Confession day

Quinn orders the other agent to return to Langley. "Keep this a secret. I will inform Adal about what you've researched. We will check later whose number this is."

"Must be a CIA guy." The agent replies.

Carrie watches the departure of the specialist. When her eyes meet Quinn's she can tell how upset he is. She excuses herself to the officer and approaches Quinn.

"What we got?" She is looking curiously at the papers in his hand.

"Not here. Let's go."

Carrie is speechless when she is looking at the numbers.

They are sitting in his Durango at the air base parking lot. Quinn is at the driver seat, hands gripping tight at the steering wheel as if he needs something to hold on.

When she finally speaks, her voice sounds husky. "How could this be? This is your number."

"It's a setup."

"Yes, I know. But how?"

"It's Alina's work. She trapped me." He is still holding the steering wheel.

"Oh no, Quinn. She wasn't even close to you. How should she have been able to manage it?" She looks at him with increasing uncertainty. What has he done?

He knows he has to tell her the truth. Cause she trusts him and deserves his honesty. But he is scared how she will take it.

He takes his hands down. His voice is trembling when he starts to speak. "I met her at a bar last night. After I left you."

"What? Why?"

"I thought it was by chance. That we met by chance. That's how it began…"

"How it began? You chat with her? Shared some drinks? And what else?" Her voice is now icy. She watches him closely, examining his body language, the hints his body is giving to her.

He looks down his hands. Bites his lips. Breathes deeply. Unable to speak up and to confess it.

But Carrie doesn't need his confession. She can read him. Catches his vibes.

"Quinn." She is whispering his name. "You fucked her, didn't you?"

He nods, still not able to look at her.

The silence between them feels horrible. She is waiting for him to speak up.

"Quinn." The urge in her voice is forcing him to look at her. He can see that she is angry. She has the right to be upset. He blasted their mission. His moment of weakness and lust had killed Lockhart.

Another urgent "Quinn" compels him finally to confess. "I fucked her. Shagging her in the ladies restroom. Forgetting everything around me."

She is shaking her head. "I can't believe it. Virgil was right. You are obsessed with her. From the very beginning when you saw her in Tehran. Must have been such a relief to spill inside her."

"I wore a condom."

His weak excuse provokes her to laugh sarcastically. "Now I am relieved. You're such a dick. Wearing a condom doesn't make it better."

He has no reply to that.

"So she got inside your phone while your dick was inside her? Funny."

"I am sorry that I hurt your…" he is not able to finish the sentence.

"Don't you dare to put this on me! You are the one who is fucking around." She stops him angrily.

"I'm not fucking around, Carrie. It was the first time in a year, since I …" He hesitates.

"What, since you what? Look Quinn, I am not interested to discuss your love life. It's not my business. I just want to clean up this mess."

"What do you propose? Return to Langley and confess everything to Adal?"

She sighs. "No, not the right time. He would grill your dick."

'Like you did with me.' He thinks amused.

"And we don't know how he is involved. Alina is his daughter. He may not believe you. Then it's your ass that's nailed down. We can't risk it."

"We?" It gives him comfort.

"You're my partner. I mean you are a fucking idiot, but I believe in your innocence. Let's drive. I know a place where we can collect our thoughts."

He feels uncomfortable again when they arrive at their destination. Carrie's cabin is not the right place to give him peace. He has been here before. He recalls how he watched her making love with Brody. A memory that has haunted him. He remembers how he sneaked through the woods to kill Brody. How he disobeyed his orders to save her.

He is breathing the fresh air, the scent of the woods. Instead of following her to the cabin, he walks to the stage. The stage where Brody had been praying to his God. The place where he was supposed to shoot him.

He waits for her to follow him.

"It's breathtaking. Isn't it?" She steps beside him as he looks at the lake.

He looks at her intensely. The fresh air blushes her cheeks. She looks beautiful. "Yep! Breathtaking."

Quinn knows he has to tell her. She deserves his honesty. Even if his final confession would perish her trust. He is scared like never before. Telling her that he fucked another woman has not been easy. But telling her that he nearly killed the love of her life, the father of her child. He doesn't know how to begin.

Maybe it's the expression on his face. Or maybe it's just the stiffness of his body that arouses her suspicion. Or maybe it's simply Carrie's great instinct to empathize with other persons.

"What is it Quinn?"

"I have been here before." His voice is just a whisper. But she gets immediately the point.

"You've been here?" She steps closer. Her gaze is piercing him. "You watched me and Brody, right?"

He nods as an answer.

"You watched us making love?"

A bite on his lips confirms it.

