For You I Will

Chapter 9: Motoko

"You made me like this Naru Narusegawa. You are the very reason I became what I am now. So don't ever tell me that I changed because you were the one who changed me. You were the one who made me like this. But then again, I'll have to thank you, because if not for you, I would still be the same old worthless stupid guy you used to fool. Thank you for making me realize what a foolish mistake it was to fall in love with you." He finally stated, and then he left her all alone there, still crying on her bended knees.

His words lingered inside her head, they keep repeating inside her clouded mind and all she could do is cry as she watches him walk away from her.

How could this happen to them?

How could these things happen to her when all she did was just to set him free for him to be happy even though it means letting him go?

And how could he not understand that what she did was for his own sake and happiness?

How could he not feel her love?

Narusegawa (POV)

I thought setting him free was the best thing to do, I thought it would be best for the two of us, but why do these things happen to me now?

How can he not understand that I did those things for him, I sacrificed my happiness for him, and I set him free… because I thought he wanted another, I thought he wanted to be with Mutsumi. And even though it hurt me so much, I decided to let him go… if it would mean his happiness and not mine, that's just fine with me.

I loved him so much that I did not mind my own self. I loved him so much that I surrendered my own happiness for his own.

I did everything just to make him happy, even though he's not with me.

How could he not understand why I did that?

And…

Was I really right to set him free?

Was my decision right when I let him go just because I thought he loved Mutsumi and not me?

He was right I guess, I was the one who changed him, it was my entire fault that he's changed, and he became indifferent and cold all because of me. It was my fault that he's not the same old man that we loved and cared for before.

I loved and cared for him so much before, he might not have noticed it, he might not have felt it but I cared for him so much. I have to admit, I was pretending not to care about him that much before, and I was pretending not to love him as much, because I was a big fool as well. I should have shown him how much I loved him. I should have shown him how much I cared. I've always hurt him, whenever I feel jealous, I would punch him and say rude words to him—I've always treated him like that. I didn't mean to do those things to him though. I didn't mean to hurt him physically and emotionally, what I always wanted was to just show him how much I loved him, but I never had the courage to show him that, for I was nothing but a coward.

If only I was courageous enough to let him know how much he meant to me.

If only I had enough guts to let him know how much I cared.

If only I wasn't a fool to always hurt him,

…if only.

But these 'if only-s' can do nothing now, it can't bring me back to those times when Keitaro was still the same, it can't make every single thing that had happened vanish in just a second. These regrets of mine can do nothing but hurt me more, they would just only make me realize what a big jerk I was to let him go just because I thought he would be better off without me.

I thought he would be happier once I set him free, but I thought wrong. I just hurt him more. I made him go through much pain and suffering.

And now, he's getting his revenge.

I tried to make him stop, but I couldn't… his mind is closed and his heart is closed as well.

I tried to tell him that I didn't fool him, that I didn't mean to hurt him, but he wouldn't listen, I wanted to explain everything, every single detail, but he wouldn't hear me. My words couldn't reach his heart.

I guess, letting him go wasn't the best decision for us, it was the biggest mistake I did, and the biggest risk I took, yet… it did me no good at all.

END OF POV

"Naru…"

A voice interrupted her thoughts, she slowly looked up to see who it was, "M-Motoko… why are you here, w-were you here all the while?"

"I was here all the while, sorry… I didn't mean to hear your conversation with Urashima. I'm very sorry…" She mumbled, her ever so strong facial expression and character can't be seen at that moment. She heard it all, she heard every single thing and she saw how cruel Keitaro was to Narusegawa.

Narusegawa tried to smile as she wiped away her tears, "It's okay Motoko… I know you didn't mean to."

Silence reigned.

Narusegawa broke the silence, "I just hope that what you saw and heard would not reach the others, please just keep it a secret… I don't want them to know about this. I'm asking you Motoko-chan, please keep this as our secret."

Motoko nodded, "I will keep this a secret, you can count on me."

Narusegawa smiled, "Thank you, Motoko. Thank you very much."

Motoko smiled timidly, "Can I just ask… you a question?"

"Yes, of course, what is it?"

"W-Why did you… leave Urashima before? W-What's your reason for ending your relationship with him before?"

She didn't answer, instead she just bowed hear head to avoid Motoko's eyes.

"It's okay if you don't want to answer, I'm sorry for asking you this very personal question. I will just go up and—"

"It's all because, I was a fool, a coward fool. I thought setting him free was the best thing to do, because I thought he's in love with Mutsumi and I didn't want to make it hard for him. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, for I thought that he wouldn't be happy with me as his girlfriend. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted him to live a happy life, and I thought his happiness would mean without me by his side. So… I set him free, I finally let him go, even though it caused me so much pain, I decided to end our relationship. But now, it turns out that I thought wrong all along. It didn't do him any good, it just made him revengeful, I made him a bitter person. It was all because of me that he's not the same… it was all because of me, that he's not the same old Keitaro Urashima that we used to know." And with that, all her tears fell at once, again.

