Chapter Ten
Forgotten
Bella's Point of View
"Okay, Bella, I know how much you hate this, but we need more of your blood to run tests on," Carlisle said.
I groaned and clamped a hand over my eyes. "Happy place," Edward whispered in my ear. I tried to picture my old happy place, but the vision had vanished. I had no clue if I would even live to see the house be built. I shuddered at the thought.
I could hear Carlisle preparing a needle, the sound making me cringe into Edward. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, gently rubbing his thumb along my arm. Suddenly, I felt Carlisle poking the needle into my arm. I heard my own intake of breath, and my head started to spin. I felt someone lifting me up, and then laying my limp form on the medical bench. I fluttered my eyes open and looked over at Carlisle, who was putting a Band-aid on my arm.
I gasped when I saw my arm. It was covered in deep purple bruises, ranging in color from indigo to navy blue. I shuddered and looked up into Carlisle's sad blue eyes. "How did I get all of those?" I asked quietly. "I haven't even fallen."
"When you have leukemia, you get bruises from simple things, even if you don't fall. Sometimes just laying on your arm overnight can give you bruises." I shuddered again and looked away.
"Carlisle, how soon can we start Bella on treatment?" Edward asked quietly.
"As soon as possible. She's scheduled for an MRI in about 15 minutes, and we'll go from there. The first step will most likely be chemotherapy," Carlisle answered.
"Chemo?" I asked nervously, remembering the horrific stories I had heard about it.
"Chemotherapy will be very strenuous on your body, yes. You will most likely lose your hair, and experience extreme nausea and pain. You will lose a lot of weight and may become anemic. But it is the most effective way to kill off the cancerous cells. We will put a permanent line into your arm or chest, and then distribute the chemo through an IV. You will need to stay in a hospital during the chemotherapy treatments, as your immune system will be severely weakened."
AS Carlisle started describing the painful treatments, the reality of the whole situation fully sank in. I started trembling and missed the rest of Carlisle's explanation. I could die from this. I could actually die.
"Bella?" I heard a worried velvet voice ask. "Bella, it's okay." Edward put his hands on my shoulders, and I snapped out of my trance and looked up at his face. I'm sure he could see the wild panic in my eyes. "Bells, Carlisle is going to do everything possible to get you through this. I know that you're afraid, and you have every reason to be. But you will make it through this."
"Carlisle, how big is the chance…that I won't make it?" I whispered.
"Bella…" Edward began quietly.
"I want to know, Edward. I need to know how bad this is."
"There is a 44 percent mortality rate," Carlisle answered soberly.
44 percent. That meant that it was nearly a 50/50 chance that I wouldn't make it. I closed my eyes and tried desperately not to think about that knowledge. "Don't I have to go get an MRI or something?" I asked.
"Yes. I'll have you put this on," Carlisle said, handling me a blue paper gown. "I'll be right back with a wheel chair."
"Carlisle, I don't need a wheel chair. I can walk," I insisted.
"Sorry, Bella. It's hospital policy."
"Okay, I guess it's no use arguing, then." Carlisle smiled warmly and left the room to go get me a wheel chair. Once Carlisle was gone, I pulled off my sweat shirt and jeans, and pulled the paper gown on. "I feel stupid," I complained.
"Bella, you look like a patient in a hospital. No one is going to think you look stupid," Edward said, a slight smirk on his face. I walked back over and sat down on Edward's lap.
"I'm scared, Edward," I whispered, looking down at my trembling hands. "What if I don't make it? What if the leukemia is really bad and the treatment doesn't work?"
Edward tucked my hair back behind my ear, and then wrapped his arm around my waist. "Bella, it's going to be okay."
"But you can't promise that, Edward. You heard Carlisle, there's a 44 percent chance that I'll die."
"That's not the most positive way to think," Edward pointed out.
"But it's true." Edward didn't have a response to that, so we sat in silence for a bit. I leaned my head against his shoulder and waited for Carlisle to get back. I was so exhausted that I was about to fall asleep, when there was a knock at the door.
"Come on in, Carlisle," Edward called. Carlisle opened the door and wheeled the wheel chair into the room.
"Okay, come on, Bella," Carlisle said. I got up off of Edward's lap and sat down grudgingly in the chair. Edward took my hand in his and walked beside me as Carlisle wheeled me down the hallway.
We ended up in a room, empty except for a huge machine in the middle. There was a window on the far wall, and a room filled with computers was visible through it. Carlisle wheeled me up next to the machine and said, "Bella, we are going to do an MRI of your entire body, to locate the locations with the highest concentrations of leukemia. I need you to lie down here," Carlisle explained, pointing to a plastic bed attached to the MRI machine. "You will need to be very still. Any movement will mess up the image generated by the MRI. Because we need to check your whole body, this could take up to an hour."
I stood up and walked to the side of the machine. Edward helped me get up onto the bed. "Edward and I will be in that room over there," Carlisle said, pointing to the room behind the window as he turned the machine on. "There is a speaker, so we can communicate. Be sure to tell us if you get scared, okay?"
I nodded and squeezed Edward's hand once. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too," I answered. Carlisle pushed the bed into the machine and he and Edward went to the other room. I stared up at the inside of the MRI, listening to the loud thumping noise it made and trying to ignore the squeamishness in my stomach.
