Chapter 10 - Lost

Being woken by his cell phone ringing through his head had become something of a routine, but not one he would ever get used to.

Aiichirou groaned as he rolled around the couch-futon in search of his phone. Throwing his hand around blindly, he swore from under the sheets when he caught the hard corner of his phone. He gripped it loosely, pulling it down into his pit of warmth and darkness.

The bright light brought tears to his eyes as his phone shook in his hand. His phone was vibrating. Aiichirou unlocked the screen. His phone was vibrating. He couldn't quite read the alert. His phone was vibrating.

OH

Aiichirou fumbled to answer the text message that was actually a phone call, just missing it when, in his panic, he dropped the phone on his face and pressed the end call button with his nose. He groaned, loud and long, his phone slipping off his face and onto the thin mattress beneath him. He twisted his hand, grabbing his phone from where it was wedged between the mattress and his neck.

1 MISSED CALL from NAGISA-KUN

Aiichirou pressed his lips together, a groan buzzing in the back of his throat as he hit the redial button and struggled to keep the phone to his ear. In the end he turned to lie on his side, letting gravity hold the phone against his ear.

"Good morning sleeping beauty!" Nagisa sang as he answered the phone.

"Morning." Aiichirou greeted, voice still heavy from sleep.

"Ai-chan have you really been asleep this whole time?" Nagisa's voice was pleasantly muffled by the phone speaker, but still picked at Aiichirou's brain. He furrowed his brow.

"What time is it…?" He asked. Nagisa hummed.

"Ahhh…oh! It's 2:30." He said. Aiichirou shot up in bed, hair sticking up wildly, phone falling from his face into his lap. "Ai-chan?" Nagisa's crackly voice could be heard somewhere far away from Aiichirou's mind. He looked around, bright light blazing in through the kitchen window. He sighed, falling right back onto his pillow and grabbing his phone.

"I may or may not have spent all last night unable to sleep thinking about Rin…" He mumbled, rubbing a hand over his eyes and through his greasy hair.

"Ai-chaaaan." Nagisa whined. "That's no good!" He scolded. Aiichirou hummed, still rubbing at his eyes.

"Was there something you needed to tell me…?" He asked, pushing his limbs out and stifling a squeak as he stretched. Nagisa made a small, affirmative noise.

"I wanted to ask if you were coming to Mako-chan's birthday party on Sunday!" Nagisa said. Aiichirou's arms and legs fell limp onto his mattress, bouncing a few times before lying still.

"Makoto-senpai's…birthday party?" He repeated slowly, eyes mapping the details in the ceiling above him.

"Didn't Rin-chan tell you…?" Nagisa asked, voice careful and worry evident. Aiichirou frowned lightly.

"No. He didn't…" He said. Nagisa was quiet for a few, painful, moments. It wasn't like him to leave silence in any conversation.

"Are you and Rin-chan fighting…?" He asked. Aiichirou sighed, curling up on his side.

"Maybe." He said. His chest felt tight and heavy. Nagisa was quiet again.

"What happened?" He asked. Aiichirou pouted.

"I'm not really sure, actually." He sighed, pushing the covers away from himself with his feet. He had the sneaking suspicion that Nagisa was actually trying to behave himself when he refrained from asking more about the situation.

"So…you're not coming to Makoto's party?" He asked. Aiichirou groaned, rolling onto his stomach and pressing his face into the sheets for a moment. He turned his head to the side, taking a deep breath.

"No I don't think so." He said. "Tell Makoto-senpai I'm sick…? I don't want to cause any drama for him."

"Ai-chan-"

"I'm really sorry." Aiichirou spoke over his friend. "I'm just. Really not in the mood to see Rin. A-And I really don't know Makoto-senpai all that well. You all are old friends, have fun without me, okay? Please?" He said. Nagisa huffed, but agreed.

