A/N: Longest chapter so far! And it was gonna be longer, but I decided to stop it there. This means that when I said I only had 3 chapters left, about 2 or 3 chapters back, I was being overally short sighted. I do know how I'm going to end this, and it will be ended shortly. Two more main chapters left, and a epilogue. So enjoy, and comments are welcomes. Again, I own nothing apart from the very vague story line xD
Chapter Song – Pins and Needles – Billy Talent
Is it worth the pain?
With no one to take the blame,
For all of my insecurities,
How did I ever let you go?
I knew already that time always passed, no matter how difficult the situation was. This wasn't the most difficult situation I'd ever been in; Edward leaving will always be the hardest time of my life, so it shouldn't have come as such a shock to me at how quickly time was passing. After I had told Charlie about the baby, I drove up to Edward's house to find the whole of the Cullen family waiting on the doorstep, smiles across most of their faces. The only exception, surprisingly, was Jasper; even Rosalie was smiling. Alice was bouncing in the front, clearly waiting for me to step out of my truck so she could rush over. Her smile was most prominent, and I realised just how much I missed her. I stepped out of the van, and she started towards me but Jasper gently laid a hand on her and shook his head. Edward shot him a look, and suddenly looked anxious which made me worry. I stood by the van as I watched Jasper approach, my eyes fixed on him, although I could see Edward in the background, analysing the situation. Apparently Jasper's mindset was peaceful, because Edward relaxed as Jasper reached me.
"Bella," he said, with pain in his voice, "You have no idea how sorry I am about what happened on your 18th birthday. I wish to apologise for all the pain I've put you through over the past 7 months. If it wasn't for me, my family would never have left. I am truly sorry. I promise never to hurt you again. Can you forgive me?"
"Jazz, I forgave you on my 18th birthday. I never even held you responsible. There is nothing to forgive." Jasper smiled, and pulled me into a hug. Shocked, I tensed up, until I realised that Jasper wouldn't hurt me, and so I hugged him back. Within seconds, I was surrounded by all of Cullen's, hugging me and holding me tightly. Alice jumped on me and wouldn't let me go, and I was sure that if she could cry, she would.
"Bella, I've missed you so much. You scared me when you're future disappeared. I didn't keep looking on you though, I gave you privacy. But I was so close to coming back and seeing you, it's been unbearable without you. The happiness in this family was depleted. Even Rose told us to come back months ago! We've all missed you. Oh Bella! I love you!" Alice said this all so fast, and some parts slightly hysterically, that I had trouble keeping up. I laughed and just told her that she was back now, and that she wasn't ever allowed to leave again. She smiled at that, and let me go, although she did take my hand. With Edward holding one hand, and Alice holding the other, I looked at my new family and smiled.
"C'mon," Carlisle said, "Let's go in and welcome Bella home."
That was the first night of my new life. It was strange being the only one who slept, only one that ate. For a while, I didn't want to sleep as I'd rather stay up and talk to them about everything, but with school and finals, I had to. It was easier to sleep with Edward humming to me. School was hard; everyone knew that the Cullen's were back, and everyone knew that I was back with Edward. The day I went back after finding out I was pregnant, everyone was asking me the same questions.
"So are you and Cullen back together?"
"What happened to that La Push kid?"
"Are you seeing both of them at the same time?"
It was getting tiresome having to explain to everyone that Jake and I broke up and that Edward and I got back together. No one could really understand it, but I couldn't expect them too. Finals came and went, and with Edward helping me, I think I passed them. I'd applied to college, just for a reason to move out of Forks, and we had decided to go to Alaska. I had got my acceptance letter, and if it wasn't for Jacob, life couldn't have gotten much better.
Charlie came up to the Cullen's house about a week after I had stormed out. It was in the evening, and he demanded to see me. I went to talk to him, and was shocked by what I saw. Charlie was a mess; he looked like he hadn't slept and looked very guilt-ridden. I suddenly realised how selfish I was by moving out when I did. Charlie hadn't handled Harry's death very well, and for his daughter to up and leave because of one single fight was heart breaking to him. I could see it in his eyes. He was sorry he tried to force me into abortion, and he never meant for me to move out. I had just taken the argument too literal, and too far.
