trigger warning:mentions of rape and self harm

Nicos POV

My father woke me up super early and drug me out of the house to have a private breakfast with him. I made sure to wake up early enough to put a small moment of makeup on before we left, my father has been good in front of other people, but I still wanted to push it just Incase he still wasn't ok with it. I wanted to know for sure. Yeah, he bought me makeup, he's been ok with me wearing it, but it's because people are around. I would like to see how he reacts alone.

We get to the IHOP and we order our breakfast, my father is fidgeting as if he is nervous. Was it me making him nervous or something else?

"Nico, how would you feel about living off campus. Like a few blocks from the school." That question threw me for a loop.

"Ummm that would be better than the dorms I guess? Why?"

"Well, I got a phone call from the school, they no longer want you and Will sharing a dorm room anymore. I know that you wouldn't want to share with anyone else so I'm offering to get you and Will an apartment a block away from the school, his father has been informed and is on board if you both are." My head was spinning, what?!

"Why? What happened?"

"I was informed that a boy named Leo Valdez blew the whistle on your... relationship... to the headmaster. Policy states that of two students are in a relationship they cannot room together." I love how my father still can't tell of Will and I are dating... never mind I still can't really tell yet either. Sure he has been knee deep in me the whole break, but that doesn't mean shit. Will talks about it like we are dating, calls me his boyfriend, does and says all the right things, even told me he loved me, but I can't trust it until we are back at school.

"Damn, Ok. Well I'll ask Will if he is ok with it." I took a bite of my pancakes delicately as not to smear my new liquid lip I got for Christmas.

"William already knows, his father told him last night and he's on board. I just wanted to talk to you away from him Incase you weren't. You go back in four days and I can have all your things brought to the new apartment by then. Apollo is in town now awaiting my text. He is going to have everything set up for you two before you go back. The money I save on dorm costs and mess hall we will just put into the apartment and an expense account for you two. If you both want to stay the summer out there just let us know a month before school ends and I'll renew the lease." Sipping his coffee he was super calm about this whole situation.

"That's great, wow thank you."

"Now ummm... did you want one bedroom or two? "

"What did Will say?"

"He said whatever you wanted, that he would be just fine with one bedroom. But if you wanted your own space he would understand."

Will, always trying to make people comfortable.

"One is fine, king bed please." He picked his phone up and started typing rapidly to Wills dad.

My father just encouraged me to move in with my boyfriend, offered to pay for it, hasn't said a word about the full face of makeup I'm wearing... this was brand new territory. It's like I don't even know him anymore. Sure I loved it, but how long would it last?

"Would you like to tell me why this boy ratted you two out?"

Fuck!

I really didn't want to tell him. I wasn't ready to. I shook my head and kept my eyes down. Nodding he continued on with breakfast.

"Dad, are you ok with all this?" I don't know why I asked that! It flew out of my mouth before I could catch it.

"I'm not sure exactly what you are asking me." He motioned to the waitress for a new coffee and turned his attention back to me.

"The make up, me being gay, Will being my boyfriend, that we are having sex." Might as well get it over with. Truth be told I wanted to know, wanted to hear him say it either way. Dancing in this middle ground was killing me.

"Nico I've know you were gay since you were five, I got over that a long time ago. The makeup... that was harder. My girlfriend has softened me to the idea as well as William. He showed me pictures of you at school and you look so happy, I haven't seen you that happy around me in years. With the Christmas party as an exception because you were in your makeup. This visit has made me so happy, just seeing you this way. You don't walk around like you have this weight on your shoulders anymore. William has lit something inside you, if letting you move in with him keeps you happy then that's what I'll do. As for you two having sex, as long as it's consensual then it's none of my business. Your sex life is your sex life. Personally I feel like I know to much about it already." At that he downed the last of his coffee before the lady poured him a new cup.

"What's that mean?" I took a sip of my juice, how much does he know? What does he know?

