Punch Me, Love Me Save Me

Chapter Ten—The Seventh Circle

Bella hadn't thought it was possible for her heart to break any more than it already had. She thought she could get used to watching people go through withdrawal and remain unaffected, and she had yet to succeed. Repeatedly, others told her that she got too close to the addicts. That down the road, as time passed, it would slowly kill her.

Where they saw her friendship and her emotional attachment as a problem and a risk, she saw it as a bridge where often, the addict met her and allowed her to cross with them. A support system was vital for them to succeed after they left the facility and she, along with the addict's determination, was the foundation.

To her, there was nothing wrong with that. It wasn't a perfect system, by any means, but so far, she had results. She only had one person fall off the wagon after leaving since she started at the facility.

She looked around the room, as the sound of Edward's breathing grew louder. There were so many painful memories his choking cries called forth, and she fought with herself to forget them, for his sake. There were more important things that she needed to deal with than her own thoughts. He deserved her undivided attention and he would get it.

Edward continued to shiver under the covers of the bed, as she climbed into the chair beside him after washing up in his bathroom. She couldn't leave him alone for even a minute. The smell of disinfectant tinged the air, but it was better than the scent of vomit that, despite how much she cleaned, still lingered. She considered bathing Edward from the waist up, to see if that would help, but decided it was best to wait until later.

From what she calculated and what she'd seen, Edward would likely get sick again. It was best to keep a close watch over him, rather than from afar. She wouldn't consider restraining him until his stomach was empty and the rest of the crew arrived, and only if he turned violent toward her and the others.

Bella knew what to do with his current symptoms. She already spoke with Emmett about getting back to the facility as soon as possible. It wasn't the first time she'd done that sort of detoxification.

The first stuck out more in her mind because of the personal aspect of the situation, considering it was her father, Charlie, and her age at the time. While some kids from her high school were able to enjoy their summer vacation, she spent it with an often belligerent man with enough mood swings to give her whiplash. It wasn't until her father almost struck her that he finally woke up and realized what he'd almost done to her. That had brought him to his knees, begging her for forgiveness and help.

Maybe that's why I'm a mess right now. Maybe I am too close to this one.

Edward's plea before he succumbed to exhaustion continued to replay in her mind. A stark reminder of why she was there; to help him overcome his addiction and work toward the road of recovery. In an attempt to force her thoughts in another direction, she remembered her time with Emmett and Jasper. The situation with them had been about drugs, not alcohol, but some of the symptoms were similar.

Alcohol-related withdrawal sometimes caused the addict to hallucinate. It was draining on the subject's body and mind. Users tended to forget certain aspects if they lost lucidity during withdrawal.

Edward's trauma-filled past played a big role in his addiction, and Bella knew that the next few days would be nothing but pain and severe neurological distress on him. In all likelihood, he would have to be sedated for the worst of it.

"No, Nessie, no," Edward moaned from beneath a mountain of blankets. Earlier, before he passed out on her, he said he was freezing. However, when Bella looked at him, she could see he was sweating. His brow was creased and flushed. "I don't understand, Ness, you're not making any sense." Edward suddenly smiled and laughed, his eyes wide, yet clouded.

Bella was so caught off guard by such simple, genuine emotion on his face that she gasped. It was breathtaking.

"Why don't you go and ask Mom? I'll be down for dinner, right after I've finished this chapter."

Nessie. He was talking to his late sister. Edward was having DTs, otherwise known as delirium tremens, or the shakes. It mostly occurred with patients that had a history with alcoholism.

Bella's eyes closed briefly. "Oh, Edward," she breathed, her heart in her throat. She couldn't even imagine what it would feel like to lose a sibling as he had, and now Nessie seemed to haunt his withdrawal.

She watched as Edward's eyes opened, long reddish-tipped, brown lashes fluttered against the dark circles under his eyes. His skin had gone especially pale, something she noticed while he boxed in the gym.

"Bella?" he whispered, meeting her eyes. His smile widened, lips puckering a bit after a moment. "Come and meet my sissy." His hand extended from beneath the blanket and he didn't seem to notice how much it shook as he held it out for her.

Unable to deny him, she slipped her hand in his and Bella crawled onto the bed behind him as Edward's free hand gestured toward an empty space.

"Say hello to Bella, Nessie," Edward said gently. "Bella, say hello."

"Hello, Nessie," Bella greeted, kicking herself for encouraging Edward's delusions. However, sometimes it was best to follow along, to understand what he's going through. There was something else to consider; she was alone for a while longer, and it was best not to piss him off.

