A/N: I have been able to get my ass into gear and update this chapter quicker than i have been lately. I have lost some confidence in my story as i haven't recieved many reviews. I am reaching a point as to whether i give up the story now or continue. I know that a lot of people read this but i haven't received any feedback. Like it? Love it? Hate it? should i quit? let me know...
Any who... thanks to Edzie for pre-reading my chapter... you shine my love.
Disclaimer: Stehanie Meyer owns all... i own nothing but the plot of this story.
Bella
After Edward left Carlisle's office I started to chicken out on what I wanted to tell him. I wasn't sure if I should tell him about my feelings for his son. That will have to be a conversation for another time.
So instead of bearing all I spoke to Carlisle about Sam and that I want to bring Maddy up to Seattle on weekends so that we can create a bond with each other. "Carlisle, I know that you have bent over backwards to make me feel comfortable here and I do and really appreciate what you have done for me already. I know that I went right off the deep end and blew my top before. I am sorry. I shouldn't have been so rash and taken out my frustrations on you. I am not usually like this and I don't like to leave previous employers before they have found a replacement. Please accept my apologies Carlisle. I feel so awful…"
Carlisle held his hand up to stop my rant and profuse apology. He chuckled a bit before saying "Bella, it is okay, really. If I had a penny for every time someone came in here and took their frustrations out on me I would be a very wealthy man. Not that I'm not wealthy in my own right at the moment, but I worked for it… but that's beside the point! What I meant to say that at least one person everyday quits on the spot but I don't pay too much attention because policy states that I need it in writing and at least two weeks' notice so I can find a replacement. The best thing I can do is try to help them with their problem. But I don't think that is what you really wanted to talk to me about because this could have been said in front of Edward. What's going on? I think I know but it would be good to hear it from you."
Shit, shit. Shit… now I can't get out of it. He knows. How the hell did he find out? I looked down at my now clasped hands that were turning white with the strength of my clasp. I had a slight panicked look on my face and as I looked up at Carlisle I tried to mask it and he looked amused. Bastard! Looks like he knows my looks already, like he has always been my father and knows me inside and out.
"Um… what do you think that you know Carlisle? I don't want to make a fool out of myself if it is the wrong thing. Then I can keep what I know to myself for another day when I am more comfortable telling you." I tried to buy myself a little more time. How do I tell Carlisle that I really like his son, who happens to be engaged to Tanya? Yeah Tanya is gorgeous in a strawberry blonde model kind of way but she has the most annoying voice. It is all whiny and high pitched.
"Well Bella, by the look on your face and the blush that you wear the whole time you were in here with Edward tells me that you have some sort of feelings for him. And by the look he was giving you I would say he has the same feelings for you. So what I would like to know is does he know about it? I mean while you were in Forks what changed between the both of you to force such a shift in your friendship... or do I not want to know?" Carlisle smiled cheekily and it amazed me how much he knows by just looking at us and the way we acted together.
"Well there goes biding my time... it seems you hit the nail on the head but you are forgetting one thing and that is that Edward is engaged to Tanya. He can't have those kinds of feelings for me. And yes something did happen in Forks to change the dynamics of our friendship but it is something you shouldn't be privy to. It will remain between Edward and I but you can know that he has been my rock during the whole shit storm that was Forks.
The things that happened in Fork have also affected Alice in ways you can never dream about and she is deeply hurt by most of the parties involved. Especially Sam. She was a huge part of the Quileute tribe as she was adopted by Billy and Sue and then Jacob became her brother, whom she is very protective of. Sam is part of that tribe as well and I met him through Alice. We were and still are inseparable. I was always at Alice's house because I could do no right at home with Charlie and Renee. I got to know Sam really well and was trapped into thinking that he loved me. I know now that it was only a way to get me to sleep with him so that he could get what he wanted. He pretty much coerced me into sleeping with him and what are the odds that you get pregnant the first time you sleep with someone? But with my luck and parentage it had to happen to me.
When my parents found out, Sam made out that I was a slut and that I came onto him and my parents believed him over me. There is nothing more heartbreaking to know that your parents take someone else's word over their own daughter's and then to treat her like she is a slut and an embarrassment to them.
