NO COPYRIGHT INFRIGEMENT INTENDED. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR PROPER OWNERS (AKA SM).

His hands were kneading my back and I could hear his strained breathing from above me. He was panicking. It seemed ironic to me. I had been panicking up until he came here. Now I felt serene. Calm. I could die this way and be happy.

"Bella, please, talk to me."

I couldn't find my voice to speak a word so instead I reached behind me, towards him, and grabbed onto his thigh. He was kneeling next to me and his hands were busy searching my body for an injury.

The moment my hand grasped him, he gasped. One of his hands left my back and grabbed onto my hand that was resting on him. He squeezed my fingers and rubbed his thumb over my dirty knuckles, "Thank God" he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He was whispering, though I knew he wasn't talking to me.

He let go of my hand and I whimpered at the loss. I needed his hand. I don't know why, but I did. He didn't disappoint though since he gently grabbed onto my side to roll me over to my back. I cried out in pain as my knee jostled with the hard ground. Edward's eyes widened and looked down to my knee. He gasped again and shuffled down towards it. He placed his hand over the bleeding wound, and looked at me. "Oh, Bella…"

Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't look at him anymore. The pain was horrible. I tilted my head up towards the sky and tried to make sense of what was going on with me. I had stumbled into Forks, looking for nothing more than a peek at what my life could have been like. I had learned that 'what if's' are devastating. Why dream of something that will never happen? What was I really doing here besides torturing myself?

"Bella look at me" I couldn't. So I just stared unseeingly towards the sky through the branches of the trees.

I felt his hand cup my cheek as he came towards my face. He tilted his head down and forced my eyes to meet his emerald ones. He didn't say anything for a moment; he just stared. His used the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tears and probably whatever grime I had managed to get on myself. He cupped my other cheek with his other hand and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine. "I thought we'd lost you" he whispered.

I didn't say anything. I just stared into him, through his soul, and what I saw was wonderful.

He kissed my eyelid and I gasped at the feel of his warm lips on my skin. He kissed my other eyelid and I couldn't help but reach up and touch his face. I laid the back of my hand on his cheek and tried to smile; I wanted to show him how much his affection was appreciated.

Edward's breath caught for a moment before he squeezed his eyes shut, "We have to get you home, sweet girl" He glanced down at my knee and his brows knitted together, "I can't carry you though it would be easiest" he said as he barely touched the broken skin of my knee, "I don't want you bending this that much…" he trailed off as he looked around himself.

"I'll be fine" I whispered, shocked that I was speaking at all, "I'll be fine" I repeated.

His eyes widened and met mine and a barely-there smile touched his lips. Then, the worry came back as he looked at my knee again. He let out long breath and looked back at my eyes. "Tell me if I hurt you…please"

I nodded, and kept silent once again. He, still being on his knees, placed one arm under my shoulders and the other under my knees. He gently began standing up, me cradled in his arms. A sharp pain shot from my knee immediately, but I kept silent. I could handle it. I'd had worse.

Edward let out a breath of relief when he was fully standing and cradled me closer to his warm body. I hid my face in the crook of his neck and tried breathing in and out evenly.

The trek back to the house seemed to take a much shorter time than it did for me to get all the way out there. As soon as Edward and burst through the trees that lined his home, I heard voices grow from dull whispers to loud yells. I could hear my name and Edward's being tossed around by so many people; I couldn't pinpoint who.

Edward leaned down towards my face and whispered softly, "just close your eyes, sweet girl."

So I did. Thankfully, some mercy came and I was sleeping the moment I let my eyelids fall.

I had been stuck in bed for almost three days and I was so unbelievably close to losing my mind. After Edward had carried me back to his home, his father had gotten right to work on fixing me up. He said that my knee wasn't broken, but it was definitely injured; I'd have to take it easy for a few days. I was extremely thankful that no one had attempted to bring up the sordid details of that day since. I wasn't ready to talk about it.

I sat up from my bed and glanced out the window. It was dark and gloomy; I wasn't surprised. I looked over at the alarm clock and sighed; midnight. What the heck was I going to do at midnight?

I needed a diversion.

I scooted myself to the edge of the bed and began the struggle of standing. It was a bit painful but nothing I couldn't handle. The first thing I did was shower, a long hot shower. I prayed the sound of the rushing water wouldn't wake anyone and thankfully, I lucked out.

I threw my hair up into a sloppy wet bun and headed for the stairs. I knew I couldn't leave; my car starting would definitely make too much noise. I wandered downstairs, made a pot of coffee, and headed into the living room.

Charlie and Sue kept a beautiful house; I was certain Sue had more to do with that than Charlie though. I sat down on one of the couches and looked around. This was the first time I'd taken the time to really check the place out. I glanced at the walls and found several pictures of the Swan family. The first one I noticed was a wedding picture; Sue and Charlie stood, smiling happily, wrapped around each other as young Seth and Leah stood in front of them beaming. Tears crept into my eyes as I analyzed the picture. If I had been around, where would I have stood? Probably in between Seth and Leah. We would have stood as a united front. Three kids willing to make room for each other share our parents' lives. Unfortunately, that wasn't how it happened.

