June 10th 1969

Hey Luke,

Smart mouthed comments…me? Luke I'm insulted you think of me that way…I would never tease you about how now instead of being a mop you look like a toilet brush…well not much anyways.

He hoped that would make Luke laugh…he could kind of tell from some small things in Luke's letter that Luke needed cheering up. The hints were never obvious and Luke probably didn't even mean to put them there…..but somehow he was getting the feeling that Luke wasn't doing as okay as he tried to make out.

The game wasn't really all that special Luke, just the same as any other game you's seen really. Just because I's linebacker doesn't make it anymore special…we're all a team and if we win, we win as a team not just 'cause of one person. I made a few tackles, hit a few passes but it there was nothing particularly special about it. Same as last weeks game, nothing special at all.

Okay in reality he was so very pleased with himself, he had scored two touchdowns and tackled one of the biggest guys on the Chickasaw team, but for some reason he really didn't want to brag about it. Since joining the team he had really got a sense of what teamwork was, and he knew that without the team there would be no passes, tackles or touchdowns.

Stuart actually called me from his new place, said that he was doing well…in fact the main reason he called was to talk about his brother….you know its weird. Suddenly when you have something in common with someone, it don't matter about age or distance….we talked for hours which irritated Uncle Jesse and Daisy a bit….but I helped him a lot he said and he helped me too…I understand more now Luke…understand what your going through and why I really felt the way I did.

The phone calls with Stuart were amazing. He never really considered him and Stuart as best friends at all, in fact they had rarely ever talked for very long unless it was about football….but Stuart said he had needed someone to talk to, someone who could understand how he felt and Bo was the only one he trusted could help.

Oh god Luke I can't believe you read that wrong….I'm so sorry. I meant listening to you about how to fix things like fences! I remember everything you ever taught me about football and the small things you've been teaching me about fixing machinery, I've always remembered those kind of things…and all the advice you've given me over the years. Luke I practically always remember what you teach me….its just sometimes when things are boring….like mending a fence…I zone out. It's nothing against you Luke…I do it to lots of people…even Uncle Jesse although the threat of a switching usually remedies that.

Bobby did offer to fix the fence with me, but Uncle Jesse refused to let him. He said that I was the one who started the game of football in the first place so I was responsible….I think he regretted that when he saw the state I left the fence in

AFTER I fixed it.

Bo chuckled to himself, the fence really was in a worse condition than when it had been broken. Eventually Jesse had resigned to fixing it himself and made him do extra chores instead, which Bo saw as a good enough compromise, they came far easier now that he had more strength to do the heavier ones.

But now here was a problem….Daisy…

Luke….Daisy's taking this thing about Tommy real hard. I read your letter to her….that must have been so awful Luke. I know I'll never understand properly Luke because you're actually going through it but….but I want to help Luke…I know you ain't exactly feeling wonderful, heck who would be….but after everything you've done for me I want you to know it works two ways. If you need help….if you need to talk Luke….I'm only a letter away cousin….

I've been taking care of Daisy as best I can….the play she was in was real good an'…Luke I'm not entirely sure that Daisy was faking fainting. You could say that was just good acting an' all….but it really didn't look it to me…heck I's fainted enough to know what you feel like afterwards. I went into her room while he was writing the letter back to you….an' she was just crying so hard….an' we got into an argument…

Well actually….it was more like a truth telling session that neither he or Daisy agreed on…all they had both done was tell the truth about how they had felt and had resulted in both just getting angry at each other.

You know I'll never ever understand girls Luke…but eventually me and Daisy got it sorted out. I took her outside to play some football…you know that girl can be real sneaky. I reckon she could join the football team and take over my position if she tried…everything was real great and I managed to help her for a while until…until we saw that dang military plane and she thought it might be Tommy coming home. Then she went off on one again and all I could do was hold her….jus' let her cry…heck Luke I've never been more scared.

What am I meant to do Luke….her birthday's coming up but I really don't think she cares. She seems better….I mean after the few hours crying session behind the barn she seemed much better and starting to come to terms with it I guess….but what if something happens on her birthday that starts it off again? That's one of the reasons we're not having a big party for her….in case she can't stand to be around other people. I'm inviting a couple of my friend's…Pete included of course…and a couple of Daisy's friends….but that's it. And she knows about it….although she won't tell me what she really thinks about having one…she's as bad as you about telling me how she feels sometimes, really she is. I got her the ribbons like you said I should Luke…and a Johnny Cash record as well that she's wanted…granted I had to borrow some money from my team mates to do it but they didn't seem to mind.

