When The Angels Cry

Chapter 10

Not Knowing Why

Kaiba and Shizui exchanged a few words before the brunet stepped out of the room. The nurses began cleaning up the room and recording time of death and whatnot. Kaiba didn't want to face the others waiting for him but they were Mokuba's only real friends and they did risk their own lives coming with him, granted he didn't ask them to come but it wouldn't be right to leave them in the dark.

He felt so unbearably miserable. 'Mokuba's my life. I took on Gozaburo so Mokuba would have a home, I became CEO of Kaiba Corporation and turned it into a company we could be proud of, even put both of us in public schools just so he'd have something similar to a 'normal' life as he put it.' He clenched his fists. There was always something trying to tear them apart. The people at the orphanage who wanted him and not Mokuba, Gozaburo who didn't like the relationship, Pegasus, The Big Five, Noah, and countless others but none succeeded. No, a fate far worse than anything they could do broke the impenetrable team. A snowstorm. Something on any other day within the strong walls of the Kaiba estate, they loved to watch together. The both of them loved snow and just winter in its entirety. 'And it's your murderer.' He frowned.

"Of course, I'm the one that put you up there." He mumbled to himself as he pushed through the doors into the waiting room. He glanced around and surveyed the area. He headed for the room they had placed Jounouchi. He found Yugi and Honda on the couch in the corner asleep. He looked up at the clock and realized it was seven-forty-five. He sighed and took the seat aside the blonde's bed. He looked on completely exhausted, worn and deeply distraught.

Jounouchi stared at him half-dazed but aware of the anguished look ailing the brunet's face. "What happened? Kaiba what's wrong?" He muttered sitting up despite the dizziness from the stuff they gave him.

The brunet didn't face the other just simply shut his eyes and slumped forward in the manner Jounouchi had earlier when they spoke. "I saw Mokuba." He whispered. 'Mokuba.' He repeated his brother's name several times in his head. The thought he would never hear his brother calling his name, his phone just to see what's up, or even to say goodnight. "I saw him and spent some time by his side." He smiled forlornly before clearing his throat and exhaling deeply. "Before he passed away."

Jounouchi just about had a heart attack as the words registered in his brain. "Kaiba. That's not true." He begged for it to be a cruel, disgusting joke but he knew better. He shook his head and Kaiba's unresponsive body. He took deep breaths and tried no t to cry. This was wrong, just not right. "I can't believe this. It isn't true!" He shouted not wanting to accept it. He moved and flung his legs over the side of the bed. He groaned and almost toppled to the floor since the medication was still numbing his body. Kaiba grabbed him by his gown and pulled him on the bed.

Jounouchi tried pushing him but his body was too tired. There were tears in Jounouchi's eyes as he imagined Mokuba dead. "Why did this happen?"

Kaiba let him go and sat back down. "I don't know. I don't know."

"What's going on?" Honda and Yugi asked as they were startled by Jounouchi's muffled shouts and cries. Kaiba stared at them and sighed.

Three days passed and while they watched families huddle together in rooms singing and despite not being home, they smiled and enjoyed being together, even if at a hospital. Kaiba would have given anything to see his brother open his eyes and shout "Merry Christmas, Seto!" as he did every Christmas. He found himself reflecting a lot lately. Remembering everything thee two had done both sweet and the things no parent would approve of. There was emptiness inside him now. Kaiba wasn't one to think of the past, he was always looking forward to making new memories with his brother. While they played Mokuba was always the one bringing past joys while Kaiba brought new ones. It was the perfect combination of a good time.

And now he was being tortured for having the best brother in the world. He was listening to people sing their stupid carols and wishing merriment to everyone. He didn't know how much more he could take of this. The blizzard was finally settling down enough for help to come and salt down the roads. Jounouchi was even able to move around a bit more. He was too badly hurt but his tailbone was sore as well as his lower back and buttocks were bruised and cut from the sharpness of the ice. He would have to take care not to move or roughhouse for a few weeks. Not that the blond found any reason to be playing for now.

Kaiba went out to the car and started up the engine. It was time to go. He couldn't take everyone's cheering any longer. He pulled it to the front and stepped out. He went in and signaled everyone it was time to go. Jounouchi nodded and headed out to the car. He hadn't said a word since his initial outburst. Yugi and Honda mumbled now and then and caught themselves thinking of the past as well. Kaiba followed after the group.

