Disclaimer: I don't own it!
Thanks for reading and reviewing, it makes me want to write more! This chapter starts exactly where the last one left off.
Amelia unlocked the wheels of Carolyn's hospital bed and began to move her. Richard walked in the room.
"Fill me in people." Richard declared.
"She's bleeding and needs to go back to surgery now." Amelia announced.
"Derek's on his way." Richard stated.
"We don't have time to wait for Derek. She needs surgery now. Give me privileges." Amelia instructed.
"I let you operate on your own mother once, but I barely know you." Richard responded unsure of what to do.
"She'll lose brain function if we wait." Amelia argued. "Let me start and Derek can take over when he gets here."
"Fine. Go." Richard gave her permission. They wheeled Carolyn out of the room and a moment later Izzie walked in.
"Someone called for.." Izzie said as she looked up and saw who was in the room. "OB." She trailed off realizing who needed the consult.
"Who needs OB?" Richard asked.
"I do." Addison said.
"Are you alright?" Richard asked concerned for his good friend.
"No." Addison responded with tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "Don't tell Derek until after their mother is stable." Izzie squatted in front of the chair Addison was sitting in.
"What's wrong Addison?" Izzie asked gently.
"Let's get her into a bed and do an ultrasound. I think she's having a miscarriage." Nancy said. They took Addison to her own room and got her situated. Nancy put her hand on Addison's belly.
"You feel like you're contracting." Nancy said softly. Addison nodded. Izzie brought in the ultrasound machine and scanned her belly for a few minutes.
"I can't find a heartbeat." Izzie announced.
"Let me try." Nancy said. Izzie looked at Addison for permission.
"She's an OB." Addison said and Izzie let Nancy take over. Nancy looked for a few minutes.
"I'm so sorry, Addie." Nancy told Addison confirming what Izzie said.
"Your cervix is dilated, you're contracting, and we can't find a heartbeat. We'll give you a little time to let it happen naturally while we monitor you." Izzie said to Addison. "Do you want me to find Derek?"
"No. Someone can bring him in here after he's done with his mom." Addison said. Kathleen took Addison's hand.
"I'm sorry. I know how excited you were." Kathleen said to Addison.
Derek entered the OR where Amelia was working quickly to control the bleeding.
"Where are we at?" Derek asked taking over for Amelia.
"Her blood pressure bottomed out. She coded and we got her back and then Addison noticed how much blood was on the bandage. I've been trying to control the bleeding, but I just can't figure out where it's coming from." Amelia filled him in.
"Her pressure is dropping again." The nurse announced.
"Hang two more units of packed RBCs." Derek ordered. Derek started working with Amelia assisting.
Izzie wandered into the gallery of the OR. Meredith was sitting there watching.
"How's it going?" Izzie asked.
"They're doing okay. Amelia couldn't find the bleeding at first, but now I'm sure Derek has it under control." Meredith answered.
"So she's going to make it?" Izzie asked for confirmation.
"As long as they can get this bleeding under control." Meredith answered. "But I don't know how much damage will be done."
"When Derek comes out of surgery can you send him to room 2205? Tell him it's Addison." Izzie asked.
"Is she okay?" Meredith wanted to know.
"She will be." Izzie answered.
Hours later…Meredith met Derek in the scrub room after surgery.
"Hey." Meredith said.
"Hey." Derek responded.
"There's something you need to know." Meredith said.
"What is it?" Derek asked.
"Addison's in room 2205." Derek looked at her wondering why that was so important. "As the patient." Meredith added. "That's really all Izzie would tell me."
"Thanks." Derek said as he ran off to see Addison. He entered the room out of breath and saw Addison in bed with an IV in one arm and hooked up to a monitor. "What happened?" Derek asked gently as he rubbed Addison's head.
"I lost the baby." Addison responded breaking down into tears. Derek held her close. "I shouldn't have gotten so attached based on our history you know, but we have Grace, I thought everything would be okay this time."
"Everything will be okay." He reassured her.
"We'll leave you alone for a while." Nancy said as she left the room with Kathleen. Derek followed them out in the hall.
"Wait." He said and they turned around. "Is Addie really going to be okay?"
"Yeah." Nancy responded. "They're just watching her in case her body doesn't complete the miscarriage on its own and she needs a D&C. How's mom?"
"We stopped the bleeding. She's in recovery. We're just going to have to wait and see." Derek informed them. "What time is it?"
"About 3:30 am." Kathleen answered.
"I left Anna home with Kaitlyn and Grace, but can you make sure they're okay around 7? I just want to be there for Addison right now." Derek asked.
