In which (almost) everyone gets shitfaced
I own none of the characters, I just work here.
...
The hovermule glided lazily a foot over the scrubby bushes on the sub desert terrain outside Fenton. Occasionally one of the less vertically challenged plants scraped off the front fender because the mule was moving slower and riding a lot closer to the ground than it usually did thanks to all seven crewmembers being aboard.
This was also why Jayne was elbowing Simon in the ribs while Kaylee tried to keep her balance on the doc's lap. They were sitting in the back with Simon squashed into the space between Inara's and Jayne's seats. River perched on Zoe's lap in the driver's seat with Mal being the only person sitting in any sort of comfort in the forward passenger seat.
"How far do we have to go anyways? I'm becomin' mighty tired of sharing mah personal space with this pair prac-ti-cally goin' at it!" Jayne grouched.
Mal turned around and raised an eyebrow at Jayne. "Our good friend Av told us to follow this canyon all the way to the end, don't rightly remember him telling us how long it'd take, you'll just have to put up and shut up Jayne."
Zoe carefully leaned over to Mal as Jayne huffed and started picking at the mule's paintwork with his knife. "Sir, Zao said it'd take us half an hour from the start of the canyon…"
"Yeah but Jayne don't know that and it's more entertaining when I get to tell him to shut up." The captain muttered in reply.
Ignoring the hostility flying around the mule, Kaylee was on a high. "This is totally gonna be the most fun we've had in weeks, who's up for crash the spaceship? Danger can?"
Simon frowned, "I like to think I know quite a bit about drinking games from MedAcad but I've never heard of crash the spaceship…"
Jayne snorted. "Course you ain't, top three percent, milk-drinking, core bred…"
He trailed off, still muttering as Kaylee cut over the top of him, "Well everyone has three or four, or however many cans and what ya do is…"
River called out to everyone, "We've arrived."
The mule hummed to a halt in front of three men leaning against a large boulder. They all carried old shotguns and Mal reckoned He, Zoe or Jayne could have taken them all on solo, but one of the men was Danny, Zao's nephew, who grinned up at the assembly on the mule.
Mal jumped down and shook his hand, then introduced himself to the other men as the rest of the crew extracted themselves from each other and their transport, Simon nearly pitching off the back when Jayne shouldered him not-so-accidently.
"Glad to see y'all could make it, bring her in around there." Danny motioned at an outcropping of rock and River guided the mule in and gently landed it on the sandy soil.
She hopped out lightly and skipped over to the rest of the crew as they followed Danny down a gentle slope into a dried up riverbed, where there were a few wood fires lit, assortments of old deckchairs littered around them and a small crowd milling about.
The attention of the crowd was focused on the trailer of Danny's mule parked in the middle, now serving as a makeshift bar. Avin Zao and a woman who seemed to be about his age were calling out names and then passing a crate of beer, a bottle of whiskey or a case of wine to the person who had ordered it.
As they walked through the crowd they were given suspicious looks for a few minutes until word filtered around through Danny that they were the ones who'd supplied the beer and that they had helped his fiancée dodge the law, at which point glasses were raised and bottles and cans were offered.
Jayne readily accepted the offers, mostly those that came from the young women in attendance while Mal and Zoe mostly tried to brush them off, muttering about how it wasn't a big deal.
"…and then ya crush yer can off the other guy's head." Said Kaylee brightly; finishing her explanation of crash the spaceship as Simon accepted what looked like a decent bottle of Sihnonese wine.
"Sounds delightful." Simon said dryly, He was about to ask Kaylee if she had a knife to open the bottle when Jayne clapped a hand onto his shoulder.
"Can? Ya don't play crash the spaceship with no cans! Ya use bottles doc!" He gave the girl he had his other arm around a significant look. "This here's mah friend the doctor, I'm gonna show you how a real man plays crash the spaceship!"
"Well Jayne, as much as I'm a fan of blunt force trauma induced brain injuries…" Simon was about to say 'I'll pass' when he stopped and thought.
He looked Jayne in the eye. "I think I'll accept the challenge."
Jayne had been expecting the doc to chicken out and prove that he, Jayne, was the more manly man than the well-dressed, well-spoken doctor and impress his newfound friend. But he was also slightly pleased. Maybe the doc's balls have finally dropped, either way I still get ta hit him with a bottle…
"All right doc!" Jayne hefted a crate of twenty beer bottles from the ground at his feet. "You get ten, I get ten. Lil' Kaylee here 'splained ya the rules?"
"Yes, lets find some seats, shall we?" Simon put on a brave face and followed Jayne towards a log set alongside one of the fires. Kaylee, not sure whether to be impressed or worried about Simon's decision, trailed behind them with the woman Jayne had been trying to impress.
…
River spun, her coat fanning out behind her, she stopped, curtsied to the young man opposite her and then they both stepped forward, clasping each other's right hands with their left hands on the other's right elbow and stepped to the side. They spun once and then moved on to the next partner.
