Chapter 10

I'm relieved when Fraiser turns up just after that and insists Carter needs to rest. I'm not sure I feel any saner than I did before. It's like I'm powerless. Not in control.

I push back the hope. She must despise me. I know she didn't say that, but she must. Or she will. The suggestion that she might keep the baby is … She can't want that. I need to forget the possibility. Steel myself for the inevitable. Because hoping? That way lies disappointment.

On the way out, the doctor takes me aside. "By the way, Colonel, you're confined to base until I say otherwise. If you think you're going to have problems sleeping tonight, come to me and I'll give you a sedative. Understood?"

"Sure," I agree, but I really don't want one. One good thing about being in a base built to withstand a sustained attack - sleeping quarters are reasonably sound-proofed.

I go to the commissary and get a coffee, sitting with it in my hands until it's cold. Before I finish it, I'm summoned to Hammond. Not an interview I'm looking forward to.

He's on the phone, but gestures me to close the door and sit down.

When he hangs up, he turns his attention to me.

"I've just spoken to Major Carter. She seems remarkably well considering everything we've learned."

"Yes, Sir."

"And you?"

"I feel like I've wandered into one of those alternate universes Carter likes to talk about."

"Yes, well, I can see how that would be." His half-smile disappears.

"The fact remains, Colonel, that the Air Force must consider this whole situation to be extremely serious. An officer under your command has been seriously assaulted while off world, and to make matters worse, that assault was apparently carried out by her commanding officer. Anything you'd like to add?"

"I … Sir, I can't defend what happened. I can only say that I was under the influence of some sort of … I don't know, brainwashing? Hypnosis? I'm sure Carter can explain it better."

"I see. Major Carter is adamant that you are not guilty of an assault. I consider her opinion on the matter, given the circumstances, to be quite remarkable."

"She's a remarkable officer, Sir."

"And fortunately for you, Dr. Jackson's memories recovered during the regression correlate well enough with yours and Major Carter's to sway the balance of evidence."

"That doesn't change the basic situation, Sir. Carter was assaulted while under my command."

"Yes, Colonel. However, I don't believe that it's in anyone's interest for us to start assigning blame among the personnel of SG-1. There will be people enough ready to point fingers at both you and Major Carter. We both know that there are factions who will be happy to have both of you out of the programme and we can expect them to present the facts in the worst possible light."

"Yes, Sir."

"Politically, things are difficult at the moment. If we put a foot wrong, we could find responsibility for the SGC falling into hands that would make me … very uncomfortable. Putting aside your personal feelings on the matter, for the sake of the SGC, we need to consider methods of damage control."

Damage control? For crying out loud! I close my eyes for a second before answering.

"Sir, may I remind you that Major Carter is in the infirmary, pregnant as a result of an assault. We need to deal with those responsible."

"She told you, then?" His voice is softer, concerned.

"Yes, Sir."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I'll support whatever decision she makes. I told her that."

"I see. As to the matter of blame, I've already told you that Major Carter doesn't consider you culpable."

"Leaving me out of it for the moment, there's that group of satin-pyjamaed Deejin that I'd really like to do some pounding on."

"I'm going to assume that you don't mean that literally. What do you have in mind, Colonel?"

"Send me back there. I'll find out what the hell they thought they were doing."

"No, Colonel. While I can see some merit in sending another team, I do not believe that sending you, in your current emotional state, would be remotely helpful."

"But Sir, …"

"That decision has been made, Colonel. I asked for your input in minimising the damage to the SGC. If you don't have anything useful to offer, then I suggest you go and get on with your revised mission report for PX2-788!"

I'm angry, sure I am. But while I know he's making the wrong decision, I know he's right about the other problem.

"Well, Sir, there's one thing that might help. I could resign."

"I'll be honest, Colonel. I wasn't going to ask, but I was hoping you'd suggest that. I'd like to have your letter of resignation on my desk before the end of today. However, I'd ask you not to date it."

I didn't expect him to agree quite so easily. "Sir?"

"Colonel, the loss of your experience is not in the best interests of the SGC. However, it might be necessary in order to save the SGC and other of its key personnel from greater harm. I undertake not to use it unless I believe it is essential."

