Being mean to Kiyomi was…well, sort of hard. She was just so obedient and hot as heck. Hidan tried to focus on whatever tiny thing she might have done to tick him off but it was almost impossible. She did everything to please him, so caring and sweet.

He groaned when she handed him a cup of tea. Shit, how the fuck did she know he wanted some iced black tea? Damn he need to come up with something to distance her away from him.

Sipping on his tea-which ice and sugar were both at his favorite amount, he frowned and thought hard. He was actually using his brain this time. Then it hit him; yes, since he was so good with thinking by his lower half…then a wide smirk spread between his lips. Aha!

"I'm, uh, going to go out and get something." Hidan muttered before leaving the house. Kiyomi frowned. He had been slightly distancing away from her, what did she ever do wrong?

It was all Kakuzu's idea. He had told Hidan to 'simply' go to a thrift shop and buy a gift. Hidan had easily come up with the suggestion to give Kiyomi a Jashin pendant but received an uber huge smack on the back of the head from Kakuzu. Hidan honestly thought that would be a great present!

"Get the wench a bracelet or barrette…something pretty. Just not a ring, rings send a complete wrong message." Kakuzu had instructed in detail.

Obviously unimpressed, Hidan had retorted, "What do you know about women and their fascination with little pieces of crap?"

"Obviously more than you. Who would want a pendant from you?" Kakuzu rolled his jade eyes.

"My son!" Hidan snapped, "He likes it very much. Just as much as my sweetcheeks likes my coc-"

"I don't need that specific information, Hidan." Kakuzu growled in disgust. When will this Jashinist just stop referring to sex every single second? "Just do what I say. Pick out the present carefully. Use your puny little brain to actually think about what she may like."

Hidan hesitated for a little while before pointing his index finger angrily at his partner, "Hey! How dare you fucking say I have a small brain?"

Kakuzu gawked at Hidan, taking no interest whatsoever in arguing about the Jashinist's intelligence.

This pissed Hidan off even more, making him hoot loudly, "Well, 'Kuzu! I have a big cock to replace my lack of intelligence and that helps me get laid very easily!"

"I highly doubt that that is something to take pride in." Kakuzu shook his head wistfully.

Seeing his Akatsuki supposedly-ally belittle him when the subject was about his pompous manhood seriously offended Hidan, "Kakuzu, how dare you!"

The dark skinned man shrugged, "I simply speak my mind."

"You…moneyfucker!" Hidan didn't give up.

"And you are a woman fucker." Kakuzu closed his eyes.

"Jashin-sama says you will no longer be blessed no more." Hidan folded his arms across his chest.

Kakuzu smirked, "Your grammar, Hidan." He knew that pair of violet eyes were shooting him a death glare, "That's why I said you have a small brain. You're stupid."

"I'm not stupid!" Hidan screamed in defeat, throwing his arms out in the air in defeat.

Kakuzu opened his eyes, "Really, Hidan."

"You…" Hidan clenched his fists, not being able to have a witty comeback, "Argh!"

"Hey dude." Hidan waved at the store owner, swaggering over to the counter, drumming his long fingers at the glass surface.

"Hello, sir, may I service you today?" The owner of the thrift shop asked politely.

"Why you sure may!" Hidan laughed boldly, "I'm getting a gift for a chick, and uh, I don't know what I should buy."

"A chick?" The owner raised an eyebrow, "As in a sister, a relative, a fiancé, a girlfriend…or you mean a real chicken?"

Hidan rolled his eyes, "Uh duh, just some bitch."

The owner cleared his throat, trying to get his mind straight of what this customer wanted, "Is the lady very close to you? How old is she, what color does she like…any ideas?"

"Um, we're not too close. We fuck and stuff, but yeah. I don't want her to get clingy and shit. Her age? Hmm…she's like, uh, twenty-five? I'm not sure. And I don't think she has a favorite color. But I like purple on her," Hidan rubbed his chin, thinking hard, "The purple really brings out her snowy skin and chocolate eyes, like a porcelain doll. Yeah, I think I want to get something purple and nice, girly. My bastard friend of mine told me to get her a bracelet or necklace. But y'know, I don't know." He shrugged, shooting the owner a smile.

