Flawed Design
Chapter 10
. . .
Furiously, angrily, Roy punched the steering wheel and swore loudly.
Laurel started to cry, and William looked more terrified then he had minutes ago when Oliver completely lost it.
"Roy, stop it!" Thea exclaimed, resting a hand on his shoulder.
They continued to talk, making plans about where they would go, what needed to be done, but it all escaped her attention. Even the baby's crying didn't pierce through the veil of confusion and horror that surrounded her. She didn't know what happened, she didn't know how this happened. She didn't know what happened to Oliver to cause this. The only thing she could possibly imagine was vertigo, and even then...even then he didn't lay a hand on them.
She had seen Oliver at his very worst, and it didn't even touch this.
It had been the blank look of fury in his face that scared her the most. She could still his hands on her neck, the bruise on her back from where she landed after Roy forced him to let her go. She could still hear William screaming in terror, begging his father to stop and it chilled her to her core. None of it felt real to her at all.
That was not Oliver.
Mirakuru, she thought. Mirakuru could do that too.
Maybe he didn't know, she considered. The angry outbursts from before made so much more sense now.
"There is a hotel across the street from Palmer Tech." Felicity finally said, not able to handle another second of arguing between Thea and Roy. "Go there."
"William," she turned in the seat and looked at him. "That was not your father. I don't know what happened, and I'm going to fix it, but that wasn't Oliver."
"Ollie would never hurt you guys." Thea pulled William into a hug in the backseat. "We'll figure it out."
"It looked like him." William said, a small, scared sound in his voice. "He looked crazy."
"Someone did something to him." Felicity pressed, positive of that if nothing else. "Someone dosed him with something for sure. We'll call Barry, and Cisco and Caitlyn, they can help."
They sat in silence for the remainder of the drive to the hotel, and she wracked her brain for answers, but found none. Felicity shut down all attempts at conversation about Oliver with Roy and Thea until both William and Laurel were finally asleep. She was grateful that Laurel was so young, she would never have to remember this. She just wished that William didn't have to, that he had never seen it happen.
"I need to tell you both something." Roy said, shaking his head and looking like he was about to admit to murder. "You're right, it isn't Oliver's fault, what's wrong with him. It's my fault."
Felicity didn't understand, she couldn't figure how this was possibly his fault, but she didn't have an opportunity to consider it. Thea jumped up from the couch, and launched at Roy in a fury.
"You didn't! Roy, tell me you didn't. Tell me that it isn't possible!"
Thea looked like she was about to hit him with all of the force that her fists could impart, and Roy looked crestfallen.
"What happened?" Felicity asked.
She tried desperately to not think of the only scenario in her mind that could have made Thea that angry at him.
"I saved a vial of water from the Lazarus Pit. For an emergency." Roy squeezed his eyes shut, and then looked at her in apology. "I used it on Oliver. He was going to die. He was dying after he was captured-it was the only option. He was going to die, Felicity. I had to do something."
Felicity didn't have the opportunity to react to this news. Thea hit Roy, and then she hit him again, and then she started to waver with slow, pointless blows to his chest until she started to sob. He tried to reach for her and she shoved him away.
"I-" She held her hand up before he tried to speak again. "I don't want to wake up William, he's been traumatized enough tonight. I'm not-Why? Roy why didn't he tell us? Why didn't you?"
Roy seemed pained as he answered this.
"He asked me to keep it a secret, from both of you. And everything seemed okay, but then the thing at the restaurant happened, and he swore he had it under control. He was keeping it under control."
"He asked you to lie?" Felicity repeated, her throat going dry as she tried to form the words.
He nodded his head.
"I just-" Felicity shook her head, unable to come up with the words.
It felt impossible that he had lied to her again, lied to her about his. About the biggest change their life would ever face.
Laurel started to cry, and it brought her back to the reality of the situation. Right now Laurel and William were her priority.
"I have to figure this out later." Felicity said, "She's hungry."
As she walked away, she could hear the soft argument in Thea 's voice, and the pain that radiated from her tone. She was relieved to close the bedroom door behind her and not have to hear it a second longer, because it reminded her too much of how she felt.
Betrayed, and hurt by the man she loved. That was how she felt.
. . .
It's my fault.
As the words left Roy's mouth, it triggered something in her. There was a small part of her that had been unsettled from the first time that he had suggested, so long ago, that they save some of the water from the pit. But she had told him, she had reminded him of the horrors they inflicted, what they had turned Ra's into, what they had done to her and Sara. It wasn't a horror that should be inflicted on anyone.
