Chapter 10 - Explanations Caught On The Tongue

It was like he was trapped. Every time he blinked he would find himself in a different place. One moment he was screaming in the dark, the next he was being poked and touched by strangers in white with a blinding light. Another blink and he was staring at Roy as he was fighting back tears and rubbing at his hand. Another and Edward was looking up to Alphonse as he read aloud from a book. The words slurring before he was lost in another blink. When he came to Ed was listening to Al and Mustang talking about getting him up the stairs. Without a thought on it, the dazed blond was rocking himself against his superior office and looking up at him.

This had been his life for about two and a half months. Edward would lose himself in the days. Time becoming distorted. Every time he tried to question it his voice would die out in his throat in a painful burn. After a couple weeks, Ed's gaps were being filled in with dreams. Nightmares, really. He'd hoped, more often then not, that they were simply bad dreams from his over stressed head and listening too deeply on whispered words about him from work, but every time he woke he knew it wasn't just a dream. His body would ache in all the wrong places. The looks of everyone around him told him something wasn't right. Most of the time he couldn't keep his eyes open, let alone sit up. When he could, Edward would just zone out and rethink the events that lead up to his place on the hospital bed or simply black out the time all together. By the time he had everything set in it's place, Ed would blink and he was screaming in the dark again.

Doctors would say it was post traumatic stress. That what all had been done had scarred him, but Ed wasn't sure what they meant. He'd been blocking it out. Forcing it from his mind with every waking moment only for his brain to retell the same story over and over night after night. The easier it became to keep his eyes opened, the more he realized they were right. There would be days where Edward could recall what had happened and he'd scream or cry, other days he was lost in blissful confusion. Not even fully aware of himself at those times. The less medicine that flooded his system the more he seemed to distance himself from everyone. Shame and disgust keeping his gaze from reaching anyone else's.

Time still seemed to lapse around him at times. A blink of the eyes and he was in a whole new setting. His mind had completely blocked out certain visits from family or friends, the last most recent being Winery. Alphonse had been telling him that she hadn't meant to be so pushy or how she was sorry she couldn't stay longer. Edward had no idea she'd even come at all.

Currently, Edward sat in a car between Roy and Alphonse. He had his head propped against his little brother's shoulder, eyes wide and lost as he thought of his most recent dream. A slight twitch coming to his eye as he thought of pliers ripping at his automail. Piece after piece being ripped from over sensitive nerves. Ed shook the dream away with a shoulder as the sound of voices came to his ears. Al and Roy would commenting about his steps. Al not being able to carry him to the top all on his own. He may have been taller, but he definitely wasn't stronger then Ed. The ex alchemist didn't think too much of it when he rocked away from his little brother to lean into Roy's side. He'd locked his golden gaze at the fading pink scarring of his wrist. Watching it twitch slightly before he turned his eyes on Roy, wondering what the hold up was exactly. Hadn't they been talking about taking him up to the apartment? Not a second later had he blinked and found himself in his home, still held by Roy. The man turned to head to the bedroom and slight panic rose in Edward. His hand snapped up to grip into the fabric of Roy's shirt. Roy simply laughed before heading over to the couch. When the flame alchemist moved to step away, Ed gripped tighter into his shirt. He had opened his mouth, but the burning was still in his throat and in a pout he let the fabric slip from his fingers as he dropped back against the couch.

x

It had been about four days since he had left the hospital. Alphonse had been pecking over him like a mother hen, much as he always had back when they were lost on their journey to restore what they had lost, except the only one lost now was Edward. He felt useless and broken most often. He couldn't focus his mind, it seemly refused to process anything and if he tried too hard his brain would scream and shut down. Pulling him into nightmares he'd rather not have to repeat, and yet, every shut of his lids let the images play like a film stuck in a loop.

He'd started the morning in bed, curled up tightly against Alphonse. Things seemed to slow when he had a grip on his brother. He didn't feel so sick of himself or confused. Al made the confusion fade into a dull ping in the back of his mind, but in blink he was gone. Edward didn't let his panic best him as of late. Simply telling himself he'd just taken a nap. He was home. He wasn't dreaming and he wasn't alone in the dark. Ed let his mind wrap around these thoughts to ground himself, but he was too wrapped in calming himself he hadn't heard Al calling to him. He hadn't heard the boy shifting down around him before he was letting out a startled cry at being suddenly lifted up into Al's arms. Flesh arm snapping to lock around his little brother's shoulders as he let his wide eyes settle on the taller sibling. Ed was calming in seconds and in the next moment he was carefully being sat on the couch in the living room. He gave Al warm little grin before the other was giving his own happy smile, muttering about breakfast, and wondering over to the kitchen. Edward watched as Al was pulling out what all he needed to start cooking when, he swore, he just blinked and the next thing he knew Al was nudging him awake, telling him breakfast was ready. The older Elric just let out a groan before rubbing his hand over his face and combing back tangled golden locks. Today was another day he wouldn't be able to stay awake through for too long.

