I tried to keep my tears silent, since I was not the one beaten to a bloody pulp. I stayed in my bed for days and fell into an endless cycle of dreamless sleep, and once awake, constant crying. I cried for everything. I cried once more for my dear departed mother and father, and even more-so when I struggled to remember their faces. I must admit, that hurt the most.
I cried for Betsy, the beautiful servant girl who was, thanks to me, not so beautiful anymore. I yearned to see if she was alright, like I did Mary, but Uncle Hugh made himself clear. I would make things worse by a thousand-fold should I intervene with the servants.
This thought alone sent me into another whirlwind of tears. The shock that I felt when I understood that the whipping chair was not for me, but for Betsy, was the most uncanny situation I had ever experienced. There is no combination of words that could ever truly describe the kind of twisting emotions I endured when Betsy was whipped, not on behalf of me….but instead of me.
It was only my sisters voice that lifted my chin to the knock at my door. She let herself in, without my leave, but of course this was only true to her nature. She greeted me with a big smile as she stepped energetically into the room. White ribbons entwining in her half made up curly red hair, made it seem as if it was longer than it was. A tan gown almost matched, and with a hop in her step she bounced up onto my bed, and sat un-lady like in front of me.
"Ughhh!" She exclaimed holding her hand up to her nose. "By the grace of God, Letha, you stink!" She smiled as she waved her hand in front of her nose, and for the life of me I could not help but smile.
I kicked at her from under the blankets and Lucia laughed as she slid off the bed, then hopped back up within seconds. She reached into the ruffles of her tan skirts and pulled from there a deck of cards.
"Shall we play?" She said whilst smiling ever so slyly.
"I am not sure Uncle Hugh wants you playing with face cards. They are the devil's work he says." I stated robotically, accepting my new role of submissive casually and with boredom.
"Well then we shan't tell him." She retorted with the same unchanging sly smile, as she unbundled and started shuffling the deck of cards.
I gave a sigh, not in the mood nor possessing the energy to fight her on such a small matter. I sluggishly reached for every card and started the game with the flip of my card to the discard pile.
"Since when did you learn to gamble?" I asked, discarding another card to the pile once Lucia finished her turn.
"I made one of the servant girls teach me, once I found her lounging about, not doing any chores." She said authoritatively.
I looked at her, concerned with many a thing she had just said, and perhaps more-so the way she had said it.
I watched her screw her face up at her cards, as I shuffled around my new hand. Despite her obvious tell, I knew she must have threatened the servant a beating by Aunt Eleanora or Uncle Hugh, for the servant to teach her to gamble. It wasn't hard to piece together in my mind what Lucia must have said to gain any authority in that situation. She was only eleven years old.
"I bet my golden pair of bow earrings I have the better hand." She said, chin held high into the air, face now serious and twitching at the mouth trying not to smile. She did a decent job, but I as her sister knew every break of a line on her forehead, or a slight change in her heads direction all too well, and perhaps the deck is stacked against her because I am her sister.
I thought about how I should approach this. Should I reprimand her too much, she'd be sure to distance herself from me, still young, and wanting to do things on her own.
I calmly set my cards to my chest, and looked at her calmly and smiled, playing a game of my own now. "I bet my oval ruby necklace you are bluffing."
Lucia stirred, and I must admit it was quite comical her lack of discretion, or rather lack of strategic point to the game. "I bet my entire trunk full of new dresses from the French Dressers in town that I am not!" She stated firmly, cheeks going red as she did so.
I snorted, smiling now at her innocence. "Let us make things interesting, since you and I both know we have no real money to gamble with." I said slyly, with a newfound smile stretching across my face.
Lucia squinted her eyes, waiting for my proposition.
"I win this hand and you do everything I say for an entire week." I stated rather strictly.
"Slavery?!" She scoffed. "You ask for slavery?!" She retorted, her brows now raising in astonishment.
"You could have the better hand." I reminded her with a smile.
She looked at her hand, with confusion once again. I rolled my eyes still smiling, knowing she had already lost.
"You can still fold, and I will win." I pushed her, knowing like a fish to a hook she would take the bait.