"Hey Dad," I said, when I saw him. There was an awkward pause before he replied.
"Bells, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to move out, I was just angry and in denial. I thought that you were too young, but I can see that you're resourceful. I should have realised that you wouldn't terminate the life of this child, and I should have realised that you are responsible enough to look after it. Especially with the father by your side." Ouch. "I just wanted to apologise, and ask you to come home. I over reacted, I'm sorry."
"I forgive you, but only if you forgive me. I shouldn't have left like that, it was childish. I didn't mean to hurt you either, and for that I'm sorry too. But… I can't move back home." His face fell. "I am really sorry, but the house isn't suitable for a baby. Everything has been set up here, and it'll be better for both the baby and me in the long run. I'll come down and see you though, every day. It'll be like I'm just on a constant sleepover." He nodded even though I could see he wasn't happy about it. I didn't want to move home because I didn't want to be away from Edward again. It hurt too much, and I was scared that if I was to turn away for a mere moment, he would be gone. Of course, he had spent a lot of time trying to convince me differently, and I knew my fears were irrational, but it wouldn't stop them for manifesting.
True to my word, I saw Charlie pretty much daily. After school and after finals, I went back to his and spent the evenings with him. I cooked him dinner and we talked about everything. After finals and during the summer, I'd spend all day with Charlie, going out and just doing stuff. The only place we didn't go was La Push, and the only person we didn't talk about was Jacob. Everything else came naturally; he was even there for my first scan, and his eyes lit up when he saw his future grandchild. He had truly accepted my decisions, and was supporting me in any way possible. I still hadn't told Renée, but I had no idea how to. That was something that I would wait to do.
Jacob still hadn't spoken to me since I had told him. I had no idea how he was doing and that was painful. I wanted to go to La Push and talk to him, but I was too scared about his reaction. Somehow the treaty remained stable, and none of the werewolves went onto Cullen land or tried to attack them while they were hunting. For this I was grateful, because I didn't think I could cope with a war between the two halves of my heart. I missed Jacob a lot, and Edward could tell. There were nights where I'd wake up crying, calling out for Jacob. Edward was there to calm me down each time, but I could see the look of pain on his face. He wasn't sure if I was making the right decisions.
"Edward, the hurt I feel from not having Jacob in my life is nothing compared to when you weren't there. I know who I can't live without, and it's the person who is holding me close right now. Never forget that." I wanted to try and forget about Jacob, but the pregnancy was making that difficult. Time was moving quicker than I thought possible, and I was soon 20 weeks pregnant and was going for the scan that could potentially find out the gender of the baby. I was scared because if the baby was a boy, it would make him a werewolf. Edward may have said that he would support me through anything, but I knew this would make matters more complicated. By the time my baby hit teenage years, they would be a werewolf. Frozen in age, and innately programmed to hurt what they would call their family. Everyone said that it would be easy to overcome, because love can override innate urges. Edward's and mine relationship was a sure example of that.
The day of my scan was a sunny day, so Edward had to stay at home. He was angry about that, feeling it was his role to be there. Instead, Charlie was coming with me. I could tell that Charlie was annoyed that Edward wasn't coming, feeling he was pushing off his responsibilities.
"Seriously Bella, Edward should be here. We're finding out the gender of his baby today, don't you think that's a little bit more important than whatever it is he's doing?" Charlie asked on the way to the hospital. I rolled my eyes.
"He wanted to be here, but Esme is really ill. Carlisle had to go out of town to get something for her, and Edward is staying at home to look after her. They all feel horrible that he can't come, but it's not something he can help. But at least you're going to be there."
"Hmph. So, have you thought of any names yet?"
"Yeah. Well, mainly boys names. I was thinking of Blake, possibly. Or maybe Jack. As for girls name… Well, I haven't really thought at all for that. I like the name Amy…" I was convinced the baby was a boy anyway, so I really hadn't thought of any girls' name. I adored the name Blake, because it was a mixture of Bella and Jake. And Jack was just a spin off from Jake. Even if Jacob didn't know this baby was his, I needed some sort of reminder. I think Charlie noticed the similarities to Jacob's name as he raised his eyebrow at the male names but said nothing. The rest of the car journey passed in silence.