The next time he woke, it was to the sound of voices. Alphonse and General bastard. They were speaking softly and when Ed let his eyes peek open he realized he was still on the couch. Golden hues shifted up to the dinning room, the two men with there backs to him as they spoke. Ed tried to focus on the words, but his brain was still fogged down in sleep. He simply stretched out what limbs he had left, a thought slipping that he needed to talk to Winery about getting his automail back. The heavy feel of sleep washed from the ex alchemist a minute after after. Stomach flipping as images shot through his head. Ed dropped forward to bend over himself of the sofa. His hand clenching against his stomach as he fought of the need to vomit. Before Ed could do little else to attempt to calm his gut, Al had dropped to kneel before him on the couch. Cool hands taking his face and tilting it back for the younger brother. Worry clear on Alphonse face, but his words were getting lost before they reached Ed's ears. He simply chose to lean into those hands, eyes fluttering shut and once more he was lost to sleep.

"This is what I mean.." Al turned back to stare up to Roy. The man wearing a look of worry of his own as he watched the two at the couch. The younger Elric had called him sometime in the afternoon yesterday. He had been worried over Ed, as they all were in Mustang's office. Al had asked if Roy could come and look after his brother for a bit, which was why the man was here now. He'd arrived to find Ed asleep on the couch. The general hadn't be able to visit since he had dropped the boy off on that very couch days before. Alphonse had been telling him about Edward's recent behavior. Clinging to his younger brother and seeming to fall asleep or zone out for hours only to wake with the most bizarre and confused expressions on his face. Al was worried that Edward may not even understand who he is let alone where he was half of the time. He'd said that Ed seemed best when he was held or close to him. Alphonse had been telling Roy this as well as the best way to look after his brother while he was out. The younger of the brothers needed to go into town, grab a few things from a market and check in with some of Ed's doctors when said blond let out a painful groan. Both men snapping their attention to the blond bent over himself on the couch.

"Does he get sick often?" Al shook his head. "I'm not really sure, he doesn't throw up, but he gets hot and clammy like he's gonna be.." He turned his attention back to his brother before carefully laying him over the couch, fussing with the blanket until Ed was properly covered. He combed his fingers through lightly damp bangs before pulling back all together and standing once more. "Maybe I should stay here.. I could just ask you-" Roy shook his head, patting Al on the back as he stepped over from his place in the kitchen. "We've all heard Ed's stories on your shopping Al. You're rather particular and I don't think I could talk to the doctors about Edward, given I haven't had time to visit. They would need to talk to you to know how Edward has been." Al sighed in defeat, eyes falling back to the sleeping blond. Roy was right on all accounts and as much as he didn't want to, he needed to go. "Alright, General. I trust you.." He offered a smile to the man before he began to finish their talk from before. Explaining what all Ed may do or need. How to calm him and keep from startling the boy too badly. Edward had been so distant and jumpy as of late, but it wasn't as if the boy could really be blamed.

Forty minutes later and Ed was waking. Eyes snapping over to the head of black hair just before him. His first thought was who it even was, but instead of flinching back, Ed felt okay. Calm even. Laying on his right, Ed reached out his only hand, fingers gliding into the inky locks before the person was rearing back and turning to glare at him. Roy. He was shocked now, but then okay again, turning back to his siting position against the couch from the floor. Hands adjusting, slightly crumpled, papers.

"I'll admit," He chuckled and Ed's eyes widen slightly before he was smirking softly. "You gave me a fright, Edward. Feeling better?" The general looked over his paperwork, voice calm. Casual. Ed didn't reply, but Roy knew better then to except him to. Simply carrying on the one side conversation without a second thought. "I'd really hate to have to clean up one of your messes." His tone coming out in mock annoyance before turning back to smirk at the blond. Ed was working on sitting up, Roy moving swiftly to assist the other till he was up properly. A soft smirk still tugging on Ed's lips.

The afternoon went by in slow moments. Roy had settled down beside Edward atop the couch. He was still working through his papers, every so often the general would let his gaze wonder to the blond. Sometimes their gaze would meet before Ed would turn off in a daze, as if he was lost deep in thought. He'd let the blond be as such for a bit longer though, if Mustang was honest, it unnerved him with how quiet had was. Reaching over, he brushed his thumb against the other's cheek, slightly surprised when Ed merely leaned into the touch. A tired huff coming out before Ed was wiggling in his seat, soon pressing himself against the other's side. Head dropping to lay over top Roy's shoulder without a care. The flame alchemist watched in silence as Edward's eyes drooped before falling shut only to have the blond snapping up in a start. Eyes wide, but focused now. They looked about in frantic confusion before settling on Roy. His chest heaving, but slowing as he calmed.

"Are you alright?" Ed nodded weakly before a painful croak was heard. Roy had turned back to his paperwork only to snap his gaze back on the blond still pressed into his side. The ex alchemist was rubbing his hand over his throat before turning up to glare pitifully at his superior. A broken crack of the word 'What?' leaving Ed. Time halted for the flame alchemist. He continued to stare with surprise heavy on his face before he was off the couch and kneeling before Edward, hands taking the blond's head in his hands. "Do that again.. If you can." Ed was bewildered for a moment before he was brushing the hands from his face and shaking his head. He smirked before chocking out a pained 'bastard.' Roy simply laughed. It was a nervous laugh and filled with growing relief. The moment didn't last long as the next broken word to leave the blond left Roy in a rather uncomfortable situation.

"Bathroom."

/I rewrote this chapter five times and I am still not satisfied. Sorry if this is a bad chapter. I got so blocked when writing it./