-The Poetry of a Lonely Heart-

I have nothing better to do; this old, chewed up pen in my hand, and this piece of paper sitting before me; I'm trying to find just the right words to use. I'm still a long ways away before reaching Thrax's place, and it may take half a day longer to get there. I'm in an alleyway, sitting on a garbage bag like a beanbag chair with cardboard in my lap to write my 'poem' on. I've tried everything so far. I heard poetry get's a lot of the angst out. Drinking didn't help me, and there is no way I'm going back to adrenalin; I just had to try something.

And so I wrote:

Beautiful Amy… (I thought it could use a title.)

I remember all those times you stabbed my back
those times were you ripped my heart out
the times you passed me by
Times that I still loved you

I remember the times you helped me stand
the times you cared for me
times where you made my rainy days sunny
moments were I loved you more

Beautiful Amy, Come back to me
I still remember your dead face
Stupid Amy, why did you do this to me?
Why did you pull through with this?

Remember when I said I loved you?
The times were we laughed
Remember the time I told you
that I could never let you go?

Remember the times I yelled at you?
Those times I called you a whore
Times I said I didn't want you
Times I wished I could take back

Beautiful Amy, please don't leave
I am so, so sorry
Stupid Amy, didn't you know
that I was still here?

I wanna forget the pain you gave
the sorrow that you shared
this only feeling you left behind
I wish I could forget you

I wanna forget you came into my life
all those times I vowed to you
every time I gazed in your eyes
but I know I can't

Beautiful Amy, take me with you
I don't how I'm living without you
Stupid Amy, didn't you know
how much I really loved you?

Beautiful Amy…
Stupid Amy…
Dead Amy…
Why did you go?

I re-read it, over and over again until it made me sick to my stomach, with all the hurt put into this silly, corny little poem. I waited for the effect; the sudden lightness on my shoulders, the sudden feeling of relief in my soul. Nothing came, however. I still felt the same. I spent fifty minutes of my life on this poem for nothing. Though the writing's useless, I still folded it up, and slipped it into my pocket. Then I rolled over on my side, and waited for dawn to break.

Thursday, Downtown Liver, 5:15 P.M

At last, Rex was nearing Thrax's old, run down, shabby place. Rex had so many kinks in his shoulders, his neck, and his legs that it caused him so have a small limp. Not being able to sleep in a nice warm bed, instead having to crawl into a dumpster with rats for roommates; it could do a lot of damage to a person's health. Rex was feeling warm, yet he shivered occasionally; his stomach was twisting it's self, and his nose felt plugged and stuffy. He couldn't wait to hurry on in, and just lay down.

He was so tired… he couldn't get over the feeling of ultimate relief when he saw the shabby home just a few feet away. His head pictured what series of events that would follow once he stepped inside. Thrax, who would look exactly like the way he did before Rex left, would look at Rex, and ask what happened to him, because now, Rex was covered in grime, the only thing not stained and ripped was his cap. [[Which, in a quick note, he never took off.]] Thrax would help Rex to a couch, and let him sleep. Then once the teenager woke up, Thrax would force him into a shower, and then to supper, where again, Rex would be forced to eat. Rex had lost a lot of weight, and food didn't sound half bad; if it wasn't for the fact that he only had ten more feet to walk, he would have been salvaging through the garbage cans for a meal. A peanut butter and cellulite sandwich sounded very good at this moment.

Finally, after days and days of walking, Rex opened the door. However, while Rex was expecting Thrax to be in the living room, crashed on the couch, no one was there.

"Thrax?" Rex called. There was a slam; the back door. Suddenly, a dreading emotion flooded Rex's insides. Despite the ache in his legs and feet, he ran for the back door, and darted.

He barely caught sight of Thrax's coat, which was moving fast down the back ways. Rex did his best to keep up, but with Thrax's long legs, it made if difficult to do so.

Every turn, just when Rex thought that he caught Thrax; it appeared as though Thrax was getting farther away. Rex ran faster, pushing himself and testing his endurance. Now he was getting closer, he started yelling at Thrax, telling him to wait up. Rex turned at a sharp corner, and ran head first into a wall. But this wasn't a wall…

"Damn it Rex!" Thrax hissed, grabbing the boy's shoulders, preventing him to fall backwards. "Why are you yelling!? Yo gonna get me caught!"