Another picture that caught my eye was of the entire Cullen family with the Swans. Sue, Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme stood in back while all five kids congregated in front of them; much like the wedding picture. Beaming faces were splashed all around…except for one. Young Edward, who still was remarkably beautiful as a child, stood with a sad smile. He was looking next to him like he was looking at someone except no one was there. For a fleeting moment I imagined he was thinking of me…missing me. I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts; that just sounded preposterous. He probably didn't even remember me.

The other pictures adorning the walls were simply school pictures of Leah and Seth. I glanced toward the fireplace and my breath caught. I stood and limped my way over. On the mantle there were three pictures. I was in each one. There was a picture of Charlie holding me in the hospital. The second picture was of Renee and Charlie with me cradled in Charlie's arms as Renee stood behind him with her arms wrapped around his shoulders. The last one was a copy of the picture with me being cradled in Edward's arms as I laid my chubby hand on his cheek; his face beaming at my own. More tears welled up in my eyes as I analyzed this beautiful picture for the second time. It was like we had known each other for years, even when I was an infant. I glanced back at the picture with the Cullens' and the Swans' with Edward's sad smile and knew, deep down, he had been missing me.

Deciding that I wasn't ready to deal with the repercussions of those thoughts, I turned away from the mantle and limped back to the couch. I took a long pull from my coffee mug and tried to relax. My knee was slightly aching but I was determined to power through this. Carlisle had been coming over every day, sometimes more than once, to check on me. I could tell he was placing the blame on himself for my manic episode a few days earlier; that thought was ludicrous. I had no idea how he could think my issues were his fault.

It wasn't just Carlisle that had become a frequent visitor of mine, but the entire Cullen family, save for one solitary person. Alice had stopped by every day as well, bringing with her an assortment of magazines. I had never been real into the lives of celebrities but I couldn't deny I was becoming slightly intrigued with them now. Even Emmett had stopped by. He had come over with a grocery bag full of junk food. I had been so grateful I'd almost cried which led to my favorite part of his visit; when he begged me not to cry claiming "I can't handle that!" It had been hilarious. Esme usually came with Carlisle bringing books from her personal collection to keep me occupied. I was ashamed to say that I had once, only once, skipped out on reading one of Esme's novels so I could read over an article on Brad Pitt instead.

But Edward had been completely absent from these visits. At first, I had felt hurt, though I knew I had no reason to feel that way; he owed me nothing. I just felt like I was always alone when he wasn't around; even when I was surrounded by everyone else. After I had pushed the hurt away, I had begun to feel relieved that he wasn't coming around. In all honesty, my manic episode the other day had frightened me more than I'd like to admit; I'd seen these exact episodes from my mother and I was beginning to think I was more like her than I'd hoped. Add to that the strange feelings I'd begun to feel for Edward, and it was a disaster waiting to happen. The farther he stayed away from me the better.

During my musings, I must have dozed off because the next time I opened my eyes, the sun was shining, my neck was hurting, and my knee was aching.

I glanced around and realized I was still on the couch. Embarrassed and hoping no one else had woken up yet, I began struggling to get myself back upstairs. While I was hobbling around trying to clean up the little mess I'd made in the living room, I heard a light chuckling coming from behind me. Startled, I spun around to find Seth smiling slyly from the kitchen doorway.

"Hey gimpy! How's the knee?"

I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I reached down to grab my empty coffee mug, "Terrific!" I said with false brightness, "Just peachy."

Seth gave another chuckle as he came towards me and took my mug, "I'll get that for ya gimpy. Can't be having you limping around all day. Lord knows, by the time you actually made it to the kitchen, I'd be an old man."

"Ha ha" I mumbled as he gave me a swift pat on the back to let me know he was only joking.

Seth and I had become even closer the past few days. The poor guy had been waiting on me hand and foot; I wasn't sure whether Charlie and Sue had assigned him to the job when they were away or if he did it out of pure kindness. Regardless, I was grateful.

After Seth had helped me clean up, he had practically carried me up the stairs. I had protested, telling him that I'd made it down them perfectly fine to which he'd retorted, "Yes, a miracle in and of itself. Let's not push it." The boy was so wonderfully aggravating.

I had been lying around for a few hours when I heard a few soft knocks on my door. I assumed it was Charlie or Sue and called them in while I attempted to hide my issue of "In Touch" under my bed.

"Oh God, she's gotten to you already." Said a beautifully musical voice from my doorway; a voice that made my heart stop one second and start beating furiously the next, "she's like a plague."

I glanced up and found Edward's green eyes sparkling with happiness; I could do nothing but smile back.

"What are you talking about?" I asked curiously, unsure of what and who he was talking about.

