And there he was, leaving…leaving her. And he hated himself for that. He did never want to be in the list, in the list of people who had abandoned her or hurt her but he couldnt help it. He was doing what he never meant to and what he tried so hard to prove her that he wouldnt but his heart was broken, everything felt so wrong, so bloody wrong!
Pirate, the pirate thing.
"You are nothing but a pirate" That memory got into his head, its been long since David told him that but now it feels like yesterday, it feels like 2 minutes ago.
He had tried so hard to show to her that she is worth it, that she deserved to be loved and to be happy, now he feels like maybe he was too focus on trying, to notice that maybe, he was not. Maybe he wasnt worth it, her love, her trust. Maybe he didnt deserve to be loved and happy, maybe this was the karma thing and he wouldnt never get his happy ending because all the harm he had done for those 300 years, not that he ever hurt an innocent but still, he held on anger and lust for revenge and probably this was life taking his happiness because of that. "Pay back is a bitch" they said, it was damn right!
She didnt trust him, she spied on him and hide it after everything they´ve been throught, he felt he didnt deserve that. He understood, he always did but they´ve been together almost 2 years and not matter what he say or do, she still didnt trust him. Because he was a pirate, because he wasnt enough, maybe not but it felt like that and he wonders if everyone else still see him like that too, faking smiles when they saw him but still thinking that he wouldnt last good too long, still waiting for him to do the wrong thing, to hurt someone and just the thought of that killed him inside, it took so long for him to get use to this town, this people, this life and it took so much more for him to make her open to him, to them, it took him so long to be happy, this happy if he ever was before and now everything felt fake in some way, like maybe it was all in his mind because thats what he wanted. And just now, when he was thinking on proposing her, he already got the ring and was only waiting for the perfect moment because he truly believed
They were fine, more than fine, happy living together, like a family with Henry. It was only matter to make it official and maybe later he would even dare to think and start talking about babies, because why not, he loves her and the love of his life giving him a his first child, their child, it would make him the happiest man alive .
He spent the whole night, drinking , trying to forget, to ease the pain but not even the rum, his friend the rum, felt appealing anymore, so he went to work and started doing really early, when it was morning time he thought of her, who was him kidding he thought of her every minute, and he knew she would be worried so he texted her.
"Im okay, not need to worry. Have a nice day a work.
Killian."
He wished he Could say more, so much more but words didnt come to his mind to be written, but he surely didnt want her to think that he would just desapper like smoke, without saying anything.
Her answer was that they needed to talk later, but that he couldnt, he didnt feel like writting, what he would do or say if he had her infront of him? But he still needed to talk to Henry, make it easier for her, he was the one leaving home after all. Its not like he meant to leave for real, but he just needed time to clear his head and to let words come in mouth again but he definitely needed to explain things to the lad. Then she wrote those 3 words, those special words that make him so happy, smile but now it hurt at the same time, "Oh god, Emma i love you so much, more than you will ever know" he thought and his heart broke a little more because he never wanted them to be like this, hurt and apart.
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Later he picked up Henry and tried to explained to him.
"Its okay, lad. I just need a little time to think but you know i love your mother and i deeply care about you. Whatever happens nothing could ever change that"- he said
"I know, Killian, and im not worried! You and my mom are true love! You will find a way, true love always finds a way. You both are each other´s happy ending, you belong together. This is just a little fight, im sure"- Henry said back, with a smile
Killian smiled back, happy that Henry was taking it so well, that he believed in them so much, so much that he wanted believed it himself.
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He was being miserable, everything was wrong and he felt so empty, so lonely without her, without her smile, her eyes, her voice but he didnt want to go back to fight or hurt , he wanted to go back when they were happy, and they loved each other so much. Oh god! He misses her so bad, he needs her deeply.
"Killian, what are- she couldnt keep going and moan softly as he let his hand inside her pants and touched her there, to test her wetness –"doinggg?"
"What do you think, love? What do you feel? Feels good?- he said while kissing her neck as he was pressing her against her desk on the station
"yes, it does. Amazing"- she made to say, while his hand made her wetter
"You like it dirty, dont you princess"- he said to her ear, smiling
"Shut up, pirate"- she demanded
"Or what, you will call the cops or your daddy?"- he teased and she laughed
"yeah, Snow , i know that"- they heard a voice said , breaking apart right away
Yeah, it was David coming back, talking at the phone with his wife, too focus to notice anything.
"Hey, it was Snow,demanding... mother thing, i guess" he said, moving away to his desk
"More like a women thing,mate" he said, earning a punch on the arm from Emma
"Hey! Im right here, you know?"