I tried my hardest to get Charlie and even Renee to let me keep my baby. I was willing to cut all ties with them if I could just keep my baby. Renee took me to Phoenix for a year so that no one would know that I was pregnant and so I could have the baby and then put it up for adoption. There was one loophole through all this though, which Edward made me aware of. I turned eighteen just before I gave birth which technically means that my parents had no right to take my baby away from me. My dad made an arrangement with Sam that he will give the baby to him and his then fiancée Emily for them to raise which I didn't know about. All I was told was that the baby was going to be adopted regardless of what I wanted but I did have a say in what to name her. I wanted her to be named Madison. I always knew it was going to be a girl from dreams I had and also feelings I had in regards to her. My dad the Chief of Police forged my signature on the adoption papers and signed away my parental rights.
When I was giving birth to her there were complications and I was haemorrhaging really bad and had to go straight into the operating theatre. I don't know what they did because no one would tell me what happened but all I was told when I woke up was that I couldn't have any more children. I was devastated but I wasn't allowed to show that emotion in front of Renee. All she said was to suck it up and deal with it. She told me that it was for the better if I couldn't have kids because then I could slut myself around and not have to worry about this ever happening again. I hated her and Charlie since then.
I went through school and college and as soon as I had my degree I left. I haven't looked back since and I feel better for it now. I don't want to be in the same town as them that's why I went to Port Angeles to stay rather than Forks. That's when all hell broke loose and information came into light about the adoption of Maddy.
Carlisle I want her back. I have had an ache in my heart since the day she was given away." Tears were streaming down my face and sometime during my story Carlisle shifted from behind his desk to sit beside me with his arm around my back. Just the way he was trying to soothe me was like a fatherly gesture. I sobbed louder as I don't ever remember my father or mother consoling me when things got tough... I was always told to suck it up.
"You know what Bella... your parents are stupid if they don't see what a smart and wonderful lady you have turned into. They are the ones missing out on you. It is stupid of them to try and form a bond with your daughter instead of their own daughter. If you were my daughter I would dote on you as I do Rose and you would always feel loved and want for nothing. If I could give you the world I would." With that last sentence I hugged Carlisle hard and openly cried on his shoulder for what seemed like forever. I pulled away and grabbed a few tissues to wipe my face and gave him a half smile.
"Thank you... I'm sorry for ruining your shirt." He laughed and looked at me like I hoed Charlie would look at me all those years ago. Then I introduced my foot to my mouth... "Carlisle I think I love Edward. What have I got myself into?" I looked up surprised and quickly covered my mouth with my hand. I guess somewhere in the consoling I felt comfortable enough to turn off my verbal filter. "My God, you weren't supposed to know that. Please disregard what I said…" I looked down in embarrassment. I can't believe I said that.
Carlisle chuckled… "Bella its fine. I will keep your secret but can I tell you that Edward feels protective of you. Especially when Tanya berated you in public and made those accusations without knowing the full story! Can I ask if there was any truth to those accusations? Did you sleep with Edward? I don't want to pry but this may become a legal issue with the hospital."
"It's ok… really… and to answer your question, we slept in the same bed with him just holding me but no sex was involved. We may have done other things but it was in response to the shit hitting the fan at Charlie and Renee's and all the skeletons coming out of the closet finally. I think Edward felt my pain and tried to take that pain away from me. That's all… I promise. Please don't let this affect the way you think about your son or treat him. I don't want to cause problems between him and Tanya." I put my head in my hands with my elbows resting on my knees. All Carlisle did was take a deep breath and pat my back. "It's all good Bella. At least I know what to say to Tanya if anything comes up." And with that he got up and went back behind his desk. There was a significant change to our relationship now. I could feel it.
Just as I was going to say something else, the phone rang in Carlisle's office. "…" I could hear loud voices on the other end of the line. But I couldn't hear what they were saying. All I could hear is Carlisle's part of the conversation. "Calm down please Angela… start again…" His facial expression changed into one of concern. "We are on our way… organise for the Ultrasound machine for when we get there… Bye"
"Bella let's go, I'll explain on the way." We both got up and rushed out to the maternity floor. "There is an emergency with Rosalie and she has been asking for you. Angela said something about severe cramping and it sounded like contractions. You need to check her out please. She can't lose this baby!" I gasped and ran down the stairs as it would be quicker… "I will do my best to save the baby Dr. Cullen. I promise on my baby's life." He half smiled at me as we got the maternity floor.
