Trolls: Dårlig and Feige
Chapter 10: Pirates and Black Market Articles
People are always afraid of something. It usually relates to the things that we see, experienced, or are disgusted by. For instance, a parent fears losing his child, a woman could be afraid of clowns because of the IT movie trailers, and the author is afraid of real life snakes because their movements, open mouths, and occasional gift of venom and killing humans is disturbing.
Dårlig had three fears that fit all three categories. He feared rats, a horror that disgusted him. When he came back to Villainapolis alone, wandering through the Stone Foundation until he got back to the safe side of town, he realized with misery that he got close to his second fear. Being alone without Feige to keep him happy.
His third fear was the most horrifying and as he walked through the sidewalk leading to his apartment, he begged that it never happens. The fear was anesthesia.
Normally, there's nothing wrong with anesthesia. Doctors use anesthesia to keep patients unaware of the pain while the experts do the medical procedures. That way, you're in a space of unawareness and can't feel the pain while they do things like removing your wisdom teeth. But Dårlig never had his wisdom teeth removed since Bergens don't have any. What happened was that he got unnerved seeing a character getting unwanted anesthesia in a Netflix show, Feige tried to reassure him that no such thing would happen, and what do you know, Dårlig finds out the next day that Mr. Darwin used an anesthesia potion on him to have a closer inspections of relaxed Bergens at sleep. Dårlig was so scared, he grounded himself in his room for weeks.
He didn't know if this would count as a fourth fear, but the moment Dårlig got to the neighborhood, people were already jumping on him.
"Goodness gracious!" Mrs. Hexe cupped her hands on his cheeks. "We were worried, young man!"
"Wandering in the Stone Foundation after an Aracdame got to you!" her sister added when it was her turn to check Dårlig.
"I get it..." He sighed unhappily. "I'm an evil Bergen... Can I go now?"
Mrs. Hexe placed a hand on his forehead. "You're getting cold. It would be unwise to leave you home alone. Why not come with us for supper?"
"Sure, why not?" He said miserably.
They placed a hand on his back and gently led him on board the next tramway that made its way to the suburbs of Villainapolis. During the ride, Dårlig confessed everything from the dying black market crook to going early to meet Will. He kept out the part in which he found out Will was actually Willywaffle Wonka. Dårlig lowered his head miserably when he mentioned the part of arguing with Feige and storming off. As for the witches, they admitted receiving a phone call from Charles Frollo, who explained to them that Dårlig had stopped by his church and for some reason came back alone through the portal.
"You should have told us about the dying man in the alley," Mrs. Hexe did chide him. "Next time you see a person injured behind the shop, call us or the police."
"Yes, ma'am," he said.
"Is this the barbaric way your mother raise you?" Mrs. Hexe's sister shook her head. "See, sister, what happens to children not properly raised? That's how Aracdames find easy preys!"
Dårlig shrank in his seat.
"We're only worried about you, Dårlig." Mrs. Hexe patted him. "How about a warm supper and after that, we help you make a nice apology cake for your friend Feige?"
Dårlig sat upright with a smile. "Feige does have a sweet tooth for sachertorte."
"Excellent! We know a good recipe for sachertorte with apricot frosting..." Mrs. Hexe got cut off when the tramway suddenly halted and caused the passengers to nearly topple off their seats. Many asked what the big idea was while some like the Hexe sisters and Dårlig got out of the tramway. The street was blocked by angry people in front of a bus with the initials MVCPIS stamped on it.
"The Main Villainapolis Child Protection and Inviolability Services? In our neighborhood?" Mrs. Hexe was surprised. They rushed and pushed in towards the crowd. "Excuse me, what is going on?"
"Mrs. Hexe? Thank god!" One of the neighbors said. "Your daughter just punched Mrs. Chinocase!"
"Who?"
They looked at the open space. A grey-haired social worker woman was on the ground rubbing her cheek bearing a slap mark. She was glaring at a sixteen-year-old girl shielding a rather ugly, pudgy four-year-old. It took no time for Dårlig to connect the dots: Ingwer was an exact copy of her mother, only younger, more clean, and with her hair brushed to the side without having candy sticking out.
