Welcome back, dears. The slow burn begins! Plenty of SwanQueen goodness in this one. The fic will probably end in a chapter or two after this, but there will be a sequel showing their courtship called: "The Love Game of Regina Mills." So, make sure to keep an eye out for that once the fic ends. Enjoy and drop me some love. Oh, and btw, the song is actually "Million Dollar Man" but you get the picture.

Chapter 10: Million Dollar Swan

The days passed amiably between the two women. Something had certainly changed between them, but neither one wanted to explore what that was either within themselves or with each other. They shared a bed most nights so that Emma would be right there if Regina had another nightmare, and she had many. Little by little, the shakes died down. Soon the vomiting ceased altogether. The muscle pain and emotional delicacy remained, but it was highly bearable by the end of the week. Regina woke on the eighth day almost feeling like a person. She opened her eyes and looked over at Emma, who was still sleeping. Regina quickly realized that her arms were wrapped around her companion. She had no idea why, so she removed them immediately. She rose and got dressed in clothes of her own for the first time since her detox had begun. This was the first time Regina had been sober in years. It was scary, but thrilling in its own way. Maybe she could do better. Maybe she would be worthy of her son's love one day. Regina walked out of the room and padded down the hall to brush her teeth without waking Emma. Emma Swan. What a conundrum. Regina didn't totally understand why this woman gave a shit about her. How could she? How could anyone? Regina looked at herself sadly in the mirror. Just a sad old addict. She felt like crying, but managed to keep herself together. Regina was eager for the emotional side of her withdrawal to stop so that she could get through an hour without bursting into tears. At least she could eat and sleep now. Once her teeth were brushed and her hair was combed she made her way into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Regina. How did you sleep?" Emma asked, shooting her a smile.

"Better." Regina answered, unsure of how her companion had gotten down here first.

"You certainly look it. Want some toast?"

"Yes." She said. They ate together in a comfortable silence. Emma poured her some coffee once she had finished her first cup.

"Thanks." Regina said quietly, "You know, I'm feeling a lot better. You don't have to cook for me anymore."

"Oh. Sorry." Emma said. Regina smiled.

"It's fine. Thanks for breakfast."

"So, uh. Now that you're feeling better, I should probably get going, huh?" Emma said gently. Regina sighed.

"Yes, I suppose you should."

They looked at one another for a moment, but felt that the intimacy that had manifested was slipping back into the shadows. Soon, it would be like this week hadn't happened. Soon they would simply go back to their lives. Regina's would be weird and different, but better. Emma's would be much the same, but emptier somehow. After Emma cleaned their breakfast dishes and made sure that Regina had enough food for another day or two, she packed her things. Regina watched quietly, not wanting to hover, but unable to leave. She chain smoked. Finally, the time had come. Emma stood at the door, about to leave. She lingered.

"You know, I admire you." Regina said, softly.

"Why's that?"

"Life handed you shit and you made lemonade." Regina snarked.

"So, will you." Emma said warmly. She put her duffel down and went in for a hug.

"Thank you, Emma, for everything."

"I guess this is goodbye then."

"I guess it is." Regina said, pulling herself out of the embrace.

They lingered for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. They had to part after all, it seemed. No sudden symptom was going to force Emma to stay.

"Well, call me if you need anything." Emma said quietly.

"Ok." And then Emma left. Regina felt the absence of her companion immediately. It was like all the air was sucked out of the room, all of the magic that was keeping her from completely freaking out. She took a deep breath to steady herself and took off in search of her cigarettes. She needed to stay grounded. She needed to quell the anxiety that was already starting to build. Maybe she couldn't do this. Maybe she was broken beyond repair. Woah there. Ok. Regina took another deep breath. She just needed to calm down.

When Emma arrived at her apartment James was waiting for her. He embraced her warmly.

"You're back! I was just starting to miss you, man." He said. Emma laughed.

"Yeah, sure. You missed me from the moment I left." She sniped. He smiled.

"So, how was her majesty, the monster?" James asked, putting on a silly voice for effect.

"Actually, she was great."

"Wait, what?"

"I mean, she really stuck to her guns and made it through the week without incident. She really went through hell. I mean, sweats and pain and all that and she didn't relapse once. Besides, her mom is a complete psycho. She stormed the castle, so to speak." Emma said, her excitement and pride clear in her voice.

"You really care about her." He observed, startling Emma.

"What? No. I just see a little bit of myself in her and I'm happy to help those in need. There's actually a really sweet person underneath all that bitch."

"Not to mention that she's a total fox." He teased.

