A/N: So I posted the last chapter and I logged back to the internet only after 25 hours, and the amount of love I received was amazing. Thank you so so much! This one is a complete angst I think, but I did try to make a statement? I don't really know. Holls and Jessi were much of a help as always, thanks you guys! Also, Holls proofed this, so thanks for that too! I love it when you leave reviews!
Henry walked into the bathroom. He didn't knock, he never knocked. They'd been together for so long now that unless the door was shut completely, he didn't need to knock. She didn't either. He didn't stop to think that this could happen. He'd seen her topless more times than he could count, and the truth was, there was nothing in the world that could ever make him change the way he felt when he looked at her, dressed or not. But the minute the door opened, she instantly wrapped her arms around her torso, shielding herself from his gaze. Her eyes widened and a gasp escaped her. She turned around, facing her back to him, waiting for him to retreat and leave the room. But he didn't make any move towards the door. He moved closer to her until he was standing right behind her, letting his hands rest on her shoulders.
"Henry." she called, turning her eyes to meet his piercing gaze. "I don't… You shouldn't be here."
Letting his hands trace to her abdomen, he pulled her to his chest, feeling her body tense against his. "Why not?"
"Because I don't want you to… You shouldn't see… Please." Her voice cracked and trembled, eyes welling with tears. She was on the verge of tears even before he entered the room. It'd been over a week since her surgery, and she finally got the courage to stand in front of the mirror and examine the way she looked. It was the first time she acknowledged the absence of her breasts with her own eyes. And she wanted to throw up at that image of her. She was disgusted by the reflection in the mirror, and so ashamed of how she looked. And it was only the beginning. Her hair was bound to fall, and then what? She would have nothing left of her femininity, nothing to remind her she was once appealing to anyone in any way.
"Elizabeth, turn around. Look at me." She didn't move, only shunning her look away from him as tears rolled down her cheeks. He moved then, slowly walking to stand in front of her, his finger resting on her chin, asking again with his actions for her to meet his eyes. "Baby, please."
She was crying silently, though the pain was loud and clear. "Leave. Please. Just… Leave."
Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her to him and she began to sob, burying her face in his shirt. "No." he whispered, his hands running up and down her back.
"I'm disgusting!" she cried, pulling herself from his hold.
He didn't retreat. Resting his hands on hers, he tried to untangle her hold. "You're anything but." he placed a kiss to her temple, lingering as her eyes closed with the feeling of his warm lips on her skin. "Let me." he tried again, his hands moving again to her, tugging at them, asking to let her guard down.
"If you see me like this… If you see me naked, you will never look at me the same again. You will… I'm not the woman you used to know anymore. I'm not… a woman."
"Elizabeth, I love you. All of you. Every single part of you that makes you you. I find you sexy not because of your breasts, or lack of them. I find you sexy because you are just that. Nothing has changed, and I can't stand seeing you tarnish yourself like this. I want to show you. Let me show you what you still mean to me, what you will forever mean to me." With his hands on hers again, he was finally able to pull them, releasing her hold and finally exposing her bare chest. But his eyes never left hers, and he pulled her to him, joining their lips together in a soft kiss. "You are beautiful." he breathed the minute their lips parted.
"I'm a monster." she mumbled, taking a step back. Her eyes scanned the room, desperately needing to locate her shirt.
He stilled her movements, asking for her eyes until finally they met his. He allowed his gaze to wander then, to look at her for the very first time. Meeting her eyes again, he smiled. Nothing changed in his expression, or in the way he looked at her. "Come with me." he offered her his hand, almost begging for her to follow.
She didn't want to. She wanted to put her shirt back on and crawl under the covers and never think of this ever again. She wanted to come up with a plan where he would never have to see her naked again. Not until the reconstruction surgery at least. She loved him, and she had no doubt he loved her too, but he wasn't blind. He had to see what she saw. And no matter how much he loved her, she was, in her eyes, ugly. He must've thought it too. He would never say it, but he had to be thinking it. She backed away both from his hand and his look. It was the first time since she met him that she didn't believe him.
But Henry wasn't having any of it; he was determined to convince her, to show her the truth. "Elizabeth, I'm not lying. I know you don't believe me, so allow my actions to speak, please." Hesitantly, she reached out to his hand. Once, not so long ago, she trusted him blindly. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arm around her waist. "I love you." he whispered in her ear before pressing a kiss to her cheek.
He led her to the bed, asking her to lie on her back as he climbed on top of her. Their lips joined immediately, and tongues danced together in the way they have for years. "Trust me?" he asked, gazing into her eyes.