There was an old stereo beside the fire they were dancing around playing an eclectic mix of music, some, like the one she moved to now, were old tunes from earth-that-was. Others were more modern ones. River didn't really care
The River always moves, flows, even when it meets an obstacle it flows around it. It never stops, it can't. It has to obey gravity. Gravity calls and the river obeys, when the music calls the River obeys. Is music gravity? It pulls me in, if I go fast enough I can escape but if I don't try, then I would never would. Is Gravity music? It organises the universe, makes the planets orbit, and joins matter together so that bigger things can be accomplished. Yes, gravity is music and music is gravity.
Am I still wearing my goggles?
River pushed the goggles she wore while driving the mule up her face as she let go of her partner's hand to spin around.
"Nice to know who I'm dancing with!" The boy called jokingly as she spun.
River missed a step. Something in her brain that didn't belong there, something somebody had put there flared. He can see your face he knows what you look like he can identify you he must be elimina... stop! He is not a threat! There must be no witnesses you must elimi…. He is not a threat!
She looked around; there were people all around her, people who could see her.
Breathe; engage diaphragm, draw air IN to the expanding lungs and remember that there is NO THREAT. They are telling you LIES.
She stumbled over her own foot as a kick that would have broken her partner's knee was called back and tried to fit into the dance steps.
He put an arm on her shoulder. "Watch it there! Been hittin' the sauce a little too hard?
She stared at him and then at her feet. "They forgot the step…" She backed out of the ring of dancers and then turned and ran into the crowd. She needed a familiar face.
….
Kaylee, Inara and Clara (Jayne's friend) sat in deckchairs, swigging from the bottle of wine Simon had acquired and watching Jayne and Simon chugging down beer after beer. They had started strong, downing the first four bottles each within minutes, now, Simon was finishing his seventh and Jayne was struggling to open his eighth as beer soaked fingers and a beer soaked mind made his task a lot more problematic than it should have been.
Simon pulled a face and burped as he finished the last of his bottle then reached into the crate for another. His skill with a bottle opener surpassed Jayne's and he closed the gap with his opponent.
Inara lent her chin on her fist. "I can't quite fathom why I find this testosterone fuelled posturing competition so… compelling to watch." She mused.
Clara, who was in a slightly more advanced state of inebriation than the two other women, giggled "Might be jealous cos myself an' Kay here got a say on these fine, whatcha call its, spe-ci-mens?"
Inara leaned forward to look around at her with a raised eyebrow and a serious questioning look on her face. Clara shrank back slightly and looked at her feet but Inara just laughed and took the wine bottle from Kaylee. "I'm messing honey!" She took a sip before passing it to Clara.
"Miss Serra!" Boomed a whiskey-flavoured voice. Mal crouched down between Kaylee and Inara's deckchairs. "Are you drinking a fine vintage such as that out of the bottle? What would they say in the companion house?"
Inara steeled herself to catch every veiled insult in anything he said.
Mal half sat, half fell backwards into a sitting position. He put down the bottle of whiskey and held up his fingers. "Drinking out of a bottle, fooling innocent, god-fearing folks and planning to fool said innocent, god-fearing folks. I think you bin' hanging out on my boat a mite too long!"
Inara couldn't find any insults in there and was stuck for something somewhat nice to say back when Clara stuck her head around Kaylee with her eyes on stalks.
"You're a Companion?!" She looked like she was having a heart attack. "I've never even… I mean… really?"
Inara smiled and nodded.
Mal waded in, "A companion? I don't think that's a proper description of our Inara at all!"
Oh here we go… Inara thought
"This here's Inara Serra, Sword-fightin', Reaver-killin', master plannin', trickster-ing… er" Mal faltered for a moment and nearly keeled over.
Inara's eyes joined Clara's on stalks.
Mal was about to continue when he suddenly burst into laughter. Jayne and Simon had finished their eighth beers and were now stumbling around in circles holding the bottles and making whooshing noises.
"What'n the diyú are those pair…" He lent against Kaylee's deckchair to steady himself as he laughed.
"Every second drink they have to run around being the spaceship!" Said Kaylee as Simon stopped for a moment and clutched his stomach. For a moment he looked in trouble but he burped again and carried on whooshing until he had done eight rotations and joined Jayne in prying open another bottle.
The captain nearly cried laughing. Inara stared at him, not only had he not insulted her but he had made her sound like a heroine from a cortex movie.
…
Zoe was talking to Avin Zao and one of his friends about the war over a quiet beer at the edge of the more raucous activities. As usually happened during these conversations, she ended up talking about the funny side of things.
"So then the sergeant, cap'n now, comes runnin' in, shootin' everthin' that moves whooping and shouting at the purplebellies to come get him!"
They all snorted in laughter and Zao slapped his knee. "I knew there was something about him!"
Zao's friend was launching into a story when hands gripped Zoe's right arm.
She looked around to see River staring up at her. The young girl's eyes were wide and she was sweating, she looked completely terrified.
Zoe turned away from Zao and steered River to a rock, which she perched her on.