"Dr. Cullen, I'm going to need you to stay in the waiting room." He was about to protest when I held up my hand and told him that he was too close to the patient. "Angela you are with me." We went into the exam room and I saw the painful expression on Rosalie's face.
"Angela can you set up the ultrasound machine and pass me the Doppler please? Hey Rose, can you tell me what you are feeling?" All Rose did was groan in pain. I quickly explained to Rose that I'm going to listen for the heart beat and then do an ultrasound and an internal examination so that we can find out what's going on. I lifted her shirt up and tucked it under her bra. I gently coaxed her on her back and squeezed the gel on her tummy. I quickly found the heart beat and it was strong which was a good sign. Just as I was going to let Rose know, a big burly man stormed into the exam room.
"Oh my God Rose, are you ok? What's going on? I saw Carlisle and he told me you were in here. Are you her doctor? What's wrong with the baby? This can't be happening. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?" He all but yelled.
"I'm guessing you are Emmett." He just nodded and was about to speak again but I held up my hand to silence him. "Before you ask more questions, my name is Bella and I am Rose's doctor, this is Angela and she is assisting me today. Rose has been feeling pain in her stomach. I'm just checking to make sure that everything is ok." I placed the Doppler on her tummy again and heard the whooshing of the heart beat again. "This is the baby's heart beat and as you can hear it sounds strong and healthy. Now we need to see if the baby is doing fine and I'm going to do an ultrasound but I need to do an internal examination first to make sure these pains aren't contractions. Rose hunny, you are going to have to take your pants off for me and slip under this sheet. Can you get up and maybe Emmett can help you. Angela and I are going to step out for a moment. We will be back in a couple of minutes." I motioned for Angela to follow me. As we stepped out of the room and closed the door, I told Angela to rush down to the pharmaceutical room to get a few vials of specific drugs that we may need and the syringes as well. I wanted to be prepared if Rose was going into premature labour.
Angela rushed off and Carlisle caught a glimpse of her running when he came rushing towards me. I met him halfway and let him know that so far the heartbeat is nice and strong and healthy. I am getting Rose to undress so I can do an internal exam and I am getting Angela to get the drugs needed if she is in fact in premature labour. If she is I needed to stop the contractions and soon. I saw Angela rush back and I excused us from Carlisle and asked him to go and wait in the waiting room again. I knocked on the door and walked in. Rose was lying on the bed with the sheet over her.
"Please doc, you need to help her. She is in so much pain."
"That's what I'm trying to do, so you are going to have to take a seat near Rose's head and hold her hand and keep her calm. This is practise for the real thing. I promise I will do all I can for Rose. And you have a very concerned family in the waiting room at the moment. So let's see what's going on shall we? Angela, once I'm done with the internal, I'm going to do the ultrasound. Is everything ready?" Angela confirmed that it was as I took a seat at the business end and took a deep breath silently praying to God that there was nothing to be really concerned about.
I checked Rose to make sure that she wasn't dilated and was relieved when I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Rose, you aren't dilated, which is a good thing. If these pains are contractions we can stop them easily." I saw both Emmett and Rosalie sigh in relief just as a new wave of pain hit her.
After removing my gloves after doing the internal exam, I gently pushed on Rose's knees coaxing her to lay her legs straight. Angela moved the ultrasound machine next to the bed but on the opposite side of Emmett so they can both have a good look at the screen. Grabbing another sheet I covered Rose's legs and lifted the gown she was in above her tummy to tuck under her bra. I grabbed the wand from Angela just as I was squirting the gel on her belly again. It didn't take long to see the baby and as I was taking down all the measurements.
"Ok guys this is the story… your baby is fine and I can see that he/she is progressing along at the right rate. You are doing fine. There are no contractions but it most likely a case of Braxton Hicks, which is fake contractions. Now Rose hunny, I need you to tell me what you have eaten today that was different to what you normally eat." She looked confused at my question so I elaborated..."did you eat anything spicy or something out of the norm?" she nodded slightly and proceeded to tell me of everything she ate today...