Bella could see Edward grimace in pain, and she rubbed his arm and shoulder. "Ness, I think Mom is calling for you," he said softly, nodding. "But come right back, I missed you." His features softened, as he seemed to watch his sister walk out the door, a look of fear in his jade gaze.

Suddenly, he groaned in pain, kicking the sheets and blankets off the bed. Bella could see his body glistening with sweat as he cried, begging for the pain to stop. "Make it stop," he groaned. "Please, please, please." She tried to soothe him the best she could. Until Rosalie returned in a few minutes, there was little she could do.

Bella's head jerked at the sound of intercom buzzing, and Emmett's booming voice filled the room. "Boss!" She felt Edward startle away from the noise, his eyes clenching shut. He was already sensitive to noise and that meant likely the light, too. She did her best to calm him. "I'm back. Jasper and Rosalie are right behind me. What's up?"

Emmett was probably using the intercom in underground garage. If he'd been in the security office, he would've seen exactly what was going on. That also meant it would take several minutes for them to reach her and Edward.

She jumped off the bed and ran to wall. "He's down for the count. Get your asses in here. It's started." Already near the door, she dimmed the lights.

She heard Emmett curse and the intercom click off. After checking to make sure Edward couldn't hurt himself, she ran to the bathroom, grabbing a small stack of hand towels from a nearby cabinet. She set to fill up the sink with cold water, anything to alleviate Edward's suffering. It wasn't much, but it would take time for others to join her.

Bella wrung one of the cloths and made her way toward Edward's bed. At the touch of the wet towel, he tried to bat her away. However, her voice seemed to calm him down enough for her to continue. She knelt by his side and pressed the cold cloth to his forehead as his body shook. His arms were trembling, his fingers twitching as his chest heaved. Another groan left his lips, his body twisting from side to side as his hands clenched over his stomach.

Suddenly, he lurched up, spewing bile all over her. Bella immediately turned him on his side to prevent asphyxiation, using the cloth to wipe his mouth. The scent of vomit was something she was used to by then, having been through it all before. She'd been bitten, punched, slapped, peed on, and shit on, due to her addicts going through withdrawal. It didn't bother her anymore.

Wiping up the mess quickly with a towel, she stripped off her t-shirt, leaving her in a slightly wet tank stop. She climbed in the bed behind him, cradling his head. She reached for the bottle of water on the bedside table.

"Edward, honey, I need you to open your mouth for me," she whispered, as she tipped the bottle toward his mouth. She needed to keep him hydrated, and with how much he'd thrown up and sweat in the last hour alone, it was likely that Rosalie would have to set up an IV on him. The workout in the gym hadn't helped, either.

His eyes flashed with recognition and his mouth opened slightly at her soft command. Bella carefully poured the water in and he drank it down greedily. "Slow down, Edward," she whispered, as his mouth opened wider for more. She didn't want him to expel it before he had a chance to absorb any of it. After that, she made him take slow slips, the liter bottle slowly depleting as he drank.

Edward's eyes rolled back in his head, and he began to jerk violently. She kept him on his side, having seen a seizure before. His arms and legs clenched and unclenched, likely painful. He would be exhausted after. It only lasted about twenty-seconds, but to Edward, it had to feel infinitely longer.

After his whole body relaxed, too exhausted to do much more than twitch every few seconds or so, Bella did her best to lay him flat on the bed and laid her hand on his heart. It was beating so fast, and when she pressed her fingers to his pulse point, she wished Rosalie would hurry up and get there. She turned him back on his side and checked the inside of his mouth for any food debris; she didn't want him to choke on anything. She found no blood, either, for which she was thankful. Rolling him gently onto his back again, her fingers pressed gently on his gut. He emptied out his stomach; all that was left was the water he drank, which he'd likely lose, too.

Bella paced the room after Edward settled down, waiting. She knew Rosalie had all the drugs in the clinic, and would have to grab what they needed for the temporary center in the main facility. Rosalie had already pulled up, but it was taking too long. Next time, she'd have a room set up nearby as a precaution. She was to the point of running over to get them. Edward felt too warm, meaning he was feverish.

To Bella, this felt nothing like Charlie. He hadn't suffered DTs the one and only time he'd gone through withdrawal. Edward seemed to have the worst case of the shakes she had ever seen.

She nearly cried in relief as the door to Edward's room flew open, as Emmett, Jasper, and Rose came in. Jasper rushed to hug her; she must have looked like a mess. Rosalie went straight to Edward. His body remained still, until she touched him, becoming restless as she opened his eyes, shining a small penlight into them.

"His pupils are non-responsive but dilated, Bella. He needs an IV and some form of sedation. This is too much for his body to go through awake. Has he vomited yet?"

