Sonic's………… LOST!
Chapter 9- F$$K Cheese! Part 3
Yo. I would like to take this moment to apologize for the last chapter. I was not up to the usually high standards that Sonic's LOST is famous for-
"We have high standards?" Ray asked as he walked over.
…………………YES, we DO…………. As I was saying, in the last chapter all I gave you was a tiny bit of Sonic's LOST, a sub par version of LOST at Sea and a preview for something that I'm not even sure I'm going to do! So I think that I should-
"Don't you just throw in every random thing you think of and put in a lot of pop-culture references, especially those that have to do with Naruto, Gorillaz and Hip-Hop?" Ray continued to query.
……………………AS I WAS SAYING, I'm also getting tired of this whole groups looking in the jungle thing, so don't be surprised if this seems lacking………..so, um …………… Enjoy chapter 9……..
"And aren't you going to put some big Naruto thing in this chapter? You know, Espio dressed as Sasuke-" BOOM!
……………………….Damn, I hate talking to that guy……….Well, at least he's fun to kill!
(Team Sonic and Shadow)
"DAMN YOU GOD!" Shadow shouted as he fell to the ground, tears gushing from his eyes." WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME IN PEACE? I KNOW I GO AGAINST YOUR RULE OF PLAYING GOD WITH GENETIC CLONING, BUT I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN!"
"…………………..That's……….nice………" Sonic said as he nervously stared at the weeping anti-hero"…………. We should……….keep going…………." He finished as he started to creep over to some nearby bushes.
"WHY DOES GOD HATE ME?" Shadow screamed, his mind completely broken and confused.
(KILL HIM! HE'S JUST STANDING THERE, IT WOULD BE SO EASY!) The first voice in his head yelled.
(God wants you to kill yourself, Shadow. It's that simple.) The second voice said in its usual tone.
(WELCOME TO THE CANDYSHOP! I'LL LET YOU LICK THE LOLLIPOP! GO HEAD GIRL, DON'T YOU STOP! KEEP GOING TILL YOU HIT THE SPOT! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) The final voice said, making no sense.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Shadow cried" SHOULD I KILL SONIC, KILL MYSELF, OR LISTEN TO A SONG THAT WON'T LEAVE MY HEAD?"
Sonic wasn't listening to anything Shadow had said, as he was busy looking through some bushes for the missing Chao. Noticing something of interest he called" Hey Shadow! I found some of those sex berries I had eaten in chapter 2! You better watch out for these!"
"WHY?" Shadow loudly asked, suddenly appearing next to the oblivious hedgehog" DO THEY KILL?"
"No……….." Sonic replied as he looked to Shadow" They just make your thingie hurt like-" He mumbled off as Shadow quickly plucked a handful of them and dropped them down his throat." What the hell are you doing!" Sonic asked as he looked at him bewildered.
"I………Must……………..ease the pain!" Shadow replied in between juice splattering chews. He then suddenly froze up and didn't move for a moment.
"Shadow?" Sonic asked as he tapped him on the shoulder"…….Are you okay?"
Shadow turned to Sonic with a look of rage and insanity in his eyes and on his face." DIE SONIC………DIE SONIC……………….DIE SONIC………….DIE SONIC!" He yelled as he pulled out his knife and quickly struck at Sonic, who dodged to the side.
"What the hell!" Sonic said as he continued to dodge Shadows erratic strikes" I thought these things make people really horny!"
Suddenly Knuckles and Jakes heads popped on screen, with Knuckles wearing one of those British safari hats and Jake wearing a beanie." I forgot to mention," Knuckles said" that even though the berries are notorious for causing the user to develop a large sex drive, that is only the majority. One out of every seven cases will act in some other way, like Shadow is right now…………………….My bad, Sonic."
"You just learned about nature, Sucka's!" Jake said, then the two heads disappeared.
"Weak!" Sonic said as Shadow lunged at him with the knife. Thinking quickly, Sonic kicked Shadow right in the stomach, knocking him into a nearby tree." Sorry man." Sonic said as he slowly walked over.
"…………..NO!..." Shadow replied as he suddenly got up and pulled out another knife. The red streaks on his body suddenly grew and turned to fire like marks, even making their way to the side of Shadows face. As Sonic continued to stare in horror and confusion Shadow looked up at him, his face still looking insane, and said" DIE SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!" and charged towards him at an incredible speed, chopping down rows of trees as he went.
