Beginnings
Chapter Ten
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*December 31, 1996*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Jess woke up and she knew that after tonight she needed to head back to school. She had been avoiding her brothers for two days and she couldn't do it anymore. Cody was finished with his classes and would graduate in January so it would only be her and Benji till the spring. She promised Jake that she would waitress for the New Years party.
"You okay Jess?" Jake was filling the ice.
"Yeah, I think so."
"You think so?"
"I will be when I get on the road tomorrow morning and the mountain in my rear view mirror."
"Jess come on. You need to make things right with your brothers. Especially Cody."
"Not you too." Jess grabbed a rag and washed down the last of the tables and set out the noise makers and other decorations. "I'm going back to school in the morning Jake. Nothing can change that." She unlocked the door. "I have to go up and change. If you loose control just yell." Jess walked upstairs and closed the door. Her bag was packed and she hadn't told Jake but she was leaving when the bar closed. She couldn't bear waking up here one more morning. Her father had driven her home after the accident. He had been quiet and distant. She could deal with Matt and Cody mad at her but if Jesse was mad it was as bad as it could get.
*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Matt sat at the bar. He watched his sister make her way around the place delivering drinks and greeting friends. She actually looked happy. Jake set another beer in front of him.
"You look like hell my friend."
"Thanks."
"All you do is have to say you're sorry." Matt looked at Jake.
"You think it's that easy Jake?" Matt shook his head. "She's got the stubborn bread into her and rubbed off on her from us."
"Stubborn is one of the better Hawkes qualities." Matt laughed.
"Thanks…I think." Jess brought back a try of glasses and looked at her brother.
"When was the last time you slept?" He looked at her.
"Sleeps over rated."
"Well so is death but I'd rather be alive and sleeping then dead and awake."
"Are you coming by for brunch in the morning?"
"I'm heading out early."
"Don't do this to mom Jess. Hate me, be mad a Cody but don't make mom suffer for the things we did." Matt threw a couple of bills on the bar and left.
"Who pissed in his cornflakes this morning?" Jess looked at Jake.
"If I were to guess I would say you." Jake turned and filled her drink order.
"I'm not going. I don't care if he pulled the Mom card. I can not and will not sit though a New Years brunch with my bothers."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-January 1, 1997*-*-*-*-*-*-
10:15 am
Jess slammed her truck door and stormed to her parent's front door. She didn't know what Jake did last night but for some ungodly reason she was going to endure at least three hours with her brothers to make sure her mother was happy. Jesse was waiting for her on the porch.
"Jesse Lynne…nice of you to join us."
"Anything to make mom happy." She looked at him. His eyes were sad.
"You know Jess for a girl who spent most of her life fighting for what she wants you sure are giving up a little easy on this."
"On what dad? On Cody leaving me? Or maybe Matt pushing me off the mountain? What the hell am I suppose to be fighting for?"
"For yourself Jess. As much as I would love to know that your brothers have your back, they will not always be there. One phone call and those two boys in there will do whatever is in there power to be there for you but sometimes you need to face things on your own. Don't make them choose Jess." Jesse turned and went into the dinning room.
"He had a rough night." Jess looked up to see Matt.
"Because of me?"
"Among other things." He looked at his boots. "You know that you can come home anytime Jess. This will always be home."
"I don't care anymore. There's nothing here for me anymore."
"Mom and dad are here. I'm here. Cody will be back in four or five years. Just try it Jess. I'm not trying to push you away I'm trying to give you the wings to fly. If you choose to come home it will be your choice."
"Why couldn't I choose to stay here and work with you?" Matt looked at her.
"Just try it Jess please. Then when your ready you can come home and it'll still be here." Taking a deep breath she looked at the family in the dining room laughing and talking. "We'll all be here." Looking back at Matt she nodded.
"I'm still mad at Cody for keeping his enlistment from me." Matt laughed.
"I know. Let's go eat." Jess smiled.
"You're going to miss me."
"More then you know." He put his hand on her back and they walked into the kitchen.
12:15
Cody watched Jess out of the corner of his eye. She looked like she hadn't slept in a few days. He screwed up and they were both so stubborn this could go on for a very long time. Cody knew he should be the bigger man and just tell her he was sorry but he had too much on his plate right now. Mallie was freaking on him and he needed to get things in order before he left. Jess got up and cleared plates and went to hide in the kitchen. Shaking his head he grabbed his plate and Mallie's and headed to confront his demon.
