Chapter 10: It's Just Dinner

"Caroline?"

"Yes, Beverly?"

"We have a situation."

"A start to a paragraph that never ends well."

"A group of topless lesbians have staged a demonstration just outside the administration building. They're carrying signs calling for Bosdale's sacking. The Year 10 boys have just finished a field trip and are gathered round gawking. Your boy Lawrence is front and centre. He's just asked for hands-on training."

Caroline sat up in bed, bleary and vaguely put out with Lawrence. "That's it. No more late night curries." She ran her fingers through her hair. Who was she kidding? She'd had cereal the night before, and her restless dreams had nothing to do with quirky metabolism, and everything to do with the company she expected that evening.

It was Saturday and Kate was coming for dinner.

The boys were with John, and her mum was on a weekend getaway with friends. They would have the house to themselves this evening, and Caroline was beside herself with nerves.

There was no denying it, and with Caroline's formidable skills in that area, that spoke volumes. She had feelings for Kate. The thought made her slightly ill.

"Always was a romantic prat." She dragged herself from bed and trudged to the shower, grumbling as she went, "Don't be stupid, Caroline. It's just dinner."

But it wasn't, was it? She'd committed herself to opening up at least a little and that was a frightful thought. Because once you spoke words they could never be taken back and you were always accountable for them. Caroline was finding she had the most disconcerting tendency to say more than she intended when Kate McKenzie was around.

So, she'd best make a plan to minimise risk. A set of talking points for starters, and a practice run wouldn't hurt.

"Kate, I had…certain experiences at University. You've brought them to the surface." She stepped into the steaming shower, shaking her head. No. Too stilted.

She tried again as she began to wash her hair, "Kate, I had a relationship with a woman at University. I couldn't bear the meanness and small-mindedness, so I ran away from those feelings." No. She'd come off as weak and impressionable.

Soaping her body, she gave it another try, "Kate, when you told me about your relationship with Helen, it stirred some old memories. Things I thought I'd left behind when I married John. Lately, though, it seems that I may have just used John as a convenient escape." Not awful, but too risky?

She snorted. If she wanted to go for brutal honesty, she could bloody well do better. She'd finally recognised her fluttery feelings around Kate for what they truly were. "Kate. When I watched you play the piano the other day, I was transfixed. The way you looked in that sleeveless tunic, bathed in the soft glow from your lamp, moving so gracefully to the music. God Almighty, you were a vision. I wanted nothing more than to lay you down right there and shag you senseless."

No. That was probably a bit much. It was just dinner, after all.

…

"Hold onto your knickers, McKenzie! It's just bloody dinner."

Kate surveyed the wreckage of clothing piled high on her bed. Who knew that a simple supper could wreak so much carnage? And why on earth had she let her cousin borrow that gorgeous top that set her eyes off so well?

Not that Caroline was likely to focus on her eyes. Or any other part of her for that matter. It was just dinner. And Kate had promised to be her friend. Not her friend. Not that Caroline wanted a friend. Probably.

At any rate, it was just dinner and Kate chided herself about getting overly excited. It was better to be pleasantly surprised than to go in expecting too much, after all. Which meant, in some subconscious way, she was still hoping for a sign, any sign, from Caroline that the scales might be tipping in her favour.

Kate sighed; she was a goner. No hope for not hoping. From the pile she chose a pale sleeveless tunic that fit snugly. She felt sexy in it, and she needed something to bolster her confidence.

What if Caroline did want a friend? Of the same sex? Surely, her words on Thursday had hinted at some history there. And didn't it make sense, really? Kate had always been attracted to Caroline, as though there were some string connecting them; some invisible thread. Perhaps she was simply reacting to pheromones that Caroline was unwittingly spraying everywhere.

"And that's why Language teachers should never have a go at Biology."

She pulled on a pair of jeans that sat low on her waist. A simple wrap sweater and a soft blue-green infinity scarf completed her outfit.

She looked at the clock. 5:24, only an hour and ten minutes before she needed to leave. Sighing, she headed to the kitchen, Oscar Wilde-child mewing at her heels, always eager for an early dinner. As she opened a tin of food, her gaze settled on the wine and flowers she'd picked up earlier at the market. Now she wasn't certain that taking both were appropriate.

After all, it was just dinner.

…

At 7:03 she rang the bell. She'd sat in her car down the street for five minutes to ensure she was slightly late. She didn't want to appear too eager. Of course, she felt as though her lungs barely held enough oxygen for short gasps, so she hadn't quite worked out how she was going to speak in words of more than one syllable.

"Kate, hi!" Caroline's voice sounded too cheerful, and Kate peeked around the bouquet of flowers to see the smile pasted on Caroline's face looked a bit forced.