Aiichirou laid on his futon for hours after he'd hung up with Nagisa. His phone buzzed occasionally, but never seemed loud enough to pull him away from the foggy nothingness clouding up his mind. It was as though he had so many things to think about that the only thing that didn't qualify as a problem was nothing. And so he laid there, arms and legs outstretched, thinking of absolutely nothing.

He stretched his mouth open wide, sucking in a yawn. He wasn't entirely sure but he thought he fell asleep around 5AM. Aiichirou groaned, he felt so limp. He hadn't lied to Nagisa, in fact he'd been horribly honest. He thought it impressive how he could keep himself awake for so long with nothing but worry. Sadly, he couldn't even remember, or put into words, his own worries. He was just. Worried.

Aiichirou vaguely remembered the careful creaking of Michio tip-toeing around the apartment just as he began drifting off to sleep. He thought he remembered his uncle pulling the blankets around him and whispering a goodbye before the apartment was silent again and Aiichirou finally gave way to sleep. He worried at times that his uncle was too lenient, but most certainly was not going to complain. Aiichirou was quite thankful for being able to lie in bed until…he grabbed his phone, holding it above his face and unlocking the screen.

Five-thirty.

"Shit." Aiichirou swore as his phone, yet again, slipped through his fingers and fell on his face. But his expletive wasn't for the pain of his heavy smart phone dropping on his nose or even the late hour. What had caught his attention, and perhaps made him fingers lose their grip, was the five text messages from Rin. He'd assumed Nagisa was the one texting him, but as fate would have it, Nagisa hadn't sent him anything since their phone call several hours ago.

Aiichirou rolled himself into a sitting position, phone cradled in his lap.

5 NEW MESSAGES from RIN

RIN

NOV 16

2:44 PM

ai? Hey, how's it going? ƪ(`´ƪ)

NOV 16

2:46 PM

nagisa said you're sick and can't make it to mako's b-day party ƪ(`´ƪ)

NOV 16

2:51 PM

oh maybe you're sleep. rest up. ƪ(`´ƪ)

NOV 16

2:57 PM

hey ƪ(`´ƪ)

NOV 16

5:16 PM

text me when you wake up ƪ(`´ƪ)

Aiichirou sighed, sending Rin a quick message to say he was up. He was actually impressed that Nagisa had lied successfully to the group, especially to Rin who could probably smell lies or something. Though the true lie detector of the group was Haruka-senpai, but knowing him, he wouldn't say anything because "it's too much trouble."

Aiichirou didn't bother to put his futon away that day. He wrapped a blanket around himself and shuffled over to the kitchenette, washing the dishes and preparing dinner (lunch?) for himself and Michio. There was hardly anything to work with, but Aiichirou managed some decent fried rice. He dusted the floor and did the laundry. Anything and everything to keep his thoughts from spinning and flying away.

Aiichirou exchanged small texts with Rin slowly throughout the day. It infuriated Aiichirou how much he loved seeing Rin's short, but caring text messages. He had no idea what was going on with Rin, or what to expect, and yet he still loved his boyfriend's company as if nothing were wrong at all.

Michio returned after stars dusted the dark sky and the rice had long since chilled in his tiny refrigerator. He insisted on playing monopoly all night despite being clearly exhausted. His uncle seemed to have energy hidden up the sleeves of his coat and Aiichirou was no match for it. Weary and defeated, he heated up their rice dinner while Michio set up the board on the futon and they got down to business.

Michio yelled about the school the entire game, pausing his ranting only to tell Aiichirou about the adorable little boy he saw at his work and the two cute women holding hands on the street or to whine about how much he wanted a cat (Aiichirou made a stubborn comment about dogs being better). They played well past midnight, right until Michio finally passed out around two in the morning. Aiichirou was no genius at monopoly but Michio had been near bankruptcy the entire second half of the game and he felt it safe to claim himself the winner of this game.

Aiichirou carefully cleaned up the game pieces and slid the box under the futon. Michio was curled up on the lower half of the bed, tangled in sheets and snoring lightly. Aiichirou smiled fondly. He supposed he could sleep in Michio's bed for the night, but the steady breathing of another human being was one of the more comforting things in this world and Aiichirou wasn't about to pass up the opportunity for some comfort.