Bella nodded, her arms wrapping around her waist, her eyes on Edward. "He's been hallucinating as well," she said, trying to keep herself composed. "It's been almost an hour. A little after everyone left."

"Shit, I need to go the clinic and get the IV bags, and he needs Librium and Ativan," Rosalie said, taking Edward's pulse, and lifting one of his eyelids again. "I knew I should've started treatments this morning."

"Rose, you can't just leave him like this!" Emmett said, horrified. It was the first time he'd seen anyone go through this, besides himself. He wasn't exactly aware of much at the time, only the stress and pain.

"I have to! He needs the drugs, Emmett," Rosalie stated as she headed out the door. "I'll be right back." Rosalie knew she left Edward safe with Bella, who knew the ropes.

Minutes later, Edward started to stir more. His hands moved harshly over his stomach and arms. Confused, Bella tried to calm him down. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"Get them off!" he screamed as he scratched at his skin. Bella jumped into action, grabbing his hands and straddling his torso to get a better hold of him. Blood already streaked his cheeks. His eyes, appearing too big for his face shifted from side to side too fast. "What the fuck are you waiting for? Get them fucking off me!"

"Shit," Jasper muttered and helped Bella as Edward continued to try to claw at his face.

Emmett remained frozen for too long, earning a scream from Bella. "Get the fuck over here!" She tried to stay on Edward, but his hips were bucking hard. Some addicts seemed to have abundant strength during withdrawal, but often coming in small bursts like Edward at that moment.

"The bugs, spiders, they're all over me!" he bellowed, his legs thrashing as he tried to buck them and Bella off. Emmett held down his legs and Jasper grabbed his arms, pinning him to the bed, only making it worse. He was screaming like a wild animal, his voice jagged and broken. Tears leaked along his cheek and onto his earlobes. Several murmured words, most made little sense until another bout of screams started. "Bella, please, you promised!" he cried, trying to kick out at the sheets again.

Bella took his face between her hands, whispering softly, "I'm here." She ran her hands over his face, noticing how his hips stopped moving as hard as before. "You're safe, I promise. Edward, I'll save you."

His eyes wild and wide remained on hers as his breathing started to regulate. It wasn't at an ideal rate, considering what he must have been feeling, but it was better than the harsh gasps he was pulling in a minute before.

Bella remained where she was, combing his almost finger-length hair from his forehead for several minutes. Sweat had it matted to his skin, and she knew he was likely uncomfortable. She grabbed a wet towel from Emmett, who waited patiently beside the bed as Rosalie who returned, and started to set up an IV.

"There you go," she whispered, wiping at Edward's face. His scratches were superficial and as she spread Neosporin on them; she knew they would not take away from his too pretty face. His eyes closed for a few minutes as Rosalie hung the IV on the stand, tapping the bag, releasing the fluids. With Edward still pinned down by Bella and Jasper, he began to snarl at Rosalie as she approached him with a darkly tinted needle.

"Get away from me, you fucking whore," he spat at her, renewing his bucking hips. Emmett added his strength, holding down his legs. "Hold his right arm down, palm up," Rosalie stated to Jasper. "I need to get the IV in now." Bella tried to coax Edward, but her voice no longer had the same effect as before.

"Fucking bitch!" he roared, snapping his teeth at Bella. "I hate you! Leave me the fuck alone!" Rosalie quickly inserted the IV into his arm and taped it over, securing it. Before he could say more, she injected the line with another needle.

"I'm giving him something to help raise his seizure threshold since his seem to be pretty severe." Bella nodded as Rosalie continued. Edward shook, trying to dispel Jasper and Emmett until he slowly went limp. "I also started him on the Librium and will be increasing the dosage in the next forty-eight hours."

"Was there anything in his records to indicate he had such hallucinations before? At the other centers?"

Rosalie nodded. "Though not to this extent and not so soon after physical withdrawal started."

Bella sighed and carefully dislodged herself from Edward. "I'm pretty sure he was hiding the worst of his symptoms from me."

Rosalie rubbed Bella's arm, sighing. "He may have to be kept sedated, Bella, until we can say he's safely through the worst of it," Rosalie said softly.

Bella nodded, her brow furrowing with worry. "I know, but still, it's always hard to see him—them like this," she replied, taking a chair that Jasper offered.

For about an hour, they sat around as Emmett left the room to make a simple lunch; no one had much of an appetite. Bella refused to leave Edward for long, taking a shower to clean up and changing in his bathroom.