"Well then," The owner cleared his throat again.

Gee, this customor must have two alter egos or something; he kept highlighting the fact that the woman and his relationship was strictly based on sex, but when he began talking about her, his eyes would look off into no where, sparkling. This silver haired man certainly loved the woman he was buying a gift for, so why not make it special?

"Well then," The owner repeated once again, "I have some for you to check out, and if you don't like it, we have more. Just let me…" He bent down and unlocked the glass exhibition case and brought a tray with jewelry on it. "There are rings, earrings, anklets, bangles…"

Hidan waved his hand annoyingly for him to shut up and examined through the pile of luxury, silver, gold, jade, handcrafted…until a piece grabbed his attention. Well, technically speaking, two pieces. It was a pair of earrings, studded with diamonds, each with a unique, crystal clear amethyst embroidered in the middle. It sent chills down his spine when he saw it. It was perfect. With a satisfied grin, he pointed at them, "I want those."

Returning to Kiyomi's house and welcomed by a hug from each his son and lover, he patted the boy's head and told him to run along while he pulled Kiyomi's hand, entering the bedroom.

"Hidan," She whispered, touching his arm, "Is everything okay?"

He was eerily quiet.

He shot her a smug yet handsome smirk, reaching his hand into his pocket and pulling out a petite, velvet box.

Oh gosh, he wasn't going to propose, was he? Her heart pounded, her throat ready to burst out with a shriek.

"Sweetcheeks." He looked at her with his mesmerizing violet eyes, "I want to give this to you."

He opened the box, and it shimmered. It wasn't a ring, but it was something just as good.

It was a pair of earrings, just as stunning as his eyes.

"Hidan, it's too extravagant…it's beautiful." She couldn't believe her eyes, her body was trembling in excitement.

"You're beautiful. You deserve it." He faked in a romantic tone. Yeah, she was gorgeous, but saying something like that made him want to puke. Stupid Kakuzu told him to do this.

Yet hey, it's working. She was totally buying this romantic shit! Her eyes were sparkling like she was on crack or whatever. Her lips were slightly open as she smiled. Oh how he wanted to shove himself-no, not now. He mentally shook himself.

Her chocolate brown eyes blinked at him before she leaned over, kissing him so passionately on the lips, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

'Thank you' was the substitution of 'I love you' to her; since she will never have the chance to tell him how much she loved him.

"Er, yeah, sure, whatever." Hidan stammered, feeling awkward. It's not like he was really giving it to her without a hidden agenda. And he got it at a thrift shop, so totally not worth this hype she's channeling right now.

Hidan forced a chuckle, ruffling her hair as he pushed her gently away from him, "I'm glad you like it. You should put it on and show me sometime."

Kiyomi beamed, her face glowing pink, "Okay, why not now?" She picked up an earring and gestured to hoop through around her earlobe but Hidan abruptly grabbed her wrist, stopping her. She blinked at him confusedly. Gee, his grip was rather tight.

"F—fine, Hidan-danna." Kiyomi struggled to pull herself away, rubbing her wrist, "I'll just wear it next time. Don't be mad."

"I'm not." Hidan muttered, giving her a pat on the cheek before leaving the room, leaving Kiyomi sitting on the bed with mixed emotions.

What was he doing? Sure, he was moody most of the time, but his temper was borderline erratic! She didn't know men had symptoms of PMS too.

Shaking her head and negative thoughts away, she looked back down at the pair of earrings in the velvet box. They glittered in the most glamourous shade of purple, which was the exact same color of her lover and son's eyes. Her lips couldn't help themselves by curving up pleasantly, her fingertips admiring the luxurious jewelry. She felt like a princess-she loved receiving gifts, especially from loved ones. The giddy feeling inside of her was the same when she saw the white gown her father gave her when she was thirteen. It made her feel important and pampered. It wasn't bad to be spoiled every once now and then.