It hurt him….it was horrible to think that while he trusted his cousins to listen to his problems and help him through the tough times he was going through….that trust didn't seem to be able to work in reverse. It really wasn't that great being the youngest in the family sometimes. Everyone seemed to assume that because he was so young he wouldn't understand what they were going through…wouldn't understand how they felt. Well how was that supposed to happen if they wouldn't help him to understand?

He shook himself quickly from those thoughts; once again realising his letter had taken a turn he hadn't meant it to. He only meant to let Luke know a little about Daisy, but somehow when he was writing to Luke it was like he was talking to him and the words just seemed to flow from his mind onto the paper.

Anyway, tell me more about these pranks! Gunpowder on the kitchen stove? Bet that caused one pretty bonfire hey to whoever thought of that and was brave enough to carry it out.

Of course he knew it was Luke who had done it, probably with some of his buddies…but he knew better than to say so….it was little disturbing that he couldn't talk with Luke as personally as he could in real life….Luke had warned him before he had left about censorship…and so he had to be careful what he wrote.

And boy yeah does Sara's sister and her parent's remember you. It seems okay now though, they've met me and they trust me. I've just got to be more careful about what I say to her than you were with her sister.

The paper certainly is coming in useful for writing to you Luke, and I swear I will never stop writing so long as I can. Even if I break my wrist or something and can't write with my hands I guess I'll just start learning to write with my toes….I have heard people can do that…that would be so cool to be able to do. Ya reckon I could manage it cousin?

I guess I'll also be having more time to write to you as well Luke….you remember I said I was going to a party last time I wrote ya? Well….it was a heck of a party, so much fun with the whole team and Sara there too….except for the fact that it was a senior party and….his parents weren't there. He broke out the beer…and I had some….and boy was Uncle Jesse mad when I got dropped off later than I said I would be completely out of my head. I still can't sit down properly at this moment in time Luke…I'm lying on my front in bed writing this to ya.

Bo couldn't help but chuckle. Despite getting a switching, the party had been great fun and he had even made sure Sara had got home alright….that was before he had gotten drunk. She had asked Bo to walk her home early on in the party and he had agreed, taking her home but then returning to the party.

I don't think I'll be too inclined to do that again in a hurry….I didn't even have THAT many beers to be honest…only 6 or 7…

I love the picture of you look I really do and as I promised here are some pictures from my birthday party. We have copies of them here, I got a whole other set printed off just for you and Daisy showed me how to cover them with this stuff so they won't get ruined if it gets wetter out there. How she knew how to do that I don't know but it is really cool.

Hope you write back soon Luke, take care.

Lots of Love

Bo

xxxx

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June 25, 1969

Dear Bo,

Yes Bo, smart mouth comments exactly like those. If ya did, I might see fit to mention that at least I don't spend half an hour grooming a bird nest every morning like someone I know.

He could tell that Bo was only teasing him, and he really appreciated the effort. Crew cuts wasn't something he was fond of though. He would gladly have gone without it. Nothing to do about it thought, and at least Bo was making jokes again.

Oh, so the game wasn't special, I guess that means that Uncle Jesse's crawdad bisque was just like any other bisque as well then. Come on Bo, I do nothing but wait for yer letters, take the opportunity to brag a bit. I don't mind. If you feel good about what ya did, then tell me about it. Heck cousin, I wouldn't mind five pages all bragging if it came down to it. I enjoy reading about your achievements.

Bo was maturing to some extent it seemed. A year ago he would have written five pages but it didn't seem as if he was holding back. It seemed more as if he had grown to think past his own achievements and had started to think more about the team efforts involved. While it made Luke even more proud of him, he really did want to read about what Bo did.

I'm glad Stuart was able to talk with you Bo, really happy. He needs some support I reckon and I'm really happy that you could give it to him. I hope you can talk with him again. It can't be easy for him, but yeah, I reckon it helps him to know that ya understand.

He knew that while Stuart and Bo had never minded talking with each others they had never really been friends. They were just good pals in school that enjoyed each others company every once in a while.

I read it wrong huh, sorry 'bout that. So ya mean to say ya were actually listening when I tried to tell ya how ta mend a fence. I was never all sure ya know. Kinda hard ta tell at times. Trust me Bo, I know what happens when ya git bored doing something, an' I know what ya can do when ya want to.