Like I predicted, she straightened her posture, now stiff and stubborn as a bull, and switched her hand to her left, holding the cards tight. "And should I have the better hand, you must take me into town, whenever I deem so." She responded, unsmiling.
I bowed my head, and accepted her proposition. On the count of three, we laid our cards down on the grey satin covers, and Lucia scoffed in anger at my hand. Two aces in mine, and two nines in hers, along with some other random cards that presented themselves un-matching.
Lucia slumped hard, and an angry glare now met my face as I giggled at her pouting one. Silence ensued for just a few seconds, so I leaned forward smiling all the while, and positioned myself downwards, so my face could look up to her slumped pouty one. "Shall we play again?" I smiled wildly, not helping the laugh that escaped as I looked up into the ridiculous cocoon she had made with her hair. Lucia could not help but break her determined frown and bellowed loudly in laughter along with mine.
She reached for a pillow and let it fly at my face. "Get out of here." She laughed.
"This is my room!" I snorted, my eyes tearing from the hard giggles that followed.
A few pillow throws ensued until a light knock came to my door. I straightened my nightgown, having positioned myself opposite the bed with a rather large decorative pillow in my hand, ready to throw across the room where Lucia now stood. I set it down and answered the door, Lucia straightening her now ruffled skirts as well.
"Come in." I beckoned
A red-haired servant girl, face as white as can be, and green eyes so contrasting to her skin that it resembled that of a snake entered the room. She betrayed me. I did not know her name and yet she betrayed me. She was the reason Betsy was tortured. If this daft harlot had only kept her mouth shut, Uncle Hugh would have never known a thing. He would have sent after his purse, and Henry and Mary no doubt, but more than likely all for not. She curtseyed, and would you believe it, a blasted smile stretched all too sweetly across her face. She carried with her a round silver tray full of pastries and cheeses, and closed the door as she entered the room.
Lucia seemed as mad as I, her face slightly pinker than before. She stepped forward. "Pardon me, but I do believe I asked for chocolates, not powdered raspberry fillings." Lucia stated matter of factly, stepping directly in front of the girl.
She changed.
It was that instant. Her voice became more mature and authoritative, and I furrowed my brows in confusion at what I thought was an eleven-year-old girl.
We both gave the girl time to respond, but Ill speak for myself when I noticed all too well her ever-failing sly smile. I was beside myself by how bluntly she was belittling us, or rather more-so me. Flaunting the slightest power, she had. That being, she was the cause of my and Betsy's recent suffering. She was trying, in such small precarious movements, to make us angry. And by God was she good, pausing and making us wait with a sly grin.
"Oh, my ladies, I must have forgotten." She responded in a condescending tone, like you would hear if someone were speaking to a small child. She smiled and gave a shrug. "And I am afraid I have been summoned to the vineyard, begging your pardon." She responded with too lovely a voice, with more authority than that I have ever seen a servant command. She moved to put the tray down on a stool and take her leave….of which she was not dismissed. In a flash, Lucia reached out to grab her wrist harshly.
"Lucia!" I cried out softly, stepping forward just a tad.
"A lady, asks you to bring fresh chicken, and you would be daft enough to bring her a reeking week-old fish?!" Lucia slammed the palm of her hand down hard on the silver tray, and with a loud bang the tray of food hit the floor. Sliced square cheeses, and powdered raspberry and blueberry fillings scattered all over the floor, and it was just as quick that the servants pious attitude disappeared.
As much as I detested this disrespectful broad, I stepped forward. "That's enough! From both of you." I stated dangerously, my last statement looking directly into the servant girls mean green eyes. She recovered herself, straightening her hand-me-down skirts quickly and snatching back her arm forcefully from Lucia's grip.
"How dare you!" Lucia stated in a similar tone I just gave.
A penetrating cold silence followed, all three of us standing there reflecting the awe of what just happened.
Lucia stepped closer, and looked straight up into the servants hard glaring stare with no care that the girl was twice her elder. "Clean it up." She commanded. But this was not what I wanted.
"No." I commanded with a hard-affirmative tone, my status as elder sister overruling.