"Hey kid," Hidan patted his son's head, "Can you do me a favor?"

"Fo' shizzle, daddy!" Himaru nodded as he scratched Trix's back.

Hidan cackled, shoving the folded note into his son's hand, "Give this to your mom."

"Why don't you give it to her?" His son asked, "She's just in her room..."

Hidan lowered his voice, pretending to look to the left then right, "It's a secret."

Himaru's purple eyes sparkled in delight, "Oh goody! I love secrets! Can I read it?"

"No, but I promise I can share more secrets with you sometime." Hidan lied.

"I'll do it." Himaru put it into his pocket, "Don't worry."

"Good. I know I can always count on you." Hidan patted him on the little hand in approval.

"Duh, no shit daddy." Himaru rolled his eyes.

"I'm out for a stroll now, kiddo." The silver-headed father waved as he left the house.

"Hey Himaru." Kiyomi walked to the backyard, greeting her son, "How are you and Trix?"

"I'm good, Trix is chillin'." Himaru answered, picking up the rabbit.

"Chillin'?" His mother repeated, a little confused.

"Chilling out, cool." The son explained, "He's pretty fly."

His mother shot him another puzzled look.

"Mama, you don't get to many terms." Himaru sighed, "You're not cool enough."

Kiyomi laughed, "Well I guess being fly isn't terribly important. Those aren't serious words, Himaru."

Himaru giggled, his eyes widening, "Oh, Mama," He stuck his hand into his pocket and handed her the piece of paper, "Daddy left you a note."

"Oh!" She smiled, taking it from his small hand, "Thanks, Himaru." She unfolded the crimpled note and on it was Hidan's scribbled handwriting: 'Meet me at the hotel at 1 o'clock. You know which room'. She blushed, quickly stuffing it into her pocket, "You didn't read it, did you?"

"No, mama." Himaru shook his head, "Is there a secret in there?"

"No." She lied guiltily, "Of course not."

It would be time for Hidan and herself, without Himaru's disturbance-although their 'family' time was quite precious as well.

Kiyomi strolled back into her bedroom and picked out a nice but cheap dress, because she knew Hidan would tear it off into shreds anyways. Underneath, she wore a brand new set of expensive lingerie. She had bought the pricey undergarments a few weeks ago, waiting for the chance to wear them. Today seemed like the day.

She hummed a merry tune as she fixed her hair and put on the pair of earrings Hidan had previously given her. Admiring her own reflection, she had a sweet smile playing upon her lips. It was like going on a romantic date with her lover-except Hidan has nothing to do with romance whatsoever…but oh how much she wished he did.

"Mama will be back to prepare dinner, be a good boy, okay?" was what she told Himaru before putting on a cloak and leaving the house.

In her bag were candles and rose pedals: she wanted to arrive at the hotel early so she could set the place up first, just to set the atmosphere as romantic yet sexy.

Picking up the key at the front desk, she ignored the strange look the hotel owner was shooting her. Kiyomi silently unopened the door, a mixture of women's perfume and musk-the smell of sex went straight into her nostrils. She frowned, looking around the room and-"Oh my god." She gasped, sharply.

On the hotel bed, two naked bodies were grinding their loins towards each other, passionately-no, almost furiously. The silver hair belonged only to one man and the woman? She didn't know. But the wet slapping of the bodies weren't the only sexual sounds in the room.

"Ahh, Hidan, ohh faster!" The naked woman was bouncing up and down on top of him screaming loudly, kneading her own breasts, "Mmm, ahhh, harder!"

"You just love that, don't you?" Hidan laughed, giving the woman a spank, making her squeal.

Kiyomi stood at the door, completely petrified and paralyzed by the raw scene in front of her.

She didn't notice herself staring until the unknown woman scowled at her, "Wrong room, bitch!"

"I- I know, I'm sorry…" Kiyomi stammered, her eyes darting to the floor at her toes.

"Mina-chan, don't talk like that, sweetcheeks and I know each other." Hidan scolded, spanking her again, causing 'Mina' to moan in pleasure, "Ohh! I'm sorry, Hidan-danna…ahh!"