"James. Stop it." Emma said firmly. He laughed.

"You've really got it bad, Em." James teased. Emma's temper was close to being lost, but the phone in her pocket buzzed.

"Saved by the bell. Hello?"

"Emmmmma." Regina slurred. Emma's heart dropped.

"Regina? Regina, what did you do? Are you ok?" Emma demanded. Regina sniffled, tears apparent in her voice.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Emma. I'm so sorry." She whispered. Then, she hung up. Emma raced into her room to grab some more clothes for the duffel, cursing the whole way.

"Are you going back? You just got here!" James called. Emma didn't skip a beat and packed quickly.

"James, she needs me." Emma replied as she grabbed her stuff and exited the apartment. The door swung shut and James shook his head.

"Sucker." He said with a chuckle. Emma drove as fast as she could without killing herself. When she arrived at the house in Long Island she didn't even bother with knocking. She just ran in, ready to save Regina if she needed to. Regina was lying on the kitchen floor, clearly high out of her mind.

"Fuck!" Emma shouted. She ran over to the woman on the floor and picked her up, fireman style. She raced to the closest bathroom and laid her in the tub. Regina was largely unresponsive, just a murmur here and there. Emma turned on the shower with some cold water. Regina jerked awake, but struggled to remain conscious.

"Emma?" She murmured, "Just Xanax."

"For fuck's sake, Regina. I was gone for what? A whole fucking hour? Jesus."

"I didn't want you to leave." Regina whimpered.

"Then why didn't you say so? This is so not cool."

"I didn't think you would come if I didn't…" Regina whispered, her grip on reality going in and out. The water seemed to be helping a little.

"Well, I would have stayed if you had asked. I would have just come back if you had asked." Emma said, clearly upset and more than a little angry.

"No, you wouldn't." Regina insisted. Emma sighed.

"How much did you take, Regina?" She asked, trying to regain her composure. Regina sniffed, trying to stay calm, but the drugs and the water and Emma…She wept. Regina looked up at her suddenly and really looked at her. She had come back. Emma had really come back. Emma helped her out of the tub after a few minutes and led her to the bedroom they had been staying in. She found new clothes for the broken woman from her drawers and placed them on the bed.

"Can you get dressed?" Emma asked gently. Regina nodded, so Emma turned around. Though it took her a considerable amount of time, Regina did manage to change her clothes. She climbed into the bed, shivering. Emma slipped off her jeans and joined her. Regina wrapped herself around Emma and smiled. Emma sighed. Regina sniffed and began to cry once more.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, feeling so stupid, so weak.

"I know you are, but this is not cool, ok? Just…Just don't do this again. You've worked really hard. Regina, look at me. You've worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed." Emma said, "Even if you're the one destroying it."

Regina tried to process what she had heard, but it made little sense. How could anyone care about her like that, especially someone who had seen her so low, someone who knew her darkness? She had no idea how to process the emotions she felt, nor how to express them properly. Was this…? Regina didn't know what this was. She had been staring at Emma for a few seconds and Emma began to chuckle nervously.

"Uh, Regina? You good? Do you need me to get the trashcan?" She asked. Regina just continued to look at her, slowly moving in closer. Emma could feel the other woman's breath on her lips. In a moment of complete and utter drug fueled madness, Regina placed her lips against Emma's ever so gently. Emma's eyes widened and she pulled back, startled. Regina's eyes searched for some explanation in the other woman's face, but found nothing. Then, the brunette turned over and hoped she would soon pass out. Emma just laid there, still as stone. Had that just happened? No way. That hadn't just happened. There was no way that Regina White had just kissed her. A blush crept up her neck, but she remained completely motionless as if moving would break something intangible between them. After a few minutes of this, Emma noticed that Regina had finally fallen asleep. She sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed. Fuck. That was definitely not part of the plan.

Emma walked out of the room and headed out onto the front porch of the house. Something about this infuriating woman made her want to drink again. The urge swelled, but Emma just laughed. Her drinking days were long over and she was glad of it. Regina, on the other hand, was in for another bout with withdrawal. Emma punched one of the porch's posts.

"Why are you so determined to ruin yourself?" She whispered.

Emma was feeling good, real good. She had a bottle of tequila in one hand and a bottle of cheap whiskey in the other. The party around her raged and swelled with music, with bodies, with invitation.

"Who's ready to get fucked up?!" She shouted. A chorus of cheers rose from the crowd. James, her reluctant companion tried to help her down from the counter she had leapt onto.

"Emma, come here." He insisted. She refused.