"Naru-chan…" Motoko couldn't think of anything to say, she can't think of any comforting words to say just to make her stop crying, all she could do is to stare at her, as she continues to cry, on the floor.

"It was my entire fault Motoko… it's all because of my damn pride, it was all because of my stupidity. I'm sorry, sorry if I made Keitaro a different person. Please forgive me…" She mumbled as the tears kept on falling down from her mournful eyes.

"Don't blame yourself… it wasn't your fault, you just wanted him to become happy. I know it wasn't your fault, Narusegawa. You just wanted Urashima to be totally happy that's why you set him free. I believe you Naru-chan… don't blame it all on yourself." These were the only words Motoko could say, she couldn't think of anything, any more comforting words to say so that she could make Narusegawa stop crying. All she could do is to gaze at her as she continues to cry. It's a painful scene for her, to watch someone shed tears for an unworthy person. Indeed for her, Keitaro Urashima is the most worthless person she has ever met.

Motoko (POV)

How could that coward stupid perverted unworthy bastard do this to Narusegawa?

How could that dumb Keitaro Urashima hurt Narusegawa this badly?

That jerk… I would make him pay for this, he should pay for this.

He's just like all the other men in this insane world, he's worthless, he's dumb, he's the biggest jerk I have ever known and plus, he's also a pervert.

But…

I have to admit, I did have some sort of feelings for him before, and I still couldn't say whether it was love or if it was just a plain crush, all I could say is that he made a huge impact on my life. Never did it come to me before that a guy could make me blush, that a guy could make me lose my strength and that a guy could make my heart beat so fast.

But now… I'm regretting that I ever felt those stupid feelings for him. I should have stopped those emotions from taking place inside my supposed to be closed heart. I shouldn't have let myself fall in love with that jerk.

W-Wait!

F-Fall in l-love?

Did I just say fall in l-love?

No! I didn't just say that.

Or maybe… I did.

I guess I did love him, did love, yeah, it's all a part of the past, years have passed, these feelings are long gone—long gone.

Besides, he's not the same old guy I used to have those feelings for. He is a changed man and because of that, I don't love him anymore.

Nevertheless… I'd have to admit, I do miss the old him, even the accidentally perverted and ever so clumsy side of him, and I miss the times when he was still sweet and caring. I just don't understand why he has to change just because he wants revenge. I don't get it… why does he have to be a different person just because he wants to hurt Narusegawa?

I don't know if I should hate him, if I should despise him for doing all of these things, maybe I should know what he's really up to. Maybe I should know what he really wants, so that everything would be clearer for me.

END OF POV

Narusegawa suspended her thoughts, "Motoko-chan… I'll just go up to my room, thank you for listening and I hope this would just be between you and me. Thank you so much for being there… and good night, Motoko."

Motoko smiled, "Good night, Naru-chan, please sleep well…"and mumbled.

Narusegawa left her all alone there, still with her thoughts left hanging. She decided not to sleep yet, so she went up the roof to breathe some fresh air, to her surprise someone is already there, yet she just continued on walking and finally sat quietly without minding the person lying next to her.

Silence.

Deep silence.

Deafening silence.

He stood up, and was about to leave and walk away.

"Urashima." She called.

He did not mind her.

"I need to talk to you."

"There's nothing we should talk about, I'm tired and I need to get some rest."

She stood up and faced him, "What's your problem?"

He glared, "I don't think I have one, maybe it's you with the problem here."

"Stop being all so sarcastic with me Urashima Keitaro, your sarcasm won't affect me. Quit acting like you are a different person now because it won't affect me, I still think you're that same old perverted and brainless guy, so stop acting like you can intimidate me."

"Think what you want to Aoyama, I don't give a damn." He said and then he turned his back on her.

"Alright, now I think you are just a coward jerk who wants to get his revenge just because the girl he loved hurt him so much before."

"You don't know anything Motoko."

"I do know what you're doing, I know what you want Urashima, you just want to get even with Narusegawa that's why you're acting like a big jerk trying to hurt every one here in the Hinata Inn. You just want to avenge that darn ego of yours that's why you are doing all of these things."

"Stop acting like you know it all, you don't know a single thing Motoko, you may be correct on what you said that I do want revenge. I want to avenge myself from all of you who thought you could just hurt me like before, I want to prove to all of you that the new Keitaro Urashima wouldn't let any one of you ever lay a hand on me and hurt me again—not ever again." He stated, anger and hate evident on his words and his eyes looked so vengeful, like the eyes of a tiger who eagerly wants to eat his prey for lunch.

"You succeeded on hurting Narusegawa and Shinobu, aren't you happy now? You already succeeded, now we can't even find Shinobu and Narusegawa is badly hurt because of what you're doing to her. Aren't you happy? Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, that's what I wanted, but that's not enough, I want more of it. So I'll tell you now, no one can ever make me stop Motoko, no one can ever affect me now, cause I'm not the same old guy you all think I am." He finally said then he turned his back and walked away from her.

"You're not going to be happy Keitaro Urashima, you may succeed on hurting all the people you want to hurt, but you won't be happy—you are never going to be happy, I swear." She uttered these words before Keitaro finally walked away from her.