"Well it started with froot loops but I couldn't stop at one bowl and then I had maybe a jar of gherkins that I dipped in peanut butter. Then I had a sandwich with bananas and peanut butter and I walked down to the local chicken shop and asked for large hot chips and a quarter of chicken. Then for afternoon tea I felt like Thai food but I wanted it really spicy and I got the hottest on their menu. Then I started feeling tis pain. So I came here. I didn't want she-devil to come anywhere near me and I pretty much accosted Angela. I'm really sorry I yelled at you!" Rose really looked apologetically.
" I went over to the sample cabinets and got out some Mylanta and Quikeze. I gave Rose a dose of Mylanta and a packet of Quik Eze. "You are going to need these if that is what you are going to eat every day. You had a really bad case of indigestion. And with all the grease you ate today I'm not surprised! This is some ant acid and whenever you feel a burning sensation in your throat I want you to take these, they help." Rose was vehemently nodding in affirmation.
"This is some good shit Bells, thank you so much for your concern and taking care of me. Is it too early or late to find out the sex of our baby? I think we both want to know. Right Em baby?" I looked towards Emmett and saw that he was still in a state of shock. I snapped my fingers in front of his face and he blinked a few times to shake him out of the trance he was in.
"Uh... Yeah... What she said. So my Rosie is ok? Nothing to worry about?" I nodded and got ready with the ultrasound machine again and I heard a huge sob and a sniffle. I turned around to see Emmett hugging Rose and crying chanting than you in her ears.
"So we ready to find out what you are having?" They both nodded and I smiled at them. I squirted some more gel on Rose's tummy and used the wand to see if I could find the sex. I found out what they were having and printed out some pictures for them to show around o the family. "What are you guys hoping for?"
"Not really fussed just want a happy healthy baby. But I think Em hopes for a boy so that he can do manly things with and I secretly hope for a girl because I can treat her to spa days as well as do girly things with." Rose was excited now that the pain had subsided. "This is really good shit... I don't feel any pain anymore." She was excited and it showed.
"Ok so you are having a..." I paused to give them a dramatic effect... "A boy and a girl!" I exclaimed excited for them. Emmett looked like he was going to faint. "What's wrong Emmett?"
"My kid is going to half girl and half boy... does it like have both thingy's?" Emmett whispered the last bit. I looked at Angela and Rose and we all started laughing. "What? What is wrong with you people? My kid is going to be some kind of freak and you are laughing!" he really looked hurt.
"No Emmett, your baby is fine but Rose is having twins. You have some really determined swimmers there champ." Once he realised that his baby was fine and he was indeed having two, he screamed and kissed Rose who was quiet but happy and crying. Then all of a sudden Emmett, ran out of the room and was yelling down the hall to the waiting room where everyone was waiting to hear what happened with Rose. Needless to say, the whole family was ecstatic.
Rose got up and thanked me again for being so attentive. I told her that I would see her Sunday and she looked at m weird. "Of course dad would ask you to the family brunch on Sunday. You will be his favourite by the end of the week Bella."
I shook my head no and proceeded to tell her "no, your dad thinks that I may be able to get some pointers from Esme in regards to a few persona matters. I was in your dad's office when you came in. I needed to tell him a few things that are going on in my life and it is quite similar to some experiences your mum has had. I just hope Tanya won't be there. We already had an altercation in the front of the hospital out of all places. I'll tell you all about it on Sunday. Oh and you can meet my best friend Alice as she is dating Jasper and they have also been invited on Sunday."
"I can't wait. I'm going to go and save all your patients from Emmett." She waved and then was gone. I looked at Angela and burst out laughing... it out of sheer relief that Rose and the baby were ok and it the way Emmett reacted once the all clear was given was priceless.
~~~~~ E x B ~~~~~
Before I knew it Sunday rolled around and I was getting butterflies in my stomach. "Ugh Alice... I can't go. I have nothing to wear and I can't see Edward again. Or face Carlisle since he knows how I feel about Edward. How can I face Esme, and talk to her about things that are so private to me. But now that Edward, Jasper, you and Carlisle know about Maddy and everything that happened in Forks this past week. I don't know if I can relive the whole torture of what happened to me five years ago. Oh my God I think I'm having a panic attack." I sank to the floor and started hyperventilating and I put my head between my knees to try and regulate my breathing a bit.
