Chapter 10

Shinobu was silent in the car on the way home from the restaurant. He was struggling to hold in all the feelings that were pushing hard against his chest.

When they finally pulled into the driveway, he jumped out, followed his sister into the house and headed straight up to his room without a word to the rest of his family. His mother sighed sadly and went to sit in the living room, her husband following behind her.

Risako stood for a moment in the entrance hall, contemplating. After a moment, she slipped off her red coat and silk scarf, hung them on the hook next to the front door and padded with bare feet up the stairs.

She knocked gently on her brother's door and twisted the knob, opening the door inwards. Shinobu was sitting at the top end of his bed, back against the wall, hugging his knees. He looked up in surprise when he saw her enter. Frowning, he watched with suspicion as she sat on the bed next to him.

Risako didn't say anything for a few moments, merely chewing her lip thoughtfully. Finally, she turned to her brother and said softly,

"I bet that was really hard for you… I don't even know how he came to be there!"

Shinobu said nothing, just stared at her in confusion. Risako reached over and brushed her brother's cheek gently, noting the slight dampness. On impulse, she slid closer and pulled Shinobu into her arms.

He stiffened at first, but after a moment his muscles relaxed and, lulled by the warmth and comfort of her arms, he started to shake gently. Turning his head slightly towards her, Risako could see the tears sliding silently down his cheeks. Holding him tighter, she said,

"Is You really worth all of this, Shinobu?"

"Yes! Of course! Just 'cos you decided to abandon him, it doesn't mean that he doesn't matter to me!" he replied between sobs.

Risako sighed heavily. "I never said he doesn't matter, and I didn't just 'abandon' him! I'm actually sick of people always painting me out to be the bad guy! You really don't have a clue what it was like for me, being married to him, Shinobu! I really did try, I spent years of my life being a good wife and looking after him and I got absolutely nothing in return."

"So that made it ok to cheat on him?"

Risako pulled back, forcing Shinobu to sit up, and looked him in the eye.

"No, I guess, not really. But I was lonely, Shu – desperately lonely. Can you imagine, do you have any idea what it feels like to love someone, to live with them, and have them completely ignore you? Not even out of spite, at least if he'd hated me there would have been some emotion involved! But he didn't even notice me. How many times did I catch him staring longingly at that bloody photo of someone who's not even alive, and there I was, alive and right in front of him and he didn't give a damn!

You're angry with me for hurting him – well, don't be, because I didn't hurt him. I freed him. He was happier without me, happy just wallowing in his own self-pity. That's the guy you think you love, Shinobu. But believe me, no matter how much you love him, he's only going to end up hurting you – because he can never love you, he will never get over his sensei."

"You're wrong," Shinobu simply stated.

Risako frowned.

"Shu – I'm not saying this to hurt you. I just want you to realise who Miyagi really is – a much older man who's buried in his past. He has no room for you. I've seen you the last few weeks, how you've hidden yourself away, you're not you anymore, Shinobu. I hate to see how much he affects you. Please, can't you try to see? I just want my strong, stubborn, annoying – but happy – kid brother back please!" she smiled.

"Risako – none of you have actually tried listening to what I have to say about any of this! All of you, dad especially, have just ranted and raved over what you think is what's going on, but you've not sat down with me or Miyagi to give us a chance to show you that our feelings for each other are real."

Risako took a deep breath. "Ok, then. I'm here with you now, why don't you tell me?"

"Only if you'll actually listen and consider what I have to say properly."

"I will."

"No interruptions!"

"No interruptions," she agreed.

"Fine. Ok. Well, I do know it's probably weird for you, seeing Miyagi with me. And your marriage was a shambles right from the start. Yeah, I think it was shitty of you to cheat on Miyagi. He's a really good guy who deserves someone loyal. But I do remember you telling me about that picture and what it meant, and I have spoken to Miyagi about it. But you're wrong when you say he won't ever get over his sensei – because he already has.

Miyagi's already proven how much he loves me, several times. He's the one who stopped me from going back to Australia – he came running after me at the airport!"

Risako's mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Not only that – but he almost missed the anniversary of his Sensei's death because he was thinking about me – he told me he's never missed it before."

"That's true," Risako acknowledged. "I remember one time I booked for us to have a romantic weekend away, just the two of us, and he made me cancel it as he couldn't possibly miss going back to that woman's grave… You're saying he actually forgot about it?"

"Yes. In the end we did go – but only so he could finally face her and let her go once and for all. That was the first time he told me he loved me – in front of her grave, he said he had finally found someone he loved more than her. And you know what, he's never looked back. Her anniversary isn't marked on his calendar anymore. I found that photo at the bottom of a drawer a few weeks ago – it was buried under a load of other stuff, and covered in dust."

"What?!" Risako gasped. She was shocked; when she and Miyagi had been married, he had treated that photo as if it were more precious than she was. Now it was just lying around gathering dust?

"So don't you see now? You don't need to worry about me, because Miyagi really loves me. And I love him. I really have loved him for years. I've waited so long, I had to watch him get married to my own sister – why do you think I went to Australia anyway? And finally, eventually, he was free and I was old enough and we could be together – and already it's all over!"

"But you're not old enough, Shu, that's part of the problem! You're still underage. He's committed a crime!"

"I'm old enough to live on my own! To go to university, to get a job… If I had a girlfriend my own age, would you all still have a problem? Even though technically we'd both be underage when it came to sex. Why does it have to be any different if I'm with Miyagi?"

Risako cringed at the thought of her brother having sex with her ex-husband. She had learned from her parents about the existence of the sex tape, but wisely chose not to view any of it for proof.

"Miyagi should know better than to sleep with someone underage, whether they're male or female! Besides, he's twice as old as you, Shu! Don't you want someone your own age?"

"No," Shinobu replied firmly. "I don't. I want Miyagi. I always have and those feelings aren't just going to go away. I don't want anyone else. Age doesn't matter to me, if I can't have Miyagi, then I don't want anyone!"

"And you're absolutely sure that Miyagi feels the same way? That he truly loves you? That he's treating you properly, as equals?"

"Yes, besides I'm strong enough to stand up for myself! Risako, do you really think that he would risk so much – his job, dad finding out – I mean, dad's already threatened to have him arrested! – would he risk all of that if he didn't really love me?"

Risako gazed at her brother, whose eyes were now wide and bright at the thought of his lover, so certain of his love for him, and thought to herself, No, I suppose he wouldn't.

Ruffling her brother's hair, she leaned over and kissed his cheek, giving him a last squeeze before standing up and making her way out of the room. Closing the bedroom door behind her, she stood for a moment, feeling somewhat confused and unsettled.

Tomorrow, she determined, she would have a little talk with her ex-husband.