"HELP ME!" Sonic screamed as he dashed through the forest with Shadow chasing behind him, destroying everything in his path.
(Team Espio and Froggy)
Froggy was silently brooding, his damp face a look of bubbling rage, as he tapped his finger on the ground. Growing bored of his current situation he turned to Espio and said (Not that Espio could understand)"………………… Will you PLEASE move or something? I'm tired of waiting for you go!"
Espio, who was dressed like Sasuke, ignored the amphibian for a moment then replied"……………..I don't know what you said, but I will not move……………I'm adding onto my coolness with that of someone else's…….."
Froggy took Espio's word in for a second the said"……………..If you don't get to moving right now I will KILL whoever makes that crap you like."
"I need to maintain coolness!" Espio said as he threw some shurikens into a nearby tree." If I don't do this I will no longer be cool and I'll be just as unpopular as Big! And that guy is MAJORLY unpopular!"
Froggy slowly hopped over to Espio as he said" I see now that the only way to get you to move is to put force upon you. However, due to my current physical existence, I would be completely unable to take you on in a hand to hand fight, so I will need to use my highly advanced brain to come up with a sophisticated plan to confuse your somewhat below average intelligence."
"………………….Those sure were a lot of croaks, Froggy." Espio quietly said to the small creature, not completely sure of what was going on" What did you say?"
Froggy loudly sighed, then pointed behind Espio and said" Someone is selling Naruto toys over there."
"WHO, WHAT, WHERE! I SAW THEM FIRST YOU ANI-"Espio said as he turned to the imaginary stand, only to be cut off by Froggy, who had hit him over the head with a tree branch.
"Well now," Froggy said as he grabbed Espio's leg and started to drag him" all I have to do is dump him in some bog and everything will be fine………….But then the others would be suspicious……. If they realize I killed him and then realized I am an evil being they would kill me………………" Froggy then stopped and started to drag the sleeping reptile in the direction of camp."………………..You got lucky, fool……………………."
(Team Bark and Tikal)
"And that's how I beat up Sonic after he lit my dog on fire……." Bark finished as Tikal intently listened to his story"………………I miss Rosco……………."
"That was a…………nice story…….." Tikal nervously said as she looked at Bark, blushing" But that has nothing to do with my crush……"
"Oh yeah, about that…….." Bark said as he pulled out a sheet of paper" It wouldn't happen to be Ray, would it?"
"NO!" Tikal angrily yelled" Of course it's not him!"
"It might as well be……." Bark replied" because according to what the writer says, it doesn't matter where you go or what you do, since you WILL end up with Ray."
The two sat in silence for a moment until Tikal furiously shouted" WHAT? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! WHO DOES THE WRITER THINK HE IS?"
(Real world)
The writer (me): HA! Zinged ya!
(Wherever the guys are)
Bark quietly watched Tikal as she simultaneously cried, yelled, fought and whined around the surrounding area. After she was finished with her tantrum Bark asked" So………………………I take it you don't like this?"
"You know what I'll do?" Tikal said hysterically as she paced back and forth" I'll deny it! There is no way this is going to happen! I mean, I can't STAND the guy, so how could I get married to him?... Let's just not tell anybody, okay?"
Bark nodded as he replied" That doesn't change the fact that it's what the writer-"
"QUIET!" Tikal yelled at Bark, quickly silencing him" Let's just be quiet and go back to camp. Some is bound to have found Cheese by now!" and lead the way through the jungle.
Bark silently followed her for a moment, then asked" Just out of curiosity………Am I your crush?..."
"Oh no!" Tikal said as she chuckled at the idea" You're too creepy to be my crush! I like Shadow."
Bark froze for a second, completely confused and surprised by the statement then continued to follow, quietly saying" Wow………….. I don't know what's weirder: The fact that someone else around here is just as blind as Sonic or that she was hitting that guy a few hours ago?... Oh well………"
(Real world)
Writer: HA! I just zinged both of you!
(Team Knuckles and Jake)
Knuckles and Jake were trudging back towards camp, figuring that there were more than enough people out searching for Cheese, as they happily chatted with each other." So, Sonic was like, running, and wasn't paying attention-" Knuckles said as he talked to Jake.
"Yeah?" Jake replied.
"And then I suddenly shot up from the ground and literally scared the crap out of him!...plus some Chaos Emeralds."
