Yay! I'm updating! Not sure if you've noticed but I'm into a lot of angst stuff so that's why half the times I'm making up fight scenes and leaving off with cliff hangers because it brings tension into it. So when reading any future chapters, please don't think I have any major mental issues or against anything that happens.. Trust me, *spoiler alert* you'll think that at least once in the following chapters, even if you already do. I can make you cry, feel anger, pity and all emotions towards my character. Also, not sure if you've noticed, but I rarely use last names in this story.. only one explanation.. I'm not sure if this an AU [Alternate Universe] in BTR the show or if it's in real life.. So.. when I figure that out.. I'll use last names.. Sorry for this big A/N.. just thought I needed to tell you this.. and Thank You if you actually read this though.. haha. Anyways, please enjoy this new chapter!
*Warning; Lots of cuss words in this chapter*
"What'd he want?" James asked as soon as I walked in
"None of your business, James. What just happened out there, is between Logan and I" I said hastily
"You okay?" Kendall asked as he cleaned up
"Yeah just a bit tired of all this" I said, laying down the couch
"You hungry? I could make you something to eat" he asked
"Erm, sure.. why not.."
I looked over at James and he was still standing at the door. He looked.. sad, disappointed but most importantly, mad. His nostirls flared. He was breathing heavy and his knuckles were white
"Is Logan still out there?" I asked, bringing him out of whatever he was in
He peeked outside, "Yeah" he answered, turning back to me, "want me to tell him he needs to leave?"
"Yeah," I answered, unthinkingly
He opened the door and walked out.
I got up and watched them from the window Logan was sitting in the ground nect to the tree and James stood over him. Logan shot up and pushed James. Suddenly, a fight broke out.
"Kendall! They're fighting!" I screamed out to him
We both ran outside to stop them. Kendall held Logan while I held James.
"What the hell is going on here?!" I yelled at both of them
"This kid right here! I came out to tell him he had to leave and then he goes off on me! Telling me I'm not worth your time and if I knew what's best for me that I'd stay as far away from you as possible." James replied, brushing himself off
"You're not fucking allowed to come around here acting like my fucking body guard!" I turned to yell at Logan, "You stopped being my friend the moment you bought your fucking airplane ticket and boarded the plane! Leave Logan. Just fucking leave. I don't want you here. James is a much better friend than you ever were. He actually cares! He wouldn't just walk out my life like you did a month ago! While I stayed here, helpless, thinking you would come back, he was here. Comforting me. Making sure I stayed on top of my grades. He made sure him and the others were here taking my mind off of things." I continued, "The reason I had to spend a day and a half at the hospital was because of you! The more I stress out and feel way to many emotions at the same time, the more I'll be visiting there. All these emotions I've been feeling the passed month and a half finally caught up to me. I wasn't fast enough to push them away when you got here." I screamed at him.
Everyone stayed silent after my speech. Things were finally sinking in for Logan. Deep down he knew he had been the one to cause me the most pain, but he didn't think that all of it would land me in a hospital.
Logan took a step towards me and grabbed my hands tightly. The real Logan had finally broken through.
"[YN] I had no idea." he began
"No. You didn't. And neither did I" I replied, pulling my hands away
"W-what do you mean?" he asked, voice going softer than a 3 year old's when being yelled at for doing something bad
"I had no idea you would ever do something like this to me. That you'd be to blame for landing me in the hospital. The reason I'd cry myself to sleep when James had to go home or had a family emergancy or something. Sam and Halston were right. I'm wasting my time and breath on you." I said as Kendall and Logan gasped beside me
"No, [YN]. Please, you can't do this. I'm sorry, please believe me. I regret everything I've done." he pleaded, scared out of his mind
This time Kendall spoke up, "[YN], don't do what I think you're about to do. Listen to him. Give him a chance." Kendall said, emerald eyes rimmed with shock and scaredness.
"No Kendall! I am so sick and tired of trying and giving him second chances! This is my final decision. Unlike Logan, I don't regret my decision."
"And that would be..?" James asked, completely lost in the situation
"I'm done." I said as chills rose up everyone's spine.
Logan dropped to his knees and began wailing at the top of his lungs. Kendall didn't move an inch, skin and eye color going pale. James stood there, trying to understand what was going on.
"P-p-please d-don't do th-this to m-me. [YN], p-p-please. F-forgive me. I'm b-begging y-you!" Logan managed to say in between his sobs.
"Leave" I said to boy who clutched my legs like a scared 3 year old
"P-please" he said, standing up, holding me by my shoulders
"LEAVE! JUST FUCKING LEAVE! I'M DONE WITH YOU! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! WALK OUT LIKE YOU DID BEFORE. YOU'RE PRACTICALLY AN EXPERT NOW! DON'T YOU EVEN FUCKING DARE TO TALK TO ME. I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF BEATING YOU IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! JUST LEAVE!" I screamed at him as I began hitting him across the chest
Time moved slower and slower as he backed up against the tree behind us. Weights were lifted off my shoulders as I began punching him everywhere I could. Kendall and James tried holding me back as my punches grew more and more furious by the passing second. I was able to break through every single time.
They kept screaming my name but I was no longer control of my body. I had finally snapped to the point of no return. I wanted Logan to feel everything I was going through but I knew he wouldn't so the next best thing was physical pain. The blood dripping from his forehead and nose and the black eye that was beginning to form were not enough so I began kicking him.
Finally my mind wandered out from my head's confines and I was able to hear what the guys were screaming. Not just guys, girls as well. A familiar voice broke through to me
"[YN] STOP YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM! PLEASE I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! LISTEN TO ME!"
Demi.
My hands and feet froze as her words sunk in. "You're going to kill him!" It wasn't until then that I realized that there were several hands holding me back. But somehow I had managed to break through all of them.
James was the first to react when I had finally had stopped my attack. He held me in his arms as I realized what had just happened.
It felt like a monster. I knew I was a monster.
I had just attacked one of the people who made my life as amazing at it is because he hurt me. So my pay back was to hurt him.
I began sobbing as James carressed my hair and began whispering "It's okay. Shhh" in my ear.
I pushed him away and ran inside my house. I locked every door possible and ran to my room.
The way Logan wailed when I told him I was done, was the exact way I began wailing. Nothing could stop me at this point. I walked inside my bathroom and locked the door behind me and slid down the back of it to the floor.
There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart or the sound of your breathing. A time where even the slight buzzing of silence is no longer a bother to you. When your mind goes void of any thought. So you sit there looking worse than a mental ward pacient. The way I sat on my bathroom floor as people pounded on my bedroom door.
I didn't move a single inch the entire time I was there. The light from my window high above my head had diminished, leaving me in complete darkness. I wasn't sure if I had my eyes closed or opened but I didn't matter at the moment. Either way I wasn't planning on standing up anytime soon. The pounding and calling my name had finally stopped a while back. I felt empty of any emotion. I wasn't sad, shocked, or angry. Just.. empty.