As she showered, she thought back on the others she and her people had helped over the years. Withdrawal was hard on the addict, but it wasn't easy for those who watched, either. It was mandatory that someone remain in the room with Edward at all times and someone usually joined them. It wasn't something Bella required, but she was glad for the company, watching someone go through withdrawal was hard on her. Yet, she would endure it each time if it meant turning someone's life around for the better.

She finished dressing and joined the others in Edward's room just as Emmett entered with the soup and sandwiches. Taking a bite, she watched as Edward's tremors increased. Dropping her food on her plate, she crawled onto the bed as he cried out for her.

"I'm here," she whispered in his ear, wrapping her arms around him as he rocked back and forth on the bed. He sought more warmth, pulling her hands tighter against him. Lying on their sides, she faced him and tried to talk to him softly, offer some comfort. After a full two minutes of shakes, she noticed a trickle of blood on his lips.

"Fuck, he's biting his cheek or tongue," she hissed. Rosalie jumped into action, grabbing a new soft leather strap she kept on hand for that kind of situation. Bella grabbed it but Edward refused to open up so she could slip it between his teeth. "Come on, honey," she whispered, rubbing his cheek to get him to unclench his jaw. His eyes slowly opened, narrow slits of jade, red, and white. For a moment, he looked confused and she cursed internally that he might have already forgotten her.

"Bella," he gasped, giving her the opportunity she needed. His body shook as his eyes clenched shut, his teeth biting down on the leather.

Rosalie handed her something to wipe off his blood. "We'll have to check his mouth when he relaxes again." Bella nodded and remained by his side for another hour. When his body finally relaxed enough, Rosalie rolled him onto his back to check on his him.

Bella walked into the bathroom for a quick cleanup, his sweat coating her arms and chest from holding him.

When she exited, Emmett put his arm around her shoulders. "Was it like this with me, boss?"

Bella shook her head, never taking her eyes off Edward. Every now and then, he'd shudder beneath his covers. "You had substance withdrawal, which killed off any brain cells you might have had."

"Gee, thanks." Emmett smirked, knowing she was just trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I had you going for a second there, right?" The tiny lift of one corner of her mouth was a dead giveaway, until she was serious again, her brow furrowing. "He's such a hardened drinker that his body is screaming out for alcohol. With you, it was one cocaine binge after another, still tough for your body. You were more physical than verbal, and didn't have many delusions."

Emmett shook his head, folding his arms across his chest and shuddering at the memories. "Don't remind me of that period of my life."

Bella rubbed Emmett's arm. "Sometimes being reminded of it is okay. It allows you to see what you've done and accomplished since then." Emmett smiled and pulled her to his side, kissing her temple.

"I still remember how it feels," Jasper said quietly from the chair at the foot of Edward's bed. "I did have these waking dreams. The memory of the fire and that feeling when your skin feels like bugs are crawling all over you, eating you from the inside. It's horrible." Jasper had a dependency on Oxycodone, sometimes washing them down with a beer. A double whammy when it came to withdrawal.

Rosalie put her hand on Jasper's shoulder, hoping to bring him out of his horrible memories. His facial features held all the terror he'd once witnessed. "Look at you now, Jazz, healthy and happy. You've been sober and drug-free for four years. And you owe it all to the bitch that's now in Edward's corner." She smirked, sending Bella a wink over her shoulder.

Bella gasped, faking mock offence to the "bitch" comment. Only Rosalie, who'd been a friend since her college days, could get away with that shit.

"Yeah, you were a bitch," Jasper said with a laugh, earning a glare from his boss and friend. He raised his hands up in defense, a wide smile on his face. "I remember you slappin' me around and calling me a bastard."

"Miss-Bite-Me," a voice croaked from the bed. Bella and the others turned their attention to Edward, who seemed to be trying to focus on Bella. She rose to her feet and sat next to him on his bed.

"Rosalie injected you with your first dose Librium," Bella said, watching the way his hand sought hers. "That along with some other stuff will help." He leaned toward her hand in his hair. "You've been placed on an IV, which will help prevent dehydration. This is it, Edward, the beginning of your future and after this, it'll be up to you. If you have another seizure, we'll put you under. Okay?"

Edward acknowledged her words with a nod, unable to say anything to what she had told him. What could he say anyway? He looked around, focusing on Jasper.

"You're – you're the fucker who grabbed me while I was naked," he breathed, groaning as something seemed to clench in his gut.

"The name's Jasper." He grinned, bumping fists with Emmett.

Edward wheezed, coughing harshly, turning on his side, toward Bella. He began to slur his words as he struggled to speak. "Bella…" he said.

Rosalie whispered, "That's the next dose kicking in, B."

Bella nodded, squeezing Edward's hand when he said her name again. "Yeah?" she said, wiping his brow.