"Ingwer! What are you doing?" Mrs. Hexe walked towards her daughter while Mrs. Hexe's sister ran to pick up the pudgy child.
"Mom! The social services tried to take Boggle!" Ingwer said. "Without consent!"
"I was only doing what I was ordered to do," the social worker got up. "All the children in Villainapolis must be evacuated out of the city until the Aracdame problem is resolved!"
"My cousin isn't a child! He's still a baby in ogre years!" Ingwer shouted.
"She's right!" The neighbors shouted.
"In what universe do you think our children will be safer?"
"Yeah! Who's to say that the Aracdame won't just walk up to them once they leave our houses to go out of town?"
"It is the rule of the MVCPIS..." Mrs. Chinocase said.
"Is that so?"
All eyes turned on Dårlig, who dared to speak up. "If the social services really wanted the safety of the children, they would have given the families advanced warnings through the media. The parents should have given time to make the decision of keeping their children or sending them away for safety. All I see now are uniformed people forcing children into buses without the parents' consent."
"Bergen, I can assure you that the Main Villainapolis Child Protection and Inviolability Services are very serious in the welfare of..."
"Really? In that case, may the parents see the legal papers?" Dårlig held out his hand.
"Le... legal papers?" Mrs. Chinocase blinked behind her veil.
"Yes. If the services are to provide abroad protection for the children, then the parents must be able to have a copy of the guaranteed services. For instance, contacts and addresses of where the children will stay so that parent and child can keep in touch. You know, to make sure the kids are alright, if they need anything, or if the parents can send care packages."
"Well..."
"And education! The papers should say which schools they'll attend during their stay or if they're homeschooled. Are there local doctors to take care of them? Do the children need visas for traveling? Where can they get money to get supplies or food?" Dårlig fidgeted his fingers. When Mrs. Chinocase looked like she was sweating, Dårlig scowled. "You're telling me that the social services did not prepare the legit papers? And you expect these people to just hand you their kids as if they are..." He gasped. "I hope you aren't a front for child trafficking!"
"Child traffickers!" The neighbors shouted.
"Now, now..." Mrs. Chinocase tried to soothe the angry mob that was growing.
"The Bergen's right!" Ingwer said. "Unless you guys have papers to confirm consent, we'll make sure that Lady De Mort hears of this!"
"Please, not Lady De Mort!" Mrs. Chinocase begged. She immediately knocked on the bus door and ordered the children inside to go back to their parents. Many children were relieved to go back to familiar faces.
"You'll pay, Bergen," Mrs. Chinocase growled at Dårlig.
"Yeah, when donkeys start singing like Eddie Murphy," Dårlig shrugged. "And FYI, to avoid racism, call me Dårlig Bergen."
Chinocase stormed into the bus and slammed the doors. The vehicle drove off into the horizon and the people rejoiced.
"Celebration neighborhood evening picnic!" Ingwer called out. "For tonight's hero, Dårlig Bergen!"
Sundown, at the docks of the Stone Foundation
The sun was setting on the bay. Willywaffle helped Gladiola get on the boat with Feige. Once he put his foot on board, he grabbed an oar and started rowing. Soon enough, the city turning on its lights began to disappear in the mist.
"The sailors I know have their boat shipped in a cave outside of town," Willywaffle said.
"I can't see a thing with that mist ahead!" Feige complained.
"You honestly think I'd give you the tool you need to see through the mist that shields my type? If I had, you'd rat out the location to the sheriff." Willywaffle rowed to the right, just in time to avoid a sea rock.
"Are your friends pirates?" Gladiola asked. She came cloaked to make sure no one would recognize her as royalty... or maybe to avoid provoking much attention to her short hair.
"I hope you aren't scared of some fair, illegal merchants," he said with a small smirk. The mist increased, but as Willywaffle kept rowing, it cleared up, revealing the open smell of salt water and a massive cave entrance. Just five feet away, a massive black pirate ship with silver linings was safely anchored, its sails rolled up. Willywaffle got their minuscule boat right under what seemed to be the lit up captain's cabin. He raised his oar and started tapping it on the hull in a rhyming fashion. He paused and looked up. No one answered. He repeated the tune a little louder, only louder. Still no answer.