He smiled, walked over to my bed, knelt down, and pulled out the magazine I had apparently hid very badly, "I know you didn't go out and buy this yourself."

I blushed furiously and tried to snatch it from him. He simply held it about an inch further as he opened up to the page I'd folded over to hold my place, "Lance Bass? Really?"

I "hmmped", "Give me a break! I just found out that my fifth grade crush is officially out of the closet. It's a bit traumatizing."

Edward laughed and dropped the magazine back to the floor, "I'm not judging." Though clearly, he was…a little bit.

Edward sighed then, and ran a hand through his tousled bronze hair, "How are you?" he asked quietly as he gazed down at my knee. He reached a hand towards it but hesitated.

"It's alright" my voice sounded so breathy I was embarrassed. I blushed again and glanced towards the window. "Your dad said it was, uh, healing fine."

I felt Edward's hand make contact with my knee and I barely contained jumping out of my skin at the familiar shock.

"I'm sorry this happened." He whispered with pain clear in his voice, "I should have found you sooner."

I scoffed and glanced down at my hands that were in my lap, "Edward please, your father is already blaming himself for my stupidity, don't you do it too."

His hand left my knee and I pouted slightly at the loss of contact until I felt his soft, warm fingers pull my chin up so he could look me in the eye, "You aren't stupid, Bella. You are the most wonderful person I've ever known."

I could feel tears burning my eyes as I fought the sobs down, "That's easy for you to say. You've only known me for a couple weeks." I was humiliated that my voice managed to crack about three times in those two sentences.

Edward shook his head, "No, I've known you my whole life, Bella. I just…" he took a deep breath and exhaled, "Trust me when I say I have always known you."

I wanted to protest some more, even argue about that, but for some reason, I didn't believe him. I didn't know how what he was saying was possible, but I knew it was true.

"Bella, I…" his green eyes turned slightly darker as they stared at me. I could feel my chest heaving as his face came closer to my own. I didn't have a good handle on how I felt until his warm lips met mine. All the breath whooshed out of me as his hand cradled my cheek, bringing me closer. I could taste his intoxicating breath as my lips greedily sought out his. Somehow, my hands had wound themselves into his beautifully soft tresses, and I was pulling him closer. I had no idea where that brazen act had come from but I was too delirious to figure it out. Edward's fingers dropped down and he gently used them to nudge my chin so my mouth would open for him; I obeyed immediately. The moment his tongue met mine, I moaned; I didn't even have time to feel embarrassed because he replied with a moan right back. All my senses had gone haywire. The mere taste of him was driving me absolutely insane. I could feel my body come alive. After a few moments had passed and we were panting heavily into each other's mouths, he pulled away. His smiled at me and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Before the euphoria of what had just occurred could hit me, panic overtook me. He couldn't be around me. He was saying all these wonderful things, making me feel these wonderful things, and I knew I was falling for him. God help me, but I was. And that was wrong. I was poison. I'd ruin him. I'd ruin him like my mother had ruined Charlie.

The more I thought about it the more I panicked. I could ruin Charlie too! I probably would. I'd destroy this entire family; both families. My episode had proved to me that I wasn't as sane as I had once thought. It had been so easy to claim sanity when I was comparing myself to Phil and Renee but now…

"You gotta go." I whispered frantically, panic bubbling over, "Leave."

Edward's eyes grew frantic, probably because of the manic in my own, "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Leave. You have to leave. Please." I could feel my hands shaking and I stuffed them underneath the covers, "I can't do this."

"Bella, please, talk to me" His voice was almost as hysterical as my own. I was already rubbing off on him.

I began pushing him away from me. Using as much force as my body could muster. He needed to go. I wasn't stable; I never would be.

Charlie obviously hearing my yelling came rushing into the room with fear written plainly on his face. Edward had stood up from my bed, his chest rising and falling frantically. Tears were rushing down my face with abandon now and I could hear myself mumbling incoherently.

"Leave Edward. Leave. Please. Leave." It was all I could make out from my shaking voice.

I curled up into the fetal position and continued mumbling insanely; I was a blubbering mess and I was disgusted with myself.

I could hear Charlie talking with Edward, attempting to coax him away and after a few minutes, he managed just that.

The moment the door closed behind Edward and Charlie, I broke down…completely.

Author's Note

I actually feel horrible for doing this to Bella. She obviously has enough on her plate and here I go adding more to it. Don't worry, I won't keep these horrible things going on forever. I'm just spicing it up.

So, I took a while with this update, but I've been working my butt off lately. Blame Walmart!

I hope everyone is enjoying their summers, or what is left of them anyway. At this point, I have no idea when this story will be finished. I'm trying my best to get it done in a timely fashion; but I want it done right too. We'll just have to see.

Thanks again to all of those who stayed with me through my random disappearance. I promise not to go wandering off again.

Okay, no review! Please! I'm desperate! This story is all I have outside of my job at Walmart right now. How depressing is that? Exactly! So make my day and review!

Thanks lovelies!

-Mae