Okay so this is the LONGEST chapter i have ever written and may ever write. seriously it is like, thiiis close to being 12 f-ing pages long! i was like this will only be what 7 or 8 pages but DAMN! it just kept going! good news; you get a uber hefty, loaded with surprising goodness chapter. bad news; i may never be able to duplicate it... nevertheless i hope i make some people happy and for others i hope i have not just ruined your christmas.
on a related-ish note, the lastest chapter of Bleach( for those keeping up to date) made me squeal with glee, i was soo FREAKIN' happy! Add to that the recent discovery of an Aizen plush (Finally!) though not the correct size for my taste, it is shaping up to be an excellent holiday.
Do not own these two hotties therein and i do not take credit for the song Save me by Jem. it is an excellent song though.
Enjoy and oh! for everybody reading this and all who have reviewed, faved and alerted this (and me) i FREAKIN' LOVE YOU GUYS!!! seriously, you make me sooo happy! -Smile-
12/5/09
A week later
The day started out like any other day, which is to say the usual mundane routine spiced up by craziness only other worldly beings could cause.
Her cold had been banished a few days prior and she was back to herself, as normal as weird permitted. One thing not remedied however was her lovesickness and puppy dog dreams; she was still very much infatuated with a certain tattoo sporting, red headed, clueless Shinigami and it was beginning to grate at her.
She didn't know what to be more irritated with; the Shinigami or her immense desire to be with him. It was more than complicated, there were so many variables, most of which ended in failure on her part.
The fact that he was, by all rights and in technical terms 'dead' did not go by unnoticed; Nor did the moral implications of being 'involved' with a dead guy. But that aside there was still the feelings of the Shinigami himself and largely how he felt about her as compared to Rukia… a rather dismal path indeed.
Even getting past that and in the event that, in the event he reciprocated and she was fine with being intimate with a technical modern day zombie, there were still problems to be had for sure.
He would still be a Shinigami and she would not want for him to give that up simply for her sake or the convenience of not having to live and travel between two worlds.
On top of that the situation here at home would be altered and she was pretty sure the Sexta would have a major problem with it, despite what he felt for her (which in her mind was still confusingly vague). For someone so easily riled and spiteful towards soul reapers, he was sure to have input on the subject and it was sure to be hateful and unhelpful.
It was all so frustrating and definitely not good for her health, both mental and physical.
Nevertheless she tried to remain neutrally upbeat and be glad that he was here, even if not in the way she wanted.
To help herself in this endeavor she decided to go to YouTube and look up cute videos of animals! After all who could resist impossibly adorable animals doing unspeakably adorable things?
She started off with the surprised kitty that seemed so popular as of late and could definitely see the fame; it was so damn adorable! In one part it looked like it was doing jazz hands, so freakin' cute! The only thing she regretted was that the video was so short, a mere seventeen seconds. To make up for this fact she watched it about a dozen and one times, just for good measure.
Afterwards, at the suggestion of YouTube, she watched her previous favorite kitty video which showed two kittens fighting when a third kitten comes up and proceeds to throw up, causing the other two kittens to stop fighting and watch it do so. Normally this would seem gross and incredibly mean in some way but for whatever reason Suzu laughed herself to the point of tears and then proceeded to watch it again, much to the same result.
Many a cat video followed from there, some with cats going bonkers randomly, one with a kitten batting at the air from a fan, and mainly just kitties being their selves; adorable.
From that came adorable puppies, to other domestic pets, to drunken squirrels, till finally she reached the more exotic animals.
She loved red pandas and secretly wished she could have one, but watching videos of them would have to do. She watched several videos of the rambunctious furry critters only wanting them that much more, but then through that came regular black and white ones; giant pandas.
There was a newer video of a popular panda cub, now grown some from before, getting another check up and boy was he ever cute! He was definitely bigger than before; apparently pandas grew quickly. But he was so soft looking and cuddly! And the little noises he made were irresistible making her go 'aww'.
"What are you squealing about woman?" Grimmjow was standing behind her, a less than pleased look on his face.
She saw him and began squealing anew. "Lookit Grimmjow! Isn't it ADORABLE?!" she positively beamed with her giddiness but Grimmjow remained as usual.
He said nothing but cringed internally as the girl's voice rose to an even shriller degree. He didn't see how she could be so absorbed in something so revolting.
Though if given thought he supposed this was better than her shrieking over the Shinigami scum.
"Oh Renji, Look!" speaking of which…the Sexta sneered unhappily.