"Right on time, you are." Caroline stepped to the side and swept an arm in welcome. "Come in."

Kate waved the flowers, "Hi. For you."

Caroline breathed in, met Kate's eye and smiled. "You shouldn't have. But they're lovely and I'm glad you did. Thank you. Now, it's freezing out, let's get you inside and warm. Toss your jacket in the sitting room there and come join me in the kitchen? Dinner is at a delicate stage." She took the flowers, motioned to the sitting room and then headed down the hallway toward what appeared to be a large open kitchen.

Feeling encouraged by Caroline's chatty nervousness, Kate stripped her coat, grabbed the bottle of wine she'd held behind her back and followed in Caroline's footsteps. She couldn't help a gasp of appreciation when she took in the spacious chef's kitchen, bathed in soft golden light. "Lovely room, Caroline! And it smells heavenly."

Caroline beamed as she removed a steaming pan from the oven. "Thank you. It's my favorite room in the house, honestly. Do you like to cook?"

Kate nodded, but smiled ruefully. "I do, but I'm a bit too freehanded to do it well. I never follow a recipe and sometimes my creative combinations are really better left uncreated." She produced the bottle of wine. "So, I thought I'd contribute something to the dinner, without ruining it. Will Pinot Noir do?"

Caroline nodded. "It's a bacon and veg frittata, so yes, I think that would be lovely, but you really didn't have to. Flowers and wine, it's too much, Kate!"

"Actually, the flowers were a steal. Literally. I picked them up and ran, so really no worries. Vase? I'll put them in water if you like." Kate kept a straight face as Caroline scrutinized her doubtfully.

"Just there. Did you really…"

"Of course. Nigel didn't tell you I was a raging klepto?" Kate grinned cheekily as she took a vase down from the cupboard Caroline had indicated. "I might be losing my light fingered touch though. A security guard on a scooter almost tracked me to your house, but I lost him just before the last roundabout."

Caroline laughed. "You had me on for a moment. About to put real doubts in my taste in friends, which is easy enough since I haven't made any in a long while."

Kate busied herself with arranging the flowers as Caroline uncorked the wine. Her attempt at humour had relaxed her nerves enough that she thought she might survive the night. "Why is that, Caroline?"

Caroline handed her a glass. "Come. Let's sit. I need to unwind a bit before I burden you with my social miscues."

Kate followed Caroline into the living room, taking the opportunity to appraise Caroline's outfit for the evening: jeans, a simple silk blouse with a beaded necklace and bare feet. She smiled at the thought that Caroline didn't see a need to mask her diminutive height tonight. Regardless of stature, the woman made a striking figure, and Kate was just as impressed with the casual elegance at home as she was the professional image at school.

Caroline turned to sit on the far end of the couch and caught Kate's smile. "What?"

Kate waved toward Caroline's bare feet. "It's just…shall I take mine off as well?"

Caroline grinned and nodded. "Barefoot is how we live in the Shire."

"Somehow I never envisioned the lady hobbits to be so well put together, Tolkein completely underdescribed that area."

"He wasn't so focused on the lady parts."

"Too bad; had he done, I might have been enthralled." Kate flushed, realizing too late that she sounded flirtatious. She set her shoes by the sofa, took a seat on the opposite end and smiled nervously at Caroline. "I appreciate the casual look."

Caroline's smile didn't falter and she took a sip of wine. "I don't mind you knowing my…shortcomings."

Kate groaned at the atrocious pun. "That's horrible, you know."

"Mmm. You should hear how often I traumatise the boys with my wordplay."

They sat for a moment, watching the fire.

"So, why has it been so long since you've made friends?"

"You are a bulldog, aren't you?" Caroline shook her head, but her smile took the bite out of her remark. "I don't think I'm all that different from most parents, really. Kids, doctoral thesis, work, trying to help John with his writing career. Before I knew it, fifteen years had gone by and I was barely keeping my head above water just dealing with the day to day. I have plenty of acquaintances, but very few, what I'd call, friends. What about you, Kate?"

She shrugged. "A few Uni mates that I stay in touch with; mostly through Facebook. No one local, though. Julia, I quite like, but I'm a bit too senior to really share things with her. When Richard and I divorced, it was really hard, because our friends came as couples. And when couples dissolve, the friendships seem to as well."

Caroline nodded. "Fortunately, John and I never got on with each other's colleagues enough to really form couple friends. We were…are…too different."

The fire crackled and they sat in a companionable silence for a few minutes.

"Do you think the differences are what drove you apart?" Kate asked.

"No. I think Judith in our bed is what drove us apart." Caroline retorted dryly.