"HAHAHAHA!" Jake laughed as the two made their way through some bushes" MY GOD, Sonic is a dumbass!"
"You know what's even funnier?" Knuckles said" That Sonic is going to be killed by Shadow and he doesn't even notice the most obvious signs!"
"HAHAHAHAHA! That is SO right! Man, I can't wait for the day when he gets killed! I'm going to stand over his dying body and laugh at how his idiocy makes Ray look like a freaking genius!"
"HAHA! I can't wait for that either!" Knuckles snickered as the two made it out of the bushes and into a clearing.
"I hope I get his shoes because those things will fetch some major dough when he kicks the buck-" Jake trailed off as he and Knuckles silently and slowly looked at the ground before them."…………………………..HOLY S$$T!" Jake yelled as he jumped back a little with a wicked smile on his face.
"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNN!" Knuckles said as he covered his mouth and widened his eyes" I don't BELIEVE this!"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?" Mighty yelled as he looked up at the two interlopers.
"I should be asking you what you are doing……………..THERE!" Knuckles sloppily replied.
"WHAT KIND OF SICK FRIENDS JUST WALTZ OVER AND WATCH A GUY MAKEOUT!" Mighty angrily yelled as he raised an accusing finger at them.
"I can't believe I don't have my camera!..." Jake said, then realizing that the others could hear him quickly noted" T-that's what I would say if I was a sick pervert…………WHICH I'M NOT!"
"Speaking of sick," Knuckles said as he turned back to Mighty" why is Mina lying there unconscious?"
Before Mighty, who seemed to just notice that his girlfriend was knocked out, could reply Jake shouted" DUDE, HE KNOCKED HER OUT AND IS NOW TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HER!" then started to dance around yelling" RAPIST! RAPIST! RAPIST!"
"MIGHTY, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" Knuckles shouted as he countered Mighty's earlier accusing finger with one of his own" DID 'DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION' TEACH YOU NOTHING?"
"WHY WOULD I DO THIS AND WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!" Mighty yelled back as he got to his feet.
"Obscurity does that to people, you know!" Jake said as he paraded around the clearing" Remember when Bubsy got busted for what he did with Zelda? I heard the guy got SHIVED in prison!"
"YOU HEAR THAT, MIGHTY?" Knuckles asked" YOU'RE GOING TO GET SHIVED NOW! HAPPY?"
Mighty surprisingly took a few deep breathes, slapped himself in the face a little to concentrate, looked to the two and said"…………..You two are STUPID. I did not knock Mina out so I could have my way with her body. If I wanted any of that stuff I'd do it when she's awake, because she is just throwing all that sex at me, and even now she'd probably want it!" Mighty then picked Mina up, swung her over his shoulder and started walking as he finished. "So let's stop acting STUPID and get to going back to camp."
"But, what about Cheese?" Knuckles asked as he and Jake started to follow.
"Who gives a damn about him?"
"Good point."
As the three started to leave they heard the falling of trees coming form behind. As they turned to see what was going on they were only met by darkness, though it sounded like the source of the noise was getting closer. The three were watching in silent anxiety as Sonic suddenly shot into the clearing and stopped right in the middle of them." There are no Rapish here! You guys lied!" Sonic angrily said as he looked around then sighed," Oh well……………OH YEAH! You guys have got to watch out because Shadow is running around, trying to kill me! You guys best run before he turns on you too!" then dashed off, leaving his friends to face Shadow's wrath.
"…………………The last horse finally crossed the finish line." Mighty said as they stared after Sonic" Well, I suppose later is better than never."
"Yeah," Jake said as he watched Shadow destroying the trees in his way, heading in their direction" look at Shadow coming towards us……………. Showing no signs of stopping………………….Not even bothering to slow down the pace of his slashing so he doesn't kill us…………………Looking as if he actually means to kill us…………………………………"
(10 Seconds later)
Mighty, who was carrying Mina over his shoulder, Knuckles and Jake were madly running side by side next to Sonic as Shadow chased them through the jungle, set on killing each and every one of them. Also running with Sonic, Mighty, Knuckles and Jake was Vector, Blaze, Tikal, Bark, Charmy, Cream, Amy, Bunnie, Zach, Bob, Rotor, Antoine, Big and Rouge, all whom had been dragged into the chase in the last few seconds. As they manically made their way towards camp, completely forgetting about finding Cheese in their dash for safety.