"Kaiba!" He turned to see Liea. "I'm sorry about all of this. Please don't blame yourself."

""Don't tell me what to do. You don't know how this happened or why it happened." He stated lowly.

She folded her arms across her chest and widened her brown eyes, "No one knows why people die Mr. Kaiba. It's a tragic thing that happens to people. But it isn't anyone's fault. Not Mokuba's and not yours."

"You're not a counselor anymore, so stop acting like it." He fumed, before turning and leaving the building. He stared ahead at the three waiting against the car.

Yugi and Honda sat in the back this time. Jounouchi sat in front. Yugi didn't really feel like being so close to Kaiba, he had already cried enough in front of him. Even Honda shed a few tears but he seemed to repress better than his friends. Jounouchi glanced at the brunet and kept shut. Kaiba hadn't shed a single tear in front of them. But he knew that day he had. His eyes were red, his eyelids puffy and thick. He had cried for real. It was enough for now. He shut his eyes and wallowed in the silence between them.

Anzu and Solomon ran outside as the car parked in the driveway. Jounouchi, Yugi, and Honda stepped out of the vehicle. "Jounouchi!" A high-pitched voice screamed tearfully, one the blond knew too well. He looked up and standing at the doorway was Shizuka. "Jounouchi!" She ran to him and hugged tightly.

"Shizuka." He muttered not letting her go. He never felt so happy to see her, to touch her, to hear her soft voice. "How did you get here?" He whispered in her hair. It was then he realized there were several cars parked near or around the game shop.

"I got mom to bring me. When the electricity finally cut on, we got a call from Yugi's grandfather and he told us what happened. I begged mother to bring me. She's inside." She exclaimed in a burst of energy.

He hugged her again. "I'm so glad to see you." Anzu's parents were also here, he could see. He let her go and put his hand to her cheek. "Get inside, it's too cold out here." He scolded in big brother fashion. She blinked and pouted and marched back inside. Jounouchi frowned and turned around. Everyone was heading back in but someone was missing. 'Kaiba.' He watched the other still sitting in his car. He felt so horrible now. He had his sister, but where was his family? His little brother?

"I'll be in, in a moment." He whispered to Honda.

"Are you sure you want to talk to him?" Honda asked. "Yugi tried to say something and he was ready to kill him." He warned.

"It's just a mask. I'll be inside in a bit." He repeated and the other nodded and walked away.

He approached the vehicle and opened the passenger side door. He sat down and expected to be thrown out or viciously insulted but nothing came. It relieved him to be allowed within his space without the negativity. "Kaiba…"

"Don't say anything to me."

The words were so short, so strict. He nodded and looked out the window. "I'm sorry."

Kaiba hit the steering wheel with his fist. "Didn't I tell you to shut up?" He growled and put his hand to his head. "That's all I've been hearing these past three days; Stupid nurses and doctors and people that somehow heard about Mokuba, like they really care. They didn't know Mokuba because if they did, they'd know 'sorry' isn't enough to heal anything." He fumed.

"Nothing could make up for your brother's life. Even if you blame yourself forever, it won't be amount to anything."

Kaiba glared at him. "What did you say?"

Jounouchi remained impassive. "It's not your fault."

"Jounouchi you need to get out."

"I'm sorry this happened to you."

"Jounouchi-"

"But don't torture yourself with what could've been done to prevent this."

"Get out!"

The blond shook his head. "We're here for you if you need us."

"I don't need you guys pretending to be my friend. I don't need anyone."

"Kaiba."

"I don't. Mokuba is the only friend-" He caught himself and shut his mouth.

"I know. I know he was." Jounouchi swallowed and bit his lip. "That's why I know this is the end of the world for you. Please don't turn me down. I want to be there for you because I know what he meant to you. 'Because I know you can't survive without him.' "Come inside Kaiba." He pleaded before leaving the vehicle. He headed for the door but stopped as he heard the car engine start up.

He turned and watched as Kaiba pulled out of the driveway. He frowned but it was expected. He didn't expect him to face the room of people that probably knew what happened by now. He didn't blame him at all. He walked into the house and held his sister as she cried.

