Chapter 8

Such an Dick

I became very good at avoiding Bella. I began shadowing my father at the hospital to get "some real experience." There were still situations that were unavoidable though; like when she was at my house hanging out with Alice, and we still had Biology together.

I was still "friends" with Bella, but I just kept a distance, and believe me I was getting it from everyone.

"Edward, why are you being such a dick to Bella?" Alice asked.

"What? I'm not being a dick. I've just been busy," I said defending myself.

"Come on. Bella and I both know you're avoiding her and have been since the UCLA kiss thing happened. I just don't understand why."

"I just want to get some experience before I leave for school, so just drop it. Besides if it was really bothering Bella she should just say something to me herself."

"She would Edward, but you hardly stick around long enough for her to say hi. She's really hurt, and she misses you. You're already leaving for Dartmouth when school lets out; are you sure you want to waste the last month you have with her?"

I turned away from her.

"Damnit Edward, you're going to regret this!" she shouted before leaving and slamming the front door.

I knew I was going to regret this; I already was, but what choice did I have? I couldn't be around her and not want to kiss her every time. I knew it wasn't fair to her, but I wasn't strong enough anymore.

"Edward dear, Emmett is on the phone; he'd like to talk with you," Mom said snapping me out of it.

I grabbed the phone and headed for my room.

"Hey Emmett. What's up?"

"Eddie, what the hell is going on over there? Rose was talking to Jasper, and he said that you're not talking to Bella, so I decided to give her a call. Dude, she's a mess. She doesn't know what she did; she was bawling man."

"I'm not not talking to Bella, I'm just not spending as much time with her as I used to."

"Anytime."

"Fine. Anytime with her. Look you know how I feel about her Emmett; it's just too hard."

"Well then maybe you need to talk to her and let her know, instead of acting like such an ass. Ah crap, I gotta go. FIX THIS. I'll see you at graduation. Later lil' bro."

Are you kidding me, Alice and Emmett both in one day? I had been called both a dick and an ass, man I must be on a roll. They really didn't get it. I've tried to be close to Bella and hide my feelings, but weird shit just kept happening when we were together, and I just couldn't do it anymore.

I needed to keep busy, so I decided to see if Mom needed anything done around the house. When I walked downstairs, I could hear Mom talking to someone. I hoped it was Jasper; I could really use a distraction.

"Sweetie, I'm sure he's got a reason for why he's behaving this way. I'm sorry, but know that you're always welcome here Bella," Mom said.

Oh great. This was really turning out to be the day from hell.

"Hey Mom. Bella. I was wondering if you needed anything done around the house today?" I asked.

"No, I don't think so. Why don't you keep Bella company until Alice gets back? I need to run into town to get a few things for dinner; I'll be back later. Bella you're welcome to stay and eat with us," Mom gave me a warning look.

"Thanks, Esme," Bella said not saying yes or no.

Well this was going to be awkward. Bella turned and walked into the living room, so I followed. I turned on the TV and sat in the chair.

"So…are you getting nervous for graduation?" I asked like we were strangers.

"No, I'm ready. I'm ready to get away from Forks," she said flatly.

Away from me. My heart sank at the thought.

"Did you enjoy prom a few weeks ago?" I asked trying to fill the silence.

"Edward, just drop it. I know you don't care about if I had a good time at prom. If you did, you would have been there. You can't just not speak to me and then expect for things to be normal now. I understand that you're mad at me for kissing you, but I," but before she could finish I cut her off.

"You don't understand anything Bella," I shot at her.

"You're right. I don't understand because you refuse to talk to me!"

"It's better this way Bella. I'm leaving soon anyways."

"That's exactly it. You're leaving soon, and you're treating me like I don't matter; like it's so easy not having me in your life. Don't you miss me at all?!"

Her words hurt, but I deserved it. I was being so selfish. I was too ashamed to speak which Bella took as indifference.

"Forget it Edward," she said getting up and heading for the door, "tell your mom thanks but something came up."

I let her leave. Did I have any right to stop her anyways? I needed to tell her something; even if it wasn't the whole truth. I walked to the door and stepped out onto the porch. She was already in her truck looking down. As I got closer, I could see she was crying. I had done it again; I had hurt Bella. I didn't deserve her.

"Bella," I said sheepishly as I opened her door.

"Edward, just go away."

"Bella please, let me talk to you," I said reaching for her arm.

She pulled away from me.

"Please," I pleaded. "Come inside and let me explain," I didn't know what I was going to explain, but she deserved at least something.

She stepped out of her truck but wouldn't come near me. I followed her back to the house and shut the door behind us. I sat at the opposite end of the couch.

"Well," she said clearly upset.

"I...well I…" I didn't know what to say. "Will you come with me please?" I asked standing up.

She just looked at me confused but stood up. Even when I was a jerk she was amazing. I walked into the sitting room and headed for the piano. I motioned for her to sit down and then sat next to her.

I let my fingers touch a few keys and began to play Chop Sticks softly. She sighed.

"Bella, I know I've been awful, but I you need to know that I think of you all the time. Really I do," I said changing to a softer song.

"I know I've been a jerk, and I can't make up for it. But please know that you matter, and it's not easy not having you in my life. I just haven't taken this whole college thing well," I explained still looking at the piano keys.

"Do you think college is only going to be hard for you? Do you have any idea how much I'm going to miss you and how I've seriously considered going to Dartmouth instead? Well that was before you started acting like such an ass."

"I know Bella. I'm sorry," I said beginning to play the song I'd written for her graduation present.

She was watching me play. "Is this new? I've never heard you play it before," Bella asked.

"I wrote it for you," she looked up at me. I smiled.

"I've missed that crocked smile," she said.

"This was supposed to be your graduation gift, but I guess you can have it early."

I let myself relax and continued playing Bella's song. It reminded me so much of her, soft and happy. So many memories flooded my mind. Playing house when we were younger, the first night I slept over at her house, sitting in the hallway while she played with my hair, Homecoming dance junior year. Bella was in almost every happy memory I had within the last year and a half, and I had pushed her away.

When my fingers played the last few notes to her song, I put my hands on my lap. Bella flung her arms around me.

"It was beautiful Edward. Thank you so much. It's the best gift I've ever gotten; I love it," she said laying her head on my shoulder.

"You're welcome Bella," I said turning to hug her and then before I could even stop myself, "Bella…I love you," I said pulling away to look into her eyes. She didn't seem shocked.

Then I kissed her.