She showed the soul reaper the cuteness she had found and he likewise didn't get it. Seeing the arrancar standing there glaring he glared back equally. At the very least they had that much in common, level in their distrust and disgust of one another.
Realizing their attention was drawn elsewhere, Suzu sighed and gave up. She needed a squirt bottle filled with water to spray them with when they got like this. Hell maybe filled with hot sauce…
Shutting down her computer she went to her room, putting it away and when she came back downstairs they were still locked in place. They probably hadn't even noticed her departure or her return as she walked passed them to sit on the couch and watch some TV.
Soon her irritation with the boys melted and she was laughing along with the show. By the time Renji came over to sit next to her, she had all but forgotten about them and their petty squabbles.
Apparently they had given up, both tired and annoyed to the point they couldn't stand to look at one another anymore. Grimmjow disappeared and Renji and Suzu got to spend some quality time together (in Suzu's mind.)
Actually as she sat there, watching him from the corner of her eye, she couldn't help but wonder if he ever got homesick or missed the soul society. She remembered back when her mom was alive that she would often get homesick if she were away for an extended period of time, like if something came up in school, like a class trip. Every time that happened she missed her mom and would give her a big hug when she got back.
She wondered if he was the same and ventured her query out in the open.
"Renji, do you ever regret being here?"She said randomly.
Caught off guard he didn't know how to respond properly. "Uh…"
"What I mean is do you ever miss your home? Do you miss the soul society?"
He thought about it for a bit, glancing at the girl as she appeared uncertain; this meant a lot to her he figured. He decided being honest was the right thing to do so he told her.
"Well, sure." At her saddened expression, he rethought his next choice of words.
"I mean there are certain things I do miss about the soul society…" here he paused a breath, then pushed on. "But there are things that I don't as well."
"Like what?" she asked interested.
"Well, like paperwork for instance. I definitely don't miss that." She chuckled and he went on.
"And getting drug off to do stuff when I have no business or interest in being there in the first place." He thought of having to do calligraphy, flower arrangement, tea ceremonies and other odd things people had forced him into.
"And then there are the times when I have absolutely nothing to do."
"Oh?" she said. "You have down time?"
"Yah and it gets boring and so dull. Usually though in those instances I go train or fight someone who is also free." He left out the part where he would go drinking with Matsumoto, Izuru, and whoever else she had swindled into partying with her.
"Oh. Well that doesn't sound so bad." Though that got her thinking…
"It's not boring here, is it?" her heart was pounding, waiting for his answer. She hoped he liked it here. Whether that was because of selfish desires or genuine concern, she still wanted to know.
He smirked much to her relief. "Are ya' kidding me? Babysitting an arrancar, being in the human world, getting to mess with that carrot top Ichigo…what's not to like?"
She smiled, very much relieved though she did notice how he left her out of that list. Up till now she had contented herself with the fact that he was here in the first place, that she could see him every day. Even live under the same roof as he. But right now, more than anything, she wanted to tell him what she felt for him and find out if he felt the same.
"Renji" she began, nervous. "There's something I—"there was a sudden knock on the front door, interrupting her.
Curious she got up and answered the door, seeing a girl with a worried look on her face.
"Hello?" she started but was soon cut off. "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you but I'm looking for my dog, I can't find him anywhere and I'm getting really worried."
"Oh! Um, I'm sorry, I don't think I've seen any dog." She replied now suddenly feeling bad for the girl as her face immediately fell.
"I see…thanks anyway." She said and turned to leave, but Suzu called out to her.
"Wait! I can help you look for him." said Suzu. "The more people there are searching the better chance of finding him, right?"
"Really!?" she said her face brightened. "That would be great!"
"Sure." Suzu said. "Just let me put my shoes on and I'll join you."
Suzu put her shoes on and got ready to leave when Renji stopped her. "Hey…"
She turned to face him. "I'll be right back, I promise."
"Shouldn't I come too?"
"No, you stay here." She told him. "It's no big deal; we'll just go around the blocks. Plus it would be easier if I went alone. Then you don't have drag Grimmjow with us. I'm sure he would be less than thrilled."
"Yeah." She had a point. He released her and waving goodbye she closed the door to join the taller girl. She had been waiting with her back turned but asked, "Who were you just talking to?"
"Oh! Uh…" quickly she fumbled for an excuse.
"No one." She said. "I was talking to myself. Heh." She sheepishly scratched the back of her head and then said, "Shall we?"
They started walking up the street. "I'm Suzu by the way."
"Taki." The other girl replied.