Alice came over and rubbed circles on my back to try and soothe me all the while silently laughing at my outburst. I looked up at her and noticed her shoulders shaking and shot up off the floor. "Thanks a lot for your support bitch." I whined trying to suppress my laughter as well.
"Shut up you know you love me. Seriously Bella, its just brunch. Don't stress so hard and I'm sure that Carlisle has told Esme all she needs to know to give you advice. Nothing more... he would have given her just the bare minimum and the rest is for you to fill in if you want to. Don't forget that he has to work with you and Edward is still your lawyer regardless of your feelings towards him and your friendship. Now let's go find you a nice sundress to wear so that you look amazing and show off your gorgeous figure. Make the men sweat!" Alice giggled as she led me to my bedroom and dove into my closet.
We made our way to the Cullen's house and we were gobsmacked on how big their house was. "Shit I don't feel like I dressed up enough. I feel like I'm from the slums and don't fit into this setting. Shouldn't we be maids or something to these people?" I started feeling the butterflies again until someone tapped on my window. I jumped and cursed like a sailor holding my chest thinking that I have just had a heart attack. Looking out the window I saw Edward there. I smiled and opened my door.
"Hey you scared me..." slapping him in the arm. "I should go home and change. I feel underdressed." Edward shook his head "No you shouldn't, you look beautiful. But I must warn you... Tanya decided last night that she wanted to come today. Please don't let her get to you. She is bitter and thinks that there is more to our relationship than there is. But I told her that we are friends and that there is nothing going on with us. She already knows that you will be here and that she is to be nice or she can leave. I told her that my dad invited you so if she can't handle you being here then she can leave."
"Thanks for the warning but I can handle myself. If she starts anything, I won't take it but I won't disrespect your family either. She is a part of your family but she isn't at work. So if I have to deal with her it will be there or outside the hospital grounds. I have had to deal with a lot before and I'm sure that Tanya has met her match if she thinks that she can start anything with me." I was defensive, but I didn't need Edward to fight my battles. I can do that on my own.
We walked in with Alice chatting away until she spotted Jasper. She ran over to greet him. I smiled and thought that someday it could be me running to greet Edward that way. I can only dream. I followed Edward into the backyard as it was a lovely day and we were apparently having brunch outside.
"BELLA. OH MY GOD. YOU CAME!" I was taken aback by the enthusiasm of Emmett. I thought he was loud in the office but seriously... this guy has a good set of lungs on him.
"Hey Emmett, good to see you again. And how is it that you can be louder than when I saw you at the hospital a few days ago?" I laughed. But I was caught off guard when I felt a set of arms embrace me. I looked up confused as I pulled away a little.
"Hi I'm Esme. I need to thank you for everything you did for Rose. I really can't thank you enough. You my dear are what is needed in this family. You are compassionate and willing to go to any lengths to help us. I know that to you Rose may be another patient and Edward may be your lawyer and Carlisle your boss but please think of all of us as friends and family. We look after our own, and you may not have the Cullen name but you certainly act like a Cullen." She then proceeded to kiss my cheek and hug me again. I started feeling a little teary and I felt like I belonged to a family. I have never felt like this before. My parents didn't treat me like this. It is really an eye opener to see how real families act.
"Who invited you?" snarled Tanya. "Our boss did Tanya... you know him... Carlisle. And if memory serves me right you knew about m coming so why act all shocked?" I bit back but quietly. I didn't want to cause a scene as I have just officially been welcomed into this family by the matriarch of the clan.
She inched closer and pretty much got into my face, "they are my family, remember that. You will always be an outsider and not really belong. They are just being friendly. They all acted the same to me when I first started dating Edward. But after a while they will see you for who you really are and that is a gold digging whore. Stay away from Edward and stay away from my family."
I bit my tongue and tried to reign in my anger... "Let me tell you this Tanya. At work I am more senior to you so you will make sure you give me the respect I deserve at work or I could have you fired. Remember that! Also I can't stay away from Edward as he is my lawyer and we will be spending lots of time together until everything is finalised. Also, Rose is MY patient not yours. She wasn't comfortable around you and said that you treated her like shit. At least I care for my patents. So I won't be staying away from her either. And you know what? Carlisle is my boss too and seeing as though we will be working together it would be pretty much hard to stay away from him. Don't you come all up in my face and tell me what to do when you haven't thought through your threats. You have surely met your match Tanya and don't forget that." I started to turn around to see if Esme needs any help when I added "Oh and call me a gold digging whore just one more time and your life will not be worth living when I'm finished with you. I have the means to hurt you in ways you don't know and it won't be traceable back to me. If you think I'm a gold digging whore why don't you look in the mirror because it takes one to know one. Think about that Bitch."