Well, it was nice of Bobby, an' while I understand why Uncle Jesse didn't let him, I kinda think he should have. But only cause of I really think it was a team efforts of sorts. An' why don't I have any trouble it was almost worse when ya had fixed it. I am gonna say one thing thought, if ya are gonna do something, why not do it good. If ya had, maybe next time Uncle Jesse would allow yer buddies ta help mending.

Yeah, I guess I knew she'd be taking it hard. It ain't easy for her Bo. It really isn't easy. Oh Bo, don't ya know how much yer helping both me an' Daisy. Just cause yer here wi' us an' are our baby cousin. Bo I know yer here but ya don't have ta worry about me. Just take care of Daisy cause she's sure gonna need it. I don't know about the play Bo, I'd have ta be there ta know about that. Bo, ya know how ya felt, now Daisy's feeling much the same way. I need ya to be there for her. Try to think what she'd want ya to do. Be there for her, try ta help her, please Bo. I don't want ya to think it's all your responsibility, that ya have ta do everything because ya don't. I only want ya to try an' be there for her if she needs it, even if she don't know she does.

Oh Bo, don't worry, Daisy won't steal your position on the team. Trust me she will not, but I think that she'd be really happy if you did that... a way to spend more time with her.

That was one of the things he missed the most with Bo. That part of their relationship. It wasn't so long ago since some of them had started a football game on the base but it hadn't been the same as playing with Bo. Not at all, he wished he could do that, but if he didn't he at least hoped that Bo an' Daisy could enjoy themselves an' maybe bond a bit more.

No one understands girls Bo. They seem to understand us, or they just makes us think they do, but no one understands them. I know it would be scary if she cries, but if you stayed there with her and held her, then I bet ya did just what she wanted.

I don't know what to do about her birthday Bo, I mean, I wish I could git home for it but I can't. I reckon a small number of friends is good, let her know people care about her. I was gonna say why don't ya bake a cake? I know that neither one of us two is any good at baking. But I think she might appreciate the effort.

I know she mightn't always tell ya everything Bo, maybe it's harder fer her being the only girl in the family I don't know. It ain't 'cause she don't trust ya though. I promise ya that 'cause we all do. That is I mean we trust ya Bo. It's just that yer always so open an' everything an' Daisy an' me are not. That has nothing ta do with trusting ya or not, that's just her an' me are different is all.

He smiled a little as Bo asked about the prank. It cheered him up a little if not to much. He still felt as if he had missed out on so many things that mattered so very much to him. It made him feel bad in a way, but Bo asking about this helped.

Oh well, yea, there was someone who put a sprinkle of gunpowder on the stove. No bonfire on the stove, but I hear it was quite noticeable. Anyway, they think that whoever did it was also the one tied a tent line to the back of a truck. Kinda hard ta tell, but it wouldn't surprise me.

It was something they did, he and a few ones buddies. Not because they wanted to upset things or make trouble, but because they needed something. They were wearing thin in some ways, and it was just one way for them to pull through the day. Think out harmless pranks and pretend that they were not in the middle of a war zone for a few hours.

Oh, glad to hear about Sara, I really didn't wanna make things worse fer ya. Trust me on that, but I reckon they's kinda upset back then, sure seemed that way ta me. Kinda told me ta stay away or I'd have worse than buck shots coming….

It had been a great time with her, even if the ending hadn't been all that good. He hoped that Bo was able to have as nice a time with her sister, and a better end for it as well.

While I'm really grateful that ya don't intend to stop writing Bo, please don't go trying ta write with yer toes just yet. Yer handwriting is bad enough an' I'd rather be able ta read it. Yer letters mean a lot Bo, so just ya go on sending them.

He smiled again as he read about Bo's time at the party. That was Bo for ya. At least he had made sure the girl got home, an' Luke hadn't doubted that part at all.

Bo, I ain't gonna be giving ya the lecture I bet Uncle Jesse already told ya, an' I'm glad ya had a great time. But ya be careful there. Bo, I trust ya, an' I want ya to know that. But sometimes there are guys on the team try ta break in the newbie by getting him dead drunk, an' I mean seriously drunk. Beers are fine, but when they starts sneaking shine into it ya can be in serious trouble. Just keep that in mind will ya buddy?

Glad ya liked the picture I sent ya, cause if ya intend ta keep with the smart mouth, I ain't so sure I'm gonna send ya another one anytime soon. I'm really grateful fer the pictures from the parties Bo, love the one where ya got cake on yer nose. Just like I remember ya, always digging yer face into the food. An' well, Daisy knows that kind o' things. Don't worry about it. She likes to show them off every once in a while I reckon.

I'll write soon again, ya know that.