"Of course." Kathleen said. She kissed his cheek and they headed to the waiting room as Derek went back to Addison.
Izzie entered the room a few hours later. She woke Derek and Addison who had fallen asleep.
"Sorry to wake you. I need to check you." She said to Addison. She examined Addison. "You're doing really good. The bleeding is slowing down so you can go home this afternoon if things continue the way they are."
"Thanks Izzie." Addison said in a monotone. Derek glanced at the clock.
"I should go check on my mom." Derek announced getting up.
"I heard she's doing really well." Izzie told him.
"Good. I'll be back babe." He said as he left the room.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Izzie asked Addison. "I'm here if you do."
"Thanks. I'm okay. Really. This is not the first time I've been through this. I got false hope basing expecting this pregnancy to be just like Grace's." Addison told her.
"I'm off in half an hour, can I help you with the kids?" Izzie offered.
"Sleep first then talk to Derek. His sisters are all here so we have some help." Addison said.
Derek went into his mom's room where three of his sisters were sitting.
"How's mom?" He asked.
"So much better. Her vitals have been stable all night. No signs of bleeding. We're just waiting for her to wake up." Amelia filled him in.
"That's good." Derek said.
"How's Addie?" Nancy asked.
"The bleeding slowed down. It doesn't look like she's going to need the D&C. She'll probably come home this evening." Derek replied.
"How's Addie emotionally?" Nancy clarified.
"She's not really talking about it." Derek answered. "I think I'm going to go home and see my girls for a little while and give Anna a chance to see mom, then maybe one of you could watch the kids and give me some time with Addie."
"Definitely." Nancy said reassuring him that they could help.
Later…Derek walked through the halls with Grace and Kaitlyn. He found Nancy and Kathleen in the waiting room.
"We would have come to your house." Kathleen said.
"It's okay. I brought Kaitlyn to see Addison, then you can take them home and watch them." Derek said. "Here." He handed her Grace. "Take the baby for a while." Kathleen took her.
"Sure." Kathleen said.
Derek took Kaitlyn into Addison's room. Addison was sitting up in bed watching tv and smiled when she saw Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn started crying when she saw Addison in a hospital bed.
"Come here." Addison said with her arms open. Kaitlyn climbed on the bed and let Addison hug her. "Did you tell her?" She asked Derek.
"No. All I said was that you were here." Derek said.
"Kaity. Kaity, look at me." Addison begged. Kaitlyn looked up. "Why are you crying?"
"Are you dying?" Kaitlyn asked. Addison smiled.
"Nope you're stuck with me." Addison said.
"Everyone I've ever visited in the hospital has died. I mean except for having a baby. I thought Derek was bringing me here to tell me you're dying." Kaitlyn said.
"I'm not dying, but I will tell you why I'm here." Addison reassured her. "Since you found out that I was pregnant, you should know that I had a miscarriage. The baby died. But I am okay. I'm just here as a precaution." Kaitlyn stormed out of the room crying. She sat in the corner the waiting room because she didn't know where else to go. Kathleen moved to the chair next to her.
"Did something upset you?" Kathleen asked gently.
"I didn't want that baby. I wished it did not exist and now it's dead. It's all my fault. I wished it and it happened and Addie is going to hate me." Kaitlyn cried.
"First of all, it is not your fault. Miscarriages happen on their own and most of the time no one knows why, but it is definitely not your fault. Addie has a history of miscarriages, I can promise you that you did not cause it." Kathleen tried to calm her. "Secondly, Addison does not and will not hate you. Ever. You're her child, she will love you forever."
Derek walked into the waiting room and saw Kathleen talking to Kaitlyn. He leaned against the doorway and watched.
"Dada!" Grace squealed. Nancy looked over and saw him.
"I think Kathleen has it under control." Nancy told him. Derek sat down next to Nancy.
"Life is never calm in the Shepherd-Sloan household." Derek said rubbing his face with his hands. "Kaitlyn's really been giving Addison a lot of trouble lately."
"She's a teenager. She's supposed to cause trouble." Nancy reassured him.
"She's supposed to be our easy one." Derek told her. They sat together silently while Grace played with her toys. "She thought Addison was dying. She's spent so much time in hospitals with us and she thought that you go to the hospital to die."
"She's scared. There's a lot happening in her life right now." Nancy offered an opinion. "And for some reason, she likes Kathleen. She's been spilling her gut to Kathleen."
"At least she's talking to someone. It certainly hasn't been me, Addie, or Mark." Derek said.
"It's probably good for her to like Kathleen." Nancy said. Derek chuckled.
"Why? Because she's the psychiatrist?" Derek asked.