Lucia did not argue out loud, but glared at me as intensely as she did the servant girl. Her brows raising in sheer utter surprise.
As I walked forward, Lucia stepped back and both girls seemed all too curious of what my next beseeching would be. I looked at the fiery tempered, loose girl with ease and high demeanor. I folded my hands together, like is expected of a lady, and held my posture not too tight, but with authority even this wench could respect. "Please inform my Uncle Hugh, that by my beseeching you are no longer permitted into my chambers." Incredulously this upset the girl, and yet it seemed so simple of words that I had just uttered.
She turned sharply to leave, and once the thick wood door was closed, and her steps stopped echoing off the black spiral staircase, Lucia turned to me in a rage.
"Have you lost your sense?!" She exclaimed. She bent down to help me collect the sweets and cheeses. "That girl ought to be whipped for such disrespect. We are ladies Letha!" She exclaimed loudly.
"Exactly!" I snapped, stopping to look deep and cold into her grey green eyes. Lucia seemed hurt already by my unexpected exclamation. Her pride dwindling, was now being replaced with a hint of humiliation.
I sighed, and gently touched her chin with my slender fingers. I squinted slightly at her beautiful soft complexion, her auburn curls reflecting so beautifully in the light, and then I quickly turned sad. If I did not take control of her upbringing soon, her looks would be the only card she would have left to play.
"Lucia." I whispered softly. "Have you forgotten our father?" I asked with delicacy. She did not answer, but her grey green eyes watered slightly, her face dumb and unmoving as she stared at me. "Do you think our mother whipped and tortured servants?" I whispered incredulously
Again, she said nothing, but her eyes, now filling with more watery tears, threatened to poor over. I pulled her into my arms, and held her for quite a while. All the rage that I saw only moments ago left my sweet little sister. I rocked her softly, as her tears overflowed, and she started to sob…. as I once did when she was only a babe, and as our beautiful graceful mother once did to me. I set Lucia up, and pulled her hair from her damp rosy cheeks and slid the strands behind her small feminine ears.
"You cannot block your memories Lucia. It will never heal you, only turn you into something you are not." Her tears now turned over, and her lip quivered harshly. "Our father, our mother," I paused slightly, knowing this would hurt her….and would hurt me too, "are never coming back." She gulped hard, struggling to control her composure now, the very recent events that happened only moments ago, seemed so distant and far away.
"Remember what I say, Lucia." I cupped her chin harshly and made her look at me, and my eyes were harder now as I looked deep into her sparkling grey green ones. "Your loyalty, is to our father, our mother, and to me. Your loyalty, is not to anyone else, do you understand?" She nodded gently. Looking deep into watering sad eyes made it hard for me not to do the same. But I stood firm.
"You will treat everyone, with grace and respect." I stated harshly. She nodded her head, revealing her correct age for once as more tears rolled down her cheeks. "We do not hurt people."
And with that I let go of her chin a bit harshly, but not abusively, and continued picking up the mess. Lucia helped too, with faster enthusiasm than I had ever experienced with her before.
Lucia and I stayed together for the rest of the day. We laughed, shared memories, gossiped over what Lords and Ladies were betrothed, and better yet the scandalous affairs that had all of England talking. We snacked heartily as new sweets and treats were brought to our chambers.
As dark luminous clouds rumbled in the sky, new servants rushed in and out of my chambers, drawing my bath before the rain dare pour over.
As I stripped off my underthings, and my handmaidens laid out towels for me to stand on, as if taken away from this very world, Lucia stared blankly on the bed towards the window in a drunk melancholy haze.
"Lucia?" I inquired softly. I walked to her, bare to the core yet, breasts bouncing slightly as I walked…but uncaring as I cupped her cheek and forced her chin to me. Her eyes never left the window.
"I remember." Was all she said. Her brows screwing together hard, almost in anger. Two tears flowed easier than waterfalls down both her cheeks. "I remember." She whispered.
"Lucia, what the bloody hell are you talking about." I've never been one that was so easily scared. But it was almost as if she were possessed.
"Lucia?" I asked softly, her eyes now slowly meeting mine, "What are you on about?" I asked quietly stroking her forehead with my finger.