" thats why i said it, love"- he winked her
"behave, pirate"- she said
"Or what, will you punish me, Swan?" –he wisphered to her ear, pushing away to caress his finger over her lip, making her taste herself. She was so turn on, he grinned at her and licked 2 of his wet fingers tasting her wetness
"Mmm, i think someone needs a cold shower but sadly you have hours of work on your way, love" the bastard teased
"you are a jerk! Coming here, teasing me like this and leaving"- she said, biting her smile
"well, i think i will have to make it up to you, and that sweet cunt of yours that belong to me, princess"- whispered into her ear, so David would listen
"and who said it belongs to you?"- she grinned
" you did. Several times, mostly when you were begging me to take you, to get inside of you and make you mine, love"- he smiled wide
"You are jerk"- she was blushing, from both embarrassment and lust all over her body
"I think you already said that, love... Wow, you are so turn on that you cant formulate sentences anymore, im impressed!"- he said , getting closer
"grrr, you are lucky i love you or I!- she groaned
"What? You what?"- he said, pushing her body against his, making her shiver and almost forget that her father was around the corner
"get ready when i get home, you gonna pay for this"- she gave him a sweet peck on the lips
"mm mm, Emma i need you here" –David said not getting closer , just in case he would find something he didnt want to see
"I better leave, so the sheriff doesnt get distracted with this dashing pirate"- he said and she hit his arm again
"You better leave and get home, we will "talk" about this later"- she said
"i´ll be waiting"- he took his hand to his mouth, put his finger on it, bitting it and never taking his eyes off of her, making Emma smile, roll her eyes and groan at the same time. He enjoyed this, didnt he? Making her wet, teasing her and turning her on, infront of her father , knowing she couldnt leave for hours, hours she would spend pressing her tights to hold on her wetness and trying really hard to focus and not let her mind to fantazied about them making love over and over and having rough sex everywhere. Damn him! And the things he did to her body, in every single way".
He couldnt help the smile on his face at the memory of them being like that, like teenagers playing with fire, not being able to keep their hands on themself, its been a while since that but they still felt the same and now, there he was...alone, hurt and missing her, missing her so much.
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Four day had passed since they saw each other, he got some texts from her but mostly texts from Henry, asking where he was or how he was doing and he always answered him, not just because he cared about the kid but also because he knew Henry would let Emma know and he believed she deserved that. He tried hard to forget and go to talk to her but he couldnt help it, something was broken and he didnt know what to do about it, so he took his ship "The swan" and travelled for 2 days around the town. He didnt like leaving, he didnt want her to think that he leaving for good. It was a 3 or 4 days job, he could ask someone else to do it but he need to think and being away a bit seemed good, he couldnt help but being back earlier anyway...Just being that far away from her didnt make him feel better but much worse, even if he texted her letting her know, in case she went to look for him and she said it was okay but imagining her crying or affraid that he wouldnt come back made him feel crap so he worked hard and came back as soon as he could. After that he was thinking on seeing her but he didnt know where or how or even if she still wanted to see him..and it felt so bad, terrible.
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Later that day after work, he went to his ship when he got a text from David, he was trying to avoid him earlier because he thought like her father he would try to punch him or something and Killian had changed but he wouldnt let anyone punch and that would end up really bad so, he kept his distance but then, its been days and they need to face each other and talk, so when David asked him to meet him at the Rabbit Hole to have some drinks he agreed.
"What the hell are you doing, Killian"- David told him, while they both were sitting on the bar
"About?"
"My daughter, the saviour , sounds familiar to you?"- turned around to face him
"That"- he took a sip of his rum –"Its complicated, really. I dont even know myself anymore, mate"- he said sad
"Why have you avoid me before, i thought we were friends"- charming asked
"I thought you wanted to kill me and didnt want to make things worse, i guess"- he frowed
"She is my child, i love her but you are my friend and i can see why you are hurt, why would i want to punch you, man?"
"Because im a pirate and i left and i hurt her"- he said
"She made a mistake, she knows it and she is hurt, she is so sad, need to go to see her, to talk to her"- David almost begged
"I want to but i dont know how, or where or when"- he said showing how confussed he was
"You still love her right?- she does love you, for sure and she is so miserable, i never she seen her cry so much"- David said
"I... Of course, i love her, and i never meant to hurt her, i felt terrible because she didnt trust me after everything, because i will never nothing but a pirate and-" he was cut
"Pirate?! Yes, you are a pirate so what? You are one of us now, Killian! Dont you know it?"- David yelled
"A heroe..." he said, sad not quite believing it
"Not, not that... Family, you are family, Killian"- David said with a smile, plaming Killians shoulder
"You really mean that, mate"
"Even Snow is worried sick about you and thats happing with you both, she misses you around too and i dont even want to get into my almost 2 years old son, pirate"- he said joking
"Aye, how is the little one doing?"- he smiled back
"Good, you know he said to us yesterday. He wants a pirate birthday party next week...Thanks... alot, pirate"- The prince said, annoyed
"So..."- he breathed
"So, what do you wanna do?"
"What i had to do days ago, tell her im sorry and that if she still wants me and wants to talk, to meet me a dock´s bench tomorrow, lunch time."