Hidan groaned loudly as well. These two shameless people just reached their orgasms right in front of her. Kiyomi's stomach tied into knots, she couldn't breathe-but what hurt the most was her heart. It was like it was stabbed and now it was sinking in its own blood.

"'Sweetcheeks'?" Mina exclaimed in distaste, but then rubbed her cheek against Hidan's chest purring, "Why don't you give me a nickname too?"

Why did he call Mina by her name?

Why doesn't he ever bother to call her Kiyomi and not 'sweetcheeks'?

And why the fuck was Mina calling him 'Hidan-danna'? That was what she addressed him by in bed, not other women!

"You know I love your name." Hidan kissed her forehead. Mina giggled in response, eyeing the intruder at the door, licking her lips, "You know, we could always have a threesome…"

Hidan snorted, but stroked Mina's bare back, "What's up, sweetcheeks?" He had a grin on his face. A satisfied grin.

Watching him make love to another woman and caress her after was sickening.

Tears increased in Kiyomi's chocolate brown eyes. She tried to hold them back by forcing a smile on her face, "I…I brought you lunch." She held up her bag as her voice cracked, "Roasted ribs, your favorite." She dug out a neatly wrapped lunchbox and placed it on the table by the door, bowing at the two of them, "I'm sorry for my disturbance." She didn't notice the pair of violet eyes staring intently at her the whole time.

Hidan's smirk hardened stiffly.

Damn, learning the fact that she made him lunch made his stomach twist and turn, maybe he crossed the line a little too much. That horrified, hurt look on her face made him feel like whenever he forgot to stab himself directly in the heart during his rituals. Ahh, fuck. He was feeling bad for her. What the heck? Hidan never felt bad for anyone, certainly not this bitch! Wait. Sweetcheeks wasn't a bitch. She wasn't one, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself. She brought him roasted ribs, for Jashin's sake!

For the first time, he wanted to kick himself in the shin for hurting her like that; the way she glanced away offendedly by his blunt actions and the way her pretty face twitched…

Hidan hated when women cried, but he couldn't help himself for wanting to reach for her hand and apologize.

Turning the knob with her sweaty palms, Kiyomi ran out the room and dashed down the hall, angry tears streaming down her cheeks. Running into an empty alley, she collapsed onto the ground, sobbing hysterically. She had sworn to herself never to cry over Hidan again!

She thought things were going smoothly between them; he had gave her the earrings and she was expecting today to be a private time to cuddle just for the two of them. Maybe even his chance to apologize for being such a jerk to her lately. But it appeared that he was a bigger jerk-face than ever!

"We fucked with her alright." The whore, Mina laughed, tossing her head back.

Hidan pushed the prostitute off of him rudely, "You didn't. I did."

"What's the matter? Don't you want a round two?" Mina draped an arm across his chest, wanting to straddle him again.

"No, hands off." Hidan snapped, "Your hour is up anyways."

"Fine with me." Mina yawned, rolling to the side of the bed, not shy at all that her chest was fully exposed.

"Well, Mina," Hidan began, sitting up from the bed.

"Hmm?" The whore closed her eyes.

"I have a pretty nice shaft, right?" Hidan asked consciously. He would never ask this embarrassing question to anyone, thanks to dumbass Kakuzu, making him lose faith in his own manhood!

"Um, it's not too shabby." Mina answered with another yawn, "You're hot too, so it just adds to it."

"I knew it!" Hidan threw a fist into the air victoriously, jumping off the bed, "Thanks, slut. Now get your perky ass out in fifteen minutes. Bye!"

He scrambled to the wooden floor, pulling up his pants and he was out the door before his cloak was on. Sweetcheeks wouldn't be that hard to track down.

Easy enough, Hidan spotted her skinny self crouched-almost collapsed on the ground of an alleyway bawling her heart out.

"Whatcha doing, sweetcheeks?" A voice rose behind her. It was Hidan.

Kiyomi continued to cry into her palms, choosing to ignore him. She heard him click his tongue in annoyance. She then realized a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist tightly, "I told you to be there at one o'clock." He whispered.