It didn't matter that he saved Oliver, if you could even call it that. Oliver wasn't saved. Oliver was a monster who would attack his wife and son, and that was not the man her brother was.
He hadn't brought back Oliver, but a pale imitation, and it hurt so much worse than losing him for good.
Thea jumped up from the couch, confronting him, and looking into his sea blue eyes with a sinking feeling in her stomach.
"You didn't do it! Roy, tell me you didn't do it. Tell me it isn't possible!"
The flicker in those blue eyes that she had loved so much, loved for as long as she could remember gave her all of the answer she needed. Thea was filled with anger, rage at him—not just for what he did, not even just for betraying her trust, but that he had lied right to her face.
"I saved a vial of water from the Lazarus Pit. For an emergency." Roy squeezed his eyes shut, and then looked at her in apology. "I used it on Oliver. He was going to die. He was dying after he was captured-it was the only option."
In the beginning, she felt the contact of her fists on his chest and he wavered underneath her. Roy didn't move away, and soon she lost it. Lost her motivation, her faith, the desire to try and fight back—make him feel half of the pain that she was feeling right now.
Thea's cry turned into deep sobs, and he tried to pull her close to him. She yanked away, and he hesitated.
"I-" Felicity held her hand up, declining whatever it was Roy had to say. "I don't want to wake up William, he's been traumatized enough tonight. I'm not-Why? Roy why didn't he tell us? Why didn't you?"
Roy seemed pained as he answered this.
"He asked me to keep it a secret, from both of you. And everything seemed okay, but then the thing at the restaurant happened, and he swore he had it under control. He was keeping it under control."
"He asked you to lie?" Felicity repeated.
He nodded his head.
"I just-" Felicity shook her head, unable to come up with the words.
Laurel started to cry, and Felicity stood up, leaving the room.
"I have to figure this out later." Felicity said, "She's hungry."
"Thea, talk to me." Roy swallowed with some difficulty as she looked at him. "Please."
"You promised me." She said, when the words finally came to her.
Even to her own ears, the words felt muddy with tears.
"You promised me you would never take it, never ever use it for any reason. I gave you every opportunity in the world to tell me the truth after…"
Roy tried to reach for her again, his eyes shining with the same earnest look that nearly inspired her to stay with him the last time he had lied to her. She found the memory of lie after lie after lie washing over her.
"No! You promised me!" She said, struggling to keep her voice down. "I trusted you, Roy Harper. I trusted you more than anyone else in the world and…you broke my heart."
Roy had no words, and she didn't really feel like there was much at all that was left to be said. What else was left to be said, he had lied to her and betrayed her trust. It was something they all seemed to have in common.
Thea closed her eyes, and took a breath, tugging the ring Roy gave her off of her hand and tossing it at him.
"You should leave." She told him finally, struggling to keep her voice steady. "Maybe stay with Oliver. You seem to have a lot in common, especially when it comes to telling lies to the people you're supposed to love."
"Thea-" Roy made one last attempt, and she turned her back on him.
From the moment she turned away, she promised herself that she would not look back at him. She would walk into her bedroom, lie down, and cry—but she wouldn't give that to him. Not after how he hurt her. Thea knew that he had left when she heard the loud click of the hotel room door, and sunk into the bed, burying her face in her hands and sobbing.
. . .
Oliver was drowning in his misery, and it had been interrupted when Quentin Lance started pounding on his door after not showing up for a budget meeting. After the look that Quentin cast about the apartment he explained, because there wasn't really anything else to say.
"She left. She took William and Laurel...they're gone and it's my fault."
Oliver poured another tumbler of vodka and offered it to Quentin before he remembered. "I'm sorry."
He downed his third, maybe fourth and glanced at the bottle again. There weren't any answers, as it turned out. He'd been searching for an answer for nearly two days.
"I don't think that either one of us need that." Quentin told him, removing the bottle from the table and placing it behind him. "Oliver Queen certainly doesn't."
Oliver was silent for a long moment. He finished off the glass that he had accidentally poured for Quentin.
"Oliver, what is going on?" Quentin pled with him. "This isn't the Oliver Queen I know."
"Sure you do." Oliver didn't think he had to remind him. "You know me better than anyone. Anyone that is still alive."
"Talk to me." Quentin told him, "What happened?"