---
Kaiba put his black blazer on over his black long-sleeved shirt. He hadn't seen the others or anyone for that matter since dropping them off at Yugi's a short week ago. And now they were about to see each other once more at the burial. They were at the wake but he did not show up until he was sure they all left. Although from what the Priest had told him, Jounouchi had said a beautiful poem for Mokuba. But he just couldn't bear to see everyone as they watched him break down. He wouldn't cry in front of anyone, for anyone, to anyone, but his Mokuba.

He stepped out and walked through the soft snow, which was no longer frozen ice. He stepped into his black Mustang GT that he pulled to the front earlier and started it up. He thought about their faces as they received the invitations for Mokuba's funeral. Perhaps the formal thing would have been to take them himself but he wasn't about to subject his mind to their condolences and sympathy. Not that he was ungrateful; it was just too much for him. He didn't know if he could take it, his anger had washed away and left an indifference so lonely and broken and now he was to stand and say a few words to his brother in front of them.

He owed his brother that. He owed the outpour, his feelings. As many times as the younger Kaiba begged him to be nice to his friends, to show them how human he really was – that Kaiba wasn't an emotionless monster. He owed his brother and yes, even them for being there as much as it bothered him.

He even heard about it on the news. It pained him to hear the doctor report the time and death of his loving brother on national television. But it had to be done. It would have gotten out anyway. He didn't turn the radio on because it was on every talk show in the world that his burial was today. Of the rosary, the wake, seeing him at the hospital, this would be the worst. Because it was truly the end of the life they spent together. He could feel himself choking but no, he couldn't do that. He put his hand to his chest while trying to focus on the road. He felt the hard metal in his pocket and sighed. He had to get through this without breaking in front of everyone. He had to.

They stood there and watched as a vision of black came walking ever so silently. Everyone turned their eyes and attention to Kaiba with his pitch-black slacks, suit boots, and a small black box with a black bow in his hands. The Priest said a few words, reciting a piece about him being with the angels in a better place.

Jounouchi watched Kaiba closely he seemed so different than last he saw. It was an awful difference. He wasn't trying to be composed or angry, he was visibly showing his despair and his emptiness. It was so clear there wasn't a hint of his usual mask anymore. As they all sat there with the group crying and muffling the urge to scream. Yugi did his best to comfort Anzu as did Jounouchi's mom for Shizuka. Jounouchi couldn't take his eyes off of Kaiba. It was just like he'd thought. How can you live when the person you've been surviving for, is no longer there?

"Now, Seto Kaiba would you like to say a few words?" The Priest asked sitting down.

Kaiba nodded and stood in front of the coffin as opposed to the pedestal. He placed his hand on the black painted wood and ran his over it. He swallowed and shut his eyes momentarily. They were all on him now. He felt them unflinchingly tight. He turned and faced them dead on with an expression only recently developed. It looked like innocence being raped, like a child losing his parents, or more perhaps, a father losing his only son.

"Where does it all go, when all is covered in winter snow? When all is calm and clear but ends with me feeling low." He took a deep breath. 'All I have is you…' "My heart cannot handle this emotion, it's all falling to pieces. I'm just going through the motions, not even knowing or understanding why…" He bowed his head and sighed. "Why, we have to say goodbye." He paused for a moment closing his eyes briefly. "There is nothing in this world that can replace the light and the love he spread. He was the image of innocence and jubilee and never struggled to fit anyone's description." He turned around and smiled, "The only one crazy enough to idolize me, to comfort and support me through all my stages. To defend me to every person that hates me in this world. But you didn't deserve to be taken away from life. I deserved to be stripped of everything but you shouldn't have been the suffered. You know how I feel, and I hope truly that you are happy." He shut his eyes again. He'd done it three times through his speech now.

Jounouchi knew He was telling himself not to cry. He frowned and shook his head again, feeling tears fall from his eyes. Kaiba felt the hand of the Priest on his shoulder now and he realized what all he had said out loud. It wasn't supposed to be like that, how could he slip so easily? "Thank you. I know this is hard for you. Are you ready?" He whispered just loud enough for the two to hear.

Kaiba knew what he was referring to. He wasn't ready. He wanted to scream for them not to put him down in that hole. He didn't want to be a part of it. He should be dead not someone whose life was just starting. "He's just." Kaiba took a deep breath. 'Stop it. You're breaking.' His mind was telling him. "Ready." He stated and moved his shoulder so the Priest's hand fell off. He gave the nod.

