vacant arm chair beside his mothers bed.
"Did you get enough sleep? Alex asks them both but runs her hand over Harper's head, "you look tired."
"I couldn't sleep well knowing you were here," the young blonde sulks.
"It'll just be a short while, hopefully just a few days."
Her daughter half frowns.
"It's not so bad, and the foods been great," she says over-emphatically.
Jamie looks surprised, "they let you eat?"
"Uh, no," she says dully.
"So you didn't fart yet?," he asks.
Alex hangs her head back and turns it toward Piper, "really?"
"He asked last night if he could bring you food, because you're seriously acting like you've never gone a day without a meal," she mutters under her breath, "sending him S.O.S texts."
"We brought you the New York Times crossword, since mom said you couldn't eat and the hospital said no flowers," Harper says pulling out the paper.
As a side effect from her pain killers, much like the day before, the brunette falls in and out of sleep. At one point she wakes up to Nicky, flipping through the tv channels but the sound is muted.
"You could turn up the volume," she says breaking the silence. She leans back some but holds her breath.
Her best friend turns the tv off and sits at the edge of the bed, "you doing okay?"
"Yeah, I've pretty much just slept."
Nicky puts a pillow between the brunette's knees to make her more comfortable.
"Thanks."
"S'alright, you need to rest. Your pack just went downstairs to grab some lunch."
"I'm actually fucking starving."
"I've been told. But I swore to Chapman that I wouldn't cave on food, but if it's any consolation I can offer you this hospital grade broth and this cup of juice."
Her eyes widen, "pass it over!," she demands without questioning.
She sips the lukewarm broth from the bowl, as Nicky peels back the foil from her tiny juice cup.
"On a scale from 1 to 10, how shitty do I look right now?"
"You look fine," she leans over and inhales, "you smell okay too." She takes the soup bowl and swaps it with Alex's juice cup.
"Yeah Piper helped me get washed up earlier."
"Bed bath. Nice."
"It's not as hot as I imagined. Pretty pitiful actually."
"Look at it as being loved versus pitied."
"Nicky!," Piper admonishes as the brunette has the juice cup tilted back to finish the last morsel.
She rises from the corner of the bed, "chill out, she farted like at least three times while you were gone," she reassured her.
"Oh good!," Piper says with so much enthusiasm that it causes Alex to bury her head in her pillow, as her kids are within earshot and her friend was put on flatulence auscultation duty. With closed eyes she mutters, "you know what?," she opens her eyes, "I don't even care."
As only one family member can stay overnight, Jamie declares that he's staying with her, as he assisted her nurse earlier with moving her from her bed to the chair. He turns his back toward her bed as her nurse comes in once the rest of the family leaves to discontinue her catheter. They stay up watching late night talk shows, when she sits up extremely slowly and brings her legs to the side of the bed. Without being asked, Jamie helps her stand up and walks her to the bathroom for the first time in two days. She takes a while, but he's happy to slowly assist her back to bed.
She slicks her glasses on top of her head, "you'd really rather be doing this than catching up with the soccer guys?"
He helps gets her adjusted onto her side. "I live for this," he says with a smidge of sarcasm.
"I don't love that you've missed classes, but I'm glad I get to see you for another few days," she admits.
"I expect nothing less," he tells her.
He rummages through the suitcase that Piper packed and grabs a bag of chips but then scoffs when he realizes they're lentil chips that resemble cardboard. "Ugh. You know, she does this on purpose," he says reluctantly opening the bag, "picking the most tasteless items so I'd be more likely to eat a piece of fruit," he bites a chip, "but it won't work."
"I'd kill for a friggen bean chip kid, please."
"Are you still hungry?," he asks genuinely concerned. "I'll go find something..."
"I feel like you, like a bottomless pit..."
"All you've had is liquid ma, I'll find something."
"Then I'll have to pee again in the middle of the night, it's fine."
"That's what I'm here for," he stands up and wipes his hands on his jeans. "Lemme see what they have," he says walking out quickly.
"J...," she calls insisting he shouldn't bother as she won't want to bother him to help her up at night but she figures she can just call her nurse for help and try not to disturb him.
He returns excitedly, "they said you could have jello! Just don't tell Harper, and maybe pudding or a milkshake tomorrow."
She practically rips the jello from his hands, desperate for anything with slightly more texture.
Harper claims Saturday night, as she didn't have to compete with anyone else for Piper was bringing Jamie back up to school. They do an international doors puzzle on the lowered hospital tray table while Harper talks her ear off about dancing school drama. As Alex gets tired, Harper plays music from her phone and paints her mothers toenails a smokey grey.