He smiled again as he looked at the pictures. While he loved seeing them an' how happy Bo were, it once more made him sad he couldn't be there for them the same way anymore. He sighed softly… God he missed them.

I promise ya I'll write soon again.

I love ya Bo,

Luke

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June 10, 1969

Dear Luke,

She wiped her eyes as she surveyed the dozens of dried bouquets that adorned her room. Leave it to Luke to find a way to remind her that he cared, even from thousands of miles away.

The flowers are beautiful Luke. Thank you, and please thank all the fellas that helped get 'em. You don't know how much that meant to me Luke… ya really don't know.

She felt the tears drizzle down her cheeks as rain began to lightly patter across the window pane.

Luke…

She debated long and hard about saying anything about Tommy. She didn't want him to lose focus… or get hurt, and yet… yet she needed her big brother more than ever.

Luke, I know this isn't exactly a walk in the rain, but it's pouring here…and I am missing you so much, so if ya don't mind, I'm gonna just talk to ya like I used to. I gotta talk t' someone…

The wake was a week ago. It was so awful, Luke! All these pictures of Tommy just smiling that silly crooked smile of his and staring at ya with those big brown eyes… His Momma was cryin' something fierce and Mr. Rhuebottom just held her, like he would fall over if it weren't for her. I didn't know what to say… I just wanted to run away…far away and I was about to bolt for the door when Mrs. Rhuebottom called me over to her. Told me one of the last things Tommy spoke to her about was me… and that…my picture was in his pocket when he died and that he loved me so much. I'd been trying to stay so strong, but I couldn't handle that, Luke. I just broke down, right in front of everyone.

I never even got a chance t' tell him how I felt 'bout him... Luke why! Why! Why did he have to die, Luke? It's not fair! It's just not fair! I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending everything is alright. It isn't. Not by a long shot.

I can't sleep… I can't eat… all I can do is cry. Luke, it hurts so much… so much.

I look at people in school or in town. Everything is just going on like always, but I'm just numb. Nothing matters anymore. Stuff that I used t' care about…. it just don't matter. I mean I'm alive, but… I feel like I died too.

It's like I'm all alone. Now I know what yer gonna say… I have Uncle Jesse and Bo. But I can't talk to Uncle Jesse. He's so busy an' worried 'bout ya an' I don't wanna add to it. Bo, well he tries Luke, he really does, but it just ain't the same. He's Bo….he cares so much, but… well, he can't stand it when I cry an' like I said, I been doin' that a lot. He just doesn't understand me. So ya see, ain't no one that I can go to Luke. I feel like I'm out on an island in the middle of nowhere… just waiting to die.

The words sounded harsh, but they were true… and she never lied to Luke.

Luke I just don't know what to do! He haunts my sleep. I close my eyes and I picture him in my mind, telling me he loved me one moment, screaming as he is shot the next. I've been waking up with nightmares every night. I try to keep 'em to myself and just scream into my pillow. I don't wanna worry anyone and we just got Bo back…I don't wanna lose him again by setting him off with something like that.

Oh, Luke….I hate this war! I hate it!

She fought to gain control of her tears, but soon gave up, blotting the paper as she wrote.

God, Luke, this hurts so much. I feel like my heart has broken…like I ….just can't go on anymore. I used to be so afraid to die Luke, but now….life scares me more. If it weren't for y'all…

She swallowed shaking, ashamed of the thoughts that raced through her head.

You used to think I was so brave Luke… now ya know the truth. I'm not. I'm a coward. I can't handle this Luke…I'm scared… I'm so scared. I want to run away so I won't have to deal with any of this. I can't deal with it no more. I can't.

Luke, I'm so scared for you. Please come home Luke. Just come home. I need you... I really, really need you.

She dotted the exclamation point with a tear.

No matter what happens Luke, I love you. Always remember that.

Daisy

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June 25, 1969

Dear Daisy,

Oh Daisy, I could tell ya that ya don't know how much it means ta me ta hear that. I miss ya so much that any small thing I can do makes me feel better myself.

He knew that by saying that he was admitting more than he usually did, but he did miss them so much, and it was becoming more than what he could lock up inside him like he normally did. For once he needed to let them know how he felt about it.

He read the next part and knew how hard it would be for her, of course he had known it would be hard for her, and it seemed that after what had happened to Bo she just didn't have the strength to deal with it just right now.

Oh Daisy, I miss ya so much too.