"No. Don't you think Kaitlyn should have someone she's comfortable with in New York in case of a problem when she goes to college?" Nancy said.
"I don't think that will be an issue, but, yes I am glad she's comfortable enough with my family to talk to Kathleen like she is." Derek responded.
"What do you mean that won't be an issue?" Nancy asked suspiciously.
"We'll talk about that later." Derek said attempting to end the conversation.
"Derek. You're hiding something." Nancy accused. Kathleen and Kaitlyn walked over to them at that moment, saving Derek from having to answer Nancy.
"Kaitlyn would like to talk with you and Addie, if Addie's up to it." Kathleen announced to Derek.
"Okay. Let's go see what Addison says. Kaity, you know you can tell us anything anytime." Derek said trying to be supportive.
They walked into Addison's room.
"Kaitlyn has some things she would like to talk to you about. Are you up to it?" Kathleen asked.
"I'm always up to talking to Kaitlyn." Addison responded. Kathleen dragged over a chair and sat towards the end of the bed. Kaitlyn sat on the end of the bed and Derek sat next to Addison's head, taking her hand in his.
"Before we start, I just want everyone to agree that this is a safe zone. Everyone is allowed to say anything they are thinking without being afraid of judgment or punishment from anyone else." Kathleen set some ground rules and they all agreed. "You're up." She said to Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn sat there silently for a minute looking at all of them. "Tell them what we talked about."
"I'm afraid I'm going to be left out when I move to college." Kaitlyn started talking.
"Kaity." Addison said but was interrupted by Kathleen.
"Let her finish."
"I'm going to be all the way across the country with most of my stuff. I thought you were going to replace me with the new baby, especially because Lily lives with dad now. You would be a family, just you guys, Grace, and the baby. There isn't a spot for friend's daughter. So I wished the baby did not exist and now I feel guilty. It's all my fault." Kaitlyn recited her speech to them. "I'm not going to be needed. Will you still have room for me? Will you still love me from 3,000 miles away when you have your own kids who need your attention?"
"Kaitlyn, we will always love you." Addison said.
"You are a part of our family. You have always been a part of our family and you always will be a part of our family." Derek added.
"We know that you are not our child biologically, but we consider ourselves your parents. We may have more kids now, but I feel like you're my first born. We never intended for you to feel like you were going to be replaced by a new baby. You could never be replace and you will always have a spot in our home. " Addison told her.
"You will always be needed. Without you who's going to keep me and your dad in line?" Derek joked. "Who's going to be an awesome big sister to Lily, Grace, and Nathan? Who's going to have girls night with Addison when she needs a break from the little kids? You have lots of jobs in our family that can't be filled by anyone else."
"I also want you to know. I need you to understand. This is so important Kaitlyn. You did not cause my miscarriage in any way. These things just happen and we can't fix them. You had nothing to do with it. I get that this baby was going to once again turn your world upside down at time when you have a lot of other changes and you may not be excited about it so you wished you weren't going to have a new sibling. I get that those thoughts may make you feel guilty right now, but please, please don't blame yourself. It is not your fault." Addison explained.
"I think I know that." Kaitlyn said.
"I really need you to understand that. I also know that you aren't one of the little kids and you aren't one of the parents and sometimes you feel left out from everything so I'm going to tell you something, but I need you to promise to keep it a secret from everyone outside of this room. This is a grown-up decision we are including you in." Addison told her.
"Okay." Kaitlyn said.
"We're going to move to New York this fall." Addison announced.
"Really?!" Kaitlyn asked excited.
"Really." Addison confirmed. "But you have to promise not to talk about it. It's really exciting for you, but it's going to be really hard for Lily."
"How can you leave Lily behind?" Kaitlyn asked upset.
"She lives with your dad now. Your dad may not have been the best dad when you were Lily's age, but he has improved a whole lot and is doing a great job being a dad. She has Izzie to do some mom things for her too. She doesn't need me as much as you do." Addison explained. "Plus I fully intend to see her frequently."
"That's true." Kaitlyn confirmed.
"Number 1, I want you to know how much I love you. I can't even explain to you how much I love you. More than words. Number 2, I want you to know that you can always talk to me, Derek, your dad, or Izzie about anything at all. Don't worry about our feelings or getting in trouble, it's more important to talk about our issues. You also really need to understand that my miscarriage is not your fault. Okay?" Addison asked for confirmation.
"Okay." Kaitlyn said.
"I could really use a hug." Addison said with a smile. Kaitlyn put one arm around Addison and one arm around Derek. They hugged her in return.
"I love you so much, Kaity." Addison said.
"Ditto." Derek said.
"I love you guys too." Kaitlyn responded.
I hope you still want to read!