My words sounded petty but it felt good to drop her down a peg or two from her pedestal she thinks she is on. I was now officially pissed and needed to find Esme to groove back. She has such a calming personality and I can see where Edward gets his looks from. He has Esme's green eyes and bronze hair but he has Carlisle's chiselled jaw. I could indulge all things Edward right about now.
I went into the back door and into the kitchen where I saw Esme deep in thought doing the last minute things to the food. "Can I help you with anything Esme? I feel like I need to do something for you to thank you for your hospitality." I wanted to say that I needed a hug and I needed to get away from Tanya.
"I saw the altercation you had with Tanya and whatever you said to her at the end really frightened her. What happened? Cause you look like you could use a hug." She walked over and gave me my much needed hug. I held onto her for dear life. "she accused me of being a gold digging whore and I told her that it takes one to know one and that if she ever called me that again that I would make her life not worth living and that I have contact to help me and I can hide my tracks. Nothing I can't handle really. Thank you for the hug... my parents weren't to forth giving in affections towards me. I think they wished I was a boy. God knows that they took a boyfriends word over mine. Well he was at the time, but now I don't want anything to do with him. I'm sorry Esme I didn't mean to get all heavy on you." I started getting teary thinking about my life and how hard it has been living with my parents... maybe I should be calling them egg and sperm donors cause it is quite evident that they weren't parents at all.
"Oh honey, it's okay to feel the way you do. I hope you don't mind but Carlisle told me some of what happened to you and my darling, it is ok to talk to me if you want. I don't know everything but he did mention that you had a daughter and poor excuse of parents. We can be your pseudo parents if you like. Come to us with anything. How about after brunch we take a walk and we can talk. Maybe I can help you with your situation with your daughter and give you some insight on how we felt when we had to give up our daughter. I have hired a private detective to find her but there has been no luck finding her except to know that she actually lives in Seattle. We don't know what she looks like, how she has turned out. She could be living on the streets for all we know. I wonder if her adoptive parents told her that she was adopted if they did, does she want to find us. Now that we can handle raising all our children and want to make up for lost time and do what we can to show her that we still love her very much and that it wasn't her fault. We were to blame for everything and once we signed the documents we regretted it. But with two young children at home already we couldn't afford another one. I also found that I couldn't handle raising two children under two when she was born. It seems like I had a baby and then I was pregnant again with another a couple of months later, this happened for all three children. I couldn't cope, I had the baby blues and I couldn't afford to keep all three kids fed and clothed and nurtured without something giving. Carlisle was still at university at the time getting his PhD in medicine so he could be the doctor h is today. But my youngest daughter is never forgotten and there isn't a day that I wish things were different. That I could have managed without having a breakdown. There are a lot of 'what if's' and 'buts'' in my story but there is nothing I can do to change the past. I can only dream of finding her and getting our family back. Of getting my daughter back. That is my only prayer at night. I have always told Rosalie and Edward about their sister and to never take things for granted.
You my dear are a very down to earth person. You have seen hardships and have known the loss of a baby like I have. We can sympathise with each other. The only thing that is different is our circumstances. Yours was influenced by people that didn't take into your feelings and thoughts on the matter. We can support each other in gaining our daughters back. As I said before... I am here for you and so is Carlisle. When you are ready I would like to know your story. It would make things easier to help you. I know that Edward and Carlisle know everything and will do everything in their power to help you as well. Now let's get everything on the table outside so we can escape this rowdy bunch and chat some more." We gave each other one last hug and gathered the food and took it all to the food table set up outside,
After everything was on the table and everyone had a plate in front of them... I sat in awe of this family. I have not seen anything like it before. Let's just say that brunch was interesting! It was loud and raucous and just like a family should be. Even though Jasper isn't a part of the family it amazed me how well he fit in. And so did Alice.
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Till next time