"You were following us for the reason of…? Her eyes narrow as she waits for his answer.

He needs to confess it. "I had the order to kill Brody."

"On whose order?"

"Estes."

"Who is luckily too dead to confirm it. Did you have the order to kill me as well?"

He is shaking his head. "Carrie, I disobeyed the orders. I didn't pull the trigger because it would have served only Estes' purpose. To cover his ass." He's grabbing her arms.

She is laughing again. It's a bitter laugh without any joy. Then she wrests from his grip.

"Lucky me that you have somehow a conscience. Or maybe you're just a pervert psycho who forgot what he was sent for while he was watching two people having sex."

With a last loathed look she leaves him at the stage.

It's been hours but Quinn is still standing on the stage, his gaze at the peaceful lake.

When it starts to rain, he retreats under a tree.

'It's a lie that confession is good for the soul. I feel like shit. Carrie will never forgive me. I fucked it up.'

The rain gets heavier. It soaks through his clothes, but he doesn't feel it. His body is numb.

Another hour goes by and it's getting dark. Suddenly Carrie stands in front of him. She grabs his arm and pulls him under her umbrella. "Come inside. I need you alive."

His rain-drenched body leaves a puddle of water on the cabin's floor. He watches Carrie as she fetches some towels and a blanket. She hands them to him. "You better take a shower to warm up. You can wrap into the blanket until your clothes are dry."

When he doesn't move, she pushes him towards the bath room.

He does what she has told him. He strips his wet clothes, warms up under the shower, he towels himself off and finally wraps into the soft blanket.

Back in the living room Carrie orders him to take a seat in a huge armchair near the fire. Then she sits down on the opposite couch. There is a revolver on the table in front of her. He's staring at it. 'What's in her mind?'

"Don't think you are done with your confessions. I want to know the whole story." She points at the revolver. "I will question you. If you are telling me lies, I will shoot you." She waits until her words sink in. "I won't kill you. I don't give this mercy to you. But I will hurt you. Don't hope I am a bad shooter. I know how to handle this gun. You understand me?"

He looks at her without emotion. Then he nods as a reply.

Carrie is holding his gaze until he looks down at his hands. She isn't sure if she strong enough to go through this. Would she be able to shoot him if he puts up a fight. But Quinn seems to be paralyzed. 'Hopefully there's no need to harm him.'

"What was Estes covering up?" A harmless question to warm him up.

"He and Walden had been involved in a drone strike in Iraq that also killed civilians."

"The one that killed Nazir's son Issa?"

"I think so, but Estes didn't give me the details."

"Does Adal know the orders to kill Brody."

"Yes, he was the first who gave me the information." Quinn looks up at her waiting for the next question.

"Why did you disobey the orders. You know that Brody was guilty. You have seen the video. You were aware he was a danger." She is piercing his gaze down.

"I've told I didn't want to cover…"

"Bullshit, Quinn. Don't force me to use the gun." She knows there is another truth. Quinn doesn't look at her, but she sees the strain in his face.

"I didn't want to kill Brody because of you. Because it would have destroyed you." He glances back at her.

"How fucking canny of you. So you tried to protect me."

He nods.

"Why? Why you wanted to protect me?" She gets up to her feet.

"You were my team member."

"A team member who you barely knew." She closes the distance between them.

He stares at his hands again. Licks his lips. She stands now in front of him. Piercing him with her intensive gaze. The revolver is still on the table. Suddenly she put two fingers under his chin. Forcing him to look her into the eyes.

"You're such a bad liar, Peter. Or is it John?" Her fingers are burning on his skin. But he is not answering.

She starts caressing his cheek with her thumb. It's soft and comforting. 'She's changing her tactics.' It reminds him of her interrogation of Brody. It's admiring.

"Tell me your real name and I will leave you alone." Her fingers are wandering downwards to his throat and further to the loose ends of the blanket. A soft movement and the blanket slips down, uncovering his bare chest. He holds his breath for a moment when she touches him there. The sensation of her fingers on his naked skin arouses him. He closes his eyes and devotes himself to his feelings.

"Tell me." She's whispering in his ear. Her lips are so close that he almost feels them. And her caressing fingers slip inside the blanket. Downwards to his pelvis, to his hardness. "Tell me. And I will give it to you. I will fulfill your dreams."

These words kick him back to earth. He looks into her eyes. Searching for a sign of feelings. But all he sees is her cruelty, her triumph. 'This is like my fucking nightmare.'

It cost him a lot to finally reply to her. "I am not telling you. Even if you hurt me. I am not telling you."