We got to the hospital and quickly went to maternity, not wanting to be late. We got there was five minutes to spare and was told to wait in the waiting room. Appointments were running late, and we were waiting for fifteen minutes before we got called in. The midwife started the procedure and I held my breath in anticipation. The room was filled with the heartbeat of my baby, and I could see them on the screen in front of me. I turned to Charlie and smiled.
"Congratulations, Miss Swan. You're having a baby boy." I looked at the monitor in wonder, looking into the face of my son.
***
Time continued to pass quickly, and soon I was eight and a half months pregnant. That's when the news came. Edward and I were at Charlie's house for the evening when Charlie got a phone call.
"Hello?" he answered. "Oh hey, Billy. How are you? How are things in La Push?" There was a pause as Billy answered, and stress could clearly be seen on both Charlie's and Edward's face. Edward could hear what Billy was saying, and could read Charlie's reaction to it. "I see. Well, that's good news really Billy. At least you know he's safe now… Yeah, Bella is here… Jacob wants to talk to her? What… why? Well, if you're sure, I'll pass you over…" With that, he held the phone out to me, with a strange look on his face. There was concern, but something else as well.
"Hello?" I breathed. If Jacob was on the other end, it would be the first time in eight months that I had spoken to him.
"Bella," It was Jacob. My heart started racing and I had so many questions I had to ask him, but the stress in his voice stopped me from speaking. There was a pause. "How are you doing?"
"Good," I whispered, not having the strength to say anything more. I could tell he didn't want to talk to me, and I couldn't blame him. "What about you?"
"Been better, but that doesn't matter. Look, I've been scouting for the past few months, trying to track Victoria. I lost her for a while, but I've recently picked up her trace, and its leading back here. Just thought you and your vampires should be aware of this, although I'm sure Alice has already seen that. But the pack will be hunting her too. So, just thought I'd give you the heads up as the pack will only hunt our side of the treaty line. Well, that's all I wanted to say. Bye Bella." With that, he hung up. I didn't have time to say anything to him, and my brain was racing. Edward had heard every part of the conversation, and had already excused himself to call Alice. Alice hadn't seen anything coming but because of my son, she hadn't seen much lately. I was blocking her vision, something that caused her great discomfort, even though she tried to hide that fact from me.
"What did Jacob want to say Bells?" Charlie asked. I still wasn't very good at lying, or thinking fast, and my mind drew a blank.
"Just to see how I was doing… He said he wasn't doing so well, but that's about it. Hung up real quick as well… I should go find Edward, excuse me." I went into the kitchen and found Edward still on the phone to Alice, stress covering his face. He saw me enter, and said goodbye to Alice. In a fluid motion, he pulled me close to him. I should have known my happiness couldn't have lasted.
"Don't worry Bella; we won't let her hurt you. I promise." I simply nodded and didn't let myself think about it, knowing that if I did, I would end up crying. I sighed.
"Let's go home." We said our goodbyes to Charlie, and when he hugged me goodbye, I could tell he was worried. He had picked up the change in atmosphere between Edward and me, and was concerned about it, especially close to the baby's due date. Before he could say anything, I kissed his cheek and got into Edward's car. We rushed back home to confer with the rest of the family. Knowing that talks about Victoria would do little but upset me, I decided I didn't want to be apart of this conversation. Edward heard perfectly what Jacob had said, so I wasn't needed at all. "Edward, do you mind if I sit the conversation about Victoria out? I don't feel up to talking about the psychotic vampire and her intent to murder me."
