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She was in his arms again, tucked away in the one spot that made her feel safe. His heart beat strong and steady beneath her ear, and it was quickly becoming her favorite sound. Hours of tears had tried on Olivia's face and Fitz' shirt, and her eyes hurt from crying so much. She was calm now, completely drained and exhausted. Somewhere, in the back of her clouded mind, Olivia realized that he'd pulled her legs across his lap and that one of his hands was still stroking her back. The other one was entwined with her own, large fingers caressing her tiny ones absentmindedly. They hadn't spoken in hours, but so much was being said.
There were things she would have to think about soon, like the fact that Fitz was nearly 15 years older than her – and her boss. Or the undeniable truth that within mere months, she would be moving again, putting hundreds of miles between them. Or maybe the question whether there even was a 'them' that she needed to consider. He was caring, sweet, and incredibly supportive, but Olivia still didn't believe he would want to continue what they'd barely started after her revelation. Right now, however, she didn't want to think about anything but his scent and the feeling of warmth he created in her chilled body.
At first, she couldn't figure out what it was that had brought her out of her deep thoughts, but then Olivia realized that Fitz was humming against her ear. She didn't recognize the song, but it still seemed familiar. When the soft melody came to an end, Fitz gently kissed the spot just below her ear, before nuzzling her neck lovingly. Olivia shivered, wondering if this was what it felt like to be loved. She dismissed the thought quickly, terrified by where her mind was taking her.
"It's late.". Fitz whispered against the sensitive skin of her neck. "You should get some rest, Liv."
She knew he was right, and she truly was exhausted, but she didn't want to move from his arms only to return to her empty apartment. Despite her inner struggle, Olivia sat up and smiled at him weakly. She expected him to offer calling a taxi or driving her home himself, but the words that actually came out of his mouth surprised her.
"There is a small guest bedroom just across the hallway from my bedroom. I'd like you to stay."
Her eyes were wide when she looked at him in surprise.
"Fitz…"
"I don't want you to be alone. Not tonight."
Fitz didn't offer her any more to explain himself, but she didn't need to hear more. He'd said so much with those few words, and Olivia simply nodded her head, accepting his offer. Together, they walked down the short hallway. She lingered in the doorway of his bedroom, watching him as he retrieved one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts for her to wear to bed. When she walked into the bathroom to get changed, Fitz observed her quietly. Her shoulders were slumped and she looked sad and defeated. It broke his heart, knowing that no matter what he would say to her, Olivia would always feel like she'd never be good enough after what had happened to her.
He was still standing in the guest bedroom when she emerged, dressed in his shirt and shorts – both much too big on her small frame. Olivia bit her lip and crawled under the covers that he had pulled back for her. She could feel his gaze on her, and she knew he was unsure of what to do.
"Thank you, Fitz.", she finally whispered.
Without a reply, he walked over to the bed and leaned down to kiss her forehead.
"Goodnight, Livy."
When he left her room, she noticed how he didn't close the door completely, and the small gesture meant the world to her.
Two o'clock had come and gone and Fitz was still wide awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the events of the previous day. His heart ached for Olivia, but he knew that she was strong and that she would be able to overcome her demons. He wanted to help her, to be there for her whenever she needed him, and he hoped more than anything that she would let him. Fitz' thoughts were interrupted by a quiet noise coming from somewhere outside of his bedroom. At first, he couldn't quite identify it, but then he realized it was the quiet sound of crying. He jumped out of bed in a panic, nearly running out of his room and into the guest bedroom where Olivia was lying in bed, curled into herself. Her body was shaking from the effort it was taking her to suppress her sobs.
"Liv…", he breathed, kneeling down in front of the bed.
"I'm sorry.", Olivia cried. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"Don't worry about it.", Fitz soothed, placing a hand against her cheek. "I couldn't sleep anyway."
"I had a nightmare.", she admitted, and it was all the explanation he needed.
Later he would wonder what had made him decide to do this, but in that moment he wanted nothing more than to be her rock. Fitz pushed himself off the floor and walked around the bed. He lifted the covers and joined Olivia, who stiffened slightly next to him. She had calmed down considerably already, his presence enough to soothe her, but he knew that her nightmare was still fresh in her mind. He had scooted as close as possible without actually touching her, and he remained on his back with his arms firmly planted by his sides.
Olivia couldn't believe that he was there, in bed with her. She had never shared a bed with a man before, and up until now, she had assumed just the presence of a large, masculine body so close by would intimidate her. It was always different with Fitz, though, and Olivia was beginning to understand that. In the silence of the bedroom she could hear his hand sliding across the fabric of the sheets beneath them, so his touch didn't startle her when he finally reached her. Cautiously, the tip of his index finger met her lower back, drawing invisible patterns against the shirt Olivia was wearing. She let him do this for a minute, before reaching behind her to catch his hand in hers. Hesitantly, Olivia pulled his hand up and across her waist, knowing Fitz wouldn't need words to understand her intentions. He rolled on his side and let her pull him until he was spooning her. Olivia's tense body finally relaxed.
"Fitz?", she asked in a hushed voice. "Will anyone ever want to look at me after what happened to me?"
He didn't answer right away, and it scared her.
"Do you know…", he finally began. "… that you have the most expressive, beautiful eyes I've ever seen? Even when they look sad, they are stunning. When you are deep in thought, your brows furrow and the tiniest wrinkles form along your forehead. Sometimes, when you're confused or not pleased with something, you wrinkle your nose, and when you are embarrassed or nervous you bite your lip. You have such perfect lips – full and soft."
Olivia's eyes were wide as she listened to his words.
"When you wear your hair straight you don't touch it, but when it's framing your face in soft curls you sometimes twist it around your fingers while you are reading files or emails. That's my favorite.", he admitted. "When your hair is up, I can see your long neck and sometimes I catch myself wondering if you would enjoy being kissed there. You always smell so good, like coconut. Your skin glows and it is so unbelievably soft and beautiful. You are so beautiful."
Fitz stopped to gather his thoughts.
"I look at you, Olivia. I see you. I will never push you, never do anything you aren't ready for, but someday – if I am so lucky – I would like to be the man that gets to look at all of you, physically and emotionally. I'll always want to look at you."
He had managed to stun her into silence, and Olivia was completely at loss about how she could ever possibly reply to his words. Nobody had ever been able to read her like he could, because she had never let anyone in before. Maybe it should have scared her, but she wasn't afraid.
"I do enjoy it.", Olivia mumbled into her pillow – the most unlikely answer to his admission. "When you kissed my neck today, I enjoyed it."
A smile grew on his lips and she felt it when he pressed them to the skin of her neck playfully. Fitz kissed her there once – a brief reminder of what they could, and hopefully would, have. Her body was pulled even closer to his, until there was no space between them. They lay like this for a while, and although the room was completely quiet, Olivia knew he wasn't asleep yet.
"Thank you, Fitz, for everything you did today. I will never be able to repay you."
"You already did, Liv. That day you let me talk about my daughter… it meant the world to me.", Fitz said. "Things happened to us… terrible things that still hurt us and always will. But for the first time in my life, I feel like I am not fighting this uphill battle alone, because of you. And I hope that maybe, I make you feel the same way."
Olivia didn't reply, but simply squeezed the hand that was holding her body tightly to his.
"Don't let me go, okay?"
"Never."
The implications of her question and his answer were life altering for both of them, but neither chose to dwell on it for the moment. Finally, they were both able to drift off to sleep.