He switched off the living room lamp light, a glimmer in the darkness catching his eye. Aiichirou grimaced as he picked up his phone that had fallen off the futon. More texts from Rin.

RIN

NOV 16

10:09 PM

are you feeling any better? ƪ(`´ƪ)

NOV 16

11:23 PM

hey I'm going to bed. rest up. ƪ(`´ƪ)

Aiichirou locked his screen and crawled into bed, carefully avoiding Michio. In the dark, with nothing to do, it was impossible to ignore all the things he knew he needed to think about.

He felt awful for missing Makoto's birthday party, but delighted that he was invited at all. He was upset that Rin still wasn't telling him what was wrong, but (shamefully) took great joy in his boyfriend's worry for his health. He wanted to be back at school, but couldn't deny that he was enjoying the pressure free days he had been living.

The days began blurring together, all cooking, cleaning, reading (and playing games with Michio, of course). It was strangely satisfying to be able to cross books off his to-read list. He wasn't entirely sure how it was humanly possible, but he'd gotten through three hefty novels in just under five days.

It was just as he was crumpling up and throwing away a full page of crossed off book titles that the apartment phone began ringing crisp and shrill. Michio wasn't home, so Aiichirou rushed onto his feet, grabbing the phone off the wall and pressing it to his ear.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Ai!" Michio all but screeched through the phone. Aiichirou grimaced, holding the phone several centimeters from his ear.

"M-Michio…?" He asked.

"Fukui-san just got back to me!" Michio said.

Aiichirou froze, joints still, heart still. He didn't know what to expect. It sounded good though, right? Michio was too happy for it to be bad news.

"A-And?" Aiichirou asked, realizing Michio was waiting for a response.

"You're going back to school next Monday!" He cheered. Aiichirou let out the breath he'd been holding in one big puff.

"…really?" He whispered, his knees shaking. He spun on his heal, his back hitting the wall and sliding down to the tiled kitchen floor.

"Yup!" Michio laughed, loud and warm. "I'm bringing home pizza tonight so don't make anything, okay?"

Aiichirou's eyes sparkled, a happy blush on his cheeks. "Pizza?" He repeated. God fucking bless.

"I know right." Michio laughed. "Be home in 15 kiddo, kay?"

"Yeah, see you then." Aiichirou nodded happily.

He had to twist up onto his knees to be able to reach high enough to put the phone back on the receiver. So, though he'd rather sit on the floor forever, he climbed up onto his feet, swayed there for a moment, then found his way to the futon. His shins hit the rickety bed frame, and he let himself fall face first onto his sheets.

He wasn't expelled.

Aiichirou sucked in a stale breath through the blankets his face was pressed into. This meant he would be living with Rin again. Aiichirou could physically feel the anxiety scratching at his skin, screaming in his ears. He curled up, rolling around the futon, a loud exasperated groan escaping his lips. Solving problems just to realize more problems, Aiichirou felt like he could sleep forever and he'd still be exhausted.

He didn't want to deal with this. He didn't want to deal with anything at all.

Rin was ecstatic when Aiichirou messaged him about it, grease smearing his response from the half eaten piece of pizza in his other hand. He blushed bright red when Rin messaged back asking if he wanted to go out Monday night. Michio had pestered Aiichirou at the sight of his (rather impressive) blushing, but Aiichirou was too frazzled to communicate.

With shakey, greasy, fingers, he accepted.

Aiichirou attended classes Monday, doing his best to ignore the prickly stares from his classmates who had probably celebrated when he hadn't shown up for over a week. The school promised him and his uncle a tighter bullying policy, Aiichirou hadn't asked what exactly the dialogue between Michio and the district had been, but the vague idea of it was enough to get him pretty angry.