"It doesn't matter anymore." She spat, hatred rolled off the tip of her tongue.

"I'm sorry for having you to see that." Hidan nuzzled at her neck. She struggled but it only made him hug her tighter, "Mina-chan and I were just fooling around."

"So fucking each other is 'fooling around' to you," She howled in disgust, "So Himaru was just the result of us fooling around!"

"I didn't say that, sweetcheeks." Hidan growled, thrashing his warm tongue onto her bare neck, "I like how you taste more anyways."

"Don't touch me!" Kiyomi snapped, pushing him away, "I don't want you to use your dirty, disgusting body to touch me."

He grabbed onto her waist, "Disgusting? Really?" He grinded himself shamelessly against her lower back, "I find my body quite attractive and sexually talented. Don't you?"

Her skin prickled in sweet agony as she felt his erection pressing against her dress.

"What else did you bring in that little bag of yours?" He whispered huskily, letting go of her and picking up the bag. She wanted to snatch it back but he held it up high, teasing her.

"Hidan." She warned, extending her palm out at him.

He turned around so his back was facing her and hummed as he scanned through the bag, "Ohh, scented candles, rose petals…" She huffed embarrassingly behind him.

"Didn't know you were quite a romantic!" He teased.

She just stood there glaring at him, frowning, "It doesn't matter anymore now." She grabbed the bag from his hand and tossed it into the garbage bin next to her.

"Kakuzu wouldn't appreciate that." He joked.

She didn't say a word.

"Fine, look, I'm sorry." His eyes darted away from her, "After my rituals I sometimes have the urge of having sex and uh, well I had to wait till one for you. So I picked up Mina at the whorehouse."

"What the fuck kind of explanation is that?" She asked, furiously. Her eyes were full of rage, her hands curling up into tight fists.

He folded his arms across his chest, "Mmm, sweetcheeks, swearing doesn't fit your persona."

"Stop changing the subject." She grumbled, "You had sex with her. Easy as that."

"Yes I did." He shrugged, "It's not like a crime or anything. No big deal."

Hurt was the emotion on Kiyomi's face, "How could you? You were supposed to meet me after…we were going to have sex on the same bed! Do you know how unhygienic and insulting that is? I thought that room…" Her voice trailed off.

"Hmm?" He was listening intently.

"I thought that room was ours. I dressed up for today…" She mumbled, tears increasing in her eyes.

"I noticed. And you wore the earrings I got you." He added with an understanding smile.

She nodded; her lips trembled as she tried to hold her tears back. He was feeling funny as she stared at him with mixed emotions.

"Happy birthday?" He tried. He was quite sure he'd be expecting a slap across his face, but…

Kiyomi threw her arms around him and sobbed into his chest; her tears instantly wetting his cloak.

"Err…sweetcheeks," Hidan whispered, not exactly knowing what to do, his hands awkwardly in the air. Should he give her a pat on the back? A spank on the ass? A kiss on the forehead? Kakuzu didn't teach him any of this! That Jashin-damned, stitched, money-ass-kissing freak!

Kiyomi continued to sob into his chest, despite knowing he hated it when people cried.

Half hurt, half insulted; she didn't know how to react:

He remembered! He remembered her birthday.

No one remembered.

Not Himaru.

Not even herself, but him: this outrageously horny, foul-mouthed rogue who fucked countless women actually remembered her birthday.

"I want to go home." She whimpered, "Take me home."

Holy fuck! Thanks to Jashin-sama, he finally said the right thing at the right time!

Hidan picked her up bridal style, as her arms draped themselves around his neck.

"Sorry, sweetcheeks." He cooed, "I won't do that ever again. Well, at least not in this town."

That was the best he could do!

"Shut up, will you?" She wept, clinging onto him tightly.

"Fine, fine." He smirked. He knew she had started to forgive him.

A/N:

The next chapter shall be the longest smut I've attempted to write. Not too long, just 2000 words or so, but still.

Reviews would be insanely amazing! :D