"Nice to meet you." Said Suzu.
A few moments of silence ensued as they kept a look out for any strays.
"Thanks again for this. I appreciate it." Taki said.
"Sure thing; I have a couple pets of my own, so I understand."
Slowly as they walked, they got to know each other a bit better. Taki had actually been living in town for a few months now. She lived not far from Suzu. She unlike Suzu had a family, with a brother, her mom and dad; and of course their dog Tama.
Taki was several inches taller than Suzu and had short black hair done in a cute bob, longer in the front than in the back. Suzu's brown hair was much longer, closer to her shoulder blades. Their eyes were also a bit different; where Suzu's were a combination of blue and green, Taki had pure olive.
All in all she was a very pretty girl and had a bigger bust from what Suzu observed.
They searched for what seemed forever and yet came up empty handed, making Taki just a little more than freaked out.
When she started having a mini panic attack Suzu tried calming her down. But all her reasoning fell on scared ears. So thinking of what calmed her down, she did what came natural in stressful situations.
'I've gotta stop my mind
Working overtime
It's driving me insane.
It will not let me live
always so negative
it's become my enemy.
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh
Why would I think such things?
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
gaining momentum fast.
One minute I am fine
the next I've lost my mind
to a fake fantasy.'
As she sang, the melody filled her and Taki, slowly easing her fears. As odd as it seemed, it did the trick, and both before long were jamming to the invisible tune.
'And none of these
Thoughts are real
So why is it that I feel
So cut up and so bad
I need to take control
Coz my mind is on a roll
And it isn't listening to me
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh
(thinking and thinking)
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh
(thinking and thinking)'
The thing was it worked on a couple levels, not only for Taki and her lost dog but for Suzu and her lost courage. She was so close to telling Renji how she really felt and part of her was still scared of rejection. As she sang she thought about him and hoped she would be strong enough to confess to him her feelings.
'Mirror mirror on the wall
who's the dumbest of them all?
Insecurities keep growing
wasted energies are flowing.
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second.
Be aware it's just your mind
and you can stop it anytime.'
By now they had traveled a much further distance and had gone out of their block and those surrounding. The sun was just beginning to lower in the sky.
'Ok so here we go
If it works I'll let you know
One two three I say stop.'
Just then a squeal released itself from Taki's vicinity and a bark responded in kind. Smiling Suzu watched as the pair reunited, Taki happily clutched him to her person as Tama slathered her in kisses.
Suzu very much a fan of happy endings was glad for the both of them. Shortly they headed back and by the time Suzu was saying her goodbyes to her newfound friends, the sun had almost set.
She made it back to her home just as the last vestiges of sunlight were streaking the sky. As she approached the door, Renji came out to meet her.
"Suzu…"
"Oh, hey; sorry we took a little longer than I planned. But good news is we found the dog!"
"Yeah?" he said. "That's good. I was starting to wonder where you were."
To this she blushed and then averted her gaze to the pretty sky. They stood both watching it for a time, though in truth her mind was only half concentrated. She kept thinking about her resolve to tell him the truth. If she didn't do it now, then she never would.
She secretly watched him for a little while longer than turning to him said "Hey, Renji?"
He turned to look at her, so she continued. "There's something…I want to tell you something."
She tried to find the words for it, to accurately describe what she felt, how she cared for him. Her hands were shaking so she fisted them at her side, but her heart wouldn't stop hammering.
"I'm—not sure how to say this, so this may be rocky but I have to tell you."
Here she took a big breath and then letting it out "Renji, I like—""Rukia" he said looking over her head.
"Huh?"
She turned to see his line of sight and coming towards them was the female soul reaper, dressed as he in her shihakusho. She appeared serious and in a rush.
"Rukia" he said again, "What's up—""Renji the head captain has asked for you to come back to the soul society. He says there's something important."
"Oh?" he seemed confused but after a moment he reluctantly agreed. "Alright" he said.
They began walking off, but Renji stopped abruptly. He glanced towards Suzu and asked "What about the arrancar?"
Rukia seemed to know he would ask replying "The head captain said not to worry, that would be taken care of. He just wanted you to come back as quickly as possible."
He nodded in acceptance and without a second glance they both went into what looked like a shoji screen door, disappearing.
Suzu stood there, as if in shock. Her mind was trying to comprehend what her eyes knew to be true.
After a minute, she went back inside; the sun had finally set and there was a chill to the air. She closed the door and removed her shoes, all with a quiet solemnity completely removed from the person she had been twenty minutes prior.