Aiichirou had been suspended 'for his own safety'. Michio had ranted on and on to no one but himself about the importance of fixing the problem instead of punishing the victim. He yelled about the absurdity of a school catering to the abusers and nearly screamed when he recounted the director's "concerns". Aiichirou had distanced himself from the issue entirely, never truly realizing the depth of the situation and only hearing a few key sentences in Michio's exasperated retellings.

"You know what they said to me?" Michio seethed. "They said 'He should not be allowed to stay in the dorms while being biologically female.' Do you believe that bullshit?" He gasped as if he were so offended he couldn't even remember how to breathe (and he probably couldn't). Aiichirou hummed, not entirely listening.

"An entire school of boys! I told them, Ai, I said 'he should feel safe going to school with so many upstanding students, safety shouldn't be an issue!" Michio continued. "They even tried to blame that Yamada shit's injuries on you, and you know what I said to that? I said 'If only Ai would defend himself like that! I'd be fucking proud!" Michio quickly back tracked, making sure Aiichirou knew he was proud of his nephew regardless of his non-violence. "But maybe they're right, maybe we should get you into some self-defense classes…"

Unfortunately Michio's anger was lost on Aiichirou, who just felt tired and sad about the whole thing more often than not. In the end, Michio had claimed sexual harassment and the school board had walked away with their tails tucked shamefully between their legs. His uncle was less than happy that he had to resort to legal threats, but he wasn't about to let them pull his nephew from the dorms permanently. He'd sooner die.

Aiichirou went through his day with a muddled idea of these conflicts that belonged to him but loomed over the entirety of society. He tapped his pencil over his lips, his eyes sliding to the window. He'd gotten too good at tuning out lectures, his teacher's voice nothing more than a tiny buzz in his ears.

He was pretty behind in his studies and though he was up to date on most assignments, his grades had slipped significantly. Michio was paying so much for him to attend school, fought so hard to keep him in school, and Aiichirou was still as apathetic as ever about his education. Michio could sing Aiichirou's praises with full lungs until his last breath and Aiichirou would still believe he deserved a better nephew.

The bell ripped through his thoughts and sent his heart into a panic. For a moment, all he could hear was the scrape of students scooting out of their chairs and the rustling of books and the roar of his pounding heart. His eyes dragged from the darkening sky outside the window to the flood of students squeezing through the classroom door.

Aiichirou yelped, nearly falling out of his chair as his phone buzzed against his ticklish hip. He took a deep breath, shaking his head, pulled his phone out. The deep breath was wasted as the text he read just sent him straight back into panicking.

RIN

NOV 25

4:01 PM

Hey Ai, coming to practice? ƪ(`´ƪ)

YOU

NOV 25

4:02 PM

Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.

Aiichirou sighed, leaning back in his chair, pursing his lips. By now the class was empty, and the scrape of his chair seemed to ring in his ears. He threw his backpack over his shoulders and hesitantly made his way through the hallway, down the stairs, out the back doors, and onto the concrete trail to the pool building.

He nearly lost the heart to go to practice on his way there, his feet feeling heavy and muscles weak. He wasn't sure he could handle facing Rin, or the rest of the team. Other than Rin and Seijuro, Aiichirou was a rumor not a person. Everyone knew his face and filled his image with second hand stories and pretense. It wasn't like he could swim anyway, skipping practice wouldn't hurt anyone.

Upon using both hands pressed against the door and stumbling into the building, Aiichirou tripped over his own feet as the entire fucking team stood at the entrance yelling a warm 'welcome back!' that echoed through the spacious room. Rin and Seijurou stood in the front of the team, big grins on their faces.

"Good to have you back!" Seijurou said, clapping a heavy hand hard on Aiichirou's shoulder. Aiichirou stuttered through a small thank you. "Rin and I were worried you wouldn't show up for practice, we're really glad to see you." He squeezed Aiichirou's shoulder, taking a long glance at Rin. He sighed out his nose, nodded, and slid his hand off Aiichirou's shoulder. The team passed polite welcomes to Aiichirou as they followed their captain, preparing for practice, until it was just Rin and Aiichirou.