Rex shook off the blow, and looked up at Thrax. The very tall virus looked a lot better than the last time Rex saw him; his dreads grew a bit longer, and shined a brilliant violet. His skin was a dark shade of red, but looked so much healthier. The glow of blood lust and strength finally glowed brightly in Thrax's dark yellow eyes.

"I should be asking what you are doing!" Rex said, a little bit angry. "I've been yelling for you because you were ignoring me! What are you doing? Where are you going?"

Thrax didn't answer; he didn't even look at Rex.

"Thrax? Thrax talk to me, what are you doing?"

Thrax looked at Rex. "Rex, I gotta leave."

"What? What do you mean 'you gotta leave'? Where are we going?"

"Not we Rex, just me."—He sighed, and set his large hand on Rex's shoulder.—"Rex, I'm leaving the body. I have to. I'm fully incubated, and not to mention, some germ squealed on me. The damn immunities only think it's a rumor, but it's only a matter of time before they find out."

Rexs' jaw dropped; Thrax is leaving him? After all Rex has done for him, he's leaving him behind? After all he's been through?

"Thrax, can't you take me with you?" Rex begged. "Please Thrax, can I come? I wanna come with you!"

Thrax no longer could bare the look on Rex's face; eyes brimming with tears that weren't falling. He had to turn away.

"I'm sorry, Rex buddy, but I can't take you with me. I can't watch you, there's gonna be too much goin' on and I won't be able to keep an eye on ya if something were to happen."

"I won't get in the way!" Rex begged. "I'll leave you alone! I know how much that record means to you, and I promise I won't get in the way. Please Thrax, don't leave me here!"

It didn't involve the record, however; though Rex brings a good point, that record means the world to Thrax, it's the one thing he wished for since he was seven. But Rex meant more to him then a silly little record. There was no way Thrax was going to be responsible if Rex ended up injured or even dead.

"Rex, it's not about the record," Thrax admitted. "Yes, the record means a lot, but I'm not risking your life. I won't be able to live with myself if you got killed. There is just no way."—Finally, he looked at Rex; he never felt this connection with anyone, but in a way…—"Rex, you mean a lot more to me then you think. You're like a son to me. I don't wanna leave, but I have to. There is just no point in staying, if it means having you and me killed."

"They won't kill us!" Rex argued back. "Ozzy wouldn't do that to us! He just couldn't!"

"Ozzy wouldn't, to you, but he doesn't feel anything for me. Just like the rest of the immunities. I'm sorry Rex, this is the only way."

Thrax turned around, and started to swagger away. Rex stood, in shock in that one spot. Thrax is leaving? After losing Kathy and Colin, Ozzy, Carly and Amy, and even his own mother, he's losing yet another person of his life? This couldn't be happening. This just can't be. At last, reality slapped him in the face, and Rex ran up to Thrax, wrapping his arms as tight as he could around the man's torso, refusing to let go for anyone, or anything.

"PLEASE THRAX DON'T GO!" Rex sobbed, not caring anymore how pathetic he must have looked. "Please Thrax, please! You're like the father I never had, I can't lose you! I already lost mom, and Amy, and Colin and Kathy! Carly's gone, I can't see Ozzy anymore! Please Thrax, I beg of you, don't go! Please Thrax—dad, don't leave me… Please…."

Thrax knew he was going to regret this, but he picked up the sobbing boy and carried him home. Once they got home, Thrax went up stairs, and put Rex in bed, sitting right beside him, rubbing his back in a attempt to soothe him. Thrax didn't say anything; he didn't know what to say, though he never even attempted to placate anyone before. Rex cried in his shoulder, saying over and over again—

"Please Thrax, I love you, I can't lose you. Please, don't leave me… Don't leave me…"

After a few hours, Rex finally fell asleep.

I remember my mother sitting on my bed when I cried. Every time I was teased, or picked on, I knew it was because I was part virus. Unlike in Frank, everyone knew I was a virus, and I was legal. However, that didn't mean they had to like me. They always told me 'your father never loved you,' or call me 'half-breed'. Mom always told me to ignore them that they were too stubborn to realize what a great person I was.