Finally making their way to the beach, everyone piled into the campsite while Shadow suddenly jumped into one of the highest branches in the tallest tree and stared down at them."………..All……………Must………………DIE!" He shouted as he made as if he was going to jump down at them. As everyone looked up in horror he was suddenly blown apart by a hail of machine gun fire, and then fell from three stories to the ground.
Everyone quickly looked around for the source of the bullets, and saw Omega sitting near the main campfire right next to an injured Tails, Froggy, Sally, Nack and an unconscious Espio. Noticing the surprised look on the peoples faces Omega said" Hey, I'm entitled to kill someone every now and then."
"………..Why are you guys here and not in the jungle?" Blaze asked, wondering why they had gotten to rest.
"Well," Omega said as he pointed towards Tails, who seemed to be struggling to breathe" Mister 'I Can't Take A Punch From A 5-Ton Robot' had to be a little baby and come back here because 'It feels like my ribs are stabbing into my organs!'!"
"………..What about the rest of you?"
"I and Sally never left." Nack replied" We never stopped arguing."
"I came back after I had knocked Espio out." Froggy said, despite the fact no one understood him.
Just then, Espio started to stir for a moment and sat up, rubbing his head." W-wh……….Where am I?" He said as he looked around, and then noticed that his Sasuke clothes were missing." WHERE ARE MY COOL NINJA CLOTHES?" He asked, scared and angry at the same time.
"Those?" Nack lazily replied" Froggy threw them into the fire when it started dying down. Looked pretty cheap."
"HOW COULD YOU?" Espio yelled at the remorseless amphibian.
"I don't have to explain myself to you." Froggy replied as he hopped off towards his tent only to be followed by Espio, who was still lamenting over the loss of his anime clothes.
"I just realized something!" Cream said as everyone started to settle down" We didn't find Cheese!"
As the small rabbit started to cry everyone stared in silence until Sonic said"……………….Damn it. I knew I forgot something."
"Now, now, Cream." Jake said as he kneeled down and put his hand on her shoulder"…………..Did it ever occur to you that God might want Cheese to die?" This news only caused her to cry even harder. As he looked around at the angry faces Jake quickly said" Well, it's the truth isn't it!"
Just then Ray and Bean, who were being closely followed by Cheese, walked out of a nearby tent, each holding a box filled with random items." Hey guys," Ray said before he noticed the others" let's take a look at all the stuff we found in the wreckage that we're hoarding from all the ot-"then was silenced by a kick from Bean. He then looked over the large crowd and said"……………………Hey guys……."
"CHEESE!" Cream screamed as she rushed over and tearfully hugged him.
"I don't get it." Bark said to Ray and Bean as Cream and Cheese bawled" How did two idiots like you end up finding Cheese, when us competent people didn't? I thought you were searching for some Cheese mine?"
"……………….We were looking for Cheese?" Ray replied, obviously not remembering why they had gone into the jungle in the first place.
"Cheese Mine? Sorry, Bark, but you have one messed up sense of reality!" Bean said as he and Ray started to show off the things they had found.
"………………………All in all……." Bark said as he stood off to the side and watch everyone else" Alls well that ends well………"
"But more than half the teams didn't do anything." Sonic said as he walked over.
"…………That………doesn't matter…." Bark nervously replied.
"And why didn't we learn where Ray and Bean found Cheese?"
"…………..Quit asking me-"
"And why did Mina fall unconscious? And how did Froggy get here so fast? And what about Shadow dying? I'm sure that messes the story up!"
"…………………………..I……………..I'm………………Not d-d-dead………." Shadow quietly said as blood leaked from his bullet ridden body.
"QUIET YOU!" Omega shouted and then threw some rusty nails at him.
"Why are we cutting so many corners?" Sonic continued to ask" Why are we leaving so many plot holes everywhere? Is anyone actually thinking about the quality of th-" BOOM! Bark quietly stared at the smoking hole where Sonic's head once was. He then slowly walked away, then came back and took Sonic's wallet and left again.
………………………………………He's fun to kill too!
The end.
FINALLY, I HAVE FINISHED THIS! You people are SO freaking lucky, because I almost didn't finish!...Well, I don't have much to say since I covered everything earlier…………… You guys catch the season 2 premier of LOST? Weird ending is all I can say. Do you people think this should more closely follow LOST or stay the way it is? Tell me……………………………Please Review, you jerks! I'm out. DarkKDF.