Rin wore a crooked smile, a dark look in his eyes that a stranger would mistake for a threat but Aiichirou knew was fear. Aiichirou's eyes fell to his feet, arms stuck to his sides. They both grimaced when they tried to speak at the same time.

"You still want to go out tonight?" Rin asked quickly before Aiichirou could talk over him with predictable babbling apologies. Aiichirou met Rin's eyes, fueled by curiosity.

"Yes! Of course." He answered. "Do…you still want to go out tonight?" He asked. Rin glared.

"Stop doing that." He said. The petty anger on his face eased just a tiny weight of anxiety off Aiichirou. He smiled.

"Stop what?"

"Making it sound like I don't wanna do stuff with you." He said, squinting. Aiichirou couldn't quite ignore the voice screaming in his head but you don't want to do stuff with me that's the entire issue with us right now. He let the thought ring through his head a moment, eyes slipping away from Rin to watch the swimmers lining up.

"Would you like me to time you…?" He asked gently, feeling a bit dazed, as if he were nursing a hit to the head.

And for that hour long practice things seemed normal. Aiichirou enjoyed his light hearted arguments with Rin and Seijurou's enthusiasm that boomed painfully against the tile floors. The smell of chlorine and splashing beat of hard working athlete's felt like home to Aiichirou. Everything was the way it should have been, for that hour.

Seijurou didn't say anything, but caught Aiichirou's eyes with an expressive, curious, warning glare before disappearing into the locker room with the rest of the team. Aiichirou assumed he didn't like getting in other people's business, but he had his (rather strong) opinions and it seemed he didn't have a high opinion of Rin (most of the time). Under normal circumstances, Aiichirou might have glared back, but right now, well, Seijurou's glare wasn't unjustified. Aiichirou sighed, organizing the strewn towels and stop watches while everyone else dried and changed, trying not to look at the pool. He really missed swimming.

The memories of meeting back up with Rin at the main gate and walking to the mall were hazed out by anxiety and abundant, conscious eating confusing. Aiichirou didn't remember what he was doing, or even where he was, until the mall was in sight. Perhaps he'd even forgotten he was with Rin as a thought fell free from his lips.

"What are we doing…?" He asked. Rin tsked.

"Were you listening at all?" He said. Aiichirou flushed, wringing his hands out.

"N-No, I suppose I wasn't." He said, voice small.

Rin didn't respond, just led Aiichirou to the back end of the mall where the theater was located. He pointed up at the show times. "Pick whatever you want." He said, shoving his hands into his jean pockets.

"Wha-really…?" He asked, eyes darting between the show times and Rin's dejected expression. Rin nodded.

"Sorry, guess I should have asked what you wanted to see before we got here…" He said.

Aiichirou hummed loudly, bouncing on his feet at he read through all the titles. Aiichirou thought the look of absolute panic on Rin's face when he picked the one and only horror film on the board was a thing of beauty, but it only lasted a split second. Aiichirou tried to change his mind, but Rin insisted "We're celebrating for you so we're seeing the movie you picked!"

Rin took his time getting popcorn and candy, all of which he planned to eat none of. Aiichirou was already settled in a seat in the back row, face tucked into his scarf when Rin fell hard into the seat next to Aiichirou. He both hated and adored the way Rin's body heat warmed him through the tiny spot where their shoulders were pressing together in what should have been a quick graze, but Rin wasn't moving. A tiny spark of hope flared in Aiichirou's chest.

The moment the hard bass line for the movie's suspenseful theme shook the theater, Rin was pressed as close as he could be to Aiichirou's side. Aiichirou was actually worried for a moment, his head swimming in confusion and delight. Perhaps if he were a better man he would have walked Rin out of the theater right then and there, but after nearly two weeks of no touching, Aiichirou felt like he was indulging an old drug. Rin squeaked pathetically as a screamer came and went, throwing his arms around Aiichirou's bicep and holding on for dear life. Aiichirou believed he'd died and gone to heaven.