"Are you using the rhythm of 'The Elegant Captain Hook'?" Feige asked.
"Yes," Willywaffle said.
"Keep hitting. But louder."
Willywaffle did so and Feige whistled the tune so loudly, her echo bounced on the cave's walls. This finally got the attention from the captain's cabin. A window was pulled open and a rope ladder came out. Then, a young girl's head stepped out.
"I say, Will. Is that you?" the girl asked.
"Yes, Jane." Will curtsied. "I need to talk to you about your rainbow soda imports."
Minutes later
Two members of the pirate crew, Jonathan Sparrow and Bucanero Angelica, hauled up the massive crates onto the deck under the watchful eyes of the guests, Captain Jane Hook, her second-in-command and boyfriend Forkjølelse Vinter, and the rest of the crew. Jonathan used a pry bar to pull off the lids. Will gasped at the sight of the hundreds of rainbow soda bottles piled up in the two to three crates.
Gladiola took a sniff and gagged. "Yuck! The odor is revolting! How much sugar is in there?"
"None," Jane said.
"But your sodas are known for being overly sugared," Feige said crossly.
"Because rainbow sodas aren't naturally sugary," Jane said. "Most cakes people find in pastry shops aren't natural. They're only sugary because the confectioners add tons of sugar." Jane pulled out a bottle and uncorked it. She held it right under Gladiola's nose. The remaining hair on the princess' head spiked up in horror and she ran to vomit in the water.
"Willa, is the tea almost ready? The chap here will need it," Jane asked a grey-haired pirate.
"I'll get right to it, Captain." The pirate went down the deck.
"Gladiola?" Feige helped Gladiola up.
"I feel like I just smelled acrylic paint mixed with second-hand produce and alligator poop..." She took several deep breaths. "How can you even sell this?"
"Believe us, the people who came up with the idea to make a multiple flavored beverage with all the colors of the rainbow did not get good results," Forkjølelse said. "The originals did not make it to the market, but then the makers realized that the rainbow sodas can be used for two fashions: sweet drinks if the buyers add massive amounts of sugar that dissolve the horrors or antibacterial lotion to get rid of scraps on the skin. Naturally the originals can't be brought to the actual market, so what the fabricators do is that they hire pirates like us to import the bottles in foreign locations."
"We hide our ship and then we have some of the crewmates go on land," Jonathan piped it. "You know, sneak in different areas of town. Get attention of pharmacists or people seeking to make money through junk food. We then bring them to us, they go through our stocks, and they decide for what purposes they'll use the merchandise."
"We charge more when they add sugar," Bucanero joined in.
"And then we bring the customers back on land."
"We then hit the sea depending on whether or not we sold most of the goods or if clients start slowing down," Jane nodded.
"How much time are you given before you must return to get more imports?" Gladiola asked.
"Depends on the quantity we bring. For example, in our current round, we came to the bay of Villainapolis with a total of thirty crates holding up rainbow soda, cigars, fake golden fleeces, sewing needles, Turkish indigo cotton, and fishhooks. We have a max of three months to sell all of this until we need to return to get more imports. We go back in two weeks."
"How much did you manage to get sold?"
"Not much." Jane straightened her glasses, looking humiliated. "I must admit, the black market is not doing well. During the past seven years, our industries are going haywire."
"How do black market industries go haywire?" Feige asked confused.
"Black market industries outside of Villainapolis function differently," Will said. "Their successes and failures depend on the negative aspects they have on authorities.
"Why don't we show them our ship's archives, darling?" Forkjølelse held Jane's hand.
"I don't know..." Jane pondered.
Gladiola, without anyone noticing, clipped off her blue flower earrings and held them out the pirate captain. "Would you accept this as payment?"
Feige and Will gasped at her sudden gesture. The pirates awed at the sight of the moonlight reflecting on the blue jewelry.
"Davy Jones make me blind!" Jane had her crew follow her example and bowed before Gladiola. "I believe we are under the presence of a member of the Trollkonge family."