"Aw, come on daaaad. Loosen up!" Emma shouted. James smirked and shook his head.

"Emma, come on. We were supposed to-"

"I'm not supposed to do anything."

"You have an exam tomorrow and so do I!" James reminded her. Emma rolled her eyes. Like she cared. She was sure that her undeniable luck would get her a good grade in the end. What did it really matter though, in the end? All she could see was that baby. Over and over again the baby was brought to her and cast off. She had been out of prison for three years and that baby still haunted her every day. She took a long swig out of the whiskey bottle. Why was she even bothering with college? She didn't have anyone to impress, no parents or anything. This was such a waste of time. Emma hopped off the counter, suddenly broody and stormed through the house. She finally made her way outside and sat forcefully on the front porch. There was a couple to her left that made out noisily. How annoying. Emma looked up to the sky and almost made a wish, but what was the point? This wasn't a fucking fairytale. Then she looked down, out into the night and saw someone she had hoped she would never see again climbing out of a long black car.

"Neal!?" she whispered, "Neal!?"

"Emma?" Neal said, his face lighting up with joy. Her face, on the other hand, did not. Her face was full of fury. She grabbed one of the bottles by the neck and smashed it against the step she was sitting on. Alcohol splattered all over her jeans and shattered glass shot into the air around her. The couple shouted at her, but she couldn't hear them. She just had to get to Neal. Her boots made clear tracks with every step from the force of her stride.

"Emma, woah. Emma, look I'm sorry! I-"

"Shut the fuck up!" She screamed, pointing the broken bottle at his face.

"Emma, I had no idea-"

"You fucking left me for the fucking cops! I went to prison, you fuck!"

"I know. I know and I'm so sorry, Em." He said, nervously eyeing the bottle.

"Well, guess what? I don't forgive you." She snarled. She swung the bottle, but missed. Neal swerved and grabbed her from behind, trying to calm her down.

"Let go of me, you fucking coward!"

"Emma, please just calm down."

"Is this woman bothering you, son?" Mr. Gold asked, limping over. He had a gun in his hand, ready.

"Papa, please. There's no need for that. Emma is just really fucked up and-" Emma broke free from his grasp and lunged for Gold's gun. The cripple couldn't stop her from overpowering him. Now she was very drunk, very angry, and very armed. She pointed the gun at Neal. Gold cursed himself for not bringing back up. He hadn't anticipated this. They put their hands up and waited.

"You ruined my fucking life!" Emma screamed. She was crying now.

"Emma, just put the gun down." Neal said slowly.

"Shut up, you stupid sack of shit."

"I'd listen to him, dearie. You have no idea who you are messing with." Gold said dangerously.

"I had a baby, Neal! In prison! Because of you!" Emma screamed, louder and wilder. Both men froze. A baby?

"Wait, what?" Neal whispered. Emma refocused and placed her finger on the trigger of the gun.

"That's right, Neal." Emma snarled. She readied her aim. This was going to end right now. Right before Emma could complete her revenge, James tackled her to the ground and wrestled the gun from her hand.

"Get the fuck off of me!" She barked. James just held on tight. He threw the gun away, as far as he could.

"It's ok, Emma. I'm here. I'm here." James insisted. Emma sobbed. Neal and Gold just stood there, completely dumbfounded. Gold quickly pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number.

"Jefferson. Special job for you. I need you to find a child." Gold said quickly. Then he turned to the car. They had a lot of dope to sell that night and he was in no mood for any more hiccups.

Jefferson had indeed found the child. He had found him and Gold had known exactly who to give him to: A lonely woman who remained entirely under his control. Regina had only been too glad to adopt Henry. It didn't matter that he was already four. Gold cut through a lot of red tape and Regina was just so happy that she didn't ask too many questions. Regina believed this child would change her, and she was right, but she was still such a young fool. She finally had the one thing that would love her above all else, but that was exactly the problem.

Snow and Henry sat on the floor, waiting for Regina to return. Snow peered over at this new child. He had been at their house for three weeks and he hadn't said much. Now, it was clear to Snow that Regina liked him better and that made her sort of angry. In the next room, Regina was digging through her purse for a little something, anything. Her mother would be coming in twenty minutes and the kids weren't fed, the house was a mess, and she felt like hell. She had no idea how to face those tiny people who constantly craved her attention; they relied on her. She just needed a little something to help her through the day. If she could just get through this day, she wouldn't need the drugs anymore. She just had to get through this visit. Finally! She found a little baggie of white powder. It wasn't what she was looking for, but it would work. She shook a little onto her finger and snorted it quickly. Ok. Now she could do this. Now she could face the children. Regina walked back into the living room and put on a big smile. She hated the way Snow looked at her. Her eyes always seemed to say, "I know that you want to die." Henry had not yet grown accustomed to his new surroundings and he never had to know that she had tried to kill herself. Snow was ruined forever, but he was perfect. He never had to know who she really was, and if he never knew, then he would love her. This was the first time since her marriage to Leopold that she felt like she was going to be able to survive.