To his credit, Rin was rather confident through most of the movie. Only a tiny squeak here or there, and Aiichirou was beginning to revel in the particularly suspenseful scenes when Rin would hide his face in Aiichirou's shoulder. Aiichirou had just wanted to see a horror movie, but as luck would have it he hadn't watched even a second of the movie, too overjoyed to have physical contact with his boyfriend for the first time in what felt like decades.

Aiichirou came down from his cuddle induced high about a third of the way through the movie (that appeared to be a haunting type with body horror being the main gag). Aiichirou admired the brave face Rin was putting on, but somewhere deep inside, Aiichirou was beginning to remember the good person he was and last time he checked a good person wouldn't let their boyfriend sit through a movie that was obviously traumatizing him. It wasn't like Aiichirou didn't agree to this date to see a movie anyway, he came for Rin.

It was just passed half way through when Aiichirou sighed, clawing Rin off of him just to take his hand and pull him out of the movie theater. He didn't miss how Rin instantly relaxed upon seeing the light of day. When Aiichirou turned on his heel to face Rin, he saw a look of defiance quickly deflate into an apologetic frown. Rin's eyes slid around the floor as Aiichirou began guiding Rin out of the theater and down the mall and Aiichirou could feel little tremors in Rin's hand.

"S-Sorry, Ai…" He said. Aiichirou sighed, shaking his head.

"You should have told me you were scared!" He said, squeezing Rin's hand. Aiichirou regretted bringing attention their linked hands as Rin tugged his hand away. It was almost as if he could heart his heart breaking. Aiichirou pressed his lips together, determined not to react.

"I was not scared!" Rin growled. Aiichirou rolled his eyes.

"Of course you weren't." He mumbled, turning into the food court.

Aiichirou steered them over to an ice cream stand, slapping Rin's hand away when he started reaching for his wallet. He paid for both his and Rin's treats and they tucked themselves away in a corner. Rin looked a little less shaken, but a heavy atmosphere was pressing down on them now. Aiichirou knew there wouldn't be a better time to talk about this. It took a few false starts, but eventually Aiichirou found the courage to say what he'd been thinking for nearly two weeks.

"Why won't you let me touch you anymore?" He asked, watching the strands of Rin's red hair shift with the minute movement of his head. Rin glared. Long and hard and silent, Rin just glared. Aiichirou sighed, licking a dollop of ice cream from his cone. He let it melt in his mouth, not sure what direction to move this conversation.

"I'm trying really hard, Rin," Aiichirou said, soft and hurt and scared. "But it feels like you're so far away…I don't know what to do." He shook his head, eyes stuck on the boy just across the table, but who felt miles away. Untouchable, unreachable. Where was Rin? Where had he escaped to, and why wouldn't he tell Aiichirou where to find him?

Rin sat up just a little straighter, finally meeting Aiichirou's gaze. "We just can't do that stuff."

Aiichirou wasn't sure if he was angry or confused or panicked, maybe a combination of the three, but he most certainly wasn't happy. "And why not?" He asked, a gentle frown on his lips. Anger flared hot and bright in Rin's eyes, his shoulders going stiff.

"Can you not?" Rin spat, pointed teeth peeking out from curled lips. "It's no big deal. Stop being such a fucking girl about this…"

And that was the very last straw.

Aiichirou had nearly been kicked out of highschool twice in the last month. His binder had broken. He couldn't swim anymore. Absolutely everything made him anxious. He'd had a novel worth of insults and snide comments thrown at him for weeks and enough –chan's to fill a dictionary. His grades were pathetic and he wasn't even sure he cared anymore. All of those things he could go on forever and he'd never say a word about any of it, but the last thing Aiichirou could handle was Rin belittling his identity. Never in his life had Aiichirou been so infuriated with another living being.

Aiichirou nearly choked on his own breath as he tried to form a response. "My gender has nothing to do with it!" He snapped. He felt like everything was in slow motion, and yet still moving too fast.

"Actually it has everything to do with it!" Rin yelled, cowardly looking off to the side. As quickly as it had come, Aiichirou's anger flew away, replaced with buzzing, crushing panic.