"You heard of my family?" Gladiola pulled down her hood.
"And a Troll born from a stripped gladiola! But whatever has happened to your hair?"
"I'll explain later. Now, about your archives."
Later
Jane unlocked a door hidden behind her wardrobe using the hook of her belt. The door pushed open and Jane and Forkjølelse led the visitors down a staircase made of silver.
"My old grandfather used to tell me pirate tales of Trolls before he passed away," Jane told Gladiola. "His favorite legend was the one where if a stripped gladiola-born Troll monarch touched pirate treasure and threw it into the sky, he'd be making shooting stars. Sadly, he gave up hoping to meet one when my father was born."
"I'm terribly sorry," Gladiola said sincerely. "Sadly, I do not if the myth is true. But I can always try once I get the opportunity and you'll be the first to see it."
Jane eagerly clapped her hands. Forkjølelse held out his hand and knocked on a door. Jane reassured him and merely kicked the door open. They walked right inside the archives, which was a small room with shelves full of organized books, scrolls, manuscripts, and magazines. A pirate, a teenage girl with blue hair and grey skin and oddly pointy ears was piling up newspapers.
"Got new stuff for our archives, eh, Hermia?" Jane asked.
"The latest that Ariel could get," the girl said. She got up and unfolded her blue wings with golden membranes. Some papers nearly got knocked to the floor, but Hermia quickly caught them.
"Hermia Bartok is the one I trust in safeguarding our archives," Jane did the introductions. "Hermia, Will has brought among his company the Trollkonge Princess."
"Your Majesty." Hermia curtsied before Gladiola.
"Just call me Gladiola," Gladiola said quickly.
Hermia nodded. She got up and noticed the gemstones that made the earrings that Gladiola still clutched in her hand. "Odd. These stones almost remind me of the Troll gemstones Ariel has on her bracelets."
"Troll gemstones?" Feige asked worriedly. "How many total?"
"I'm not sure. Twelve, maybe? She stole the bracelets when our ship attacked a merchant ship two years ago. Ariel took a shine on them and she ripped them off the wrists of the original owner. I warned her that she should not keep them. Bearing twelve Troll gemstones is bad luck for a virgin."
"We know. Otrera Beldam started a diet of that type," Will said.
"For good reason! Don't you know that whoever grabs hold of the soul of a virgin who has consumed or possessed twelve Troll gemstones will gain immortality?"
They all just stared at Hermia without blinking. Gladiola was the first one to crack with a laugh, a normal reaction when people think that what you said is a joke. But when she saw Hermia frowning at her in a serious mode, she dropped it.
"We'll talk about immortality later," Jane said. "Hermia, do we still have the black market articles on the industries' evolutions in the last ten years?"
"Which industry are we talking about?" Hermia flew up and starting hovering around a shelf full of papers.
Feige pondered before saying. "Try child trafficking and rainbow soda."
Hermia searched through the papers and pulled out two. She brought them to the table and unfolded them, revealing the graphs and texts of them. "Let's see... There is a rise in both fields. The rainbow soda did increase in mass in the last two years..." Hermia flew to dig through a box of papers. "Let's see... Most of our clientele. Pharmacists, cake suppliers... Uh, the last one to be purchased, which was close to three days ago, was sold by Ariel to a guy she recorded the name as 'Dwight Barron'."
"Dwight Barron?" Will frowned. "I know him. He's Otrera Beldam's hollowgast boyfriend."
"How do you know him?" Forkjølelse asked.
"Well... sometime after the disappearance of Willywaffle Wonka, I found out that Otrera Beldam had an accomplice in her scheme. Dwight Barron is a hollowgast, a shapeshifter who feeds of peculiar eyes."
"It makes sense!" Feige grabbed the rainbow soda industry article. "When Genny and Sean and I inspected at the Viliott Hotel when we thought Kory Lokisia and some of the guests were targeted by Otrera, but then we found out that all the guests except Kory had been killed and removed of their eyes."
"Why would even think that Otrera Beldam would be interested in targeting celebrities?" Will asked.
"Because they all had purchased around twelve Troll gemstones."