Kaiba stepped back and handed the black box to him. The Priest recited another prayer and opened the box, in it was a small bottle of holy water. He continued citing and opened it up to fling droplets over the lowering of the coffin. Kaiba watched with widening eyes as the coffin slipped slowly beneath his feet. Everything pained him about this whole mess. Everything except this, no this absolutely killed everything in him. His heart, his soul, his very essence and reasons to live, all of it was gone. His life was murdered.

It was hard not to cry out now as everyone present from the 'Dream Team' and their parents, to a very few kids at Mokuba's school, to some close teachers Kaiba'd gotten used to, Liea and even a few nurses at the hospital that had been in the room when Mokuba died.

Everyone wanted to say something to Kaiba, but he was frozen in place. By an hour's time he was the only one left standing there. He couldn't bring himself to move even though he knew there was no point in staying. He got down on his knees and shut his eyes again. "You weren't supposed to leave me." He whispered to the silence around him. "It's not supposed to happen this way. You're just a kid, I should've been first." Kaiba gasped, he was beginning to sob, to cry. But who cared? There was no one around. He struggled with himself now. "Don't leave me Mokuba." He begged for the first time. Tears were falling now, a lot more than before. He put his hands together and in front of his face. "It should've been me."

He halted his movement as the sound of someone clearing their throat erupted through the air. Kaiba knew he should've made sure he was alone before letting his emotions loose. He was so careless. "Kaiba." The voice was clear and strong. But he knew the voice.

"Why are you tormenting me?" He asked, willing his tears to go away. "Why do you insist on invading my space?"

Jounouchi took a few more steps towards him and sat down, legs crossed. "Because I don't want to read tomorrow's paper and find out you killed yourself." He answered sternly.

Kaiba frowned. "You think I'd kill myself?" He asked quietly. He saw the other nod almost immediately. He took a deep breath and he knew there wasn't a point in trying to act tough. Jounouchi was right on the money with his accusation. "I can't live without him. Jounouchi my life isn't worth anything if I can't spend a few minutes here an hour there. I have nothing to come home to. He's never going to throw me a surprise party, never jump on my bed in excitement on his birthday. He'll never call my name, cry in my arms over a silly nightmare, hide my laptop so I won't waste my weekends at home on work." He spoke in a mere whisper. As the wind picked up, he stood to his feet.

Jounouchi stood too and he grabbed hold of his arm. "You have to move on, as much as it hurts, as much as it seems pointless."

"I can't just move on." He muttered in annoyance.

"Of course you can. That's something you've always been able to do. In all those dark times you have been the one to press forward."

"For Mokuba. I kept going because of Mokuba. He's gone now. I argued with him and he was upset so he decided to get some air, that's why he climbed on that roof and he fell. It was too windy and slick and he wasn't careful and he fell. Because I put him up there." He put his hand to his forehead. "And I know he knew he was about to die, but he still found the strength to tell me he loved me."

Jounouchi watched him begin to break and he lunged forward to grab and hold him. "Kaiba come on, it's not your fault. It's not your fault." He tried to calm.

"I was hoping that Kaiba would be here. But I guess it makes sense, I wouldn't want to be here in front of everyone, saying goodbye to my little sister, Shizuka. And I know he'll end up showing up once he's ready. Mokuba was an amazing kid and smart as Einstein. He was carefree and energetic and knew how to beat any videogame given to him. He taught me a lot about what love and affection really was, that money and power aren't everything and mean nothing when you have bonds with good people. He was an incredible kid way too smart and mature for his age, he also and I'm ashamed to admit it but he was a great tutor for me." He laughed but smiled, "And he shared a passion for writing. He told a little about how to write, especially poetry something he often repeated he learned from his brother. So I wrote this because, I know he'd appreciate it." He cleared his throat and took out a piece of paper from his coat pocket.

"Don't say a word,

I can read the tears on your face.

All the happiness and love

Has fallen from Grace.

Despite what we feel

It seems it is your time.

We play these broken melodies,

Because we've lost a life.

We hear your name still,

Even as you've disappeared,

We'll still think of you

And wish your soul near."