"W-What…? Why-"

Shattering silence filled his ears, the chattering of other mall shoppers and echoing of a chorus of footsteps all left his mind. He wasn't even sure he heard Rin spoke, but the words rung in his head, through every crack and cranny in his mind, and they broke him.

"Because you're not a real boy and everyone fucking knows it!"

Aiichirou hated Rin. He hated how Rin could look so beautiful while breaking his heart. He hated how unguarded he'd left himself with Rin. He hated how much he trusted Rin. Most of all, he hated the tears that rolled down his cheeks, unbidden by shame or fear, because that was what Rin had taught him was brave.

"As if you'd know anything about being a real boy!" He screamed, jumping up from the table, ice cream cone in hand. Aiichirou could hear apologies being yelled after him, a hand on his jacket sleeve. He couldn't breathe he was so angry.

Aiichirou spun on his heel, smashing his ice cream cone right on Rin's forehead.

"FUCK YOU." He screamed, cool tears rolling down his burning face. The food court seemed a bit quieter, and not just in his mind. People were staring, but Aiichirou was lost to it all. Rin grimaced, trying to keep the ice cream out of his eyes.

"A-Ai I'm s-"

Aiichirou couldn't even see straight, the wild pounding of his heart drowning out every idea of self-control. He pushed Rin, hands pressed flat over Rin's chest, hard enough to knock the boy back several steps.

"Don't you dare apologize to me! Fuck you! Fuck you for letting me trust you! Fuck you for making me feel safe! Fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU MATSUOKA RIN!" Aiichirou screamed it all in the now silent food court, hands gripping and twisting around the fabric over his lurching stomach.

Aiichirou didn't wait for a response, didn't see the big tears pouring from Rin's eyes as he left, running on shaky legs to the mall entrance.

He was outright sobbing, snot and tears covering his blotchy face as he finally found the exit. It was freezing outside, already dark and street lamps lit, but his heart was burning and Aiichirou wondered if the wind might just blow him away. He shivered, rubbing his sleeves over his dirty face in a futile effort to clean himself up. After nearly five minutes of continuous panic-sobbing, he gave up, pulled out his phone and dialed Nagisa's number. The dial tone was muffled and the wind made it hard to hear and his heart and crying were out of control.

"Hello?" Rei answered. Aiichirou took a deep breath, jaw shaking. Had he dialed the wrong number…?

"R-Rei?" He asked, voice promptly devolving into another loud sob.

"Aiichirou-kun? Is that you?" Rei asked, loud and panicked. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

"I-I'm sorry o-one-" Aiichirou hiccupped, breath hitching. "One second."

He held the phone away for a few moments, taking long, deep breathes. When he finally put the phone back to his ear he was still shaking and sniffling, but at least he could hear.

"R-Rei? I'm sorry I-I meant to call Nagisa…" He explained, using his sleeve to wipe at his dripping nose.

"That's quite alright. What's wrong?" Rei asked. Aiichirou shut his eyes tight. He wasn't sure he could explain, and had a horrible feeling that if he did he'd sound over dramatic. He sniffed loudly, desperately trying to hold onto the little bit of composure he had.

"I-just um-R-Rin just said s-some things-" He coughed. "I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have called."

"No, no. I'm glad you called." Rei reassured Aiichirou. "If you don't mind my asking…where are you?"

Aiichirou laughed dryly. "The mall." He sniffed. "Rin and I were…on a d-date."

"Ah, I see." Rei said softly.

"It was-" Aiichirou laughed, rubbing at his eyes. "It was bad Rei. I-I'm surprised mall security didn't arrest me." He hiccupped.

"What in the world happened?" Rei asked.

The retelling of the fight that had, truly, only lasted mere minutes took Aiichirou a half hour to get through, fighting sobs all the way through. Somewhere in the middle of it he shamefully asked Rei if he could spend one more night at his house. The thought of returning to his dorm had Aiichirou sobbing out of control to the point he was scaring away the birds nesting on the telephone wires and trees. He felt like scum for asking, but Rei was happy to help as always.