"See, I told you!" Hermia raised her hands in the air.
"Hermia, please." Jane crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Immortality and ways to access it are just mythology."
"Really?" Hermia said skeptically. "Then captain, I dare you to throw your Davy Jones statuette out the window."
While the captain and the archives safeguard bickered, Gladiola unfolded the child trafficking charts. "Wow. In ten years, the child trafficking has tripled. You guys are barbarians."
"Nah, we don't transport live merchandise," Forkjølelse told her. "Besides, the villain community values the existence of children to keep the next generations of evil going. They try to squish down the trafficking, but there's always a crook or two who manages to make business. Have abusive or por parents give up their kids, manipulate orphanage, or pose fake agents in child services."
Gladiola looked back at the paper. "It says that the most wanted fiend for that industry is... As...Asi..."
Forkjølelse snorted. "Asina Cocchiere. Oh, she notorious! Ever heard of Coachfolks?"
"Yeah, I think Will did a song about them. Don't they turn kids into animals?"
"Yes, they lure the naughty kids into a pleasantry trap cursed to transform them into animals. They mostly prefer transforming the kids into donkeys, but Asina enjoys transforming them into multiple animals that her agents sell off to other companies."
"How come you know this?" Feige asked Forkjølelse.
"Oh, there's like a chance out of fifty that whenever the crew and I go out at an underworld pub to celebrate our sail back, Asina pops out in town. Asina is very nomadic and so is her trap. The authorities have tried restlessly to find where her lair is, but when it seems like they found it, it went somewhere else."
"I heard that one time she had lured children away from Eviladelphia, the authorities tried to track her but they couldn't," Jane piped in. "Then, a few days later, they hear that she stroke in St Perilsburg. And after they failed to find her there, they hear of another child theft, only in San Foulisco."
"Eviladelphia, St Perilsburg, and San Foulisco?" Will widened his eyes. "That's the exact order of cities my friend Azari got swindled into buying all of his donkeys!" He gasped. "Shit, Sabrina!"
An hour and a half after the potluck
Mrs. Hexe and her daughter Ingwer walked Dårlig back home just in time for a certain donkey to jump at Dårlig and lick him on the face. "Hey, girl! How are you doing?"
"Aw." Ingwer scratched Sabrina behind the ears and pulled a carrot out of nowhere. The donkey chewed on it in delight.
"I forgot she followed me," Dårlig said as he got up. "I guess Feige won't mind if Sabrina goes indoors."
"It's a good thing I'm the one holding the food." Mrs. Hexe was holding a bunch of containers holding leftover foods. At the top was the dish holding the sachertorte she helped Dårlig make for Feige.
"What a cozy little place!" Ingwer commented when they stepped inside. Sabrina, for an oddly adorable creature, wiped her hooves before entering and began exploring her new home. As Mrs. Hexe brought the food to the kitchen, she inspected the fridge to make sure that an Aracdame could use none of the food in there.
"Did you and Feige paint the walls?" Ingwer asked while she admired the wall paintings.
"Actually, Feige did all of it. She's the visual artist. I'm more of the cooking artist," Dårlig said.
"It's obvious that she put a lot of love in the decorating," Ingwer smiled.
"She's committed, I'll give her that." Dårlig sighed.
"There's supposed to be commitment," Ingwer looked at Dårlig. "Interspecies relationships are not necessarily easy, but through the right commitment and affection, they can last forever."
Dårlig was touched by the words. He was going to say something when he heard the front door open. "Feige?" He walked up just in time for the Troll girl to hug him. "About what happened..."
"Shut up," she told him. Dårlig sighed in relief. They then pulled back from the hug when Feige noticed Sabrina stepping out of the bathroom.
"Oh don't tell me. You licked the toilet," Dårlig said drily to the donkey.
"Uh, Dårlig... About the donkey..." Feige tapped her fingers. "Will suspects she might... actually be a kid turned into a donkey."
Dårlig frowned and looked back at Sabrina. The latter seemed to have understood what Feige was saying. The donkey was now going to a corner to cuddle herself and cry.