"How are you feeling, Bella?" Carlisle asked.
"Um, a little claustrophobic," I answered.
"Just close your eyes and try not to think about it, okay? You're doing great." I listened to Carlisle's advice and closed my eyes. The thumping was echoing in my ears, over and over again.
"Think of your happy place," Edward suggested. I tried to think back to my old daydreams, but I couldn't find them.
"I can't," I said softly.
There was a long pause, and then Edward began speaking into the microphone again. "You are standing on the front porch of a beautiful house, a wooden house, stained a light brown. There's a baby girl in your arms that looks just like you. Soft pink cheeks, dark hair and chocolate eyes.
"There are two more kids running around in the yard, in our meadow. One of them, the oldest, chases his little sister around and around. His golden hair is short and sticks up in all different directions, and his eyes are a bright green. Her eyes are a cool blue, her long bronze hair in a single braid down her back.
"Mama!" she screams. "Mama, Ethan is being mean to me! Tell him to stop."
"Ethan," you say. "Be nice to your sister."
"But Mom! Lily started it!" he whines.
"Ethan, just be nice to your sister, okay?"
"Okay," he groans. Suddenly, two identical, half-naked toddlers run out into the grass. Ethan and Lily giggle, covering their faces with their tiny hands. The little children waddle around the front yard, followed by their laughing siblings.
"Jada, Aaron, get back here," their father calls, laughter in his voice. All the kids laugh their silly little giggles, running and hiding behind a tree.
"Where could my kids be?" I ask a smile on my face. "Are they over here?" I look behind you on the porch, and shake my head. "Nope! How about over here?" I run over and look in their little playhouse. "Not here either!" More bell-like giggles. "Does Mama know where they are hiding?"
"No, I have no idea where they could be," you say, a smile in your eyes.
"Daddy! We're over here!" Lily calls. They all run out around the tree, giggling and running around us on the porch.
"Oh, there you are," we say.
"Silly Mama and Daddy," Lily says.
"Silly! Silly!" Jada and Aaron chant, their pale faces alight with joy. "Silly, silly!" They turn and try to run of again, but I pick them up, one in each arm.
"Let's put some clothes on you two," I said. You laugh softly and I bring the two squirming children back into the house.
"Ethan, Lily!" you call. "Let's go inside with Daddy." They run up to you, and chase you to the front door. You open it up, and walk into the open entry room. "Edward?"
"I'm up here, love," I call. You follow my voice up the stairs to the living room. Aaron is waddling around in his diaper. I'm sitting on the floor, trying to get Jada into her dark blue shirt.
"Jada, be nice and let Daddy put your shirt on," you say. You go and sit on the couch, Ethan jumping up and leaning against your side, Lily leaning into your other.
Lily leans over you and touches the baby's face gently. "Baby Michelle," Lily coos. "Mama, can I get Shelly her teddy bear?"
"Sure, baby. It's by her crib in your room," you say. Lily jumps down off the couch and scampers into her room. A few seconds later, she runs back out, a small teddy bear in her tiny hand.
"Here it is, Mama," she says, handing you the bear. You tuck in it next to Michelle's tiny face, gently rubbing your thumb against her soft face.
Aaron squealed loudly, and you look up to see him running away from me. "I think it's almost naptime," you say. "The kids are getting a little rowdy."
"No, Mama! I want to stay up with you and Daddy," Lily whined.
"Nope, you all gotta take your naps. When you wake up, we'll go on a walk. How about that?"
"Oh! Yeah, can we?" she asks excitedly.
"Yep, but you have to take a good nap," you say standing up. "Come on you two." Lilly and Ethan jumped off the couch, walking toward their rooms.
"I'll put Ethan and Aaron to bed. Can you get the girls?" I ask.
"Yeah, sure," you say. You walk towards the girls' room and lay Michelle down in her crib. "Lily, get into your bed," you say. "Jada, you too."
"Okay, Mama," Lily says, climbing into her bed .
"Okay, Mama," Jada mimicked. You pick her up and tuck her into her crib, kissing her forehead.
You tell them to sleep well, then walk out and shut the door behind you. You meet me in the living room, plopping down on the couch next to me. You lean your head against my arm and whisper, "I love you."
"I love you, too, love." You close your eyes and I wrap my arms around you."
Edward stoped his story, bringing me out of my dreamland. "How much longer, Carlisle?" I asked, my voice hoarse.
"We're done," he answered. "I'm going to come turn off the machine and get you out, okay?"
"Okay," I answered, then heard the machine stop thumping a few seconds later. The silence was eerie, after sitting in such a loud environment for so long. Suddenly, I was moving. I turned my head slowly, and saw Carlisle pulling me out of the MRI.
"Okay, be careful and don't get up too fast," he cautioned. I nodded and slowly sat up. I swung my legs over the side of the bed.
"What did you find?" I asked, nervously.
"Let's get you back to the exam room, then we can talk better," Carlisle suggested. He was avoiding my gaze, and that worried me.
"Carlisle, at least tell me something. I need to know."
Carlisle looked over at me, and said softly, "It's…worse that we thought."
A/N: Hey, here's the next chapter! Sorry to drop it off like this, but I'll try to write more this weekend and over Christmas break. Review please!