I miss my mother. She always knew just the right words to say. Her voice was always so calm and gentle. I remember those nights, were I was just bawling up a storm, crying not just a river, but a water fall. Mom would soothe me, and sing me to sleep, and stay with me the whole night if she had to until I woke up.

However, when I woke up this time, no one was there.

Thrax's letter:

Rex;
I'm sorry, this was for your own good. I can't risk you getting hurt because of me.
Take care, and I love you too.
Thrax

Rex held the letter in his hands, his tear drops staining the little piece of paper. He found it right beside his bed; folded up in the spot he should have found Thrax. How could he have left, didn't he love him, like the way he said so in his letter?

Now Rex felt utterly alone. There was no Thrax to talk to, hearing his sarcasm; No Ozzy to cheer him up after a bad day. Kathy and Colin were dead, and Carly didn't even care about him anymore. He couldn't try running back to Shane, because now she was dead. Amy was as good as dead, so there was no hope to clear up this rainy day; this everlasting down pour of complete sadness.

Rex stepped into the kitchen, and grabbed a knife. One more thing to try…

He grabbed a knife, and slit his wrist.

I've got four cuts on my wrists now; two on each one. I'm giving this a chance, since everything else has failed me. I feel so alone, there is no one around. This place seems so quite without Thrax nagging at me every five minutes. I never thought I could miss him this much. I knew all along that he was gonna have to leave sooner or later, but the fact that he was the last thing I had… its heart breaking.

I found another pen, and some more paper. I don't even know why I'm even trying, It didn't work before. But I guess it's because I have nothing better to do.

Darkness

Don't turn away
I pray you've heard the words I spoken
dare to believe
Over one last time
Then I let the Darkness cover me
Deny Everything
Slowly walk away
to breathe again
on my own

Carry me away
I'll need your strength
To get me through this
Dare to believe
Over one last time
Then I let the
Darkness cover me
Walk away…
To breathe again…
on my own…
on my own…
on my own…

[[Lyrics, not mine. Lyrics by: Disturbed. (Song: Darkness)]]

The Next day, it's the same thing. Two more cuts, one on each wrist, and still waiting for that effect. Overcome by my own boredom, I write another poem.

Lonesome

All of them gone
all of them dead
they all left me behind
for one reason, or another

No one to talk to
no one to run to
because all of them are gone
and there not coming back

I can't bring them back
I can't wish them here
I'll never see their faces
I'll never hear their voices

All my best friends
everyone I care about
those who I loved
is hear no more

This is not a dream
nor is it a nightmare
they exist no more
but my broken heart remains

I sound like such an emo, I know, but what can I do? There's no one I can turn to, because all of them are dead. Maybe not all, but they may as well me. Ozzy, he can't see me anymore. Carly, like she cares enough that I'm dead or alive. She has her own life; one without me in it. And Thrax… the story is clear with that one.

I can't take it anymore; I want the hurt to end. I slice my ankles, I slaughter my wrists, attack my arm; I start throwing up in the toilet. This sorrow is so sickening. I can't eat, I can't sleep. What am I going to do? There is nothing left to try!

Of course… I have one option left…

OH THE SUSPENSE! Can you guess what Rex has in store? *sniff sniff* That pour little guy… TT~TT

So Yeah… as I was writing this, I got stumped on a poem I wanted to write, and I could only write two when I wanted three. So I 'borrowed' the lyrics from Darkness—by Distured. I take no claim to any of those words that are italic/underlined. None what so ever. Okay, I messed up typing them, but it's not like I was going to use every word. So yeah… But not mine okay? NOT MINE AT ALL!! THAT SONG IS RIGHTFULLY DISTURBEDS!!! NOT MINE!

Okay, I'm done with that Rant now. Now I'm going to hear quite a bit from my fellow Thrax fans about making Thrax leave. It broke my heart too writing it. TT~TT

So… anyway… I guess that's it.

Hope you're still enjoying my Fanfic. And what did you know, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT THAT LONG FOR THIS CHAPTER! YAY ME! *happy dance*

Okay, I'm done babbaling. But please, R&R! =D