"Look." Was all she said, gesturing her head towards my window. I grabbed a lace cover up from the vanity, and walked towards the window facing the road, as I tied the black satin string into a secure bow.
Easily seen, below on the stone entrance to our circle, sat an abnormally large black cat staring knowingly at my window. As the clouds rumbled dangerously above, and lightening cracked like broken glass shards splintering across the sky, the cat did not flinch. Like that of a statue, he stayed unremittingly still, and spoke, "Meow."
I slammed the window doors shut, and latched them quickly for good measure. The servants I turned to now stared incredulously at us both.
It took me a moment to gather my composure. Both mine and Lucia's eyes locked knowingly and achingly at each other.
A pregnant pause remained…
"Perhaps the weather brings back some terrifying memories." I stated nervously, noticing how the servants lowered their heads but shifted their stances uncomfortably.
I tried to compose myself but couldn't help my voice break slightly as I stepped forward with a gesture. "Perhaps one of you could draw a bath for the Lady Lucia?" I suggested with nerves.
"Yes, my lady." Lucia followed a girl out of my chambers, but paused at the large wooden doorway before departing.
"I'll see you at dinner." She said seriously. It wasn't hard to see the terror, shock, and confusion that were now seeping into her eyes.
I nodded, and frettingly watched her go. As I disrobed once more, and lowered myself into the hot scented water, crushing dangerous thunder interrupted the calm. I relaxed as best I could, letting the hot water soak my sweat induced pores. I let my handmaiden massage and clean my neck, torso, breasts, and head, yet it could not help shake the feeling of pure anxiety and dread that reached my very bones. There were too many clouds hanging above my head tonight.
The thunder did not waver into dinner. The louder the cracks of lightening in the sky, the easier it was for everyone to keep quiet. Aunt Eleanora, mouth in a hard-unsmiling strain, looked as tight and as mean as ever. Aunt Lysa sat beside her, her thick hair pilled in an unkempt bun read the paper, disconnected from the world as usual. Lucia eyed me occasionally, but for the most part kept her brows furrowed and eyes down-cast, deep in thought.
Uncle Hugh marked his book, and set it down beside the table. But instead of turning his attention to his herb filled pork, he turned his attention to me, his head now resting on his hands. It seemed very uncharacteristic for him, but I knew from experience that he liked to play games. I set my fork down, and braced myself.
"My lady, I hear you have not permitted a certain servant into your chambers." He paused, and his frown seemed almost like a smile to me.
I folded my hands in my lap, and looked him directly in the eyes, knowing he didn't want me interfering with servants. "Yes Uncle, you heard right." I replied gently.
"And why, might I inquire, has that come to be so?" He asked with a nasal twine.
Aunt Eleanora held her breath, a prayer etched itself unhidden behind her pure masochistic eyes. And yet, I think I have just now come to the realization that she was blind.
Now I smiled, knowing exactly what to say to my Uncle for the first time in my life.
"An accident befell in my chambers….and….. it just didn't seem right for the girl to enter my chambers once more."
Aunt Eleanora interrupted in a desperate outright burst. "Did she clean it up?" she asked heartily in one full breath.
Lucia looked as confused as ever. She had stopped eating just to stare at me. But this conversation could not have gone more perfect.
I paused, playing with my broth now, making sure I now looked sad and melancholy. I acted as if I didn't want to tell them, but I knew the Gods knew my heart in that moment.
"No." was all I said.
The Lord knew, that that was all I had to say. They did not inquire or beseech anything else from me, because I knew I had just given them what they yearned for most in this world. Uncle Hugh's light nod to Aunt Eleanora was all the assurance I needed.
We all continued eating in silence, as the riveting deep thunder continued.
It did not take long for the screams to reach my ears.
"PLEASE! PLEEAASE!...PLEEEAASSE! AHGGHH HAHAHAHA!"
Red hair, green eyes, so dominant were her features that it seemed such a shame to see it ruin. It was those blood curdling cries that brought me to my window.
I wrapped myself in dark fox fur, the rains not yet equal to the climax of the thunder that crashed outside.