"Good grief," Mrs. Hexe said in horror.
"But how do you know for sure if the donkey used to be a kid?" Ingwer asked. "Sometimes it happens when witches turn adults into beasts. Take Circe, for instance."
"I know, but... Let's just say we met sources and Will freaked out when he heard that a Coachfolk had a crime spree from Eviladelphia to St Perilsburg and to San Foulisco..." Feige said rapidly.
"Those are the towns that Will's friend Azari got swindled with lame donkeys." Dårlig then gasped. It was a good thing his back hit the wall. He proceeded to slip and have his butt hit the ground. "Azari sent his previous donkeys to the butcher."
"You mean your friend got kids killed?" Feige exclaimed.
"He didn't know! First he gets tricked into buying five donkeys at Eviladelphia, he didn't like the service he got and switched to a merchant in St Perilsburg, and when it bit him again, he got the donkey Joan in San Foulisco, and this time he had Sabrina!" Dårlig looked back at Sabrina. "Shoot, I forgot! I still have his donkey."
Feige looked at Mrs. Hexe. "Is there any way that you can change Sabrina back into a real child?"
The donkey perked her head up in hope.
"I'm afraid that ever since I moved into Villainapolis, I had to fill papers swearing that I wouldn't do any magic tat could harm young ones," Mrs. Hexe shook her head.
"I could try reaching out to Manny Colchis, Dr. Medea's son," Ingwer volunteered. "We were in the same Potions Chemistry class, and since Circe is his grand-aunt, he might know a thing or two about reversing transformations."
"What about Sean? I thought his mom was a Sea Witch," Feige pointed out.
"You clearly don't know that in his same-gender species, the males are the weakest," Ingwer sighed hopelessly. "Even summer school had no effect, his magic is mediocre."
"He's still a good boy." Mrs. Hexe smiled. "Very polite and dedicated. And way cleaner than the ogres we harbor in the house."
"Mom, we discussed this." Ingwer crossed her arms. "We do not talk ill stuff about Dad and his brother in front of other people."
"Very well." Mrs. Hexe looked at the kitchen clock in amusement. "Well, I must be on my way. I still have a Brewing Cupcake to run tomorrow and you have your job as herbalist-on-the-go."
"Oh, yeah! Sean mentioned that the first time we met him. But what exactly is an herbalist-on-the-go?" Dårlig asked as he and Feige escorted the Hexes to the door.
"It's pretty much a delivery service," Ingwer said. "Many clients order herbs that they can't procure elsewhere and have them delivered elsewhere. Since mortals can't quite handle the strong scents or the irritating holding of the herbs, they get witches to do the deliveries. And since my kind is best at trained noses to handle the odors and hands to maneuver the herbs, we get hired."
"What kind of herbs?" Feige asked out of curiosity.
"Depends on the client," Ingwer said. "Take Madleb Arerto, the resourcist. In the past few days, she has ordered Gargantuan rosemary and mandrake leaves. Gargantuan rosemary is normally used to calm down upset stomachs..."
"Yeah, I did notice she got thinner two days ago," Dårlig nodded. "I guess she needs the rosemary to soother her diet."
"What do the mandrake leaves do?" Feige asked.
"Sleep medicine," Ingwer said.
They gave their good-byes and kept waving at the Hexes until the tramway came to collect them. When the two got back inside, Dårlig went to cheer up Sabrina by giving her a bath while Feige went on to eat the cake Dårlig had made her. Still, the treat wasn't enough to cheer her.
Rainbow sodas aren't naturally sugary, Jane's words echoed.
Madleb Arerto ordered Gargantuan rosemary and mandrake leaves for upset stomachs and sleep medicine, Ingwer's voice added.
Don't you know that whoever grabs hold of the soul of a virgin who has consumed or possessed twelve Troll gemstones will gain immortality? Hermia's voice asked.
"That's it!" Feige managed to annihilate her cake in one slice of her fork. Dårlig couldn't hear her with all the happy braying Sabrina was giving. "That's why Otrera Beldam kidnapped people who ate or were near twelve Troll gemstones! She doesn't want to expand her diet, she wants to be immortal!"