Regina finally stirred in the bed. She had no idea how long she had been out. She felt awful again and she cursed herself for popping that Xanax. She had just wanted to be calm. She cursed herself again. Ok. It seemed that some stupid part of her needed Miss Swan's presence to feel safe. Regina vowed to find that part of herself and destroy it. This wasn't meant to last forever. She had to learn to cope without the blonde. Why did the thought of Emma leaving make her want to cry and scream? She didn't even know Miss Swan and this Swan character certainly didn't know her…but that sounded fake even in her private thoughts. Emma did know her. She knew the darkest parts of her and here she was, ready to save her. Regina slammed her hand on the pillow, then raised her hand to strike herself. She glanced behind her to make sure the other woman was not present and slammed the heel of her palm into her collarbone. The sweet sting greeted her like an old friend, but it seemed wrong this time.

"Regina, you're up. What are you doing?" Emma asked from the doorway. Regina's head whipped around to look at her, tears sneaking into her eyes. The sudden movement made her nauseous and her hand flew to her mouth. Emma dove for the trashcan and brought it to the other woman. Regina vomited.

"It's ok." Emma said soothingly. She rubbed Regina's back. Regina finished and looked up at the blonde.

"I just don't understand." She whispered.

"Well, you reintroduced a substance back into your body. You're going to re-experience some of your withdrawal-"

"No, not that." Regina snapped. Emma sighed.

"Ok. Then what?"

"Why are you here?" Regina asked. Her voice was so small, so fragile. Emma's heart broke.

"Look, I know you don't think you're worth the effort, but…Sometimes shit happens and it makes us feel like we're not worth it. I'm here to show you that you are not all bad, Regina…because that's what we do. That's what decent people do." Emma said. She was stretching it, she knew. Decent people would have called a hospital or some professionals by now…but Emma knew how delicate this woman was. She wanted to help her; she just didn't want to admit it yet. She could see that Regina was desperate for love, for acceptance, and Emma wasn't interested in being devoured by the black hole what was the Queen's heart... She had to stay strong and she…Regina was just staring at her intently, searching her face for any sign of-

"Miss Swan, what's wrong?"

"Uh. Nothing. You were just staring at me."

"Oh. Sorry." Regina said, turning away. Neither woman knew what to do next. Neither woman knew what the other wanted, or even what they themselves wanted. Emma sighed and flounced onto the bed. Regina laid down gently beside her.

"Hey, Regina?" Emma asked.

"Yeah?"

"I know you don't want me to leave, but honestly, I kind of want to go home." Emma said quietly. Regina sighed, deeply wounded.

"Oh." She whispered, turning over.

"Hey now, it's not like that." Emma insisted, rolling to face Regina's back.

"Hey. Come on, look at me." Emma said gently. Regina sighed, irritated, but turned around.

"Why don't you come with me?"

"To your apartment?" Regina asked, "With your boyfriend?"

"James is my best bud, but he's not my boyfriend. Look, I need to go back to work and you don't want to be alone, so, is just makes sense." Emma said. Regina sighed and rolled onto her back. She felt like hell, but the blonde made a good point.

"Where will I sleep, Miss Swan?"

"Well, I figured we could just keep sharing a bed so I can keep an eye on you, but I can sleep on the couch if you want me to."

"Fine." Regina said quietly. She turned over, away from Emma and released the biggest smile she had inside of her. Emma let out a sigh of relief and settled onto her back again.

"Maybe in a few days you'll feel well enough to go home." Emma offered. Regina's brow furrowed.

"Don't ruin the moment."

"Moment? I'm sorry, were we having a moment?" Emma laughed. Regina sighed. She had thought they were, but maybe not.

"I'm just not ready to think about my old life yet. I have so many people to see, to explain to…I'm still pretty ripped from those Xanax, so can we just lay here?" Regina asked. They both sighed. Regina lifted her arm, inviting Emma in closer. Emma stared at the offering, but took it, sliding in behind Regina. Regina wiggled her backside against Emma and settled in. Emma blushed and hoped that the other woman would not take notice.

Wow. This got long. Review and let me know!