Kate didn't respond, and Caroline mulled her comment as she watched the fire. She sighed. "Actually, we drifted apart long before Judith came onto the scene."

"How so?"

"We were…comfortable…letting each live their own life. His writing, my thesis and both of us working full time. We had the boys, but even there, we didn't often overlap our parenting responsibilities. To be fair, I think we ceased to be real people to one another, and instead became something like two dimensional ideas. Does that make sense?"

Kate nodded, "I think so. It was similar with Richard. We each had our…struggles…and we went through them on our own. By the time we came out the other side, we really didn't know each other any longer."

"Exactly! It's as though you wake up one morning and there's a complete stranger in your bed and you'd just as soon be alone." She took a sip of wine and considered. "But, alone is scary. So you muddle through until fate intervenes. By the name of Judith." She laughed; a harsh angry laugh. "I'm such a sodding coward, Kate. I should have dumped John long ago!"

"Perhaps you should have. But I don't think you're a coward, Caroline. I think you struggle with wanting it all and not quite knowing what 'all' means with regards to your happiness. No offense."

"None taken. Go on."

"Well, we have these ideals laid in front of us from the time we're five, don't we? Marriage, children, work, if we must; but it's our marriage and families that come first, right? I'll bet you twenty quid that your mum told you that at least a dozen times when you were at Oxford."

"You would win that wager even if the number was a hundred times. Mum was so disappointed that I chose John, but she was glad that I had someone at graduation." She finished her wine and stood. "Fancy a picnic?"

Kate loved the way Caroline's mind worked. Right angles in conversation delighted her. "In front of the fire?"

Caroline nodded to a blanket covering the back of a nearby chair. "Spread that on the floor, and put another log on the fire, if you don't mind. I'll be back to refill in a jiff, then I'll dish us up."

Kate smiled as she readied their informal setting. The fire was warm, so she removed her scarf and sweater, draping them over a nearby chair, before settling down on the blanket to watch the fire.

"Just a few more minutes, but first have a little more…" Caroline's voice ground to a halt as she turned into the living room and laid eyes on Kate sitting, bare armed, on the blanket.

"Everything alright?" Kate asked.

Caroline swallowed. Everything that she saw was very alright, indeed. Kate's skin took on a caramel tone in the flickering firelight, and the effect was enchanting. She cleared her throat. "Nice top." She held the bottle of wine aloft. "More?"

"Please, thank you." Kate held her glass as Caroline poured.

"Music?"

Kate nodded.

Caroline touched the screen of a docked iPad and k.d. lang's distinctive cover of Hallelujah softly spilled from the speakers.

"I adore her." Kate closed her eyes. "This song always leaves me with a sense of calm."

Caroline chuckled. "I agree, but the lyrics aren't the most uplifting."

"What about 'when I moved in you, the holy dove was moving too' isn't uplifting?" Kate protested.

Caroline's mouth went dry and she felt a flush of warmth somewhere south of appropriate. She took a sip of wine before answering. "I'll give you that, Kate. But, then again, what about 'all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you'?

Kate laughed. "And I'll give you that. It does offer a rather poetic summary of love, don't you think? The highs to the lows in two lines."

"I wonder what it says about us that we choose to hear the words we do. Me, the dreary ones and you the hopeful one?"

"Probably more about where we are than who we are, yeah? I've had time to process my loss of marriage and…relationship…with Helen. I'm feeling hopeful. Two years ago, I may have had a very different reaction to these lyrics."

Caroline felt some truth in Kate's words, but evaded answering the question herself. She tilted her head, "Music is central to you isn't it?"

Kate smiled. "I often think in music. Notes, structure, tempo. Always have." She took a sip of wine. "You think in equations and spatial relationships?"

Caroline's mouth dropped open in astonishment. "How did…why on earth would you think that?"

Kate shrugged, but didn't answer.

"I think in terms of chemistry. Bonding, spatial considerations, positive/negative interactions. Maths…not so much. But how on earth, did you…would you…even consider that?"

Kate smiled, and shrugged deferentially. "Just a hunch. You are very ordered. So am I, but in a different way. You are…unrelenting, constant. I can…ebb…and flow, but I still move forward, although maybe not so directly. I think it's one of the reasons I really like you." She faltered, and cleared her throat nervously.

Caroline smiled. "I…you…this is terribly provocative discussion for an empty stomach and a full glass." She arched an eyebrow. "Let me go dish up our supper. Then, let's carry on, shall we?"

Kate nodded. "Indeed. I'll add a log while you're gone."

Caroline smiled and backed out of the room.

It was just dinner, she reminded herself as she headed toward the kitchen.