Uncle Hugh ripped the girl's pathetic blue cloth, like that of paper out of a book. It tumbled to the ground, useless and destroyed. I wondered if she had others? Then I quickly brushed off the thought once I realized I did not care.
Her fleshy bubbies drooped sloppily, as her garments were torn to pieces. They wiggled slightly from left to right as Uncle Hugh roughly set her standing straight, with her hands to her sides.
She was bare to the core for the whole world to see. Looking at her rugged dirty privates seemed like justice to me. I scoffed as my eyes roved over her body slowly.
She dared patronize me with a body like that?
Her breasts were dramatically uneven. Stooped, and curved towards the ground, they drooped like beaten sad dogs. Her tan nipples were sickeningly long and saggy. They stretched directly to the ground, with no feminine perkiness to them whatsoever.
Her member was another matter entirely. It seemed almost animalistic. Her private hair was thick, scattered, and contrastingly dark black in retrospect to her auburn hair. She looked disgusting. Patches of pubic hair did not only guard her thickly, but scattered about unevenly on her legs. What seemed to disgust me thoroughly, only seemed to excite Uncle Hugh more, and I turned my nose up at that. How I hated the lot of them even now, in what should be a triumphant moment. She was the reason Betsy was tortured! Even the servants knew, if she had only kept her mouth shut, Uncle Hugh would have never known a thing.
I knew this was true, as I noticed a big blonde feminine body gather near the servants quarters window. Betsy.
My face reddened as heat quickly shot through my face. A mixture of humiliation and anger reached the very core of my being. "Why was this?" I asked myself.
I watched nonetheless. Trying to shake these new sensations.
Once Uncle Hugh drank in her misery, he strode over with perfect posture and pace, as was his way, and tied her to the handle loop at the head of the post. She sobbed uncontrollably as her wrists were band together tightly above her head. She sobbed so hard that she coughed and gagged. To any passerby it would seem as if she had already been beaten.
Once her hands turned red with pressure, Uncle Hugh turned around and walked a few paces away. A firm cold hand handed him a cane. I could only assume it was Aunt Eleanora.
And so, it began. The never-ending chore of this repulsive household.
The first hit was hard, and to the stomach. I could hear the whistle of the cane from my closed window. The girl winced in pain and looked up to the sky, keeping her eyes closed as if that would help with the stinging pain she must be feeling.
The second hit was harder, and the cane wisped through the air much quicker. Uncle Hugh's favorite thing to do was to pause. He enjoyed drinking in every moment of anyone's suffering, family or foe. I remembered how he took his time and smiled at me whilst interrogating me. And worse, the way he teasingly paused when assaulting Betsy. I shut my eyes hard refusing to imagine the disgusting wretchedness of my Uncles nakedness. And no matter how fiercely I shut my eyes, the image of his member would not leave my mind, and I felt now as though I could vomit. Vile hot bile reached my throat and it burned and festered its wretched taste upon my tongue. "What have I done?" I thought in a panic.
This was not what I imagined vengeance tastes like, as I clutched my stomach and turned up my nose with pure disgust. He hit her again, once more on the stomach. I opened my eyes as her abdomen turned cherry red, I could only guess how long it would take for her pale skin to crack open. Shutting my eyes seemed to only make things worse, as Uncle Hughes's malicious hands grabbed Betsy by the hair in my head.
A few harder blows to the tummy, her legs dancing now to somehow avoid pain, was all it took for blood to drip down slowly from a long slash mark on her abdomen. I screamed loudly in my head, as all this did was remind me of how Uncle Hugh entered himself into Betsy's mouth as she cried for pity. I screamed so loudly in my head….fore the heinous sickening memories would never subside! I squeezed my eyes shut so hard that I forgot to breath. It was only when I gasped for breath, and stroked my now shaking cold arms, that I realized my retaliation was nothing but a double-edged sword. I shook my head hard back and forth, as if that would help me forget the atrocities I knew would forever stay with me. I now watched regretfully down below, but I feared it was once more for my own selfish reasons, as I tried to calm my shaking self.
I thought this would be triumphant. That maybe, if I were not the one doing the deed….and I didn't lie! Urrrggh. I am a fool….. A wretched person who is now no better than these sick people I couldn't care less to call family! My mind raved all the more, all scattered and confused.