When Aiichirou got there, Rei had hot chocolate ready and a fluffy blanket was thrown around Aiichirou's shoulders. Rei sat him down in his room, placing a box of tissues on his table.

"Crying can be good for you," Rei said gently as he shut his bedroom door, placing a water bottle next to the tissue. "But make sure to take care of yourself when you're done." He said, gentle smile on his face. Aiichirou hiccupped with teary eyes, quickly grabbing several tissues and blowing his nose. Rei watched his friend for a moment, still standing near the door.

"Would you like a moment alone?" He asked hesitantly.

"No, please stay." Aiichirou said through tears, tugged at the blanket around him. "Thank you so much."

Rei nodded and settled down next to Aiichirou on the floor. He was quiet for a long time, eyes on his lap. Aiichirou blew his nose one last time before finally picking up the warm mug of hot chocolate and sipping at it.

"Rin said…he said." Aiichirou took a deep breath, finally calm enough to breathe evenly and he wasn't about to let that go. "That I'm not…a real boy, and everyone knows it. That's what…he said." Aiichirou sipped at his hot chocolate. When Rei didn't respond, he explained. "Which is true, I know, but…But we were talking about why he's been so distant." Aiicirou rubbed at his eyes. "It's so stupid, I just wanted to know why he's been so weird lately. He told me when we first started dating, h-he said he didn't mind." He ripped another tissue out of the box on the table, rubbing it over his eyes. "Was he lying, Rei…?"

Rei's face scrunched up, he looked heartbroken. "I don't know, Aiichirou-kun…" He whispered.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Aiichirou whispered, pressing more tissues to his eyes, shaking his head. "It wasn't my choice to be born this way…"

Rei would never be described as a touchy person, so when he wrapped an arm around Aiichirou and hugged him tight, Aiichirou forgot everything he'd been crying about. He sniffed, scared, but grateful.

"Rin-senpai is a moron for treating you like this." He said harshly. Aiichirou couldn't help the desperate laughter that bubbled in his chest. Rei sighed, rubbing his friend's back, his momentary frustration forgotten. "But after knowing him through Haruka-senpai's stories…It doesn't make what he said right, you have every right to never forgive him, but," Rei spoke pointedly. "From what I've seen," He loosened his grip, letting Aiichirou go. "Rin lashes out most when he's most confused."

Aiichirou stared at Rei for a long time, unsure of what to say. Rei just smiled like always, a warm light in the cold dark. Aiichirou took another sip of his hot chocolate.

"What are you going to do?" Rei asked, voice gentle as ever.

"I don't know…I need to…think about it." Aiichirou said. "I'll probably have to talk to him again tomorrow…whatever I do."

"What do you want?" Rei asked.

Aiichirou sniffed, pressing his hands around his warm mug. "To be Happy. With Rin. For us both to be happy." He answered, watching his drink swish around in the mug.

"That's a beautiful desire." Rei said.

Nagisa was absolutely livid when Aiichirou finally told him what had happened. He even felt a little sorry for whatever Nagisa was going to do to Rin, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to see it.

Aiichirou did get one text from Rin that night, asking where he was. He didn't answer it.

Author's Notes-

wOAH YEAH sorry for the late update. Figures I'd make you all wait a long time just for a painful update (or at least, it's suppose to be painful? I tried I dunno). Two chapters left my friends! Hold on tight cause it's all downhill from here (which is a double entendre considering on a graphic plot organizer the falling action and resolution are literally downhill. Do I mean things will keep getting worse? Do I mean resolution is coming? Ahahaha you just have to wait and find out...)

Do remember when having crying spells to drink water after, don't rub your eyes with fabric or your hands (use a tissue), and try to remember to breathe as evenly as possible! Crying should be cathartic, but that doesn't work if you dehydrate yourself or rub your eyes raw.

The "holiday" season has begun, you should all know what that means. Hee.

-FoxyGrampaGlasses