Daisy, I'm so sorry ya had ta go through that. I'm so sorry about Tommy, I keep thinking that if we'd been faster maybe we could've saved not only Tommy, but all those boys like him. I'm so sorry for Mr. and Mrs. Rhuebottom cause they had such a nice boy an' it ain't fair. It ain't fair but it is just the same and there ain't nothing ta do about it like Uncle Jesse would say. Nothing ta do for him but take care of those we's got left.

I don't know why he had ta die Daisy, but I do know how ya feel. Daisy, sweetheart, no one is expecting ya to act as if it don't affect ya none. No one does, ya don't have ta try to. Ya can grieve just as much as ya have to. It ain't gonna take the pain away, but ya don't have ta try ta be strong fer everyone else.

Ya matter so much ta me Daisy, so very much. If I didn't know I had ya an' Bo an' Uncle Jesse at home, an' heck, even Cooter. Then I'd feel as if it didn't matter none either. 'Cause…

Suddenly he felt as if he had an opened a door that had not only always been closed, but locked up and boarded. He was letting her into not only his heart but his feelings and emotions because he needed her so much. Because he himself was starting to feel as if he had lost himself, and his family was the only ones that still anchored him to reality. That was why he had to open up in a way he had hardly ever done before, not even when they were walking in the rain together.

…without ya there just ain't no purpose fer nothing. Sometimes I feel like I just wanna go out into the jungle an' I wouldn't care if I walked back out again. But yer still there back home, an' I promised not only Bo, but I promised ya too. So I'm gonna be back. I'm gonna come back, cause I got family still loves me, like I needed ta look on the stamp of every letter ta know that.

I can do this fer ya Daisy, I can do this, an' I can git home fer ya, all of ya. But I could never do it for no other reason. Yer not alone either. Talk wi' Uncle Jesse, I know he's busy an' probably worried too. I reckon he's more worried about ya than about me though; I sure am.

Daisy, my dear Daisy, Uncle Jesse would never ever be too busy ta talk with ya. Never, ya mean far too much ta him. There was times when I was young, when we were just kids….

Here he was telling her things he had never planned to again. Things he had never wanted to let on to anyone…

….when we all lost our parents, and with Bo being just a baby, an' yer so young. An' I knew I was only missing me own mommy an' daddy, but he was missing three of his brothers. I always felt as if he would be ta busy ta talk wi' me, Bo needing so much attention an' all, but he was never. Every time I got sad he seemed ta know an' he'd take me aside fer a bit an' even if ya never saw it, I'd sit on his lap an' he'd take the time ta make sure I knew I was important an' he always had time.

He ain't ta busy Daisy, never ta busy ta help ya.

Bo wants ta help too. I know he gets scared when he sees ya cry, but that's cause he don't know what to do. That don't mean he don't want ta try though. He wanna be there fer ya, an' he will be if ya let him. An' I can tell ya one thing. When ya wanna cry, there ain't no teddy bear better than Bo, 'cause he's like a giant one. Ya don't have ta worry about upsetting him too much. Bo's growing up.

Her words scared him, because he was so far away and he knew she meant every word. Well, so did he… every word of how much she meant to him, how much he loved her and how much he needed her if he was ever to make it back. He meant every word he had put down on the paper, and he meant every word that had not made it there, the ones that were still in his heart.

I never thought ya were brave Daisy, I always knew ya were. Who stood up ta Uncle Jesse an' told him wasn't me started the fight in school when I was too scared to open me mouth cause he seemed so mad. An' remember when we got lost in the wood an' it was getting dark, I was terrified but because ya didn't seem ta be I didn't show it either. T'wasn't me was the strong one then Daisy, t' was ya. Ya have always been there fer us more than ya know. So much more than ya know. I reckon it's my fault fer never telling ya what I should. I just am no good at all about telling people what I feel. I should've told ya several times a day how much ya mean ta me, an' how much I admire ya. 'Cause I do Daisy, never doubt that. Sometimes I think yer the strongest one in the family, just like aunt Lavinia.

So please Daisy, don't doubt yourself. Trust me when I tell ya that yer gonna do fine….

He leaned back, feeling drained, utterly drained. It was as if there was an emotional tornado whirling inside him. He felt disgust and rage at the war, fear and worry for his cousins. He had just poured out more emotion on a few sheets of papers than he had thought he'd be able to express in his whole life, and he just hoped it would do some good.

There was only one thing that could destroy his chances of coming back, and that was if he didn't have any family to come back to.

I will come home Daisy, as long as yer all there when I do, then I will come home.

An' I'll always love ya, there ain't no way I could forget Daisy, no way…

Luke