"Permission to speak freely, Sir."

"Granted. What's on your mind, Jack?"

"You can have the letter; I think you're going to need it. But, I'd like to ask a favour. I know I'm in no position, but …"

"Spit it out, Jack."

"Make sure Carter doesn't suffer from this. She's got her whole career ahead of her."

"An appropriate gesture from a commanding officer. However, I suspect it's more than that."

" If Dr. Fraiser briefed you, you already know that."

"Yes, she did. Why did you let it go so far, Jack? You could have had her reassigned to a different team."

"It not that simple, Sir, and you know it. Having her reassigned would have damaged her reputation, made it seem that I didn't trust her. And you know what the Air Force is like! There's always going to be someone who'll believe she's been sleeping her way to promotion." I don't add the rest – that I needed her with me - needed to take the same risks she did.

"And none of that would have been as potentially damaging as the current situation."

"Yes, Sir."

I feel all the indignation draining away because he's right. I should have done something long before now.

"For what it's worth, Colonel, I was already of a mind to do my best to protect Major Carter. However, you must understand that I can make no promises."

"I do, Sir. Thank you. You'll have that letter within the hour."

I go to find somewhere to write the letter and do the damn paperwork. Although the point of a new mission report when we've got three different regression records? Must be one of those Air Force mysteries that mere Colonels are unable to comprehend.

I haven't gotten far when Daniel yells at me from behind.

"Hold up, Jack."

I stop, but I really don't want to talk.

"How're you doing, Jack? Last I saw you, you were pretty upset."

"I'm still upset, Daniel, I'm just handling it a little better."

"Er, good? Have you seen Sam? Dr. Fraiser won't let me see her."

"Yes, I've seen her."

"And?"

"And she's doing ok."

"Now that's just the sort of thing Doctor Fraiser said. And you know what? It doesn't tell me a damn thing!"

"I know, Daniel."

"Look, Jack. I'm going crazy here. We were all locked up because Sam had been sexually assaulted during that mission and we were all implicated. I know I was unconscious for a good part of the time on the planet, so I don't know what happened to her, but I'm worried. Now I assume that since we're all walking around freely, they know we didn't do it, but it doesn't explain why she's in the infirmary."

"It's not my story to tell, Daniel. What happened to Carter was very personal. Look, you'll be able to see her soon. She's doing ok."

He takes a deep breath, knowing that I've said all I'm going to. "And you, Jack? You've got to know what my illusion was. What was your dearest wish? Was it having Charlie back?"

Now that he's asked the question, I feel a stab of guilt that that wasn't my dearest wish. Surely it should have been.

"No, Daniel, it wasn't. Look, Carter'll be fine. She'll want to talk to you once she's out of the infirmary. Just … be there for her. Ok?""

"Always, Jack. But …"

I hold up a hand. He shakes his head. I'd like to put him out of his misery, I really would, but it's for Carter to explain when she's ready.

"Where's Teal'c?"

"In my lab. I've been doing some research into the Deejin."

"Oh, don't tell me."

"Yes, Jack. I'm surprised you didn't see it for yourself. Just like the ancient Egyptian and Norse legends turn out to have a basis in history, it looks like other legends do too."

"Well, they did look oddly familiar."

"Jack, stories about djiin, granting of wishes, sound familiar?"

"Djiin?"

"Also known as genies. 'I am the genie of the lamp and I will grant you three wishes.' You know the sort of thing."

"Yes I do, Daniel. Well, good luck with the research. I've got a mission report and … other things to write."

I escape then. I need to be alone. I need to get off base. I need a beer. Or several. Several would be better.

I go down to the gateroom. I know it's over. Hammond just confirmed what I already knew. This place … this part of my life … is over. Carter's going to terminate the pregnancy. It's her only option. She's bright; she'll work it out. I promised Jacob I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise her career. Hell, I said I'd look after her, and I haven't done that. She needs to make the right decision, and to do that she needs me gone. And the rest doesn't matter. It's not like I'd be able to work with her again. Knowing what we shared was real, I can't go back. The dreams were bad enough. Keeping my hands in my pockets isn't enough any more. Maybe it never really was.