"Thank you," he said, looking at her for a few moments. His eyes flickered closed and Rosalie sighed in relief as he lost consciousness.

"We need to keep him on fluids for at least another day or so, and if his delusions are still present when he wakes up, I'll give him something else. I have to admit, his delusions are pretty extreme and wonder if it's a side-effect of one of the anxiety medications. I'm going to go over his records again, make sure there wasn't a problem before. I may have missed something. There's a good chance it'll become extreme over the next new days."

"I don't want to strap him down if it's unnecessary," Bella stated, rubbing a hand over her face. "If it's safe, sedate him."

"If he's under, he's still going to need to be supervised twenty-four-seven, doesn't he?" Emmett asked, and Rosalie nodded.

"Around the clock," she confirmed, watching Bella. "Which means, you, Emmett, and I will be pulling eight-hour shifts to look after him unless Jasper okay with helping out."

Bella cocked a brow at her friend, his blue eyes narrowing. "As long as his cell phone is switched off during his watch, then it'll be fine." Jasper tried to comment, but she shook her head. She didn't want to hear it.

"I'm going to keep some supplies here and on me at all times, so if it gets too much for him, I can give him a shot of that."

"What about seizures, Rose?" Bella asked.

"It's more than likely. I looked over the medical charts Dr. Cullen sent me. The reports from all of Edward's previous rehabilitation attempts indicated he had seizures in the last two stints. He is going to be cranky as hell through all of this, during periods of lucidity and after. He'll say things he won't mean, he'll be violent toward you and pretty much anyone he views as a threat toward him."

Bella knew all of this, but it was good to reminded of what they were in store for, especially with Emmett helping for the first time.

"He's in for a rough ride," Jasper said, rubbing his jaw. "Still, I don't feel that sorry for him."

"You should feel sorry for him. Jasper," Bella said firmly. "I remember when it was you that pissed your fucking pants and begged me to kill you because you couldn't take the pain." She didn't like calling him out on his shit in front of others, but there weren't any secrets between them.

Damn him, Bella thought. Jasper's judgment seemed clouded due to his blossoming relationship with Alice. She suspected that Jasper was still angry that Alice had nearly died to save Edward.

Jasper looked away, shaking his head. His mama always used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." He would, however, voice his concerns to her later.

"Bella," Rosalie said, clearing her throat to break the tension. "After we bring him out of sedation, we need to do an EKG on him. I need to check strain on his heart, possibly put him on something for that. The strain could kill him." Rosalie had already indicated that Edward's blood pressure and heart rate was sky high.

"After the withdrawal symptoms lessen, I'll have him take some vitamins. We'll need to push him to eat. The craving for food will come back full force, and he'll put on a lot of weight, seeing as he is malnourished at the moment."

Bella looked back at Edward, lifting a sleeve of his shirt, feeling the muscle there. Rosalie was right, since there was little definition.

"Emmett can get him out walking around the compound and you can encourage him to work out," Rosalie stated.

Bella knew that his withdrawal will last at least six to ten days, several of which he'd be on some meds. The dose will decline until he can cope without it. After that, it would up him and her."

"He's gonna be helping me renovate this place, right?" Emmett asked as he tugged on a curl of Bella's hair.

"Yes, he is," Bella stated. "He has to prove he's ready to face the real world before I let him out into the wild. For all I know, he could get out and walk into the nearest bar and be back to square one within twelve hours of releasing him," she confessed. "I'm thinking we need to call Alec, see if he needs help at the clinic." Rosalie nodded, making a note on her computer tablet.

"I can honestly say, Bells, that if he does end up right back there, he's a fucking hopeless cause," Emmett said, glaring at Edward as if he hoped he could hear him. "You've put your heart and soul into this, into us, and if he throws it all away, he's not worth it."

"I didn't give up on you," she said fiercely. "I won't give up on him. I refuse to focus on if he fails, and for damn sure won't consider when. He will succeed."

Bella looked over at Edward's still form and hoped to God that he wouldn't give up on himself again. He could be something amazing, if he allowed himself to be. The next few days would be hard on him, and she would remain by his side.

Edward's mile high walls would likely be hard to crumble. She'd break them down; he had to let her in, if he wanted to succeed at his rehabilitation. Deep inside, she could see hints that he wanted to move past this part of him, but he would put up one hell of a fight. It would be far from easy for either of them.

She brushed her hand through his hair, earning another shiver from Edward. Taking his hand in hers, preparing for the long hours ahead in a chair nearby, she whispered to herself. "Please, Edward. Please do this for yourself."

As if he heard her, he squeezed her hand twice.