"Besides the obvious? You and William are not what I would call quiet. Not to mention we have cameras all over the common areas of the house, so reviewing that footage was surprising to say the least. Since we are heading down this to much information highway, you have your mothers sex drive and passion." Dad seriously what the fuck!

"Not to mention the reports from school. Before William. Rumors fly in schools and I've had quarterly meetings with your guidance counselor since you were 12. He informed me that you got around. I wasn't crazy to hear that, but you have William now. You need to keep him if you can, he's a good boy and loves you very much. Cares about you deeply. Your counselor told me that he felt you had a secret, that he couldn't quite figure out what it was. I assumed it was your stepmother, Hazels mother. I thought that was what you were hiding, but I personally feel it's more than that and I hope that one day you will tell me." Emotion laced thick in his throat as he said the end. Paying the check we got up and walked to the car. My dad knows, but he doesn't know. He has taken all these steps to accept me for who I am, even though he doesn't understand it fully.

It was time.

We got to the car and before he could start the engine I took his hand in mine and looked at him eye to eye. Squeezing his hand I let it go and started removing my bracelets. My heart rate shot up. I felt breathless, I turned my naked wrists to him.

"Niccolo! What! Who?... why?" The apparently hurt in his eyes was enough to make me ruin my makeup. The tears I had been holding back drowned my cheeks with years of secrets.

"I felt I had to be punished for being me, I hated myself for a long time. Will is the only reason I stopped, because he loves me." I croaked.

"Niccolo I love you, please don't ever doubt.."

"I don't, not anymore. Today I know and now I'll always know. I'm not done though. Dad, Bryce r-raped me. I was 12 and he used my own sexuality against me. Telling me I would like it because I was g-gay. He's been hurting me for years, that's why he left the party. Because of Will, Will threatened him and I can finally breathe k-knowing he's never going to hurt me again. L-leo tried to hurt me too. A lot of boys have hurt me because of what I a-"am." I can't believe I told him. It's wasn't collected or calm. I stuttered through it all, opening that pain for him to finally see. Silence impregnated the car. I was worried about what would happen next.

He picked up his phone and dialed a number.

"Electo, I need you to take the Lawrance's off my lists. I also need you to liquidate any holdings with them. They are never to come near me, my family, or my businesses again." He was curt, furious in his clipped tone. Hanging up the phone he started the car. Driving in circles he was lost in thought. I couldn't bring myself to speak, had I told him to much? Should I not have told him?

"Do you want me to press charges?" He asked breaking the silence, tears streaming down his face.

"No, we wouldn't win anyway, no proof."

"I..fuck I missed it, how could I have missed it. Fuck it's so obvious and I... fuck! Nico I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I should I have protected you, I'm always failing at protecting you."

"That's not true dad, you left hazels mom, you kicked her out when you saw what she did to me. I hid Bryce from you."

"You hid him because of me, you hid it because you were afraid of me. I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore."

"I'm not." A long silence followed once more.

"Are the wounds just on your wrists?"

"Yes."

"If you want to cover them, I'll sign for it. You could cover them up, tattoo over them so that you don't have to look at them. A new start. Maybe peonies, they were your mothers favorite flowers." My tears formed anew.

"I would like that."

"Good, I'll have it taken care of before you leave to go back, you shouldn't have to live with them another day than you have to. I love you, I'll do anything to make this right."

"I love you too dad." I couldn't even look at him, I was crying into my hands, drowning my scars in cathartic tears.

"It wasn't your fault, it's not your fault."

"Oh, fuck.. gods dad."

"ITS NOT!" He shouted. I broke down even harder.

"Dad please!"

Pulling the car over he parked it and grabbed me hard pressing me to his chest. Both of us shaking uncontrollably in what I can only describe as the moment I finally knew for sure I had a father, a father that would do anything for me. A father who wanted nothing more than to atone for both our sins. A father that was mine.