"Jess." She was putting dishes in the dish washer. She didn't look up. "Jess talk to me." She looked up then. Her eyes red.
"I can't. Just know that it's me that can't deal with this." She slammed the door of the dishwasher. "Just let it go." She walked away then. Unable to tell Cody why her heart was breaking. Cody couldn't let it go but he also didn't have the heart to push it anymore. Someday he would know why she acted like a brat for all those months but today he couldn't bring himself to push it.
2:00 pm
Jess kissed her mother good bye.
"You don't have to go Jess. Not now. You have a week yet."
"I know mom. I need some time to get used to being alone."
"You never have to be alone Jesse Lynne. You have people here who love you baby."
"I know. I'll be home when I can." Her father watched her hug her mother one last time. "I love mom." Jess grabbed her bag and headed for her truck without looking back. As she got in Jesse was at the door.
"Call when you get there." She nodded. "I wish I had some fatherly advice that would make it all better Jess but I don't. All I know is that Cody loves you more then anything in this world and if he leaves without this resolved it might mean trouble for him down the road." Jess tried not to cry. She wouldn't. Not now.
"It's better this way." She started the truck. "I love you dad." Jess drove off looking at her parents in the rear view mirror she finally let herself cry.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*February 1, 1997**-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jess sat on her bed with her books around her. She hand a final in a few days and lately nothing was sticking in her head. Benji stuck his head in the door.
"Are you coming with me?" Jess looked up.
"Where?" He rolled his eyes.
"Home. Cody's leaving today." Shaking her head she looked back at the book in front of her. "I swore I wouldn't get into this mess but damn it Jess just swallow your pride and come say good bye to your brother."
"He made a choice. I don't have to live with it, he does."
"Oh for crying out loud you are almost twenty years old Jess, stop acting like your six. 'Cause this exactly the way you acted when Cody had to go to summer school and you were going to have to entertain yourself for a few hours everyday. Some days Jess I swear you never got passed that." He took a letter and tossed it to her. "I was suppose to wait till he was gone but I'm done with it." Benji turned around and slammed the door behind him. Jess picked up the letter. Her name was written across the front in Cody's male scratch. She didn't want to open it but she couldn't help herself. She tore open the envelope and unfolded the paper.
Dear Jess,
I know I hurt you when I enlisted without talking to you but I had the opportunity to get what I needed in the shortest possible time. The Marines will get me the meteorology classes I need that I couldn't get in Sacramento plus a whole lot more. I also know that Matt isn't making you go because he doesn't love you. We both love you Jess and want the very best for our little sister. We'll all be back together in the mountains one day and take care of them just like dad wanted but right now we need to go our separate ways.
Jess wiped away her tears.
I know it's going to be hard but I know you are stronger then you think you are. I have all the faith in the world that we will both return stronger and better equipped to handle the mountains and anything they throw at us. Jess please forgive me for not telling you sooner about my leaving. I just couldn't figure out how to tell you without us both saying something we didn't mean. You have been my best friend since I was eight and I just couldn't bear seeing the hurt in your eyes when I told you. Now I see that hurt every time you look at me and I can't bare it. When I get home we will work this out no matter how long it takes because I miss my friend and my sister. I love you Jess.
Cody
Jess crumpled the letter, laid down and cried. She was such a fool. Cody didn't know why she felt the way she did about him leaving. He thought she was just being childish and spoiled. He would never know what her parents had done to her. Leaving her with nanny's and house keepers, sending her away to boarding school every fall without so much as a good bye. She treated him so badly the last few months and she could never take it back but she hoped she could make it up to him.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-June 15, 1997*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Graduation was over and Jess had her bags packed. The last four months were dark days for her but she tried to hide it from her parents. They didn't need to know how bad things had gotten. She wrote Cody a letter almost every day. Telling him about school and the things that were important. But she never told him what she needed to about her birth parents. She put the letters in one big envelope and gave them to Cutler to give him when he got home next month. They had said good bye last night at the bar. His new girlfriend was Jake's new summer waitress. Jess liked her. She actually had a brain. Matt came out of the house with a box. He stood looking at the over packed truck.
"Are you sure you don't want someone to drive with you? I can spare Cutler for a week. Hell I could spare him for a month if you needed more help." Jess laughed.
"I'm good. I need some time to think things out."
"I know you can take care of yourself but be careful." He handed her a box. "So you won't starve." He smiled.
"A pizza oven. Wow you think of everything."