"I hurt my wife. I hit my wife." Oliver corrected himself quickly, "I almost hurt my son. They all left. Roy and Thea ...took them somewhere. I don't know."
He took a deep, long breath. "I don't….I don't know what happened."
"That doesn't sound like you at all." Quentin said, "You've been a lot of things, I've seen every version of you but I can't believe that."
What was the point anymore? No point in keeping it a secret anymore. For all his talk of restraint, he had lost it and he had hurt his wife, of all people. He would never be able to forget the look in her eyes.
"I almost died." Oliver said finally, "A couple months ago. Maybe I was dead. Roy had a vial of the waters from Nanda Parbat and he used it on me. It's not an excuse, it can't be an excuse. I lied, and I asked him to lie for me about it and I hurt my wife. I almost hurt my son. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't intervened."
Quentin gestured for him to take a seat, and Oliver ignored the suggestion.
"I'm going to tell you something." Quentin said in a heavy voice, "Tell you something I've never told anyone."
Oliver complied with Quentin's story, why not? What did he have now? He lost his family.
"I've been where you've been." Quentin told him, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Without half the excuse you have. I've been here. You can come back from it."
"I can't. I can't forgive what I did, and I don't expect Felicity to. I crossed a line."
"You couldn't control yourself. Not anymore than Sarah could when she came back." Quentin told him.
There wasn't any defense. After William, he had promised Felicity that he would never lie to her again. After Roy had saved his life, he should have told her. He knew he should have told her, and he knew he shouldn't have asked Roy to lie for him. He had put his entire family at risk and he couldn't forgive himself, never mind ask them to forgive him.
"I hit Dinah once. I lost my temper." Quentin told him quietly. "It was after we lost Sarah, and the dollmaker case was eating me alive. I never made it right."
Quentin sighed, "Make it right, Oliver."
"I can't ever make it right." Oliver couldn't bring himself to meet Quentin's eyes. "I betrayed my wife in the worst way."
"Make it right." Quentin said. "I swear to you; you need to make this right or regret it until the day you die. Oliver, you have a son and a daughter that need a father in their lives. Don't do this to them."
Quentin walked away, and he listened to the door close behind him. He wanted to make it right. He wanted his family back, he wanted to make it right with his wife, the love of his life. He wanted his children back. He wanted his son with him, he wanted to hold his daughter in his arms again. He wanted to be the man and father that he swore he would be.
. . .
Felicity looked at herself in the mirror and saw the same look that she saw on her mother's face. It horrified her.
She found herself thinking of William and Laurel.
But the thought of Oliver reigned supreme. She had been on his side for as long as she knew him. For everything that they had gone through, she had always been on his side. She had always come back to him.
She considered what she knew. Oliver, the father of their children had almost died. Roy had saved him with waters from Nanda Parbat.
Felicity was filled with anger considering what his would do to their children. She thought of William having to cope with the fallout between them, and Laurel knowing her father the way she had known her own father, as her mother's adversary, as someone who had betrayed both her and her mother.
The image of that filled her with horror. She hadn't imagined them as a perfect family, but they were a happy family. If nothing else, she loved Oliver and he loved her, couldn't that make up for everything?
Felicity kept asking her that question, and came back to the same question. Why didn't he trust her? Why had Oliver lied to her about the most important thing to happen in their lives, ever. She didn't have an answer to it. She considered calling her mother, but there were too many things that she would need to be honest about.
She turned and looked at William, finally asleep on the bed in their room. He had been through more than any of them had, it made her childhood look easy as pie. William was sound asleep, and she was relieved for that. He had been horrified when he watched his father snapped and she wished, she wished above everything else that he wouldn't have to remember it.
The hours passed, and she considered the logistics. Nyssa had cured Thea , maybe she could do something for Oliver. If not, there were certainly other cures. There had to be something.
And then it occurred to her, hours after thinking about how William forgave Oliver she realized it...how was she going to? How would it be right between them again? Oliver had promised that they were equals, that he would never lie to her again.
Felicity sat down in bed next to William, realizing that she was still sore. It had been only weeks since Laurel was born and she was exhausted.
As she laid down, she felt him roll over and his head settle in her lap. She brushed his hair back and cried. He looked so much like Oliver. How was he ever going to recover from this? Of everyone, they owed it to him to make his life good, to make it right.
"I'm sorry." Felicity kissed the top of his head. "We'll make it right William, I promise."