Uncle Hugh turned to Aunt Eleanora, who had murmured something inaudibly, then proceeded once more. He focused only on her privates, her bubbies swinging wildly and settling low with every hard blow of the cane.
I looked at Betsy across the way, making out her figure in the window. It was hard to make out, but a hard set line of the mouth seemed to me she was the only person besides my family to draw satisfaction from this. At least, vengeance visited someone today.
I couldn't stand it any longer. I had made a terrible mistake. My conscience as well as my own body could not handle any more of this wretched household. And now, even I had something to answer for. Guilt made me lurch forward.
I stumbled weakly across the room, clutching my churning stomach and took one last look at the beautiful pink trees across the hill. Still, even here, beautiful memories had been made.
Lucia.
I grabbed my suit case in the dresser and started packing. Every dress, and every jewel managed its way into my sac. Even the hand mirrors and brushes and perfumes I carefully managed to secure tightly.
I had to move hastily and carefully. I had to get Lucia and I out, unbeknown and undetected. I made my way softly to her chambers easy enough with the world looking upon the beating. I hurried into her room and found her on her bed. Hands over her ears, she lay curled up, auburn curls sprawled wildly over her light blue pillows, with her eyes squeezing shut.
When she saw me, and ran her eyes over me and my bags…..she didn't speak. But got up and started packing with a common understanding.
Out of the side of the house we went, and into the trees completely unbeknown to anyone. But I suppose, that was my fault wasn't it. We had made it halfway to town now, and with good timing as we were now losing the light.
I could see the road to town, but only fairly. But I suppose, it was good enough considering our circumstances. I didn't want to risk us being caught. Lucia did not whine nor speak. We only trudged on together, in this dank dreary weather. I think we could afford ourselves a bath tonight, what with all our little treasures brought with us. I clutched my breast, where the dagger I took rested, hidden from the world. I would have to sell our things in the morning, but not this. This dagger would be the last thing to protect me. I shook my head, not wanting to think too much on what it would take for me to wield it.
It had started to rain softly now, a light patter down on the ground, and with it, a slight change in the air.
"Letha, what's wrong?" Lucia almost whispered.
I had stopped. It was uncanny. I couldn't explain it, but something was off.
"Nothing." I answered her quietly.
"Come along, we are almost there." Lucia trudged forward.
The rain continued in a timely, romantic fall. The dark green trees, thick and lush….with a smell so fresh when the rain drops hit the dirt. I stepped forward, but still felt the same way. It wasn't an extreme feeling, but something was off. Something felt wrong. And that was when I heard it. Faint, galloping hooves.
I looked over my shoulder and my heart dropped to my stomach. I could barely make him out, but nonetheless I knew. Dark, and hooded, two men cantering behind him. It was Marak.
Lucia grabbed my hand and lurched forward. "Run Letha! It's Uncle Hugh!"
But it wasn't.
I knew in my heart it wasn't.
Either way, I ran all the same, perhaps much harder, than were I to run from Uncle Hugh. He would never lay his hands on me directly. But this one would.
We ran hard. We were tired, and had been walking for hours, but we kept running even with our bags pulling us down. By some miracle the galloping hooves remained at a distance, and we stumbled into town out of breath and dirty. I knew we had been close, since we had been walking for quite a while.
Lucia still hurried on, her face fearful and serious. "Quick Letha! Please, we need to get a room in town, before they see where we go!"
Lucia hurried on ahead, and onto the dirt road that lead into the town. But curiosity got the best of me, and I turned my head…just to look.
There he was, at the edge of the tree line. Hooded and dark, with not a doubt in my mind that a malefic grin lay beneath his hood. But something else traveled through the air, and straight to my heart that lifted and twisted in anxiety…..A promise. A very dark, promise.
His horse moved anxiously, eager and excited. Marak held the reins back, to keep him at bay, but never took his eyes off me. I clutched my breast now, keeping the dagger close to my heart and turned to catch up with Lucia. But when I turned my head to catch one more glance at the green flush tree line…..Marak was no-where to be seen.