"That's fine love, but are you okay?" He sound concerned, probably by my tone of voice. I hadn't had any hormonal mood swings that normal pregnant women were meant to have, so it was abnormal for me to be moody and sullen. I just nodded and walked into the house, and straight to my room. I could feel all of the eyes of my new family on me, and I felt sorry for Jasper who was getting my emotions first hand. I wasn't just scared about Victoria coming to find me. It was more than that; I was mortified at how much I hurt Jacob. He said he had been scouting, but what did he mean by that? Is that why Charlie never mentioned him, because he was never there? Had Jacob run away from La Push and I just never knew it? Had I forced him away from the people he loved in my effort to protect him from the responsibilities the truth held? Even if Jacob had done that, he still came back to warn me, which he didn't have to do. I hoped he didn't feel obligated to me in anyway, because I truly didn't deserve someone like him to be looking out for me. I couldn't even understand why he was looking for Victoria in the first place; I had hurt him so much, he should have been eager for my death, not actively stopping it.
I reached the bedroom that Edward and I shared and walked in. It was the same as before, except the giant bed that had be brought for me to sleep in at night. When I first saw the bed, I tried to convince Edward that it had better uses than just sleeping, but he didn't agree. Sadly, since having a physical relationship with Jacob, I had desired the same level of intimacy with Edward. More so than before. But he still refused to give in, talking about my safety. I had tried arguing that I wouldn't be in danger, but when he mentioned the potential danger to the baby, I quickly stopped harassing him about it. No matter how great the desire, I would never harm my son. He meant everything to me. I had decided on the name Blake, because it felt like a mixture of Bella and Jake.
Shrugging off all thoughts, I got changed into my night clothes and climbed into bed. I curled up as tightly as I could around my baby bump, and let the emotions I had be fighting early over come me. It was useless to even think that Edward wouldn't be aware of what was happening; even if he couldn't read my mind, he could read Jasper's, who would be getting the first hand experience of the hurt I was feeling. Edward was by my side before the tears even hit the pillow. I could feel hysterics building, and from past experiences, I knew the best thing was the let them out. I cried for hours into Edward's cold arms, muttering under my breath about how cruel I really was. Edward couldn't calm me, because for the first time in months, it was Jacob I really wanted to see. I cried for at least an hour before I realised what I had to do. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I had to try. Concentrating on my breathing, I stopped myself from sobbing, enough so that I could talk.
"I'd like to go for a walk," I stated bluntly.
"Okay, I'll come with you. Where did you want to go?"
"No, Edward, I want to go for a walk. Alone." I saw the confusion and panic in his eyes. With Victoria close by, I figured that the chances of Edward actually allowing me to go were slim. But if I could convince him, then I could walk to Jacob's and talk to him. I didn't know what good it would do, but I needed to do it. "Please Edward; I need to just clear my head."
"I can't let you do that Bella… It's not safe. Not with Victoria so close by." I started to cry again, begging through the sobs. "Bella, please don't do this. You know I can't resist you when you beg. I find it hard enough to deny you anything on the best of occasions…"
"Please, Edward." I looked into his eyes, and I saw that I had won this argument, somehow.
"Fine. But if you're not back within an hour, I'm coming to find you. And keep your phone on you at all times. And for goodness sake, please keep yourself safe. I love you."
"Thank you." I kissed him on the lips, and rushed to get dressed. Within minutes I was running downstairs and out of the house. I swear I could have heard Emmett call 'where's the fire', but I didn't stop to check. It would have made more sense to take a car, but I was in no fit state to drive. I hoped that I could get into the boundaries of La Push within the hour, knowing that Edward wouldn't look for me there. He'd just call me, and I'd explain then. I stumbled into the woods, and worked towards the general direction of La Push.
In my haste, I fell a few times, but being clumsy, that was to be expected. I realised about ten minutes into my escape to Jacob's that this was a badly thought out plan, and too impulsive. I was never exactly good at making my way through the woods, especially not the miles it would take to walk to La Push. Pretty soon I was lost, and was about to call Edward to come get me, knowing he'd be able to follow the scent. I was hunting around for my phone when I heard it. Behind me, there was a deep chuckle. I whirled around, trying to find out where it came from. I saw nothing in the darkness, but heard another chuckle from behind me. I tensed in fear just as the moon came out from behind the clouds, casting light on the mysterious chuckler. The dark red eyes focused completely on me as she took one step towards me.
"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"