. . .
He stayed up day and night and day and night, over and over trying to figure out how to fix it. How to fix himself. He didn't have an answer. The anger had dissipated long ago, and all he had now was the grief over losing his family. He'd called Felicity and William time and time again and neither one of them answered his calls. He'd left dozens and dozens of voicemails. Quentin had reached out on his behalf and Felicity had told him to leave them alone, she wasn't listening any longer.
He'd tried Thea and she had finally answered.
'Stop calling." She told him, "Leave them alone. You lied to them, you hurt her, hurt William. Ollie. Stop it."
It broke his heart. She thought that if anyone would hear him out it would be her, but she wouldn't have any part of it. It just reminded him how much he hurt all of them. He knew how badly this deception had hurt Thea, but he didn't know the full extent of it.
He didn't think he would hear from any of them until he found Roy at his door days later.
"Thea told me I had to leave." Roy said, looking haggard and heart broken. "She won't forgive me for lying to her. I've been in the Glades."
Roy tossed the ring on the countertop and poured a glass of the vodka that he hated.
"It's over. She told me to leave and never come back." Roy scrubbed his hands over his face.
Oliver added this to his list of casualties. Not only had he hurt his wife and children, he had destroyed his sister's happiness, and hurt the one friend he had left, the one friend who had remained at his side.
Sorry didn't seem to cut it, but he said it anyways. Even to his own voice it sounded ridiculously hollow.
"I never should have asked you to lie for me. I never should have." Oliver said, pouring a glass for himself. "How are they?"
He was almost afraid to ask the question.
"Angry. Hurt. Betrayed." Roy poured another glass. "Thea doesn't want to see me ever again."
"She doesn't mean it." Oliver said, feeling the guilt overwhelm him. "She's mad at me. You stopped me when I needed to be stopped. I owe you everything, again."
"It wasn't you. I made the choice. I agreed to do it." Roy said, sighing into the empty glass. "Can't we ever be happy? Can't anything just ever work out in our favor?"
"I was." Oliver said, the pain of remembrance stinging at the edges. "I had children and a wife who loved me. I love them."
"They were at the hotel next to Palmer Tech," Roy said after a long moment, sighing heavily. "I'm sure they'll leave. I'm sure Thea figured I'll come here. Felicity was going to take the kids to Central City. She'd been talking to Barry Allen."
Without another word, Oliver grabbed his coat and left. If he ever had a moment to try and make it work again, this was it.
. . .
"You won't see me as an equal." Felicity crossed her arms over her chest. "Every time Oliver, you promise me that we are, you swear you'll never lie to me again. How many times can we do this?"
Felicity had sent William and Laurel away with his sister. They were waiting in the car for her.
Oliver felt lost, like there was an insurmountable climb ahead of him, and he had none of the tools he needed. Part of him had figured that Felicity would never open the door to him, and then he never, ever figured that she would allow him to say anything. But she had, and it had occurred to him that none of the words he had were enough.
"You promised me." Felicity's eyes glistened with tears. "Oliver, we have two children who need us. You promised that you would never lie to me. I'm not mad that you hurt me, I'm mad that you lied to me about it."
"You were pregnant." Oliver pled, "Felicity, I was trying to protect you. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to scare you."
"Well, you hurt me anyways." Felicity said, her eyes colored with pain. "You hurt me, you hurt Thea, and you hurt William and Laurel. William is scared of you, Oliver."
Her words sliced clear through him like a knife. As much as he expected that it was the truth, it hurt to hear it.
"Let me make it right," Oliver begged her, "I'll give up the green arrow. I would give up everything to have you back."
He had made the vow at home over a bottle of vodka, but standing here, now sober as could be he knew that it was the truth. He could not be the arrow, not the way that he was now. He couldn't continue as the arrow and be a husband and father. He had seen what his nighttime activities did to William, and he couldn't do it to another child. He couldn't leave their future hanging in the balance.
Felicity didn't say anything. Oliver wondered if he had finally reached the point where she could forgive him no more. As much as he wouldn't blame her, he hoped that she could find it inside of her to give him another chance, because he would never forgive himself for losing her. He couldn't even fathom what it would be like to carry on with his life without Felicity. He didn't know how to not have his children in his life—he owed it to them to be a good father, and just needed a chance to make it right.
"Don't take her away from me." Oliver pled, getting down on his knees in front of her. "Felicity, I lost out on ten years of my son's life, don't let me lose Laurel, don't let me lose you. I love you."