The animals she knew hadn't been fed, so before she could slink off up to her bedroom she did so, all the while her insides were numb.
Finally reaching her bedroom, she stood and stared, unseeingly at her belongings; her desk, her chair, her stuff. Then suddenly her legs gave way and she crumpled to the ground, leaning against her bed. It was as if gravity had had been turned off and abruptly returned, giving her back all her lost emotions.
She cried. Whatever had been preventing it from before disappeared and the flood gates opened. Her mind swirled, latching on to the scene that made her heart ache and body tremble.
He left.
He had left. And what's more than that he hadn't said a word to her; He didn't even say goodbye! The knowledge that he had gone off with Rukia was upsetting and she wouldn't lie to herself that that hadn't hurt. But the fact that he didn't say anything to her; she just couldn't take it.
They had both been living here with her for the better half of six months and she considered them family, even if they didn't see it that way. True she felt something for him, but that didn't make him any less a part of her family. To be able to live with anyone for that long a timeframe and then say nothing; how could he be so heartless.
While she cried a presence came in behind her. He watched for a moment more and then decided enough was enough.
"Woman" He stated.
She turned around with a startled gasp, choking back her tears. Slowly, shakily she got up, standing.
"Grim-Grimmjow" she said. "Uh, what's…up?" she tried, wiping at her eyes. She knew it was a pathetic attempt and before long she lowered her eyes to the floor, not wanting to see him.
They stood feet apart for some time and neither said a word. Finally she couldn't take the silence.
"Say something." She said then lifted her eyes once more. He stood unmoving, just staring.
"He's gone." She said. "I bet you knew that already…" she inhaled shakily, as more tears sprang forth and fell.
Another moment passed. "Do something" she said."Just please, don't stand there and—"
It was then, Grimmjow strolled forward and taking one hand from its place in his pocket, leaned down and kissed her, his hand on her shoulder, silencing her. Suzu's eyes widened and she went rigid in place. After a minute he released her, enabling her to look up at him in astonishment.
She was so confused. However that didn't stop the tears, as moments later she hiccupped and latched her arms around the panther, crying into him.
Now it was the Sexta's turn to be uncomfortable, as he stiffened not because of her grasp but her near constant stream of tears. He hated that and told her so.
"Stop crying; it's annoying."
She sniffled but released him, albeit reluctant. Now her eyes were red and puffy. Grimmjow sneered and then moved in for another kiss, in which she relented. Through their locked lips, he managed to move her down onto the bed. She lay flat on her back as he leaned over her, one hand over her waist resting on the mattress. Once they parted again, he watched as she slowly opened her eyes. She seemed a bit confused how they ended up as they were now. She also looked nervous.
"Grimmjow?" she said, a bit shaky. "I—"not giving her time to protest, he kissed her again, while his immobile hand began to roam. He smoothed over her clothed person, moving until he had successfully unbuttoned her shirt to fondle a breast through her bra. It was then she stopped him, grabbing his hand and pulling away from his kiss.
"Grimmjow" now she looked scared. Her hand shook where she held him. "I—I haven't done this, before…" she didn't meet his eyes, but it was obvious what she was feeling.
He stopped but scoffed. "Che, I know that." When she looked up hastily, he went on.
"If you had, we woulda done this a long time ago." He smirked, but she wasn't sure how that was supposed to make her feel. Certainly not better she decided. Regardless he got up so as to remove his jacket and footwear, before coming back to the bed, to lie on top of her.
For some reason instead of feeling frightened as she would have suspected, a flutter of something else went through her. She could feel his muscles on her bared stomach and see the perfection of his torso. She had to admit that what she was seeing she liked and as his hands smoothed over her ribcage, her stomach did a flip.
He brought her up to him, lifting her slightly from the bed to kiss her again and when he laid her back down her shirt was off and she soon discovered he had removed her bra as well. Before she could think to freak and cover it she had encompassed one breast in his mouth. It felt amazing to Suzu, completely marvelous and as she watched him curiously as he sucked, she felt a sudden wetness below. Something about watching him do that to her was surprisingly sexy and when his blue eyes looked up at her it was tantalizing. She had to kiss him, placing her hands on either side of his face. Even with the mask, she didn't care.
He moved down her neck, biting it and licking his way down. He made a repeat performance of suckling a breast while the other hand went lower south. He had reached the button on her pants and swiftly undoing that, he reached inside to cup her warmth.
This startled her and she twitched, unused to this kind of contact. She wasn't sure what to do or how to feel but there was no doubt now that she was turned on; she was far too wet for anything else, embarrassingly. He removed his hand and she looked to him uncertain.