"River sweetie? What's wrong?" she stared into River's face.
"They want him to be silent. But I know it's not me! They were speaking to me but then…" She trailed off, her lip quivering.
Zoe frowned. Sometimes when River spoke like this her meaning could be deduced, sometimes.
"Who wanted him to be silent meimei?"
"The lights and the rubber tubing, telling us how to manage. But he was nice and gravity was making me dance." That's wrong, it wasn't gravity that made me dance…
"Ok River, you're brother's a little preoccupied right now so we're going to go for a walk and you can see if that helps?" Zoe reckoned the last thing River should be around when she was flashing back to the Academy was unsuspecting people.
River took Zoe's hand. "Simon's a spaceship now." She said. "Can't talk."
They walked off in the direction of the mule.
…
Simon and Jayne drank ferociously. They were on their last beers and it looked like Jayne was pulling ahead. Neither was spectacularly drunk after ten beers but the gas in their stomachs was making it hard to go for more than a few gulps without burping.
Simon stood up as he reached the end of his and pointed the bottle straight up to funnel the last of it into his mouth. He finished, slung his head down and then straightened, saying "Well Jayne it looks like I…"
Something hit his head and there was a funny noise. Then suddenly the ground was a lot closer than usual and Jayne stood over him, holding out his hand and grinning from ear to ear. "I gotta say doc, that was closer than I was completely comfortable with, you ain't so bad at this!"
"oooooofffff…" Groaned Simon. "I thought I was… never mind."
Inara, Mal and Clara fell about laughing as Kaylee jumped up to check on Simon.
Simon took Jayne's hand and was yanked into a vertical position. He put a hand to his head; there was some blood and broken glass when he looked at it,
"Jayne if you've damaged my man I swear to god that I'll space you next chance I get." Kaylee threatened as she put her arms around Simon's neck and hugged him, trying to look at his head at the same time.
Jayne was already disappearing into the crowd with Clara, now waving a bottle of something and crowing about his victory so Kaylee guided Simon over to the deckchairs. Mal hadn't caught on to the fact that there were two free seats so he was still sitting in the dust having a drunken conversation with Inara about much of an idiot Jayne was and how awesome Sihnonese wine was.
Kaylee sat Simon down in a chair and pulled her one around so they faced away from Mal and Inara, giving them some privacy. Then pulled a cloth out of her pocket and gently put it to Simon's head.
Simon groaned again and Kaylee couldn't help but giggle. He looked at her with sorrowful eyes. "I'm a complete idiot aren't I?"
This only made her giggle more. "Ya could've picked an easier person to have you're first game of hardcore crash the spaceship with than Jayne, I have to say."
After a few minutes and a drink of water with a painkiller, Simon was feeling much better and he sat with his head in his hands as Kaylee dabbed at the blood and picked glass out of his hair absent-mindedly.
She put one hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she reached for a piece of glass and she felt the muscles move beneath his shirt. She was reminded in a flash of their forced celibacy for the past three weeks. Unless one counted the evening she'd been working on the engine and Simon had snuck down, quickly stripped her overalls off, knelt down and put his mouth on…
She hadn't realised she'd closed her eyes until she felt someone shake her arm. Simon was grinning at her. "Don't tell me you can't handle a bit of wine! Falling asleep already!"
Kaylee made a face at him, "I wasn't sleeping, I suddenly remembered that I owe you something for that present in the engine room last week…"
Simon's face reddened but he smiled and took her hand. Kaylee leapt to her feet and practically dragged him into the darkness beyond the party zone.
"Just as long as we don't run into Jayne and company out here…"
…..
Zoe and River sat on the side of the hovermule. With no other people around, River was much calmer but she was still playing with the hammer of the pistol at her belt in a slightly spooky way.
"I was afraid I was going to do what they wanted… that I couldn't fight it." She said softly. "Bullets in the brainpan."
"You're stronger and smarter than that sweetie, you know when it's happening and you came and you got me, that was the best thing you could'a done." Zoe offered kindly.
Tears started flowing down Rivers face and her fingers went from her gun's hammer to the grip. "But what if I can't some day and I become what they wanted me to be… It'd be better if that couldn't happen." She stared at the gun.
Zoe's hand reached out and grabbed Rivers chin, pulling her gaze up to meet her eyes. "Listen to me, you can change this, you can get better. You've already gotten a lot better since I first met you. While you're alive, you can change. Once you're dead, there's nothing to change."
River narrowed her eyes took her hand off the gun. Then she hugged Zoe. Not the gentle hug she'd given her on the bridge during the flight. This was the kind of hug a scared child held their parent with.
Zoe put her arm around the River's slight frame and stroked her hair. "Its alright, we're OK here."
They stayed like that for a minute, and then River let go of Zoe and jumped back. She stared down the canyon from which they had come, hand on her gun.
"What is it?" Asked Zoe, her hand drifting towards the weapon on her leg.
River looked over at her, "Party poopers."
"Law?"
River nodded.
"Well I was bored at that party anyways."
….