There was a long, painful moment before Felicity spoke again. To him, it felt like the worst torture he had ever felt.
"Come in." Felicity said after a long moment, closing her eyes like she expected to regret the invitation. "Oliver…"
Felicity shook her head, finally opening her eyes and looking at him squarely.
"Every time, you have disappointed me. You have lied to me. Oliver, I spent my entire life being disappointed and lied to by my own father, you cannot do this any longer. You cannot do this to William and Laurel, or you will destroy them." Felicity looked him over. "What did the lies that your father and mother told you do to you and Thea? You can't do it to William and Laurel. They deserve better than we had."
Oliver scrubbed his hands through his hands, he knew that. He had said it to himself time and time again. Never did he want his children to question him the way he had his own parents.
"I want them to have a better life than that." Oliver told her, "I want to fix it, make things right for our family again. I will do whatever it takes."
Felicity looked at him, hesitation in her eyes, and he pressed forward.
"Can you forgive me?" Oliver asked, "Felicity, I will never forgive myself for what I did to you, but will you? Can you? Will you be my wife again?"
"I've spent a lifetime..." Felicity swallowed the tears that threatened to fall. "Oliver, I will always love you. I want William and Laurel to have a father but you can never, never lie to us, them again."
Felicity asked him again, "Are there any other secrets?"
"I swear." Oliver swore to her, "I will never, never keep anything from you again."
"Give me a minute." Felicity said, stepping away from him again and picking her phone up from the table.
It was a short conversation, but he heard her asking Thea to bring back William and Laurel.
As much as he wanted to hold, see his children, he needed to make things right. William walked right past him, but he took Laurel from Thea's arms. His sister didn't say a word to him, but he knew how she felt. He had seen the same look in her eyes when she looked at Malcolm. The look cut him deep, he had hurt her, and he didn't know how to repair the pain he'd caused her.
"Baby girl" He clung to her, holding her against his chest and feeling incredibly grateful to Felicity for allowing him to touch her again.
Oliver had a moment with her before he saw his sister turn away. There wasn't a chance, there was no way he could leave it like that. He handed Laurel to Felicity, and stopped Thea, grabbing her arm.
"Thea ."
"Don't you dare." Thea told him in a sharp tone. "Felicity may have forgiven you, but I am not forgiving him or you. He asked me to be his wife and he lied to me. You lied to me Ollie, just like Malcolm. I expected more from you."
"I asked him to. I begged him." Oliver said in a quiet voice, "Please don't blame Roy for that."
"Who should I blame?" Thea asked him, an accusing tone in her voice. "You? I'm already furious with you"
"Yes." Oliver told her. "Go back, talk to him please. Thea, Roy loves you. If you leave, it will break him."
"Not enough to tell me the truth. He didn't love me that much." Thea hesitated, "Not enough to not break my heart."
Thea walked toward the door and looked at Felicity.
"You don't need me anymore." She started, grabbing her jacket and walking out the door.
Oliver was at a loss. He was going to stop her again, but Felicity shook her head at him. He conceded to her.
"Felicity," Oliver took their daughter back from her, cringing as the door closed behind them. "Felicity, I will never be able to make up for what happened, for lying to you."
"Start now." Felicity took Laurel from Oliver's arms and gestured to the bedroom door. "Go talk to your son, Oliver."
Oliver hesitated at the door to the bedroom. He had rehearsed a list of things that he would say to Felicity, he had explained everything, told her all that he knew, and for some reason unbeknownst to him, she had chosen to forgive him.
He didn't know how to have this conversation with his son though. How did he explain his outbursts, what he had seen him do to Felicity?
"William?" He called through the door, knocking twice. "William, I'd really like to talk to you."
Oliver sighed as William ignored him and tried the door. It wouldn't open.
He looked back at Felicity, holding their daughter and shaking her head. She crossed the living room, and handed Laurel to him.
"William?" Felicity knocked. "I know you're upset, but you're dad and I need to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk to him." William called through the door. "I won't."
The remark cut him deep, and it wasn't until Felicity promised that only she would come in that William cracked the door open. Oliver turned away, and Felicity slipped into the bedroom. As the guilt sunk in, he held Laurel close.
"I'm sorry for everything I've done," Oliver whispered to her. "I'm sorry I hurt your mom and brother, and I swear it will never happen again."