Author Note – I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this up. Let me know what you think.
Life Goes On – chapter ten
September 2015
They were sitting side by side on the sofa, Helen's laptop open on her lap as they booked the flights to Vegas. Helen entered the last of their information, reading it to make sure it was correct before hitting the confirm order button at the bottom of the screen. They were due to visit Spencer's mother in two weeks, the first week of October. As the week drew nearer, Helen felt the anxious feelings fluttering inside of her. She desperately wanted Spencer's mother to like her. Spencer's reassurances had done little to calm her nerves.
Since they had babysat Henry a few weeks before, questions about their future had run through her head a million times. While they hadn't spoken out loud about what the little boy had asked, but an air of contentment combined with a hint of anticipation had settled around them.
Confirmation of their flights popped up on screen and when Helen changed tabs on her explorer screen she came face to face with their hotel reservations. They had shared her room, her bed, on several occasions but had yet to consummate their physical relationship. Helen glanced sideways at Spencer and found him concentrating on the screen.
When Helen had opened the door to Spencer earlier that evening she had sensed an excitement about him. Immediately she felt a tingle spark in the pit of her stomach. That spark flared once again as she saw the pink hue dusting Spencer's cheek as he stared at the reservation screen. Helen reached over and slipped her fingers into his. She felt his fingers squeeze hers as she looked back at the laptop, instinctively shuffling her body closer to his. She glanced at him again and found herself looking into his hazel ones. His hold on her fingers tightened once more.
"Do we, uh, only want one room?" She asked. Although she wanted only one room, she wanted to make sure that they wanted the same thing.
Spencer stared at her for a long moment before answering. "Is that what you want?" He swallowed as his eyes drifted to her lips. Helen nodded as she turned back to the computer and filled in their information for the reservation, her excitement increasing. She suspected that the time for consummating their relationship was drawing closer.
Helen blushed as she thought back to a few days before when she had been clothes shopping, she was casually browsing the underwear while wondering what Spencer might appreciate. Though she knew he probably wasn't interested in that kind of thing, she wanted to feel special for their first time and chose a few sets that she liked.
Once the reservations were complete, Helen closed down the laptop, placing it on the coffee table in front of them. She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip, her heartbeat thundering in her ears. "Tell me what it was like growing up in Vegas," she asked him as she leant back on the sofa, her elbow perched on the head rest, her head lying on her folded arm.
Helen could see Spencer's focus shift as he thought over her request, emotions playing across his face. Helen began to get scared as he was silent for a long minute before answering. "My mother started taking me to the park to play chess when I was a young child. A crowd would gather around me as I played older, more experienced players and won." Spencer seemed to snap out of the reverie that he had been in before starting his story.
"My mother raised me on her own after my father left. She loved to read to me, I think it soothed her as much as me," Spencer smiled briefly at the memory. "Reading gives her mind focus, and there were moments when her mind would be so clear. Of course I realised she was ill, but at the time I couldn't comprehend exactly what was going on. There were days when she wouldn't leave the house, I would go to school and she would be huddled in her room. She would be in the position when I came home. For a long time I was angry at my father for abandoning us, for not being strong enough to…" he trailed off and Helen was a loss for words. She never knew her father, but in a way she felt that was easier than getting to know him only for him to walk away.
"While I was at college, her health deteriorated to such a state that I had to have her committed. She's been at the hospital ever since," his voice trembled with emotion, and Helen saw a tear trickle down his face. She reached out a hand to him, his fingers latching onto hers. "I write to her every day," his voice broke a little, and she tightened her hold on him.
"What do you write to her about?" She asked quietly.
Spencer smiled as he glanced up at her through watery eyes. "Lately, I've told her a lot about you," Helen was shocked, and Spencer read the confusion on her face so he explained. "The last time I visited with her, she told me she knew I had been grieving, despite never having told her, but she knew that I was happier now. She knows that's because of you." Helen smiled as he made eye contact. "In my letters I've told her how we met, about some of our chess games. I've told her about how you make me feel, how proud I am of you."
Helen felt the heat in her cheeks. "She is looking forward to meeting you," Spencer told her. "I'm looking forward to introducing you."
All the fear that she had felt building in the last few weeks melted away as she saw the certainty in Spencer's eyes. "I can't wait to meet her." They stared at each other for a beat. "I've been so scared that she may not like me."
"You haven't had any panic attacks," Spencer noted as fingers started to stroke hers gently.
"I have no family to tell them how you make me feel. The only person who I've told is my therapist, and our sessions have reduced because I'm overcoming my anxiety attacks on my own," Helen swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. "You encourage me to try new things and you help me through it. You tell me that you're proud of the progress that I've made, but you have given the strength to make that progress."
"I never expected to feel like this again. You make me brave enough to open my heart again," Spencer admitted. Helen lifted a hand to stroke his cheek, wiping away a stray tear as she tasted her own tears.
"I want you to stay with me tonight," she confessed as her forehead rested on his. His breathing resonated in her ears as she waited for him to answer. After what seemed like an eternity, she felt him nod, and she released the breath she hadn't realised she was holding.
Helen grasped his hand as she stood, tugging his hand to get him to follow her. Helen led the way up the stairs, turning off lights as they moved through the house silently. They didn't pause when they reached her bedroom; there were no questions of surety from either one of them. Entering her room, Spencer stopped at the foot of her bed as Helen switched her lamp on. She returned to him, and one of his arms wrapping around her waist as his other hand came to rest on her cheek, caressing her as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Their noses bumped as they leaned closer and their lips met softly at first. Helen's hands reached up to the back of his head, bringing him closer as the kiss deepened. Spencer tightened his hold on her and Helen wondered if it was her heartbeat or his beating against her chest. She moaned as he continued to kiss her. Helen's desire rose as she felt Spencer's lips move to her neck, peppering kisses along her skin as his hands moved to her hips. Still holding one hand to the back of his head, she touched his jaw with the other, pulling his face up to hers. She kissed him passionately, trying to convey everything that she felt for him, how he made her feel, in that one kiss.
This time both of her hands moved to the bottom of his jumper. Their lips lost contact as Helen eased her hands under the garment and he helped her lift it over his head. Their paused to look at each other as the jumper hit the floor at the side of them, their breathing heavy. Just as Spencer leant in again, Helen whispered, "I want you to make love to me."
Unable to find his voice, Spencer nodded before lowering his lips to hers again.