She nodded, blinking back her tears. He wiped them away and kissed her again, letting his hand trace the skin of her arm. His lips moved to her jaw, making her tilt her head, letting out a low breath when he kissed behind her ear. Slowly moving down her neck, he felt her squirm under him. He didn't give up. He kissed her collarbone as his fingers moved against the skin that once held her breasts. She tensed, her eyes filling with tears as she gazed at him, looking for any sign of aversion, but he had nothing but loving eyes to offer her.
"Close your eyes for me, will you?" She shook her head, the tears spilling again. "Baby, I will never do anything that hurts you. Please? Just close your eyes and listen to my voice."
She sighed heavily, closing her eyes and sinking further into the mattress. He brushed his lips against hers, taking her bottom lip between his. Again trailing to her neck, he left soft kisses on her skin.
"I love how sensitive your skin is. How if I linger a little, it leaves the mark of my lips, like it's absorbing my kiss." He moved further down her body, pressing his lips to her chest, gently moving his fingers along the valley of what once were her breasts.
"And I love that smile you give me when you wake up in the morning, and you're still half asleep. It's the best way to wake up - Next to you." He watched the rise and fall of her chest, noticing the change of pace; she was relaxing.
"I adore the cute mumbling you do when you're tired, and I love how after all these years, you never had to actually say anything for me to understand what each sound means." A small smile crept up her lips and he couldn't help but smile as well. His hand moved gently near her sutures, dancing on her skin. She shivered and goosebumps covered her skin. She had to force herself to keep her eyes closed and he noticed. He moved to kiss her again, as if to ease the feeling of his touch on her skin.
"I love your lips. The way they tremble when you're holding back tears. The way they flush pink when I kiss you. The way you bite down on your bottom lip when you're turned on. And damn, that's sexy. Who could ever say no to you." She giggled and the sound was his own comfort.
"And your laugh. I could listen to you - watch you laughing, all day long. I will never get tired of it." His lips replaced his fingers, placing kisses on her delicate skin. She squirmed, but he repeated the motion over and over again, moving from one side to the other.
"I love your eyes. The fact that they speak when you don't say a word. The softness in them. the change of their color with your mood. I love holding your gaze, because I know that it's mine." He peppered kisses to her abdomen, his hands moving to remove her pants, his finger grazing her skin on the way.
"I love your mind. Everything about the way the magnificent thing works. I love how you can say one word and silence an entire room and have all eyes focused on you. You do that when you speak, but also when you're simply present. With your head held high, so much confidence, you look invincible. And all eyes are on you, because you're a sight for sore eyes. You light up the room, whenever you're there. Just like you lit up my room, and my life, the moment I first saw you. And then you spoke, and I was captivated for an eternity." He stroked her thighs before pressing inside of her. She cried out but he muffled the sound with his lips.
"I love how you always make me laugh. I love that you are my best friend. That you're the mother of our children; that you gave me the gift of fatherhood. I love that you're kind and compassionate. I love how duty bound you are, how you're determined and willing to sacrifice for others - for me. I adore you for never giving up, for the strength you have. And I love how, in spite of that strength, you allow me to carry you when it's just you and I." Her hands wrapped around his neck, and her legs around his waist. Her moans filled the room, but really it was his words that spoke volume.
"I love that you are perfect, regardless of marks and imperfections. It makes you human, it makes you vulnerable, and it allows me to protect you, if only with my arms wrapped around you. And I love how small you are, lying underneath me, but I know that you're tougher – stronger than I am." Lifting her chin, she begged for his lips to meet hers, threading her fingers through his hair.
"I love that you're so sexy, even with a sweatshirt and flannel pants. I love that you are such a turn on without even trying. Beautiful by nature. Even when you're sick or tired. And I love that I get to have you, that you agreed to be mine." Their dance continued, their lips never parting, swallowing each other's cries as they moved together towards the bliss they only shared with each other.
He waited for her to open her eyes when they both stilled, still on top of her, still pressing his weight gently. She flickered, allowing her eyes to open only to meet his smile and the love in his eyes. "I love everything about you. And nothing in the world could make me not love you." He kissed her again, "and you are beautiful. Inside and out."
She snuggled to him once he lied on his back, his hand wrapped around her, the blanket covering their naked bodies. "Thank you." she whispered.
Lifting her chin to his, he met her gaze. "No more doubts, okay?"
She nodded, trying to smile through her tears, "I love you too."