"I try." He packed the box in the back of the truck. Jess shut the new cap her father had installed on it and locked it.
"I'll call every night."
"Okay." She looked at him.
"Keep Cutler out of trouble."
"I will try."
"Okay. That's all we can ask for." She smiled. "I guess I should get going."
"Yeah…it's a long drive." He hugged her. "Stay safe Jess."
"I will." She got into the truck and her parents were on the porch. She waved and started the truck and headed out on the adventure Matt wanted for her. Jess hoped it was everything he thought it should be.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*July 4, 1997*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jess threw back her sixth shot of something fruity her friend Mia had given her. She was not going to make it to church tomorrow anyway she might as well sin to the very end. She had met Mia her first day of training at the James J. Rowley Training Center. They became fast friends. Then room mates. The party was in full swing for the forth when Jess came home. Mia started feeding her shots before she could get in the door. It was a song week end and they were going to take full advantage of it.
"Who is that hot guy who just walked onto our roof?" Mia looked at Jess. Jess turned. All she could see was the back of the Marine in his fatigues but she knew.
"Hands off Mia…he's too much for you to handle." Jess handed her the glass from her hand and headed to the man. "Private Cody James Hawkes what the hell are you doing here!?" Cody turned and Jess jumped into his arms.
"I came to see my baby sister. Have you seen her around?" He pushed her away and looked at her. "You look great Jess." She smiled. Touching his cheek she hugged him again.
"Not as good as you." She clung to him. "I'm so sorry." He laughed,
"You have nothing to be sorry for Jess. We both were brats." She pushed away and looked at him.
"I have so much to be sorry for but I'm not in any condition to beg." Jess giggled.
"You're drunk."
"Not yet." She grabbed his hand and took him through the crowd. "I want you to meet Mia. She's my room mate. She also likes anything in a uniform…male or female. Mia!" The brunette smiled.
"He's much better in up close Jess."
"Mia Henries…Cody Hawkes."
"No way…your brother. Wow…didn't see that coming. Hi." She offered her hand. Cody shook it. "Now I understand the hands off comment. Can I get you a drink?"
"A beer would be great thanks." Mia left. "She seems nice."
"Yeah. She is. A little noisy for my taste." Jess grabbed a glass from the man next to her. "So what are you doing here? Have you been home?"
"Yeah. Last week. I met Cutler's girlfriend." Jess smiled.
"Yeah, she's a keeper that one."
"Your okay with it?" She looked at Cody.
"We haven't talked more then a few words in nine months and your worried about how I feel about Cutler's bimbo of the week?"
"Just skirting around the tough stuff." Mia handed Cody his beer and left. "I missed you Jess." She sat on a pile of bricks.
"I missed you too."
"Jim gave me your letters." Jess looked down. "Thank you." He put his finger under her chin and made her look at him. "I know you didn't tell me everything you wanted to tell me but as long as it was everything you needed to tell me."
"Someday when everything is less complicated I promise I'll tell you everything." Cody smiled.
"We're Hawkes. We thrive on complications." Jess laughed. Things with Cody were going to be okay. And maybe one day when they were older and wiser she would tell him about her mother's journals and the real reason why they would always be closer then any brother and sister would ever be.
"How long are you staying?"
"I have to be in Twentynine Palms in two days."
"Two days. That doesn't seem like enough time to make up for the last nine months." Cody took a drink of his beer and looked out at the Washington skyline.
"I'll be home again for Christmas. Then I'm not sure where I'll be stationed. Things aren't looking good in the middle east." Jess took another drink. "You should slow down."
"I should do a lot of things." She stood next to him. "How's Matt?"
"Worried he didn't do the right thing by getting you this job."
"Tell him not to worry. I'm kind of like it here."
"So your doing okay by yourself?"
"I miss you and mom and dad. Even Matt some days."
"What about Cutler."
"Cutler was my school girl crush. I so out grew him."
"Since June?"
"More like New Years. How about you and Mallie?"
"She hates that I joined the Corp more then you do. She's defiantly not the one." He took another swig of his beer. He turned and looked at his sister. "I don't want to have to worry about ties other then family right now." Jess smiled.
"You don't have to worry about us Cody. I've been taking care of myself for a long time a few more years won't matter either way."
"I'll always have your back Jess. So will Matt." Jess sat back and looked out at the city.
"Right back at you brother." Jess knew that someday they would get back to where they were after her parents died but right now they needed to go their separate ways.