The following morning, her oncologist comes in to do rounds, and asks Alex if she wants Harper to step out while they talk.
"Why don't you see if there's anything you want to eat from the cafeteria?," Alex asks her.
She hesitates momentarily before asking, "can I just stay?"
The brunette swallows, she'll be informed of most of this anyway one way or another, she semi-reluctantly nods.
Her doctor slowly nods and takes a seat, he explains that after surgery, he's still optimistic that there isn't lymph node involvement. He explains dietary restrictions and recommendations, anticipatory guidance for when things should resume to normal and reviews options, "therefore, chemotherapy isn't necessarily recommended."
"But it's been done before," Alex confirms.
Harper's eyes rapidly move from her mother to the doctor.
"Yes, it has, but it only increases your chances of survival by 5%."
Alex glances at her daughter, "but its 5% more."
"Chemotherapy is not benign. It's a powerful combination of drugs, that ceases the growth of healthy normal cells in addition to cancerous cells, including layers of membrane usually in the mouth, and it lowers the capacity of your immune system making you prone to infection. It's common for patients to need hospitalization just to deal with the side effects. There were no adhesions from the colon to nearby tissues, your procedure went well. I'm just asking you to think about it, perhaps with your partner, and you can decide in a few weeks."
With her tongue in her cheek she agrees, "alright."
"Any questions?," he asks as he stands up to leave.
"Not right now."
"I have a question," Harper gently speaks up.
Her doctor sits back down.
"Is there anything we can do now to make sure she heals better from her surgery?"
Her doctor smiles.
"Yes, helping her take it easy, she should move around the house, because we don't want her to just lay in bed, but no working, no heavy lifting. If you can help with errands and work around the house, that's a big help. Trying to keep her relaxed is very helpful too. Making sure people who are sick, stay away. "
"Okay."
Her mothers doctor walks toward the door.
"Thank you."
Several months, and several rounds of chemo therapy (against her families wishes) later, Alex pulls the straightening iron down the length of Harper's hair. Her daughter's texting while she simultaneously scrolls through social media stopping to show her mom various things she thinks she'll find amusing. A text comes through, she leans forward away from the iron and looks over her shoulder, "mom, Jeremy wants to come up before we leave."
The brunette brushes out the segment that she just straightened.
Her daughter prompts again, knowing she's not been the most social lately, "is it alright if he comes up? He wants to say hi."
She releases a tired sigh, "yeah," she says, while she rubs a hand over her own head, confirming her slouchy hat was positioned okay.
Her daughter texts him back, "I'll tell him not to expect a variety hour."
The brunette chuckles and tilts her daughters head back so she can finish. When she's done, she leans over pushing her daughters shoulder back to see if she needs to touch up any parts.
"Gorgeous, if I do say so myself," the brunette concludes.
Her daughter scampers away to check herself out in the bathroom mirror. She scurries back to give her a thankful hug, the brunette kisses her on the cheek and tells her to have a great time.
"Oooh, your nose is freezing," the blonde pulls back.
"My whole being is perpetually freezing," she says lifting the lapel of her oversized crocheted sweater, and wrapping it snuggly around her thinner waist. "I'm always cold... and tired... and nauseous."
Her daughter frowns and gently pushes the brunette back onto the couch to relax, "at least let me make you some tea."
"It's okay babe, I can make my own. Go make sure you have whatever you need for tonight."
Jeremy comes up, he's early, slightly overly dressed and eagerly places a corsage of wildflowers on her daughter's wrist. She can tell she loves it, it fits her daughter's personality perfectly and she takes note that he's made a big deal about her daughters last junior high school dance. He doesn't down play it or make her feel like it's less significant than one of his high school dances. And he brings a tray of food, that he made with his mother, who's waiting downstairs in the car, that "has...," he thinks, "antioxidants, and immune system boosters that should be good for someone who's trying to fight a good battle." She's appreciative of the thought alone, but seeing her daughter break down with gratitude before her, earned the kid an extra hour or two out after prom. While Harper goes to get her bag, Alex asks him to request "Rich Girl," at the dance, "the reggae one, not the shitty one. That's important and say it's dedicated from me. And make sure she dances her ass off." He looks at her confused but agrees.
Piper comes rushing in, frazzled and immediately looks more calm once she sees that her daughters hair is done and she hasn't missed the kids before they left.
"Did you take pictures yet?"
"Mom, no, we'll take a million there."
"And you'll take a few here too."
"Mom..., we have to go. Mom doesn't feel well and Mrs. Hinton is downstairs waiting."
