Chapter 10

Kate's father was standing, wide-eyed and face drawn, in front of the bathroom door when she opened it. She jumped upon registering his presence; he barely even twitched in return.

"Who was that?" he asked, his voice shaking.

She swallowed. "Rick."

"Who's Rick?"

"Umm … he's a friend."

"You told your friend I have cancer?"

Kate stood stock-still, barely daring to move. "I'm…" she mumbled. "Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Jim huffed and looked away, his line of sight directed towards the floor. "I'm not mad," he said. "But I never really thought … about the ramifications of this outside our family."

"Rick's a good guy," she hastened to say. "I promise he is."

"I'm not doubting that," her father answered slowly, "but Kate, you really gotta be careful who you tell. It's been you and me for so long, and now…"

"I'm twenty," Kate pointed out. "You don't have to worry about me."

"I just don't like the idea of leaving you alone in this world. There are so many people who aren't what they seem, Katie."

She bit into her bottom lip, careful not to think too much about the first statement. "I can take care of myself," she promised. "Besides, Rick would never do anything that he shouldn't. And it's not like I have either money or status to take advantage of—I'm just gonna be sailing under everyone's radar."

Her father laughed dryly. "You have much to learn about the world yet." And then he stood studying her intently, and Kate tried not to fidget under his penetrating gaze. He said next, "You have to go back to school."

Kate stiffened, bristling. "No, I don't."

"You must," her father answered indifferently.

"Why the hell should I?"

"Because I'll be dead in four months, but you have your future to think about."

Kate stared at Jim gormlessly, entirely at a loss as to how to reply.

And then, suddenly, the urge took over; the slap rang through the air before she had time to fully comprehend what she was doing.

"Don't say it!" she screamed, mortified by both his words and her reaction. She bit into the knuckles of her offending hand. Her cheeks burnt as heatedly as if he had slapped her. "You're not dead yet, Dad," she said, her voice cracking. "Don't say it. Don't make me think…"

And then the sobs came, and she succumbed to the comfort of her father's embrace for the second time that day—sinking against him as the weight of the world threatened to overwhelm her. That was it: She would be truly alone this time. There would not even be a parent to share the pain with in a few months' time—to either draw closer or push away despite a shared suffering—and Kate would have to find a place to stand on her own in this world.

-.-.-.-.-

"Dad," she murmured hours later, when they had finally settled down from the emotional turmoil, "how can you be so calm?"

Her father sighed as he turned his attention away from the comedic movie both of them decided to watch. "I have had two months to get used to it."

"Did you have," she began hesitantly, "as hard a time as I'm having, dealing with it?"

Her father chuckled. "Worse," he emphasized. "Haven't you noticed the vase on top of the dinner table is gone?"

Kate turned her head to look. "Oh, yeah," she muttered contemplatively. "I guess I wasn't paying attention." She had been trying very hard to distance herself from reality, after all.

"See that piece of cardboard covering the window?" Jim prompted, drawing her thoughts back.

"Yeah?"

"There's a hole in it—the window, I mean—because I may have put the vase through it."

"Dad!" Kate exclaimed, scandalized. "You didn't hit anyone, did you?"

"I wouldn't be looking so happy if I had, would I?" her dad questioned, and she giggled.

"No, I guess not."

Her dad grinned in return. "So, yeah, I guess I didn't deal with it very well—but what's done is done, and I can't just … keep looking back when I have only the present to look forward to. I don't have much left to leave behind, Katie—except you. If what time I have left is spent making sure you'll be okay after I pass away, then that'll only be my greatest wish granted."

She blinked back her tears. "I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I can be okay."

"That's why I want you to go back," he answered honestly. "You have a scholarship waiting for you, Katie. I don't have to worry about how you'll keep living your dreams because, as far as your first degree goes, you're covered—and that goes a long way. It—it makes me feel more secure, knowing that you'll be capable of providing for yourself to at least some extent."

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. She could see her father's reasoning now … but that did not mean she had to like it. She still loathed the idea of leaving him alone; or, even if she went back to school after his death, the idea of resuming normal life when he could no longer. So, she replied ambiguously, "I'll think about it, okay?"

"That's all I ask," Jim answered, noticeably relieved. "Now, tell me about university."

If she were to be honest, she was a far cry from being in the mood to discuss her tertiary institution. Just like she did not begrudge him the wish to have dinner at the table, though, she did not begrudge him this. Sinking further into the couch, she ignored the slapstick humour flashing across the television screen and started to tell him about Lanie the Sassy Girlfriend.