(Timebreak)

Heading back into my room I saw Will sorting and folding clothes on my bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm folding our clothes, I just washed them while you were gone. I can pack most of these for us. How was breakfast? Why is your makeup ruined? What did he say!?"

"I told him, everything. Every thing I told you, Bryce, the rape, the cuts, everything." Will's jaw dropped, surprise over came him.

"Is everything ok?"

"If by Ok you mean he's going to let me cover them up with tattoos so that I'll never have to look at them again, or that he cut off every tie to the Lawrance family he has, or that he said he would press charges and broke down with me in the car as we sobbed uncontrollable into one another than yeah. Everything is ok." Getting off the bed he kissed me hard and embraced me as only he can. The pressure of a person that loves you. A hug and a kiss of a lifetime lover.

"Well my dad let me in on the secret, you weren't going to let me know we were moving in together?" I threw my bag on the chair in the corner and we sat back on the bed.

"Nico, we already live together. We were going to live together when we went back anyway. Only now we get our own space. I knew you would be ok with it so I just let him tell you."

"So... one bedroom ok with you?"

"Nico, you have to stop thinking that I'm backing out. Have I ever given you the impression I'm going to change my mind? I'm ok with it. I love you, I don't care who knows."

It was overwhelming, the best and worst Christmas of my life. I felt like I was going to collapse, I kissed him again and motioned that I was going to shower. Inside the bathroom I stripped and started the water, I needed to wash off this morning. A baptism into a life that I could be happy in. Under the spray I saw the water run multicolored as my makeup rinsed from my body, the door opened and Will was naked climbing in to join me. Taking the sponge he lathered it and ran the suds over my body. Washing me clean and rinsing my hair. I held onto him as he cleaned me. Things began to heat up as I ran my small fingers over the expanse of his freckles. I kept trying to touch him only for him stop me, telling me that this was for me and not him. Lips worked over my neck and torso, getting on his knees he pushed me against the shower wall laving at the underside of my cock.

My fingers found his hair as he kissed the plush head and took me into his mouth. The heat of him was so much hotter than the steaming water around us. Bliss tingled on my skin just taking in the feeling of him loving me physically. I loved this man, and he was there first to love me back. Will May have been a Virgin when we first came here, but it was as if it was my first time too. The first time I ever made love. Sex can be such an empty thing and Will made it so full and expansive. Bringing it to heights I could never have imagined. Turning my body while still on his knees he spread my cheeks apart to mouth at my rim. I wanted nothing more than to worship his body, yet he was the one worshiping mine. I felt his tongue breach me, exploring my insides making me sob into the tile wall. My hands searched for purchase on the slick surface only to find none.

"Fuck, fuck Will! Gods please."

Tongue darting in and out of my body as he massages the globes of my backside. It was to much, I needed him in me.

"Will please! Take me please!"

Standing he perched my leg up on the shower step and pushed inside. One arm reached behind me into his hair as the other entwined with our fingers against the wall. One arm wrapped around my waist lifting me slightly with every thrust.

"I've always wanted you, I just didn't know it. Now that I have you I'm never letting go. You are perfect for me, Perfect to me. I'll never want anyone the way I want you." His words washed over me harder than the water falling on us.

"I love you! I've always loved you! Stay with me, please!" I all but shouted as he prodded my prostate with precision, knowing my body as only he did.

"Always, I promise!" He huffed in my ear as his thrusts increased in speed. Turning my head he kissed me over my shoulder. A wild tongue play as he reached to stroke me in front. The love, the sex, the acceptance was all to much and I exploded around him. I released all over his fist and the wall in an orgasm that knocked the breath from my lungs. The room shot into negatives and everything turned white as I bit down on his lower lip.

"Ahh cum inside me! Will!"

The feeling of him pulsing inside me was heaven, the biggest sign of our trust in eachother. I wanted him inside me, wanted to feel him there long after he left. Like keeping a piece of him. We leaned against the wall breathing hard, then I felt him kiss down my spine... then along my crease... then..

"Will!"