"So we better be quick about these pictures then," she says putting all of her belongings down and rummaging through her bag for her cell.
Harper looks pleadingly at Alex for some back up, but the brunette shakes her head, "this is what I'm fighting for."
Their forks clatter on their empty plates as they both had a small portion of Jeremy & co.'s casserole. Despite how she felt, she knew Alex still preferred to have the sounds of chaos throughout their home, that it just made her feel more complete.
"You know what I was thinking?," Piper says taking a breath after she swallows.
"Hmm?," the brunette raises her eyebrows.
"That we haven't played cards in a very long time."
The brunette slowly changes position, she tries to mask the nausea and indigestion on her face but Piper can't help but notice.
The brunette settles, "yeah because I dominate you every time. And then you get all pouty... and pissy and I don't wanna deal with it."
Piper begins to recant but then stops as her wife's statement is actually accurate. She goes off and returns with a deck of cards, and deals out seven cards each to help her wife take her mind off of the empty house.
After a couple of hours of playing, she sets a cup of green tea, a few spoonfuls of mashed potatoes and a small bowl of fiber filled puréed soup down on the side table.
The brunette looks at her baby food, "this isn't exactly you're typical casino fare."
"No?"
"No, and they might just happen to be on one of your 92,000 lists of recommended foods. "
"Oh?," the blonde retorts aloofly, "hadn't noticed."
"You're sincerely the worst fuckin liar behind Harper. I mean, could your subtlety be anymore pitiful? And can I please have a beer? I can't play cards with you anymore without beer."
"Gin," Piper gloats laying her hand down.
"Are you fucking serious? You beat me?"
"I did," she's giddy.
"You're taking advantage of a half dying woman."
Piper's playful expression immediately changes, "don't say that."
"Okay then, only a third of me is dying," she once again pulls her sweater around her body more snugly, semi-conscious that she's unable to maintain body heat in the middle of June.
At that, the blonde covers her with a blanket, careful not to pity her. She gets her a beer that's been hanging out with the rest of a neglected six pack at the back of their fridge, "just one."
The brunette smiles victoriously, her cell phone chimes with a video of her daughter dancing and giggling like a fool to "Rich Girl."
At 8pm, she watches her wife fade into the couch half conscious, secondary to the side effects of chemo, the expended energy helping their child getting ready for her last junior high school dance, and the effect that alcohol has after not having a drink for months. She pecks her lightly on her chilled forehead but the brunette doesn't budge. She covers her with another throw blanket on the couch, and sets herself up to sleep beneath her on the floor. She sits on the ground and rests her chin on the seat of couch, taking in all of the changes. Her skin appears dry, the grey peach fuzz hair that she can just make out near her temples under her hat, her lithe fragile frame. She pushes herself off of the ground and returns with one of her favorite lotions laced with eucalyptus. She squeezes a quarter amount into her palm and begins gently massaging the cream into the skin of her wife's hands. She repeats lightly around her face and neck and ends with her feet.
She mouths at just barely a whisper, "you better fight like hell...because I need you, Alex Vause."
After Alex's insistence that she was fine to drive, she takes the keys to go pick up their son from the airport, with Nicky as her co-pilot.
"What's the matter?," Nicky asks as she watches the brunette rapidly tap the steering wheel while they're sitting at a red light.
"Just want him to land safely and I'm excited to see him."
"Haven't you seen him?"
"I'm not sure if seeing someone but not being able to touch them, is worse than not being able to see them at all."
The ex-junkie philosopher ponders this for a moment before agreeing, "I don't know either."
Her phone pings and Nicky relays he says he landed; she watches her formerly brunette friend who's been sporting a fedora these days, relax her shoulders. She gently brushes her fingertips through her friends barely ear length silver hair, and then massages the remaining tension from her neck, "did you tell him the first tests came back negative?"
The bespectacled woman shakes her head, but smiles, "not yet, but I can't wait."
A/N: I want to say I've written about their love of coffee 2 or 3 times throughout this series, but when Alex spazzed out about coffee in s6 (and then broke our hearts 20 seconds later)or when she said you should see her (Piper) ask for a manager- it is somewhat gratifying when those things line up.
I had requests for Alex to be gravely sick, for Piper to defend her/advocate for her, and for Piper to drive her crazy while taking care of her.
I loved so much about season 6, including of course their prison wedding and I love that Nicky was involved, as I imagine she'd be. I don't know if Alex realizes it, but I feel like she'll continue her friendship w her once they're out. One in a million, that Nicky Nichols.
What were your favorite parts?