"These" he said "are in the way." He began easing them down, until they came off. She was almost completely naked and now the fear was starting to creep back in.
Grimmjow meanwhile was looking to her door, seeing it partially closed. He narrowed his eyes, remembering the last time they were 'alone' and picking up a sandal flung it at the door, shutting it.
No mongrel was going to interrupt them this time.
When he turned back to the girl she looked downright terrified. His eyes squinted in perception of this as he moved over her, completely dwarfing her and shielding her sight from his hand's movement as he released his strained organ, lowering his hakamas a tad. Then he slid her panties down and staring into her doe eyes, kissed her while his appendage found her opening. He slid in testing it and preparing himself for the tight passage.
All the while Suzu could feel him and her heart raced; it thudded painfully inside her, fear enveloping her in its dark embrace. One of his hands played with her nipple, making her momentarily forget her fear. While at that his mouth moved to the column of her neck.
Figuring he had spared her enough time, in one swift movement he plunged inward, at the same time he bit her neck and his hand grasped her bosom. She made a strangled noise, like a gasp and groan all in one, more tears leaking from her swollen eyes.
It hurt. There was no doubt about that. Even with his attempted distraction she could feel it. She squeezed her eyes closed, and tried to take in some air, but the pain was unavoidable. It was like she was about to be torn asunder. She wished to screamed, clawing at his back.
"Woman" Grimmjow's voice reached past her pain and she opened her eyes meekly. He knew she was hurting and he almost wished he could have been more gentle but what was done was done. Not able to look at her pained expression, he kissed her and the hand on her breast started moving again, lightly caressing her, then switching to the other. After some time, his gentle strokes and kisses began working. The pain became almost bearable.
It was then he moved and taking his time he brought her out of her misery. She began to moan instead of groan and started calling his name, to which he grinned and picked up the pace. Shortly her pain was forgotten entirely and a new sensation took over. It was like a crashing wave inside her and without knowing it she had her first climax, screaming her release. He continued for a while longer till he cursed and tensed, satisfied himself, for the time being he thought.
She lay exhausted and oddly her eyes would not keep from closing, like weights pressed on them. She soon fell asleep, unaware of the panther's eyes still upon her.
Suzu had no idea how long she had been out but without knowing why she awoke with a jerk. Apparently it hadn't been too long since it was still dark outside. She looked beside her but Grimmjow was nowhere to be found. This knowledge made her heart lurch in her chest and she sat up. She could hear something downstairs and thought maybe he was down there. Realizing her state of undress she grabbed a robe from her closet and slipped it on heading downstairs.
She got about half way when she heard a familiar voice followed by another. Rushing down, she found Grimmjow and with a start "Renji!"
He was back! She was happy for a moment but there was sinking feeling she just couldn't shake. The boys saw her but like always were in a standstill. The only difference was Grimmjow was grinning; a fact that Suzu neglected to see.
"Renji!" she began. "You're back! How come—""Suzu what are you wearing?" he said.
She stopped and then blushed; she was in nothing but a thin and most likely see through robe. Of course, what was she thinking?
Before she could try and reason why she was, Renji noted something else and his eyes narrowed, darkening.
"What's that?" his voice was much lower and to Suzu a bit frightening.
She saw where his eyes were glued and remembered; Grimmjow. She slapped her hand over the bruise on her neck. "Renji, we—"
"We had sex." said the Sexta, quite pleased and matter of fact.
Suzu gasped turning to him before turning back to Renji. Her mouth opened and then closed; he was right and she couldn't argue with the truth, her eyes lowering.
Awkward silence descended and then the soul reaper spoke, an edge to his voice unlike before.
"I came back because I was informed I no longer have a duty to perform here. The soul society and its head captain have decreed that the arrancar in question is no longer seen as a potential threat to the human world or to the soul society."
Grimmjow's smirk faltered but Suzu was too stunned to say anything.
"Also I have been ordered to go back to the soul society, as of today, so I will be leaving."
"What!?" Suzu couldn't believe it; he had to go back? But he just got here.
He turned to go but Suzu grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Renji, you can't—"the look he gave her stopped her cold; she had never seen a look like that on his face.
She let go of him and he continued for the door, but she ran after him.
"Please Renji! Don't!" by the time he made it to the door she was right on his heels.
"Renji, I LIKE you!" she yelled, closing her eyes. When she opened them, he was gone.
She stood at the open doorway, her hand clenching over her shattered heart.